There has been a lot of comments and posts about moving on with your life, and forgetting your ex. And its made me think or have a certain idea about the way many think on the boards regarding break-ups. But I want to put this to the test so to speak, and I ask this question out of intellectual curiosity and nothing more.

When do you think it is OK, or appropriate to take an ex back? Under what circumstances do you believe it "permissible" try again, and how do you think you would make it work. Or do you all think never is always the case?

I'm not looking for hope. I'm just curious for the sake of discussion.

Don't take an ex back if they:
Cheated on you, lied to you about something life-changing/major, fought with you a lot about life-changing/major subjects (ie religion, sex, money).

Take an ex back:
If they're willing to work with you on problems, willing to be affectionate and kind. Actually, if you both trust each other, respect each other and care about each other.

I think we follow our heart most of the time, and sometimes our heart brings us back for another try.

I know that I have attempted to fix things with exes a few times and it has never worked. Then again, it takes a lot for me to walk away from a relationship so I most likely was more or less done at the breaking up point.

I think it's okay to get back with an ex if you've dumped them and feel that you've made a mistake in doing so, but you'd have to work your a-- off to prove yourself to them. On the flip side, I don't think I would ever get back with an ex after they have dumped me. I just couldn't accept the fact that they tried to get someone better, couldn't do it, then came back to me. I'll never be a consolation prize for anyone.

Then again, if life circumstances don't allow for the existence of your relationship then it would be okay to get back together when the timing is right. But breaking up to find someone better and not succeeding is unacceptable in my books.

Getting back together with an abuser isn't a good idea either.

Getting back with a cheater is a bad idea as well.

Personally, I have never gotten back with an ex. I have too much pride to take someone back after they have been with someone else in the meanwhile. Maybe I'm immature, I don't know. That's just how I feel about it.

By the way, is this answer suppose to be from a dumper or dumpee perspective? I guess either way it should be the same.

On the flip side, I don't think I would ever get back with an ex after they have dumped me. I just couldn't accept the fact that they tried to get someone better, couldn't do it, then came back to me. I'll never be a consolation prize for anyone.

breaking up to find someone better and not succeeding is unacceptable in my books.


Personally, I have never gotten back with an ex. I have too much pride to take someone back after they have been with someone else in the meanwhile. Maybe I'm immature, I don't know. That's just how I feel about it.
I agree, and basically tod my ex that very thing when we got into the dating while separate thing. But to me that would fall under the area of clearly not a reason to go back. If that was their reason for doing it. But I'm really focused under what circumstances would be acceptable.

By the way, is this answer suppose to be from a dumper or dumpee perspective? I guess either way it should be the same.

Dumpee really. Dumpers always want to come back to a good man or woman. At 1st I was saying that in jest. But when I think about the horror stories I've heard over the years from my single and dating female friends, I actually really do believe that. There are more bad than good choices out there.

But anyway, from the Dumpee

The most important factor in my opinion is the willingness of both parties to make it work and want to genuinely actually be together. Without this most basic level of desire to be with one another, its not going to work - especially if one partner is only halfheartedly interested in getting back together or wanting to get back together for the wrong reason. Some may view this as a given, but I believe it is worth pointing out.

Once a mutual desire to give it a second go has been established, each partner must be truthful with their partners and themselves and address the reason(s) why the relationship failed the first time around, and must be willing to make the changes and compromises required to build a healthy relationship from there on. It is also very important to be realistic about if both parties can live with what happened in the past but to also leave it behind.

These reasons may or may not exist anymore depending on the time elapsed. It is quite possible to meet your ex years later only to discover that you both have grown into two completely different people but still have the mutual desire to try being together again.

I'm a firm believer in that you should never take back a physically or emotionally abusive partner however... there are certain lines that should never be crossed.

Dumpers always want to come back to a good man or woman... There are more bad than good choices out there.


What do you define as a good man or woman? A lot of the time even if the man or woman is "good," I feel like people don't get back together just because they "weren't right" for each other.

My definition of "good" is that the man or woman treated the dumper with affection, care, devotion...

From a dumpees perspective, I think the only circumstance that would be acceptable is if you both took the time to actually reflect on your relationship without seeing other people, sleeping with them, etc. There is really no other way for the two of you to come back to the relationship with the same amount of respect that you had when you initially met. The dumper may come back with more respect for the dumpee because they have now found out the cold hard truth about what's really out there. Meanwhile, the dumpee has less respect for the dumper because they have already been let down once by this person. This whole idea of breaking up to find someone better, or explore your options is a crock of s--t. All it really means is: I want to sleep with other people, have fun and risk the relationship for my own selfish needs, and I hope you'll take me back when I'm done with all that.

From a dumpees perspective, I think the only circumstance that would be acceptable is if you both took the time to actually reflect on your relationship without seeing other people, sleeping with them, etc. There is really no other way for the two of you to come back to the relationship with the same amount of respect that you had when you initially met. The dumper may come back with more respect because they have now found out the cold hard truth about what's really out there. Meanwhile, the dumpee has less respect for the dumper because they have already been let down once by this person. This whole idea of breaking up to find someone better, or explore your options is a crock of s--t. All it really means is: I want to sleep with other people, have fun and risk the relationship for my own selfish needs. And I hope you'll take me back when I'm done with all that.


LOL!! :eek: What do you really think itried?

Don't hold back now! :D

What do you define as a good man or woman? A lot of the time even if the man or woman is "good," I feel like people don't get back together just because they "weren't right" for each other.

My definition of "good" is that the man or woman treated the dumper with affection, care, devotion...

That's where it can get a little loosie-goosie. I'm all talking about core compatibly. Which is different from a good or bad guy. I think we can all agree a bad or girl; abuse, cheating , stealing ,etc is be definitive incompatible with one with self-esteem But beyond that, I had a friend hat was dating a guy. He treated her well, better than any one else had. Which surprised me, why? She was a devote christian, and he was a member of the nation of Islam. They are incompatible on a basic level, so it would not work over the long term. He's a cool guy, if you get over the conspiracy theories. :p but this an example of what I mean. But if the compatibles and values are there, then something else is in play.

FThe dumper may come back with more respect because they have now found out the cold hard truth about what's really out there

I heard that guys who are the dumper hardly ever come back. I'm sad about that.

That's where it can get a little loosie-goosie. I'm all talking about core compatibly. Which is different from a good or bad guy. I think we can all agree a bad or girl; abuse, cheating , stealing ,etc is be definitive incompatible with one with self-esteem But beyond that,, i had a friend hat was dating a guy. He treated her well, better than any one else had. Which surprised me, why? She was a devote christian, and he was a member of the nation of Islam. They are incompatible on a basic level, so it would not work over the long term. He's a cool guy, if you get over the conspiracy theories. :p but this an example of what I mean. But if the compatibles and values are there, then something else is in play.

Let me see if I understand what you're saying here:

We all agree on what makes a bad man or woman.
You're saying dumpers come back to people who are compatible on a core level or value.
I'm confused about your real life example about your Christian friend and Islamic boyfriend.
And I'm confused about the term "something else" did you mean attraction or... some sort of unknown bond that researchers are trying to figure out that makes people stick together in a relationship through thick and thin?

LOL!!! :eek: What do you really think itried??

Don't hold back now! :D

Hahahaha!

I've been the dumper and I've been dumped. In my experience, this is usually the case. But, maybe I did get carried away with it juuuust a little bit!

Hahahaha!

LOL!!! :eek: What do you really think itried??

Don't hold back now! :D

Yeah, I agree. But what that's not what they were doing. For myself, if they came back, did not sleep around or get intimate we could talk. BUT for me, if I was going to try and take to the next level of married eventually, I would need have her be willing to go counseling, AND she woulds have to admit and believe that leaving, that breaking up was a bad idea.if she cannot try an understand the unnecessary pain I was caused I could come close to four give her. Jesus I got too much alliteration in this post.

In my case I can could me finishing a few project profess ally, and she would do the same thing, and she would say "see the break was a good thing, we had to do it," at which point I would have visions in my head of things to do to her that I would never do because jail is a very, very bad place. Lol

Let me see if I understand what you're saying here:

We all agree on what makes a bad man or woman.
You're saying dumpers come back to people who are compatible on a core level or value.
I'm confused about your real life example about your Christian friend and Islamic boyfriend.
And I'm confused about the term "something else" did you mean attraction or... some sort of unknown bond that researchers are trying to figure out that makes people stick together in a relationship through thick and thin?

Sorry when I say bad man I mean people that cheated, abused, stole money, etc. So we are only concerned with good that treat a woman well, sweet, supportive, whatever. Those things ae nice, but you can have the m and no compatibility. My friends individually are great people. They dated for a little while, and he treat her nicely, but they were not going to be together for 5 yrs and get married, they were incompatible on really basic levels.

There are people on this board the were compatible with their ex'sm which usually means the reason for breaking was not a good. The dumper will come in a situation like, because they go out and find that its rough out there.

I heard that guys who are the dumper hardly ever come back. I'm sad about that.

I would officially be qualified as a dumper. I dumped someone very "good" and now I've tried to come back but she is not accepting me at this time.
For nowI am hoping that she will accept in the future.

Quote:
The dumper may come back with more respect because they have now found out the cold hard truth about what's really out there

I'm definitely coming back with more respect, consciousness, and humbleness as well.

We'll see...

I would officially be qualified as a dumper. I dumped someone very "good" and now i've tried to come back but she is not accepting me at this time.
For nowI am hoping that she will accept in the future.

Quote:
The dumper may come back with more respect because they have now found out the cold hard truth about what's really out there

I'm definately coming back with more respect, consciousness, and humbleness as well.

We'll see...

How do you define her as good Kev-Cali?

I heard that guys who are the dumper hardly ever come back. I'm sad about that.

That depends on the relationships. Break-up break done into cheating, abuse, enmotion distnace, etc. There a lot of peope that do need to break because if fundemental problems in the relationship because incompatibility. If compatibility is there and there is none of that other nonesnse, they come back. Many more want to, but refuse to admit they fcked up and stay single.

That happened to me in college. Girl left for a bad boy, got dogged out in more ways that I thought possible, but would never admit it.

Sorry when I say bad man I mean people that cheated, abused, stole money, etc. So we are only concerned with good that treat a woman well, sweet, supportive, whatever. Those things ae nice, but you can have the m and no compatibility. My friends individually are great people. They dated for a little while, and he treat her nicely, but they were not gonna be together for 5 yrs and get married, they were incompatible on really basic levels.

There are people on this board the were compatible with their ex'sm which usually means the reason for breaking was not a good. The dumper will come in a situation like, because they go out and find that its rough out there.

Oh, they were not compatible on basic levels (religion, sex, money?).

Oh, so the people who broke up with their significant other for reasons other than basic compatibility (agreement on religion, sex, or money) wasn't good?

So I understand now, you can do it if life circumstances allow, and the person understand they will neeed to go through hell to rebuilt it. What other circumstances? How about for their careers. That's a good classic block, but let pretend that really are working at the job.

That depends on the relationships. Break-up break done into cheating, abuse, enmotion distnace, etc. There a lot of peope that do need to break because if fundemental problems in the relationship because incompatibility. If compatibility is there and there is none of that other nonesnse, they come back. Many more want to, but refuse to admit they fcked up and stay single.

If the couple was incompatible and had fundamental problems and broke up... then I'm confused why they would get back together.

If the couple was compatible and didn't have fundamental problems but broke up... then I'm confused why they would break up in the first place.

Oh, they were not compatible on basic levels (religion, sex, money?).

Oh, so the people who broke up with their significant other for reasons other than basic compatibility (agreement on religion, sex, or money) wasn't good?

I'm just trying weed what we would a consider bad guys or women from the conversation. My whole is related to your question. You can have a nice girl or man, and have fun because they are good people, and still not be compatible. I believe that if you had both, especilly the compatibility, 1. you should not have broken up to begin with, but 2. the dumper always comes back.

Life and dating circumstances almost force its.

If the couple was incompatible and had fundamental problems and broke up... then I'm confused why they would get back together.

If the couple was compatible and didn't have fundamental problems but broke up... then I'm confused why they would break up in the first place.

NOW we're getting someplace. The last thing you said is what is happening to a lot of people on the board. The couple was compatible and didn't have fundamental problems but broke up anyway, usually do to a lack feeling that they think that they have loss. But they're there. They should not have broken up, but they did, and the dumper will come back because it will dawn on them. Now the question is under what circumstance are they allowed back in your life.

You can have a nice girl or man, and have fun because they are good people, and still not be compatible. I believe that if you had both, especilly the compatibility, 1. you should not have broken up to begin with, but 2. the dumper always comes back.

Life and dating circumstances almost force its.

What do you define as compatibility?

How do you define her as good Kev-Cali?

She is good in the sense that she was always very smart and more mature throughout the breakup process. Even now that I try to get back with her, she is the one that is advising me , telling me that she promises things will get better in time and it won't be so hard for me , that I should take time to get to know other girls, etc.

I already know that my chances of finding a girl so beautiful and smart is going to be hard for me to come across in the future. I definitely have come to realize how good she really was the whole time. I dumped her in my search for 'the perfect girl' , to explore some needed experimentations , and to be sure of myself for engagement. Of course months later I came to realize that I was wrong to do so and I wish I could have worked things out from the start with her.

If the couple was compatible and didn't have fundamental problems but broke up... then I'm confused why they would break up in the first place.

GOLD star for you. You now know, why myself, my family, her family, her friends, and her co-workers are scratching tier heads. But this thread is not about me. I just want to give you props.

She is good in the sense that she was always very smart and more mature throughout the breakup process. Even now that I try to get back with her, she is the one that is advising me , telling me that she promises things will get better in time and it won't be so hard for me , that I should take time to get to know other girls, etc.

I already know that my chances of finding a girl so beautiful and smart is going to be hard for me to come across in the future. I definately have come to realize how good she really was the whole time. I dumped her in my search for 'the perfect girl' , to explore some needed experimentations , and to be sure of myself for engagement. Of course months later I came to realize that I was wrong to do so and I wish I could have worked things out from the start with her.

WOW you made the classic women mistake, or thinking there was something better and didn't want to settle. But he had it all along.

WOW you made the classic women mistake, or thinking there was something better and didn't want to settle. But he had it all along.

Salt... wound, much?? :D Jeeesh!

What do you define as compatibility?

That could take a book, clips would be the same values, life goals, how decisions will be made in the (if engaged) religious background, attitudes about sex, career directions, beliefs about man and woman roles--if any, those are a few.

She is good in the sense that she was always very smart and more mature throughout the breakup process. Even now that I try to get back with her, she is the one that is advising me , telling me that she promises things will get better in time and it won't be so hard for me , that I should take time to get to know other girls, etc.

I already know that my chances of finding a girl so beautiful and smart is going to be hard for me to come across in the future. I definately have come to realize how good she really was the whole time. I dumped her in my search for 'the perfect girl' , to explore some needed experimentations , and to be sure of myself for engagement. Of course months later I came to realize that I was wrong to do so and I wish I could have worked things out from the start with her.

I see... wow, you guys must have been together for quite some time for you guys to be engaged. Either that, or you guys were really compatible for you to be thinking about engagement.

Yeah, I think people need to talk about their problems before it's too late. Unfortunately, my boyfriend didn't seem to feel the urgent need to discuss with me. He just turned off. He didn't ask me questions, he didn't answer my questions, he wouldn't tell me anything.

I feel like it's my fault, that I could have shared with him more about my feelings of hurt or unhappy times or happy times. When I mentioned this, he said that I did share with him some of my feelings. I just don't know. Whatever I said, he seemed to have shot it down. It's hopeless. I'm trying not to think of him.

WOW you made the classic women mistake, or thinking there was something better and didn't want to settle. But he had it all along.

Yes I thought there was something better, but found out I had it all along. It hurts like hell!! I've never experienced such a bad feeling in my life before.
Is this really a classic mistake I made? If it's classic, what's the classic outcome for both her and I in this situation?

I see... wow, you guys must have been together for quite some time for you guys to be engaged. Either that, or you guys were really compatible for you to be thinking about engagement.

Yeah, I think people need to talk about their problems before it's too late. Unfortunately, my boyfriend didn't seem to feel the urgent need to discuss with me. He just turned off. He didn't ask me questions, he didn't answer my questions, he wouldn't tell me anything.

I feel like it's my fault, that I could have shared with him more about my feelings of hurt or unhappy times or happy times. When I mentioned this, he said that I did share with him some of my feelings. I just don't know. Whatever I said, he seemed to have shot it down. It's hopeless. I'm trying not to think of him.

You know a lot of couple break because of communication issues that could have been fixed in therapy. That only pertain to people getting engaged usually. But if what you say is true, and he learns that at some point, then he going to feel like an . Why? He made a big deal over something he was going to have to do with someone anyway,

Salt...wound, much???? :D Jeeesh!

Lol!

Yes I thought there was something better, but found out I had it all along. It hurts like hell!!! I've never experienced such a bad feeling in my life before.
Is this really a classic mistake I made? If it's classic, what's the classic outcome for both her and I in this situation?

Unless you're very very lucky. That bridge is gone. You blew it up. Sorry:( You'e only hope is that she's trying to nail the point home to you hard, and then entertain the idea later. But I know for myself other boards thought I was not being humble enough, and what it was a feeling of insult. She could be offended that is the reason you left, and if she knows that's the reason, then as the 1st few posts to the thread said, that's not a good reason to take back,

I see... wow, you guys must have been together for quite some time for you guys to be engaged. Either that, or you guys were really compatible for you to be thinking about engagement.

Yeah, I think people need to talk about their problems before it's too late. Unfortunately, my boyfriend didn't seem to feel the urgent need to discuss with me. He just turned off. He didn't ask me questions, he didn't answer my questions, he wouldn't tell me anything.

I feel like it's my fault, that I could have shared with him more about my feelings of hurt or unhappy times or happy times. When I mentioned this, he said that I did share with him some of my feelings. I just don't know. Whatever I said, he seemed to have shot it down. It's hopeless. I'm trying not to think of him.

I was like your boyfriend , I didn't feel the urgent need to discuss the issue, I just made sure I kept in occasional contact with her to show that I still thought and cared.

She was like you, never sharing her feelings with me , and never called me. I regret that she refrained from doing so because I think that if she would have expressed her feelings and not been so tough, we could have reasoned together and maybe worked it out.

You know a lot of couple break because of communication issues that could have been fixed in therapy. that only pertain to people getting engaged usually. But if what you say is true, and he learns that at some point, then he gonna feel like an . Why? He made a big deal over something he was gonna have to do with someone anyway,

Well he did say that we had communication issues and a connection issue. I think (I may be wrong) what he meant by the second one is the "feeling" which you mentioned once before of the new relationship which waxes and wanes. However, I hope what you said about the communication issue is true and about what he'll feel like later is also true.

I asked him what was wrong and he said that nothing was wrong. Later on he acted like a dead fish over the phone and in person. I didn't give up when many others would have called it quits. I was stupid. I will call it quits at the proper time the next time.

I tell every time I picture taking my ring back, I just want punch my way into a room and curl up. I think I would handle this a bit better is we were not engaged. Of corse its also possible that with out the engagement this may not have happened. There would not have been the pressure weddings dates etc.

Well he did say that we had communication issues and a connection issue. I think (I may be wrong) what he meant by the second one is the "feeling" which you mentioned once before of the new relationship which waxes and wanes. However, I hope what you said about the communication issue is true and about what he'll feel like later is also true.

I asked him what was wrong and he said that nothing was wrong. Later on he acted like a dead fish over the phone and in person. I didn't give up when many others would have called it quits. I was stupid. I will call it quits at the proper time the next time.

I get the notion you mean. I was ready to leave 4yrs ago, and did't because I knew I was actny emotionally. And I then look at what had in common on all those areas, and I admit I looked at how each of our families looked at us, and how random people, old and young, would come tell us how well looked or how we treated each in public. It made me stay, and obviously it got good enough for me to propose.

I was like your boyfriend , I didn't feel the urgent need to discuss the issue, I just made sure I kept in occasional contact with her to show that I still thought and cared.

She was like you, never sharing her feelings with me , and never called me. I regret that she refrained from doing so because I think that if she would have expressed her feelings and not been so tough, we could have reasoned together and maybe worked it out.

When she called, did you answer the phone? I felt like my boyfriend was missing my calls on purpose. I asked him about it and he would just tell me that he'd left the phone in some other room, in his pants when he changed clothes, he didn't have his cellphone charger with him, etc. I can't say for sure whether he lied to me or not. They say to go with your instinct (in which case I would say that he lied to me), but in a relationship you should give them the benefit of the doubt (in which case I'll say that whatever he said was true).

I did call him once, and I was crying on the phone. I'm sure he heard me crying... but if I were to go with my instinct I would say that he heard me but didn't do a thing about comforting me. However, if I were to go with giving him the benefit of the doubt I would say that he didn't hear the tears in my voice...

Unless you're very very lucky. That bridge is gone. You blew it up. Sorry:( You'e only hope is that she's trying to nail the point home to you hard, and then entertain the idea later. But I know for myself other boards thought i was not being humble enough, and what it was a feeling of insult. She could be offended that is the reason you left, and if she knows that's the reason, then as the 1st few posts to the thread said, that's not a good reason to take back,

What do you mean by "nail the point home to you hard" ? If it means that she is trying to teach me a major lesson and that she wants me to suffer for a while , I feel that it is a very possible situation! She is tough even though emotional inside, she could be planning the whole thing out from the way I see it for months or years from now.

I am still hoping to be very very lucky! I know it sounds selfish, but I do think that she will realize at one point that what we shared could lead to a beautiful family/life if we worked it out together. In the meantime I think she needs to see it for herself now that I setup the ideal situation for that. I was her first, so she needs to figure it out just like I did and I think I should wait.

What do you mean by "nail the point home to you hard" ? If it means that she is trying to teach me a major lesson and that she wants me to suffer for a while , I feel that it is a very possible situation! She is tough even though emotional inside, she could be planning the whole thing out from the way I see it for months or years from now.

I am still hoping to be very very lucky! I know it sounds selfish, but I do think that she will realize at one point that what we shared could lead to a beautiful family/life if we worked it out together. In the meantime I think she needs to see it for herself now that I setup the ideal situation for that. I was her first, so she needs to figure it out just like I did and I think I should wait.

That's exactly what I mean. But if she does, you must realize that the work you must do is immense. You will have to prove that you're not going to leave again and just deal with the mistrust for a bit. That's where I would be a bit childish, I couldn't let go of the grudge,

Depends on the situation
I think if the ex dumps you to go into another relationship or cheats you. These 2 cases are unforgivable for me.
My ex dumped me after 3 years because she liked another guy (thats what she said me when she broke up in the phone)
So if she comes back I don't see any reason why should I accept her. The main reasons that I mustn't do it are:

1.I won't believe her anymore. There will be no trust.so I'm going to see her with a different eye.I will always be suspicious and we will argue more and our relationship is not going to be healthy.

2.why do I need a person that caused me so much pain and broke up with me in a moment that I needed her support.(in my case I went in another country some months before and I really needed her at that moment to support me because I was all alone.and what she did.she broke up.it seemed like she was waiting for me to go and to break up).I need someone to support me like I did when she needed me.

3.my family and my friends helped me through this pain and they know what she did to me. So if I accept her I will loose points to myself. My family will never like her and this is going to be always a problem.

4.so how do you think!! She goes with another guy sleeps with him.kisses him, fu*ks with him,and after that she wants to come back to me.wait, wait,wait. So if I accept her it means that I don't have a DIGNITY.you know.I better choose my dignity rather than her.

Finally. After more than 2 months NC my conclusion for your question is, if she comes back or if she even tries to contact me.you know what I will do.
I WILL KICK HER A$$. Ill beat her so hard that nobody would recognize her.im not a toy.so better for her if she doesn't contact me ever or ill keep my promise.and fortunately she knows that I keep promises.this is my conclusion.
I don't want to seem like I have moved on.I didn't.im still hurt.and believe me still slightly shocked with what happened.I would never expect that from a "honest" girl, like she appeared to be.but at least I know what to do whatever happens.
My advice for you: if it happens to you, KEEP YOUR HEAD UP.she doesn't deserve you.

Depends on the situation
i think if the ex dumps you to go into another relationship or cheats you. these 2 cases are unforgivable for me.
my ex dumped me after 3 years because she liked another guy (thats what she said me when she broke up in the phone)
so if she comes back i dont see any reason why should i accept her. the main reasons that i mustn't do it are:

1.i won't believe her anymore. there will be no trust.so im going to see her with a different eye.i will always be suspicious and we will argue more and our relationship is not going to be healthy.

2.why do i need a person that caused me so much pain and broke up with me in a moment that i needed her support.(in my case i went in another country some months before and i really needed her at that moment to support me because i was all alone.and what she did.she broke up.it seemed like she was waiting for me to go and to break up).i need someone to support me like i did when she needed me.

3.my family and my friends helped me through this pain and they know what she did to me. so if i accept her i will loose points to myself. my family will never like her and this is going to be always a problem.

4.so how do you think!?!? she goes with another guy sleeps with him.kisses him, fu*ks with him,and after that she wants to come back to me.wait, wait,wait. so if i accept her it means that i dont have a DIGNITY.you know.i better choose my dignity rather than her.

Finally. After more than 2 months NC my conclusion for your question is, if she comes back or if she even tries to contact me.you know what i will do.
I WILL KICK HER A$$. Ill beat her so hard that nobody would recognize her.im not a toy.so better for her if she doesnt contact me ever or ill keep my promise.and fortunately she knows that i keep promises.this is my conclusion.
i dont want to seem like i have moved on.i didnt.im still hurt.and believe me still slightly shocked with what happened.i would never expect that from a "honest" girl, like she appeared to be.but at least i know what to do whatever happens.
my advice for you: if it happens to you, KEEP YOUR HEAD UP.she doesnt deserve you.

If you did not fup in some way, meaning you treated her well, and the new guy does not, she call and when she calls you don't freak, just verbally do to her what u want to do physically. But when you do, make sure you will not feel guilty after otherwise you get a double reversal and you be chasing her telling her you're sorry.

Personally, I've toyed around with the notion, if it came up, of telling them to convince my friends that have seen me through this dark time. If you can convince them then I'll give you a shot. Lol:D

When she called, did you answer the phone? I felt like my boyfriend was missing my calls on purpose. I asked him about it and he would just tell me that he'd left the phone in some other room, in his pants when he changed clothes, he didn't have his cellphone charger with him, etc. I can't say for sure whether he lied to me or not. They say to go with your instinct (in which case I would say that he lied to me), but in a relationship you should give them the benefit of the doubt (in which case I'll say that whatever he said was true).

I did call him once, and I was crying on the phone. I'm sure he heard me crying... but if I were to go with my instinct I would say that he heard me but didn't do a thing about comforting me. However, if I were to go with giving him the benefit of the doubt I would say that he didn't hear the tears in my voice...

She never called me. I was waiting and hoping that she would one day. Then she changed her # without notice. After I tried writing to her she said that she is trying to move on and If I keep contacting her she couldn't. Today she tells me she has moved on and that she has a boyfriend, but I can tell in her eyes that she hasn't moved on, plus, we have friends in common and I am led to believe that she does not have a boyfriend. I think she is hurting , but making the smart move.
She definitely wants me to not contact her for "months and months" as she said but I think that she's trying to make me hurt until then. The problem is that as much as I want to go to all extremes to prove everything to her, I have to respect her and give her the space she requested. I am assuming that the time will come if it were meant to be, someday...

About to hit the bed but let me throw this savoy out. You're the dumpee, the dumper comes back, has not been intimate with another guy. But you have been intimate in the course of getting over them. What do you do>

If you did not fup in some way, meaning you treated her well, and the new guy does not, she call and when she calls you don't freak, just verbally do to her what u want to do physically. But when you do, make sure you will not feel guilty after otherwise you get a double reversal and you be chasing her telling her you're sorry.

Personally, I've toyed around with the notion, if it came up, of telling them to convince my friends that have seen me through this dark time. If you can convince them then I'll give you a shot. lol:D

I hope you won't have to deal with this situation of your ex coming back.this depends even on the time of NC.for me 2 months NC is too much time to accept her back so I hope for myself she is not going to contact me.good for her and good for me.what she did was enough.so it is better to let me move on now.

About to hit the bed but let me throw this savoy out. You're the dumpee, the dumper comes back, has not been intimate with another guy. But you have been intimate in the course of getting over them. What do you do>

Still I think she cheated you emotionally, with her heart.and for me this is worse than cheating physically.

I WILL KICK HER A$$. Ill beat her so hard that nobody would recognize her.im not a toy.so better for her if she doesnt contact me ever or ill keep my promise.and fortunately she knows that i keep promises.this is my conclusion.

Someone, this is not acceptable behavior. No matter what anyone has done to you.

About to hit the bed but let me throw this savoy out. You're the dumpee, the dumper comes back, has not been intimate with another guy. But you have been intimate in the course of getting over them. What do you do>

Who gives a f***? You deal with it IF it ever comes around. People are sexual beings, and it is the natural order of human behavior that your ex or you (and eventually both), will have SEX with another person. We aren't solving the DaVinci Code here.. this is life. Why overcomplicate things that are pretty much inevitable?

How many threads can we have revolving around the same freaking question??

still i think she cheated you emotionally, with her heart.and for me this is worse than cheating physically.

You may be right about this. All I have is speculation, but it does point in that direction