This is the story:

We met in January of last year through our friends. Afterwards, we got to know each other through Myspace. She added me, but I wrote to her first. We started sending messages back and forth on the page until a mutual friend noticed that we were getting friendly. We then started sending emails to each other instead. Our friends were interested how this girl and I were getting along, so we ended up going to the same events. We were both individually invited to these events, I suspect.

Anyway, we got closer through these emails and events. We started talking on the phone because I had mentioned that I liked to play games on the internet. She was interested in the same thing, so we arranged a time to call each other and play online together. We started chatting on the phone a lot after that. Then we started talking on the phone every day because we wouldn't be able to see each other since we were both busy with school and work. We hung out with our mutual friends together and went on a few individual dates together.

The first time she came to my apartment she started looking through all the drawers in my house. I wasn't sure what she was doing, but I think maybe it was because I'd mentioned that I kept a diary and maybe she wanted to see that. She did go on my computer and look through all my files looking for my diary in a Word doc. That day she was acting really wild. We were doing well, talking on the phone and seeing each other now and then.

I wanted to annouce our relationship on Myspace but she said that she wasn't using MySpace as much anymore. I didn't want to push her so I didn't say anything about it after that. We had been keeping the relationship a little bit more quiet than usual because I had just ended a relationship that I was trying to end for a long time with someone else. However, this relationship with this new girl was NOT a rebound as you should very well be able to tell. Anyway, we kept going on as usual, chatting on the phone and seeing each other when we could.

Suddenly, when I was talking with her on the phone one day she sounded quiet. I asked her what was wrong. She said that it was nothing. I drove over to her apartment to see how she was. She told me that she was okay and I believed her so I went home right after that. We kept going on as usual, but I keep feeling like she was fading away. The only time we started meeting was once a week for a couple of hours on Saturday because that was the only time she was free. We ended up staying at my apartment and watching TV.

Now she broke up with me and she won't speak with me all of a sudden. I kept asking her what happened, but she said that things are different now. I don't know what I should do.

Well, however hard it may be, I think you just have to respect her wishes. Did she explain why things were different now? Did you not ask why she was going through your things, and looking on your computer? It sounds to me as there is a real lack of communication here, and an invasion of privacy for whatever reason.

At the end of the day, there really isn't anything you can do, if she is not willing.

I want to ask her what the issues are so that we can try to fix it, but since we broke up already I'm not sure if I should try asking her about it. Even if it's already too late, I'd like to know the answer so that I may avoid the problem again in the future.

It was difficult speaking with her at times because I would ask her a question and she would give me a non-answer in the end. It was a little frustrating at times, but I can't believe that it ended like this.

Nobody wants to believe that it ends the way it often does, but it looks like she no longer has feelings for you. Don't try asking her what went right now as she probably won't be receptive to you and might not give you an honest answer anyway.

The only thing you can do for yourself now is to accept her decision and move on with your life. She's made her decision and you have to respect it. Start by going No Contact as soon as you're able. Delete her from your cell, myspace, Facebook, AIM etc. Do not contact her at all and if she contacts you, do not respond. Remember that she is the one who broke it off with you. You owe her nothing at this point.

You might not be able to look back clearly on your relationship yet as you're probably going through some pretty rough emotions. Only after the dust settles will you be able see things clearly as to if you had done anything wrong to contribute to the failure of the relationship.

Its important to know that you're not alone right now, many of us here are going through the same heartache you are. Feel free to keep posting and talking about your feelings -we're here for you.

Both of you were in the dating stage and therefore getting to know each other. She obviously isn't as much into you as you are to her , happens all the time and it doesn't make either of you a bad person maybe just not compatible.

Don't lose your dignity by trying to ring and emailing her etc because at the moment that will only push her away further , she's made up her mind and its not something she just decided overnight , she's been thinking about it for a while.

If you go No Contact she may just decide she misses you and come back , if not then its obviously not meant to be.

Read the "stickies" at the top of the forum to get some insight from people who have been in the exact position as your in.

Good Luck and just come back here and vent whenever your feeling a bit down. We're all good listeners!!

The first time she came to my apartment she started looking through all the drawers in my house. I wasn't sure what she was doing, but I think maybe it was because I'd mentioned that I kept a diary and maybe she wanted to see that. She did go on my computer and look through all my files looking for my diary in a Word doc. That day she was acting really wild. We were doing well, talking on the phone and seeing each other now and then.

WHAT?? Eh... seem healthy and normal to you? I have never seen more of a red flag in my life!



Suddenly, when I was talking with her on the phone one day she sounded quiet. I asked her what was wrong. She said that it was nothing. I drove over to her apartment to see how she was. She told me that she was okay and I believed her so I went home right after that.

Not healthy.


I'm sorry but your relationship was not healthy. It may not have been a rebound but you got into this relationship too soon and transferred feelings. Its one of those things that creeps up on you and you don't realise until you've walked away and look back.


She doesn't owe you closure, it would be nice to get, but unfortunately it doesn't seem as if its going to happen, NC is the only way to go at this point.

Well, she never looked through my things before or after that incident. So, I just assumed she was just excited about being over at my place for the first time.

I asked her if I could drive over and see her, and she told me it was fine. If she told me that she didn't want me to come over and see her, then I wouldn't have gone. When I did see her, she acted like normal and gave me a hug. I told her that I felt like things were changing and that I felt like she was using me.

I'm just feeling really really disappointed and frustrated right now. I know that when she said that she loved me and that she would do anything to make it work are just words. I guess I was a fool to believe it.

I've been in your shoes my friend. Many of us here have experienced those strong feelings of disappointment and frustration. But, I wouldn't call you a fool for believing her - the truth is we want to believe in the one we love. At one point in time she probably meant what she said, but unfortunately the reality is that things have changed and the one we love so dearly does not feel the same way about us any longer.

It gets better, really it does. Hang in there :)

Yeah, I agree. I'm just trying so hard to forget and not think about her, but every day when I wake up and I'm thinking about her. It's been so hard.

Even when I'm trying to forget, my mind keeps asking me what I could have done differently, or asking why we couldn't talk about the problem before we broke up, or even now.

I'm sure all of you guys have gone through that. I feel like an idiot for saying this even now. From an outside perspective I would have wondered why the OP of this thread should even care.

It makes me feel better when people say that there was something wrong with the relationship that I couldn't change. Is that bad?

Not a bad thing at all because in all honesty here there's nothing you really could have done.

Now if your ex discussed these feelings with you and tried to take steps in seeing if there was something that either of you could have been done to keep the relationship going but you did nothing at all, it would be a different story right?

From my observations and personal experience, I find that the fundamental differences between a mature and lasting long term relationship versus any typical relationship are the willingness of partners to not only discuss their feelings and thoughts on a mature level but also to take the steps necessary to work on their relationship to keep it going. I see building a quality long term relationship as kind of like growing a garden. As one partner plants the seeds, the other must come along to water them - then both must nurture these plants one by one to make them bloom creating this beautiful garden together. But if one partner doesn't contribute enough to do their part, these plants may never grow - or the ones that have grown may wither and die from neglect if they don't keep at it.

Some couples can't even get any flowers to grow - others are able to get some to grow, only to let them die.

The first time she came to my apartment she started looking through all the drawers in my house.

That would be the last time she was at my apartment. Sorry it didn't work out, but you may have saved a lot of drama here as she sounds fairly weird to me.

Threads merged

My emotions have been in turmoil for quite some time now.

Just this morning I was feeling angry/upset about my ex.

During the relationship I felt my ex slipping further and further away from me.

I tried to get my ex to reconnect with me when we were together. I tried to get my ex to spend more time with me when we were together, but when we talked on the phone my ex didn't really pursue conversation with me.

I feel like we killed the relationship by talking every day. Do you guys think that this can kill a relationship?

Not always, just means you guys grew apart. Someone more like your style is needed.

I keep telling myself that we weren't right for each other, but I always keep thinking that we still were extremely compatible.

How long have you two been broken up?

Itr seems like you your best to make this relationship last but remember it takes two and in this case your ex didn't want to make it last. So gather all the strength you have and try to let go and move on. When thoughts of him enter your mind think of something else.

Threads merged


Hi! I'm feeling false hope.

I'm not sure what I should do about this. I think it's the weather. We started dating at around this time of the year.

I'm doing all my regular stuff and more, but I have this weird hopeful feeling inside of me that I can't seem to shake off me.

Please advise!

You aren't telling us really what you're wanting advice on... it's a very broad/general thing that you have posted. More info would be necessary for someone to help.

Find something to distract you. Eventually the feeling will go away.

Distraction is needed. Play a new game, hang out with friends, do something fun. The feelings will pass. I've been suffering from a lot of false hope recently. It's just a sign that you are not completely over her yet. It takes time, but you will get there.

I think at some point false hope comes. I find that one minute its here and then it goes. I agree with the above keep busy, you are not over it yet

Ok, thanks everyone!

Threads merged



I want to have a sit-down chat with my ex.

I know that no-contact is the advisable method to get over an ex.

I want to get back with my ex.

I know that you can't get back with an ex unless they want to get back together.

I'm feeling frustrated because my ex isn't talking with me.

I feel that if I talked with my ex it would help me get over the relationship.

Sometimes I want to just be really good friends with my ex and I think that's the reason why talking would help because we could just be friends.

I want to hang out and spend time together, even just as friends.

I'm not sure what people mean when they want to spend time together as more than friends. I just want to hang out with my ex and walk around an art museum or get something to drink. I just want to have fun times with my ex like going out to see movies.

What do you guys think?

I think your story is long and complicated as you have many posts started.

For the most beneficial and complete answers, if you have new questions relating to the same topic keep them on the same thread, please.

What do you guys think?

I think that you may be delusional.

Do you think your ex wants you back? I know you have posted multiple threads about this very same topic, so I cannot remember exactly what gives you hope that this would work...

Everyone wants their ex back. Most of the time if they do comeback, the heartbreak is 10 times worse the second time around.

Do you want to be the friend that she tells all of her sob stories to about her new boyfriend? No.

Are you pursuing this friendship for the wrong reason?

Yes, to get her back. This is not a reason to be friends with someone. The old feelings will keep creeping back in for both of you, and will turn the friendship sour. The reason you are friends with someone is because you enjoy there company on a non-sexual/romantic level. If any of the those feelings enter, the friendship is not true, because someone will be getting hurt.

You will not be able to have fun times with her, because you have already been more to her than "just friends" and have been demoted to "just a friend". You know what she will say to her new boy toy about you?

"Oh him...he's just a friend."

Can you handle being just a friend... it doesn't sound like it from what you posted before.

You need to stay NC. Possibly sometime in the future, you can pursue a friendship with her... but not right now when you still have feelings.

I want to have a sit-down chat with my ex. I know that no-contact is the advisable method to get over an ex.

You're right, going NC is the fastest method to heal yourself after a breakup.


I want to get back with my ex.

I know that you can't get back with an ex unless they want to get back together.

Yup, again you're right. Heck, a part of me still wants my ex back but that ain't going to happen unless she wants it too!


I'm feeling frustrated because my ex isn't talking with me.

I feel that if I talked with my ex it would help me get over the relationship.

It looks like you were way too dependent on your ex in the relationship AND even now you are still dependent on them even when its over! You will have to create your own closure.


Sometimes I want to just be really good friends with my ex and I think that's the reason why talking would help because we could just be friends.

I want to hang out and spend time together, even just as friends.

I'm not sure what people mean when they want to spend time together as more than friends. I just want to hang out with my ex and walk around an art museum or get something to drink. I just want to have fun times with my ex like going out to see movies.

What do you guys think?

REALLY, really, really bad idea! Even if she wanted to be friends, you would be doing yourself a HUGE disservice. Her keeping you as a friend would allow her to heal faster, and as someone mentioned before (pretty sure it was Tal) you don't want to be her emotional tampon. Consider this, suppose you two remained friends. How would you feel about hearing her date other guys, etc? That will only prolong your pain and make you even more depressed.

Its obvious now by your multiple posts that you're stuck in this cycle of thought. It happens to the best of us, but you have to snap out of it! It is OK to feel, we're human after all, but we can't let these feelings overwhelm us.

I'm a firm believer of actions speaking louder than words. The fact that she isn't talking to you speaks volumes about her feelings about you. The time has come for you to accept the situation for what it is, and take the steps necessary to move on.

This is a very typical feeling to have when someone breaks up with you.

Unfortunately, your ex does not want to go to a museum with you or talk about art.

Mostly everyone goes through this at some point in life. How are you going to handle it?

Try for self respect. Trust me, the feeling will slowly (and I mean Slowly) get smaller.
Wait until you are not so desperate for your ex. Get your cool back. Then if you still feel like you haven't gotten closuer (after about 6 months), call. Then when you get back together, you will realize you are too good for him.

That's what I did.

It takes two to make a relationship work whether it's a romantic relationship or a friendship.

You can want her back in your life all you want, but she very obviously is done, moving on, sticking to no contact and doesn't want you in her life right now.

So, you can sit around and mope because you can't have what you want, or you can get on with your life, like she's doing.

Good luck.

Sorry about that.

From what I understand you must move on and if she wants you back then she'll hunt you down. So you should go no contact even though you think that if you have a chat with her it might make her change her mind or you might resolve the relationship's problems, etc. etc. Even if the two of you start to be friends again, you can't expect that anything will come out of it.

Why does the second time around hurt worse than the first time around?

I see you changed your post.

How does your question apply to the original post? How does your post help the OP?

If you have questions about your own breakup we'd be more than happy to help you, but please start your own thread, piggybacking is against the rules of this site.

Thank you.

Everyone wants their ex back. Most of the time if they do comeback, the heartbreak is 10 times worse the second time around.

Not necessarily, I thought it was much easier the second time around. The first time caught me off-guard.

As far as friends go, after you have time alone you need to ask yourself whether you'd actually be friends with your ex if you never dated her. Would you take her to an art museum, or is this just a latch ditch effort? If you find you can't justify being her friend then, then don't try to be her friend now.

All your suggestions sound so lame. She'll know what your up to but tell you to your face "I'm so glad we can be friends". And there won't be one ounce of truth to that friendship, the whole thing will be phony.

How can you say you want your ex back than say you want to be friends with him?

Your ex has moved on and you should follow his lead by doing the same. Even if the two of were to form some sort of friendship it wouldn't work because of your feelings towards him and ask yourself you handle him being with someone else while your just friends with him?

It's great that went nc but your problem is that you can't let go. So it's time to start using this method asap.

Let go for good, NC isn't a way to get them back it's a way to get yourself back