I have been dating a simply fantastic girl for 9 months, and all is going really well. We spend chunks of time together (3-4 days over a weekend and then nights after work). The relationship is really good and what I would perceive to be healthy. (I am 30 and have been through relationships in the past, but not like this one) She is slightly younger at 24.

My issue is that the 2-3 days after spending time with her, I cannot get her out of my mind. I miss her dreadfully. It is really difficult. I thought this part of being in love was meant to be great and meant to be happy etc, instead I find myself anxious and almost worried! I know she has been feeling the same, almost like teenagers that cannot be apart.

We do have our own friends and lives as well, so we have not cut off from ‘the real world’.

It is slightly chewing me up and I’m afraid that a) I am going to explode because of a build up of love for her that gets stronger and stronger, or b) I am going to end up being clingy, and she is going to run the other way.

I know she feels the same as me at the moment, but she makes almost an unnatural effort to cool things off when we are apart by not emailing or texting too much. This is prob really sensible, and something I would have done in other relationships. I should be doing the cooling off being the older/experienced one! I sit reading over her emails to me at the end of night, because I try to read into them/enjoy them again... this cannot be normal!.

So when she does cool off a bit, I start to feel anxious, and read into everything she says as a negative... I guess I feel like I am losing ‘control’ over the relationship, or maybe it is actually control over myself I am losing!

You're in love bud. It's very easy to get swept away in these emotions. But, if you continue down this path however and can't control your actions, B will most likely happen and I'd hate to see that happen to you. Its natural to feel anxious when a partner seems to "pull" away a little - your first reaction is to reach out and try to grab them and pull them back, this often actually pushes them away instead. People need time for themselves too!

I suggest finding an activity you can do that you enjoy when she's not around, whether it be working out, a hobby, etc. You seem to be way too much emotionally invested right now and if you don't control your actions you might just lose her by acting way too needy.

It is slightly chewing me up and I’m afraid that a) I am going to explode because of a build up of love for her that gets stronger and stronger, or b) I am going to end up being clingy, and she is going to run the other way.


You are DANGEROUSLY close to this right now. Relationships are not supposed to ensure you rely on each other Solely for the happiness of the other. You need to find a life outside of her, and quit letting your "love" and obsession of her ruin it. You are supposed to be having fun dating, not filling your head up with stress. I imagine this is the first "love" for you, right?

Just relax. What else do you like to do besides latch on to your girlfriend?

KCtiger and Duckey,

You are both right, and I know it, I just needed to hear it. I laugh at myself sometime about how silly I am being.

I have someone who loves me and says that she is 'addicted' to me, and she has never been with anyone who makes her feel like this. I feel exactly the same way. She is just better at keeping herself busy I guess or blocking me out(in a good way)

It is both of our first 'loves' and it has swept us off our feet.

I just can't help feeling a little slow down would help us both. But when I am not with her that is the last thing I want!

Thanks for the advice appreciate it!