I have known my girlfriend for a couple years and we recently (november) decided upon being boyfriend/girlfriend. A few years ago she was dating a guy from RI that she fell in love with and eventually broke up with him because he was still married but separated. She still considered him married and considered it a breach of trust to have not told her. So anyway she fell in love with me finally at about the time that he called her one night in November and told her that he was finalizing the divorce (she had recently told him we were dating). I guess he told her that due to her new information about us.

She was shocked and offended that he would do that since they agreed not to talk any more and while their original break up was civilized ( you know, the old, we can still be friends routine) she "hated him after he told her this and told him that she never wanted to speak to him again.

Well about a month ago I was in a position to renew my lease and she asked if I wanted to live with her in our own place and ditch my current roomate. I told her i thought it was too early since we had only really been dating for about 3 months. Since then she has not been that into me at all. I only say that because prior to that she was VERY into me and talking about marriage and doin "it" more than I could even handle as a man. Well like I said, she's out of it and doesn't even want "it" AT ALL... its like it turned off like a switch.

She continues to tell me that she is just in a funk, which I understand because she hates her job. However, just 2 days ago she got a call from the ex and told me he called... which is just like her to tell me EVERYTHING. She said she didn't answer and didn't really enlighten me on her thoughts which she very passionately normally does... so I thought that maybe she really was done with him. Well, low and behold I go to play on the internet when I got home today and there are literally DOZENS of internet pages listed on the history from today on the computer where she was looking at divorce records in RI for him and his previous wife! Has he told her that he is officially divorced? Is she thinking of going back with him (her first love, by the way)? WHAT DO I DO!!

Just me, I'm out of here. You talk about disappearing from someone's life. You sound like her rebound till something comes along anyway. Print the history you found and leave it where she can see it, and adiós!

At least you didn't move in when she wanted you to.

Uhhh... I forgot to mention that she is staying at my place for the interim...

Is she paying rent or on the lease?

If not, tell her to find somewhere else. She has no power to stay with you. Hopefully she has friends/family.

If not, well, that's a pure indicator that she's messed up.

Talaniman Rule- Never get involved with someone, who is not over the ex

She is not. Show her your evidence, and demand an explanation, and then tell her she has to go!

I have to agree with Tal,she was/is not over the ex and that spells trouble.
Who knows what kinds of stories he is telling her?
I left my wife for you is probably on the top of the list.

There is always the chance that she is just curious to see if he is telling the truth but ask yourself why does it matter?

Ask her to be up front as anything else is pure speculation but be wary ,it sounds as if she is still invested in this relationship.

I really think Tal should write down all his rules and put them into a book to market it "Guidelines for the dating world" Thing would sell like hot cakes.

He is exactly right, move on and leave her to deal with her own emotions. She isn't over this guy and you deserve better.

I really think Tal should write down all his rules and put them into a book to market it "Guidelines for the dating world" Thing would sell like hot cakes.

I'd buy it!!

Come on Tal, put them all together and make it a 'mandatory read before posting' sticky! :D