Ok, I am in the process of getting divorced! This has been a very hard decision mainly because of my son. Long story short my husband had a year and a half affair and got her pregnant. So after staying and trying I couldn't get past the trust issues. The only reason I tried to stay was for my son. He is now 4 1/2. The biggest problem is we relocated. We live in IL now with my grandparents and his father is in Arizona. He hasn't seen his dad in 3 months now. He seemed to adjust very well. Every now and then he will mention going back to Arizona or wanting to see his dad and its really hard because I don't know what's right to say. My main question today is... My son turns 5 in June. He has been potty trained since age 2 and hasn't had accidents in forever but for the last week or so he has been wetting the bed every night. Im not sure if this could have anything to do with missing his dad or not. I think maybe it does but it doesn't really make sense. I know some people say that a 4 year old doesn't really understand divorce or have effects as much as an older child but I do not agree but Im not really sure how to approach it or what to look for. I don't know if I should wait for him to bring it up or if I should say something to him. I am just really confused and I want to do what is best for my son. I have not interferred with his relationship with his dad. I allow him to call his dad but recently he hasn't been answering regularly. He used to call him at bed time every night and recently he hasn't. I know his dad has a new girlfriend but I just get angry he doesn't call more. Or he will say he is sending a gift and we never get it. His dad told him he was sending a Christmas gift and we still have not gotten it. I don't like his empty promises! Not to mention he is not giving me any money to help me and I haven't found work yet. Anyone have any suggestions?

Unfortunate you found it necessary to separate, but I undestand the trust issues for some are hard to get by and carry on in a relationship where there is always someone 'in between'.

Your son could be feeling the split and reacting to it on a subconscious level. They don't miss much you know, at that young age, and perceive a lot more then we think.

The bed wedding may be a reaction from his separation from his dad. Don't blame him, of course, it isn't his fault; just help him get by it which is the main concern here right now, and then you can deal with the rest of it. It is important you get him through this bed wetting before he starts in junior kindergarten. I wish you luck overcoming your hard time.

Is there support payments et up to compensate ?

Ms tickle

As of right now I have been waiting to file for the divorce because I was told I needed to be here for 90 days which is tomorrow so I plan to file and get a child support agreement so he can't keep making excuses but as of now he has given me $400 total in the last 3 months which is not nearly enough to live on. Thank God for my family!

Congratulations on leaving what sounds like a unhealthy relationship.

Bedwetting is difficult especially after they have already been trained for some time. My daughter went through the same thing during our divorce, although it is frustrating, it will probably get better with passing time.

Sounds like there have been many changes in your life very recently, your son could actually be reacting to anyone of them, or all of them. New home, new state, new people in his life, he is making many new adjustments, but children are adaptable, give him some more time. My daughter went through it at four for about another year after being potty trained for 18 months. Try to stop fluids about an hour to an hour and a half before bed and make sure they attempt to go before bed.

Hold your head up. You are going through a lot right now. You don't have to interfer in the father/son relationship, but the father has the obligation to hold up his end of the bargain. If he is not doing that, you won't be able to make him.

Good luck to you and God bless.

I believe you made a right decision in getting a divorce! One year and half affair! What kind of role model is that? When your son grows up and you stayed in that relationship just for your son, he would probably cheat on his spouse too if it's taught it's okay.

Plus, my mother left my "birth dad, " because he cheated on her twice! I am so glad she walked out after that second time, I wished she left sooner because maybe my mother wouldn't be so wounded still from that experience. I was 4 or so years old when she packed a few things and left. Don't ever sacrifice your happiness for children. Why? Because in the long run your unhappiness in being in such a poisonous relationship as staying with a cheater! Will be reflected to the children. They pick up on stuff like when mom is upset/hurt. What kind of environment is it when mom is never happy truly and dad is never around because he's "busy."

By the way, my mom's mom tried to convince her to stay with her "husband," but once you cheat people you ended that marriage before the paper's are officially signed. I'm proud of my mom taking that scary step in having 2 kids on her own and leaving most of her things to start a new life. In the end, she found herself my step dad and I think of him more of my dad than my so called other one.

Wow, thank you so much! My family has supported my decision but it is hard to leave everything and start new but I have been happy with my decision. Did you keep regular contact with your dad? If you don't mind me asking. His dad wasn't calling for a week and that is when the bed wetting started. I called him last Friday and told him about it and said I wanted him to start calling daily again because I thought maybe that was why and amazingly he hasn't wet the bed since. It amazes me what a difference it really makes for a little boy!

hstoner32,
Sorry, but my mom went through hell with the divorce. My so called "dad" didn't want to pay child support or which ever to make it hard for my mom. She did win that battle but it took hard work. It took my mom too 12 years to pay off a debt that wasn't her's but had to accept it if she divorced, it's what he did for having the top of the line lawyers and such.

I know divorce is hard and scary but hopefully for you it's goes a lot smoother. It depends on the people.

So no, I didn't want anything to do with my "birth dad" because even as a kid I saw the hardship he was putting my mom through. My sister, when she's grown sought him out to tell him that he was a granddad. She wanted to get to know him. When I finally met him after not seeing him for more than a decade in '96 unfortunately I couldn't wait to leave.