Long story short, This started mid Nov and supposedly ended mid Jan. They work together for quit a few years. I had that gut feeling since day one. She kicked me out away from my 2 kids saying I was crazy and jealous. She has said "im not in love with you anymore". I kept digging and was getting closer and she knew that and told me to move back home because she wanted to work on us. At home I finally came across proof and she admitted everything. I was right about every little thing I suspected. She claimed it was over. I told her I want a divorce and to move out. She did for 2 nights but had no where else to go (no family and doesn't talk to her parents, another story). So I take her back in and she says she wants to fix the marriage. I say we can try but she needs to quit her job,go to counciling, have no communication with him. She says they have been over since before I came home. I did inform his wife and lately we have been comminicating quit a bit secretly. He is currently supposedly trying to fix his marriage now with her, they have a lot of kids. My wife and I have had a lot of ups and downs and both went back and forth on divorce almost daily. She claims she's mainly trying to fix it for the kids.She hasn't been really remorseful and sorry during this time. She has yet to look for a job. And just recently I found out they have been comminicating on the phone still, she claims for work and to talk about their situation, yeah right. They have not been physical since she said it ended as he's been out of the state, but I feel talking is emotionally cheating.I told her if we were to fix this no more lies and I caught her lying again about the phone calls. Is she now in love with him? Is it possible she's having a mid life crisis at 33 as she's not acting anything like herself? Our there any chances they'll end up together? Should I just end it now even though I do love her? Im in hell everyday now. There were no signs of any marriage problems between us before this, just kind of the same old routine stuff with the kids.But now she points out any flaw with me she can find.We did get married young and had kids rightaway. Any advice would be great

Should have noted the gut feeling was as of mid November of 08. Saw a lot of signs that something wasn't right with her. She ruined Christmas and a family vacation during this time because I kept suspecting something and she said I was crazy and jealous. We fought a lot during this time.

If you have a gut feeling that maybe this can work out then you should put all of your effort into it. That being said, you should ensure that she is willing to do the same thing. Also, it's going to be incredibly hard to get over the resentment that you will have. This may end up undermining the whole thing.

From my perspective (coming from a broken home), doing it for the kids is not a good enough reason. For me, living with parents who don't love or like or trust each other would be worse than living with a single parent. In the end, the kids will turn out fine with or without mom and dad being together. You should only reconcile if the relationship at home isn't tainted by the past. If it is, then it won't be worth it.

As a man, it will probably be easier for you to put this behind you and do what's best for your family. But more than likely, she will be forever daydreaming about this guy. So it will always be there for her. This will definitely be an issue in the future. I'm not telling you to leave her, I just feel that you need to think hard about what I've said. Your love for her is moot. She probably knows this and still cheated. Think about what's best for you.

I should say that I was tottally in love with this girl since the day we met.Now with my current situation Im questioning how I feel or even really felt before. I wanted to fix it because I do love her she's saying its for the kids. We did have real love between us before this but something changed within her around 6 months ago. The resentment and always wondering if she is dreaming about this guy is the hardest part. Actually I think just letting go of her and moving on is the hardest. I just think what if she wakes up one day and says what the hell am I doing and mends her ways.

If she was a good mother and had her children's best interests at heart she wouldn't have gone and messed around in the first place. It's not going to be healthy to fake loving her and for her to do the same for the duration of your children's stay with you. What happens when they move out? Do you guys end it?

You can sit back and wait for her to mend her ways, which may or may not happen. But in the meantime, what will she be up to? Will you take her back after she's out indulging herself at your expense? The best thing for the kids and you is to be in a situation of actual love. Even if it's a single parent home. This is a touchy situation, but you've definitely come to the right place for advice.

I have to say you its probably not what I want to hear but it is probably the way it will be. I am one of those people that will never forget and possibly never forgive her for this. Thanks for the dose of reality.

If her bad behavior cannot be forgiven, then you will never repair the damage done. If she is continuing this bad behavior, then she can never move beyond this herself.

Sorry guy, but staying for the kids is a lousy idea, and makes more problems than it solves, so a separation is in order, until you can come to terms with what must be done next. Doesn't look good for this marriage to survive.

If you can't trust her and she can't let this guy go, then you two need to end the marriage.
What good is staying together for the kids, when there is constant friction.
You two need to sit down, talk about dissolving the marriage but staying civil for the sake of the kids.
JMHO

Did a lot of reflecting today and realized Im done with everything. She will be moving out next weekend. So far she has not put up a fight.I feel nothing for her so now I can actually be civil towards her. She seems to respect that and cooperating.

Reading the post I feel you have made the right decision - it seems to me that if you guys were to get back together you would constantly feel some sort of resentment, become further jealous to any guy around etc and would constantly put your own happiness aside just for the sake of things.

I wish you all the best mate.

Wife has just signed a lease for an apartment.She says she doesn't want a divorce as of yet. She claims she needs time to think and that we can not live together now, which I agree. My predicament is whether I should bide my time for a few months and see what happens from there or should I file for divorce. Part of me wants to give her a chance to come back to reality but the other part says I can never trust her. I have custody of the kids as of now and I don't see that changing. She seems almost somewhat excited to be moving out by buying furniture, etc. I don't think it has anything to do with her affair partner as he is currently repairing the relationship with his wife and she knows. But my wife still works with him. The whole thing makes me sick.

I really don't think you'll ever be able to trust this woman again.

Without trust, communication and compromise any relationship is doomed.

You can't be both people in a relationship.

She's keeping you on the back burner, in case her new life doesn't work out.