MichelleBrianne
Feb 16, 2009, 11:17 PM
I have been working as a legal secretary at a new law firm for over a year. I am a 30year-old mother of a seven year-old daughter. For the past four years, I have been in a relationship with a man who is 13 years-older than me. After two years he proposed and I moved me and my daughter away from my family and friends to live with him in a different state. We immediately started planning our wedding, but, the last year and a half has been rocky to say the least and he called off our wedding. We still live together but there is far more anger and frustration in the home currently than love. I am trying to keep our relationship together but am finding more and more that I am falling out of love with him.
During this time, I also met and begin working closely with one of my male co-workers. He is a 28 year-old, single attorney with no children. He and I have developed a "friendship" with one another. For the most part our entire relationship has been out in the open for all to see. We have purposely gone out of our way to be open with the fact that we think the other is funny, attractive etc. We do this so as to prevent others from accusing us of having ulterior motives. But everyone is constantly saying how cute we are, or what a cute couple we make, etc. There are numerous rumors about "our relationship" and others are constantly talking about us in the context of being an office couple. We pretend to be annoyed, but secretly we love the attention.
A lot of the time I tend to mother him; giving him advice, hanging his suit jacket when he just throws it over his chair, bringing treats into the office, etc. On a daily basis, he comes out to my desk and makes jokes or silly faces until I crack up laughing. But he is friendly and outgoing with everyone. We also cut each other down, play fight, etc. We have hugged many times (in front of others). Sometimes we hug to make up when we are stressed and have snapped at each other. Sometimes we hug just to say goodbye, and sometimes (like recently) we hug to console one another. I had received some terrible news from back home (a different state) and for almost an hour, at night after everyone else had gone home, he held me in his office as I cried. He rocked me back and forth, rubbed my back and my hair, and held me very tightly until I was able to calm down. Afterwards, I was terribly embarrassed for allowing him to see me in such an emotional state but he told me not to worry about it. He knows I really have no other friends or family to confide in. He was so caring and he consoled me so sweetly. It was the first time our relationship went through something that was not either completely superficial or work-related. It was also the first time that we have really been alone for any marked amount of time.
Generally, I am very sure of myself. I have worked as a model before and people have always commented on my looks. I am also well-educated and people often say I am very personable. I am involved in my church and work very hard to be a very involved parent. He, is essentially perfect. He does volunteer work, sometimes with the local YMCA and other youth activities such as mock trial. He is kind and funny and polite. He is extremely handsome and very articulate. He is well educated and brilliant. He has hinted at the fact that we might be a god match. He has said on several occasions that we would have beautiful children together. But we both laugh it off and never talk further about anything serious. I often joke to him that, at two years younger, he is too young for me. We are far more comfortable putting each other down or pretending to drive each other crazy, then we are being tender with one another. He is so polite that he has never said anything overtly sexual and has never made a pass at me (although many other men in my office have). He actually seems to be far more impressed with my mothering/cooking/domestic skills etc. than with my ability to teeter on four-inch heels (which I do daily). I adore him for that. He treats me differently/better than other men do. More like a friend then like prey.
My daughter has a "crush" on him and is constantly making pictures and cards for him which he proudly displays in his office. This summer when she was out of town visiting my parents he wrote a little note to her on the back of a letter I was writing her. It was very sweet. A few weeks ago he was talking about how he has nothing in his wallet, so I wrote a little note for him in the shape of a heart and told him to put it in his wallet (I am not sure when I turned back into a sixteen year-old, but it has officially happened). He tells me that he still has the note in his wallet. I am just unsure at this point whether he has any genuine feelings for me. It is because he is in a position above me, and because I have a child that I am nervous to hint to him that I have deeper feelings.
He has never made an effort to ask me out or indicated that he wanted to spend time with me outside of the office. I do not want to jeopardize the friendship that we have, but I have developed real feelings for him and it is proving to be very distracting for me. I feel like I can no longer pretend that I am just his friend or that I have no ulterior motives where he is concerned. I do not feel that I am being honest with him, myself or the man with whom I am currently in a relationship. Is it possible that I feel closer to him because the man I am with is pushing me away? Or am I pulling away from the man I am with because of the feelings I have for my co-worker? In the balance of all of this are my daughter and her feelings. She is a tender-hearted young girl, who calls the man we live with "Daddy". Do I jeopardize her security because I happen to have a crush on someone else?
So what should I do? Should I put myself out there and ask him to dinner? Should I forget the whole thing since we work together and just deal with my feelings in silence? Should I look for another job to avoid this whole mess and keep trying to make things work with the man I currently live with? I do not want to play games with anyone, but I do not want to get hurt either. And, I want to keep in mind the needs of my daughter. I also have never left one man due to my feelings for another. I feel that I am far too old for all of this actually, and am quite embarrassed that I have developed a crush on my (younger) co-worker. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
During this time, I also met and begin working closely with one of my male co-workers. He is a 28 year-old, single attorney with no children. He and I have developed a "friendship" with one another. For the most part our entire relationship has been out in the open for all to see. We have purposely gone out of our way to be open with the fact that we think the other is funny, attractive etc. We do this so as to prevent others from accusing us of having ulterior motives. But everyone is constantly saying how cute we are, or what a cute couple we make, etc. There are numerous rumors about "our relationship" and others are constantly talking about us in the context of being an office couple. We pretend to be annoyed, but secretly we love the attention.
A lot of the time I tend to mother him; giving him advice, hanging his suit jacket when he just throws it over his chair, bringing treats into the office, etc. On a daily basis, he comes out to my desk and makes jokes or silly faces until I crack up laughing. But he is friendly and outgoing with everyone. We also cut each other down, play fight, etc. We have hugged many times (in front of others). Sometimes we hug to make up when we are stressed and have snapped at each other. Sometimes we hug just to say goodbye, and sometimes (like recently) we hug to console one another. I had received some terrible news from back home (a different state) and for almost an hour, at night after everyone else had gone home, he held me in his office as I cried. He rocked me back and forth, rubbed my back and my hair, and held me very tightly until I was able to calm down. Afterwards, I was terribly embarrassed for allowing him to see me in such an emotional state but he told me not to worry about it. He knows I really have no other friends or family to confide in. He was so caring and he consoled me so sweetly. It was the first time our relationship went through something that was not either completely superficial or work-related. It was also the first time that we have really been alone for any marked amount of time.
Generally, I am very sure of myself. I have worked as a model before and people have always commented on my looks. I am also well-educated and people often say I am very personable. I am involved in my church and work very hard to be a very involved parent. He, is essentially perfect. He does volunteer work, sometimes with the local YMCA and other youth activities such as mock trial. He is kind and funny and polite. He is extremely handsome and very articulate. He is well educated and brilliant. He has hinted at the fact that we might be a god match. He has said on several occasions that we would have beautiful children together. But we both laugh it off and never talk further about anything serious. I often joke to him that, at two years younger, he is too young for me. We are far more comfortable putting each other down or pretending to drive each other crazy, then we are being tender with one another. He is so polite that he has never said anything overtly sexual and has never made a pass at me (although many other men in my office have). He actually seems to be far more impressed with my mothering/cooking/domestic skills etc. than with my ability to teeter on four-inch heels (which I do daily). I adore him for that. He treats me differently/better than other men do. More like a friend then like prey.
My daughter has a "crush" on him and is constantly making pictures and cards for him which he proudly displays in his office. This summer when she was out of town visiting my parents he wrote a little note to her on the back of a letter I was writing her. It was very sweet. A few weeks ago he was talking about how he has nothing in his wallet, so I wrote a little note for him in the shape of a heart and told him to put it in his wallet (I am not sure when I turned back into a sixteen year-old, but it has officially happened). He tells me that he still has the note in his wallet. I am just unsure at this point whether he has any genuine feelings for me. It is because he is in a position above me, and because I have a child that I am nervous to hint to him that I have deeper feelings.
He has never made an effort to ask me out or indicated that he wanted to spend time with me outside of the office. I do not want to jeopardize the friendship that we have, but I have developed real feelings for him and it is proving to be very distracting for me. I feel like I can no longer pretend that I am just his friend or that I have no ulterior motives where he is concerned. I do not feel that I am being honest with him, myself or the man with whom I am currently in a relationship. Is it possible that I feel closer to him because the man I am with is pushing me away? Or am I pulling away from the man I am with because of the feelings I have for my co-worker? In the balance of all of this are my daughter and her feelings. She is a tender-hearted young girl, who calls the man we live with "Daddy". Do I jeopardize her security because I happen to have a crush on someone else?
So what should I do? Should I put myself out there and ask him to dinner? Should I forget the whole thing since we work together and just deal with my feelings in silence? Should I look for another job to avoid this whole mess and keep trying to make things work with the man I currently live with? I do not want to play games with anyone, but I do not want to get hurt either. And, I want to keep in mind the needs of my daughter. I also have never left one man due to my feelings for another. I feel that I am far too old for all of this actually, and am quite embarrassed that I have developed a crush on my (younger) co-worker. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.