Hi there,

I have a crush on a guy I work with but am not sure if he is romantically interested in me. He is extremely shy and self conscious sometimes (other times he appears somewhat aloof and serious).

He has verbally hinted a couple of times (at least I thought they were in hints), saying things like remembering an event I went on and saying he'd love to go but has no-one to go with, he invited me to a party before christmas but due to personal circumstances it was cancelled so that never came to fruition. He smiles and stares a lot, seems to enjoy chatting with me but I don't think it will ever get past this? He often asks me what are my plans for the weekend but never takes it further.

I am quite shy myself so asking him out is definitely not an option for me. The best I could do was hint to him just before christmas by saying... ''John, we never got to go out for that drink''... he appeared tongue tied and it seemed to go over his head. One time we physically bumped into each other in the hall and neither he nor I moved out of the way (we just stood at really proximity for about 5/6 seconds without uttering a word, till I bypassed him).

I'm not sure if I'm just wasting time on all of this, because I feel he may never make a move and I know I never will either. This has been the case for the last four months and I don't know how to deal with it because I see him almost every day which is difficult. There is a work social event coming up next weekend and I don't know if he's going. I am thinking if he is interested he will make a point of asking me if I am going, if not, I guess I have my answer? Would appreciate some advice?

Thanks, Elenei

You never know if this could be the opportunity of a lifetime, elenei. Maybe you should just get up enough nerve and push your shyness behind you and ask him if he is going to that social event. You really must find out if this can go anywhere, yes !

Well, you could try to get up the courage and ask him flat out how he feels about you. I was shy to, I could never ask a guy. Sometimes it helps if you write it down on the piece of paper, or even an email and give it to him, just close your eyes when you hit the send button. Otherwise just give up and just do things that make you happy and try not to think of him. Maybe if he realizes that you are hard to get he will finally ask you, but don't do the whole try to make him jealous thing, that's just mean. Hope things work out for you.

Thanks,

I will give it a day or two till closer to Friday and if he hasn't asked me of my plans on going out I will ask him if he is going.

It may not make things much clearer but if he is going I can judge by what may (or may not) happen on the night. Will keep you posted.

Thanks again.
Elenei

Okay, firstly when you are not sure, don't tell yourself things like "if he really likes me, he will....." And those things never happen and you end up cooking stories yourself.

You yourself said that he is shy. Typically guys do ask you girls. But you said he is shy. Now you know that you both have a thing for each other. I guess he is having starting troubles... Give him some room and drop some hints.. Don't be slutty but try and be exclusive. You could also talk about other guys that you admire, this might spark him up to take action.

Think about the "if" and "if not" of the relationship that could occur.

First, yes it is a new day and when you want something you need to go after it before someone else beat you to the punch. Be aggressive and ask him out because females are doing this nowadays. Sometimes if you sit back and wait your be waiting for a loooong time.

On the other hand, I want you not to be afraid of rejection and know exactly what your getting yourself into because if the two of you start dating and things don't work out it would make your work place very awkward. So make sure you know the pro and cons of starting a workplace relationship.

Hi Beach_Boys,

I understand what you mean about saying if he feels this... he will do that, etc but I base that on my own curiousity as to whether he will be at social event this weekend and would like him to show me his interest in whether I will be going.

The thing about talking about other guys might be a bit tricky because if I am chatting to any of the males at work he goes out of his way to make his presence felt but doesn't necessarily interact in conversation. He then becomes a bit distant and aloof towards me so I feel that might be counter productive?

I will hold out for another day or so to see if he shows any interest in my going out this weekend, if not, I guess I will just have to ask him.


Elenei

Hi Liz28,

Thanks for reply. I have had a lot of mixed feelings about the dating a co-worker thing and the consequences if it didn't work out, etc... even now (before anything has happened between us) I have had hints dropped by other co-workers about him fancying me, etc which is somewhat uncomfortable. I sometimes wonder what would it be like if we ever did get to a stage of dating and then the possibility of things not working out?

Having said that, I think I would be prepared to take that chance and suffer the consequences if it didn't work out.

Elenei

Well first I really are against co workers dating, but with that said,

Shy people most likely miss out on 1000's of dates all the time because they will just not come out with how they feel.

So you can sit there and in 30 years wonder what it could have been.

Hi Beach_Boys,

I understand what you mean about saying if he feels this.....he will do that, etc but I base that on my own curiousity as to whether he will be at social event this weekend and would like him to show me his interest in whether or not I will be going.

The thing about talking about other guys might be a bit tricky because if I am chatting to any of the males at work he goes out of his way to make his presence felt but doesn't necessarily interact in conversation. He then becomes a bit distant and aloof towards me so I feel that might be counter productive?

I will hold out for another day or so to see if he shows any interest in my going out this weekend, if not, I guess I will just have to ask him.


Elenei

Just ask him if he likes you in privacy.

Just an update on latest developments with my 'crush situation'.

Well I didn't get to speak to John to find out if he was going to social event last weekend so I didn't go (in case I set myself up for unnecessary disappointment if he wasn't there). Alas! I found out yesterday he did go, Aaaaarrgh!

Anyway we had a chat (and he was particularly interested in what I did the weekend) and about his recent holiday. He was telling me how lovely it was, etc. I said I would love to go there and his reply was... ''I will take you there sometime and show you around''...
My reply was... ''Wow! That's an offer I couldn't refuse, I would love to''. He seemed pleased with my response and smiled shyly.
Unfortunately another work colleague appeared and our conversation was cut short.

Not sure what to make of his comment? Is it possible that it was just a casual comment, or might it have been a hint?

I would like to get some male opinions on this if possible?

Thanks Elenei

Coming from someone that just had a workplace romance end, here are my thoughts.
1. Think long and hard about how you will take it if things don't work. You will see this person every day and have to remember the heart break every time you see him.
2. Many companies have strict no dating rules among their employees. Read up on them.
3. If things are working, don't do anything at work that could either one of you in hot water.

Don't miss an opportunity because he could be "the one". Just think about it and how you will handle a good or a bad outcome.

Just an update on latest developments with my 'crush situation'.

Well I didn't get to speak to John to find out if he was going to social event last weekend so I didn't go (in case I set myself up for unnecessary disappointment if he wasn't there). Alas! I found out yesterday he did go, Aaaaarrgh!

Anyway we had a chat (and he was particularly interested in what I did the weekend) and about his recent holiday. He was telling me how lovely it was, etc. I said I would love to go there and his reply was...''I will take you there sometime and show you around''.......
My reply was...''Wow! that's an offer I couldn't refuse, I would love to''. He seemed pleased with my response and smiled shyly.
Unfortunately another work colleague appeared and our conversation was cut short.

Not sure what to make of his comment? Is it possible that it was just a casual comment, or might it have been a hint?

I would like to get some male opinions on this if possible?

Thanks Elenei

It really sounds like he's trying to let you know he likes you, but wow... he's really shy! Could you just ask him out for a drink some Friday after work? You might be able to figure him out a bit more. It doesn't have to be anything heavy, just a drink. Good luck, and don't forget to keep us posted.

Be old fashioned girl and just let him make the moves. If he never asks you out or makes moves on you then you know he is not the one. Get your power and peace of mind back and stop wondering about him and how he feels about you. Continue to flirt and treat him however your feel. Genereally workplace romances take a lot longer than other ones to blossom. Focus on your job. That's what your there to do.