Hello everyone,

I've been reading all these break up stories from this site for a while now and I recognize a lot of similarities in my own break up. I've read all the stickies and I pretty much have heard it all as far as generic breakup advice. But honestly, I'm a very different person from the rest of society and I just wanted some specific advice from everyone to see what you all think.

The Story

First of all, I'm old fashioned. I don't drink or smoke. I don't party but I don't have anything against going to one if the people are cool. I try to be realistic and logical in life. At the same time I'm told I'm funny, I love movies, I enjoy being romantic, and I know how to flirt and act silly when the time is right.

I graduated from high school in 2005 and I never dated during school. I had self esteem issues because I had acne quite bad covering my face. My friends all moved away to a popular party college in my home state three hours north of where I lived. My friends were out of my life.
I was prescribed some pills for my acne and to my surpise the damn things worked like magic. My face cleared up and I grew my hair out and I was getting attention for the first time in my life.
I went to a community college 15 minutes away from home. I'm a computer geek and I decided I'd go to school away from my friends to eventually pursue my dreams of being a game designer. Anyway, a girl from school added me on Myspace and we eventually decided to talk on the phone. We of course kept talking on the phone for 4-5 hours every night until she asked me to hang out and meet her family. She lived 40 minutes from me. I walked up to her front door and she answered it, she was Asian, she was very cute, had dimples, and was a little overweight but I didn't care. Her family loved me, including her former marine drill seargeant stepdad. Her little brother and I became good friends over the years.

We spent the next 3 months together doing all sorts of stuff. She was acting quiet one day and she told me she was frustrated that I had'nt asked her out yet. I eventually managed to ask her out over a romantic dinner at a fancy restaurant near the ocean. Over the next 3 years we nearly lived together. She would come to my house every other day if not every day and spend the night. We watched movies, made home cooked meals, shared affection, had a million inside jokes, went to amusement parks, visited family, took road trips, and ALWAYS cracked each other up. She promised me she would never love anyone else and said she would never leave me that it would be stupid. I graduated from the community college and decided to pursue my game design career in Georgia at an art school(where I am now).

I know I should'nt put her on a pedestal but we only had a couple fights/issues. She lied to me when I met her, she said she graduated high school in '05 like me. Truth was, she missed a credit and was forced to take an extra class at vocational school before she would be officially graduated from high school. She told me the day she graduated and I was sitting alone in my room watching a moviel. I forgave her since I could understand she felt bad about not graduating with her friends. No big deal right? Nothing else really came between us after that. We drove to the community college together and even took classes together.

She had the same opinions as me, even thought they are unpopular for people our age (21-22). She is unusally compassionate and very kind. I told her I always wanted her to put her school before me and she agreed. I told her to try drinking if she wants to, I didn't want to but I wanted her to not feel restricted. I just want her to be comfortable with me! She and I both have dreams of starting our own businesses and owning a great home and all that stuff. I learn later that her father used to beat her legs when she was a child beause he is from a country in Asia where that crap is okay. I've also witnessed him call her and ask her for money then tell her she's useless and hang up on her.

The poop hits the fan.
I spend one year at art school in GA. That means I was away for two months, came back for two more, then left for four months straight, then I came back for summer which is 3 months. It was HARD. But we stayed together and used Skype to stay in touch. Year 2 at art school starts and I go away for the first 2 months. I come back for my 2 month winter break, she picks me up we are fine, and damn I am still totally in love with this girl.

So last Christmas she comes over and I give her a $200 dollar necklace, she always spoils me so she bought me some new videogames and some art books. She didn't seem impressed by my necklace at all... We make plans for new years to have my old high school friends over and just eat tons of food and watch the ball drop. New years arrives and we are having a blast catching up with my friends and she seems fine. That night we were also celebrating my 22nd birthday which is really on January 3rd but I was travelling to Georgia for school that day. The ball dropped and I went and wrapped my arms around her and leaned in and she darted into the kitchen and left me hanging there with no kiss. I followed her to find she had a cake with candles lit. So I thought it was no big deal, just a surprise. So Jan. 3rd comes, I turn 22 and she offers to drive me to the airport. We drive to the airport and listen to her favorite Beyonce and Rihanna songs. We joke and I tell her I'll miss her and she's the most important thing in the world to me. She acted normal, nothing out of place. She returned all of my affection. I have to get on the plane, I hold her for five minutes more, kiss her hands, and then give her a passionate kiss, tell her I love her, then turn around and proceeded through the security line.

I arrive in Georiga. I get into my little tiny dorm room. She calls to check up on me that night, and we have a good talk and she says I love and talk to you later. Normal.

Four days later. I get out of class, sit down at my computer, go to Facebook. I have a message. It reads:

"Hi Chris,

I know this isn't the best place to talk about this but I figured I can tell you here and then we can talk about it on the phone if you wanted to. I love you, and I will always love you but I think the reason why I've been sort of distant lately is because I don't feel the same way I use to towards our relationship. I don't really know what it is. It's not you. You have as wonderful as you have always been. I think that my heart has been growing distant; there isn't anyone else.
I dont think it's really fair to have you wondering where I am and why I haven't been calling you back. I haven't been avoiding you purposefully or anything. I have been to and from work this whole week. I think for this time, while we are away from each other, we should take a break. I love you. You have been the best to me. I just don't think it's fair to not have you know how I feel and keep on being distant towards you.

I love you."

Panic! Yes indeed. Huh? What? Something happened to her? Maybe some one has a gun to her head and wants her to break up with me. I was CONFUSED!! The note didn't even sound like her. And she didn't even call me to say it! She signs on AIM and says "Can we talk about it Wednesday? I'm in front of people and don't want to get emotional." I get upset and have no idea where this awful treatment came from. She calls me that night anyway and basically that's when I do some questioning. Since I'm a computer geek, the first thing I did was look for advice on the net. So with all that new advice I found here, I decided to not beg and tell her I don't want to get back together I just want to know why? She goes snowboarding the next day with her cousin. They takes pictures and post them on Facebook. She looks like she's having fun. Not even bothered by what just happened between us.
I try writing a letter of optimism and remind her of all the good times we've had over the years. She calls in return we chat about trivial stuff then she brings up the relationship. She "doesn't know" why but she thinks there's "doubt" that she has about me. She wants to be alone and single for now. She says "I'll never find anyone like you and if I do it will take a while." She says "I miss you and love you but I have NO REGRETS." HUHHH??

After two or three pointless phone calls I begin the no contact. Everyday that has passed, she has deleted me from her Facebook profile and today she deleted every photo of me and wrote this new load of crap about how she is outgoing and loves adventure and loves makeup but isn't afraid of digging in dirt for fun. Basically sounds like she is trying to make herself available to meeting new people and (I'm afraid) other guys. She has been so EAGER and QUICK to get rid of me! Why is she doing that? It tears me up! I'm taking Asian Art History and all I do is think about her throughout the entire 3 hour class. Today is day 13, I'm a wreck. I hear Beyonce or Rihanna and I cry like a friggin baby. I hate my life. I'm confined to this little dorm room with my PC, TV, and homework. I'm in a mental prison and I'm afraid of losing my mind. I know time is the only way to get past all this but I don't even know what I'm getting past. This came out of nowhere! I never even got to say goodbye to her (like for real not on facebook)!

I go home in 15 weeks.

Advice? Help? What do you think? :confused:

Use this as ammo to continue NC, you mourning is well warranted. You spent a lot of time with her, so to feel loss is expected. You will be fine in time, just read the stickies at the top of the forum and come on here to vent. We have all been where you are

The first breakup is always the hardest, you have spent along time with this girl, you planned a future. I think your best bet now is to continue reading, keep the NC and take it one day at a time. Focus on you, what you need to do to finish school. You promised to put school as the most important thing and now is the most important time to do that.

As Rome said, we have all been there and we ALL risk it all over again for the next relationship.

Ziggurat, I feel your pain, as I have been in your shoes before .It's going to be a tough road but time does heal. You ask why? You may never know why? My ex fiancé broke up with me 2 years ago and I still don't know why she broke up with me again. All I can say is don't spend too much time analyizing the situation. I did this for along time and all it did was consume me and I would come up with the same conclusion. The funny thing is I am over her but still sometimes analyize what happen. Then I start to get pissed then realize I'll never Know why. No one can tell you the real reason why(except her but you just move on and don't contact her), but we can help you get threw this.

Jesus man, long post, but very clear so I didn't mind reading it.

Sounds like she's telling the truth, after a three year relationship and being only 22, she wants to hang out and have fun.

This is the only advice you'll hear from anyone: don't contact her and bug her.

Sorry to hear about what has happened to you, its always a huge shock when you hear those dreaded words. To us, it seems like the whole world has come crashing down all in one swift and unmerciful motion.

You're probably going through a ton of things in your head right now. How come she already seems to be over me so fast? Is there another guy? Did our relationship really mean anything to her? How could she do this? This is completely normal.

Since you're a logical guy, I'll put it in terms that will hopefully make you understand better. She's been probably thinking about this breakup for quite some time now, so she's had time to process her feelings and make a decision. To her, the end might have occurred some time ago but to you its still fresh so her actions may seem especially callous or uncaring.

That she no longer feels the same way for you as she once did - but this doesn't mean she never felt this way for you. I truly believe for many of us here our ex's did truly love us at one point or another - but sometimes feelings change and we're the unfortunate victims of that change.

The best thing you can do for yourself right now is stay in No Contact and start working on your life. Don't try to hold on to any scraps of affection and false hope. Start working out and going to the gym if you haven't already. Start learning new skills. Look up old friends if you can and start making new ones. Many of us can attest to the fact that life does go on - there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Most importantly, come here and talk about your feelings and vent - let yourself feel. Its all part of the process of recovery and healing. We're here for you :) - you're not alone.

I suggest looking up a few stories of others, as it would be good for you to understand that we truly have been there and know how hard this is on you. Look up the following stores from these people (Usually the first question they ask on this website):

1. RomeFalls19
2. Isneezefunny (absolute must read)
3. KCtiger (just a shameless plug on my own story... not really worth your time, but entertaining nontheless)
4. LifeChangesMan
5. EmptyCans

All of these threads the above people created are a good read, if anything, just to get your mind off your own situation. You will see an evolution with some of us, from a crying out of control boy, into a mature man that understands the reality of situations and walks away with a deeper grasp of himself and of what truly makes him happy. (That last part was a bit sappy, sorry).

Good luck buddy. We are ALL here for you!

Wow, thank you for all the replies. I appreciate everyone offering so much help. I will read your stories. I already have read many here on this site.

Yes I wonder over and over, why does she seem like she is completely okay with all this? She seems almost anxious to get me out of her life for some mysterious reason. I even sometimes wonder if she has a split personality or something because she is acting so unlike herself. I can't believe she did this, she always told me she wanted to marry me. My room and mother tell me that people "change". Ok, sure, but what exactly does that mean. She used to like talking about how when we lived together, she'd buy all the organic healthy food and I'd have all the all-American un healthy food. She liked talking about living together and we had one of those chats two weeks before she broke up with me.
Her behavior has changed so abruptly and it is is so cold, uncaring, and nothing like who she was when I was with her. Its like there's an evil clone of my ex girlfriend.
I hate that she has erased me from her life so quickly. I can't believe she actually did that and I don't know why she's pushing so hard to do it.

Thank you all for the support, I'll be back here quite I bit.

"My room mate and mother tell me that..." oops typo.

I gave her everything I could and I helped her through her tough times. She didn't like her self image and I always told her how I loved everything about her and that I loved her flaws as much as the rest of her. I did. I sometimes wonder if because she is losing weight and getting into makeup, maybe she feels like she doesn't need me anymore because she has gained all this new confidence and wants to be free to go party and flirt with guys rather than be loyal to me... Mr. Old Fashioned and Ambitious.

I want her back guys.

Of course you want her back, that is a normal feeling to have. I know. The sad reality is that she isn't yours to have back. This process is going to SUCK, big time, I won't lie. Probably the hardest thing you have ever done...

I am sorry for you, I know it hurts, but I promise you it will get better.

Zig, I know I'm supposed be working but I'm sitting at my desk reading everything here and it's bring me back to how I felt when my ex broke up with me. Oh the pain , the pain, but I look back know and remember everything you are doing and going through thinking I'm never ever going to be able to move on. But I did and you will also. Just take it one day at a time. And listen to what people tell you here. I wish I did, I would have healed faster. But I only had one agenda, not letting go of ex and hoping she would come back again. She never did??

My room and mother tell me that people "change". Ok, sure, but what exactly does that mean.


It means the young girl has grown up, and wants to see more of life, than she has seen. Sort of like you going to college to pursue your dreams, after your acne got cured.

It happens, and it sucks, but your free to heal, and rebuild like we all have to do.

Hmmm, your just like the rest of us, learning, and growing through experience. Normal, for young people.

******Threads merged*******

Hey everyone,

I posted a rather long summary of my breakup situation about two months ago. If you are interested in knowing the situation here's the link (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/surprise-another-break-up-story-im-victim-316568.html#post1544636). Recent events have really made me feel bent out of shape about my breakup. At first I just accepted it for what it was and started taking it one day at a time. I have been quite miserable. We were together for three years. I'm in school 1,000 miles away from home where my ex girlfriend lives. She broke up with me for no apparent reason out of the blue after I had been here at school for 4 days. She wanted to stay with me while I was at school before... so something happened or changed her mind. I've been able to feel a little better with each week that passes.

So here's the thing. I have been doing the NC and its killing me. I didn't beg or plead with her believe it or not. The moment I found out she wanted a break, I came here for advice. So I have pretty much been doing the whole NC and "get your ex back" routine from day one. At first, she would message me on AIM whenever she wanted. I tried acting like I was fine and I was doing "real good". She always started by saying "How are you?" and I hated it but I started making it sound like I was doing great. Totally not true. I think about her every minute of every day. So I have stopped signing into AIM altogether. I was curious and signed on once or twice and she was indeed online. She's online a lot in general. She doesn't call, and I hope she will. I know that's not good but I'm dying to get a call from her. There isn't much to do when you are a digital design student who sits in front of his PC doing art work all day for school. My college doesn't have any real activities to participate in. So I spend my time in my dorm doing my school work. She used to be crazy about me and would get mad if I didn't call her at least every other day. Now, she seems like she's totally fine with not hearing from me again for the rest of eternity! How can someone flip a coin like that and switch their emotional connection on and off? I noticed there was a guy from her hometown that she handed her number out to willingly over Facebook a month or two ago. And then I noticed she asked him if he wanted to hang out and watch Back to the Future... which was something she and I did... as our special date night thing. So now she's offering herself to this guy it seems. And toda I sign on and find that she left him a comment saying "You are freaking awesome." She was with me for 3 years, how can she turn around after a month and be like this. She is not like that! Her behavior is so different from the girl I knew! She told me she doesn't know why we are breaking up she just doesn't feel we are supposed to be together right now. None of it makes any sense, she was very happy with me. She never brought anything up to talk about with me, nothing was wrong as far as I could see. Now I'm kind of just stuck here in this dorm, doing my work, and watching her through a window as she turns into a different person. And honestly, this guy she seems to be into, is kind of a redneck who she would TOTALLY never want to be with... well the girl I knew would not. She is picky with her guys. And she told me no guy would ever measure up to me... so... I'm lost, lonely, irritated, and shocked.

I have been at school for 2 months now. She broke up with me a couple of days after I got off the plane. I return home in 2 months, at that time I can see her to talk finally.

Input, guidance, and advice?

I don't think you get different feedback than what you already have and making a new question about the same thing will not help.

First let me point out is that your NOT doing No Contact, and your being dishonest by hiding your true feelings when you do break NC, over and over again.

Until you get real with yourself, and accept things have changed, and give yourself a chance to heal, you will never get rid of the misery, and pain.

Doing it your way ain't working, so try what has been suggested already, by those who have done what your doing.

Right. Are you saying I should tell her how I feel if she does contact me? Because you say I'm being dishonest otherwise. I am doing NC but she contacted ME through instant messenger a few times weeks ago.
Unlucky Ducky said I could come here to talk about my feelings and vent, so that's what I'm doing.

Hey Ziggurat. Nothing wrong with coming on here and letting your feelings out - just be prepared for people to give you the harsh advice that you just need to hear sometimes.

One thing you didn't mention in your original thread was that you're doing NC to get your ex back? You probably got suckered into buying one of those eBooks out there didn't you.. no shame in that, some of us are guilty of it too if that's truly the case. I'm going to tell you now though that doing NC to get your ex back really doesn't work. Those eBooks give you false hope.

You got to do NC for you, I can't stress this enough. I know you don't want this to end - I've been there. The problem is there's nothing you can do to change her mind.. it sucks, I know. Block her on IM, delete her from facebook/myspace, do not respond to any of her texts/calls. The path you're traveling down right now will only lead you to prolonged heartache and pain. Trust me, I've been down that road before.

I'm sorry to give you the bad news, but it sounds like it is really over. Truth is she's not the same girl you remember from before, and this is a good thing for you. Because as time passes and the more and more you realize this and it will help you let go.

My advice is to accept this as a permanent break, and let go of any "chance of reconciliation". Cut that last thread of hope - you will feel a sense of relief when you do.. I know I did. It doesn't make it easier, it doesn't dull the pain or make it go away but it is something you have to do for yourself. You're not alone - many of us have been there.

Don't see her when you get back home - it will only tear open the wounds that have started healing through NC. Stop responding to her attempts at contact period. Do not attempt to initiate anything yourself. Start rebuilding your life for yourself. You deserve better than this girl.

No, I never got suckered into buying those online books. I've just been reading free articles online. Yeah I thought the NC was for me from day one. I was quite sure she'd miss me to tell you the truth. She always missed me so easily. I do not know how to go about cutting the last thread of hope. I can't bring myself to block her on I'm and everything. Perhaps I am prolonging the ineviatable. But when I left her in person, she told me she loved me and everything seemed fine. I need to see her and have her talk to me about this in person. We were involved for too long to end it in such an unfair way. I've done absolutely nothing to contact her. She has im'ed me twice and I talked for five minutes each time. That's it. I don't know where this cold hearted girl came from but she isn't the girl I loved. I have been trying to rebuild my life. Its hard being here at school. This place just makes it very difficult to get my mind off her. My work requires me to sit at a computer and design things for hours a day. I just so curious to see how she is. Thank you for the feedback. It has been most valuable.

Well you definitely saved yourself some money, those eBooks are useless. I'm going to say again that I think it is a bad idea to meet with her when you get back and highly recommend against it, but do what you must. Believe me when I say none of us here have a vested interest in telling you to do this - we're just giving you the best advice for you to get your life back and getting over this girl as swiftly as possible based on our own experiences.

On a side note, if you haven't seen the movie Swingers yet definitely watch it. You said 2 months to go until you get home again?

Let's play "What If" for a moment... we'll assume you took my advice and cut that last thread of hope, have been sticking with NC, and have started to rebuild your life again. You've been pursuing other hobbies, making new friends/reconnecting with old friends, going to the gym and getting into better shape, etc. Fast forward 2 months. Say you do end up meeting with your ex and she still doesn't want to work things out with you. By this time you'll be well on your way to healing your heart and you won't find this bothering you as much as if you didn't cut that thread to begin with. You win. So what if you meet up and she says she wants to try to work things out and have another go at the relationship? You'll be able to think with a clear head if that's truly what you still want and if you DO want to accept her back into your life. This guarantees that the power of choice is put back into your hands. Also, since you've been working on yourself you will have even more to offer to the relationship and be an even better partner you were before. Another side benefit from doing this is that you'll feel better about yourself and you'll be less insecure and needy. You STILL win. See where I'm going with this?

Now let me give you the disclaimer that I'm not one to promote false hope by any means, but you have to admit you really have nothing to lose by cutting that last thread of hope and sticking to NC. Either you win, or you win.

You made this girl, your whole life and when she was no longer there, you have nothing left!!

That is Unhealthy!!

Most people have been here before.

Firstly if you would like a chance of winning her back. You will have to learn to live without her, for if you do win her back, acting like you have been in the past relationship will not work!!

Use this time to learn about yourself and find some other things to do. You're a geek so find some other geeky dudes and hang with them!!

Maybe you don't have any friends, well this is a time to make some.

Im guessing your girlfriend didn't have a whole lot of friends and she is finally realising, het o want some more to my life than just this!!

Ive heard the "i love you, but I have no regrets... Mate this has been on her mind for a long time and she has just been waiting for theright time to tell you!!

This was over at least 3 months ago!!

For now, you need to leave things and as bad asyou feel and I know you feel like you have nothing to live for and everything you worked on is gone.. and how can she do this..

Well she did it and couldn't care less how you feel.. and no matter what you had done in the past she simply doesn't love you like she said!

Obviously her love for a period was sincere but hell maybe she didn't have a lot to do and you must understand girls go with what makes understand at the time and once they are done they move on!!

She will have another guy soon and you will say, geez that's not right you wanted to be single!!

That's how it is, she just doesn't want to stay with you! Maybe once she realises there are some other terrible guys she may come back! But hell she isn't coming back till you get some balls and stand your ground!! She's part of your life not all of it, like you made her champ!!

Unlucky and McKenzie, your posts were very helpful and gave me some food for thought. I will take the road you described UnluckyDucky. I have heard that before, that just carrying on with myself and my life is best either way you look at it. I have been doing that the best I can thus far. Truthfully, yeah, I have trouble making close friends. I seem to have a lot of aquainatinces here at school. So it was her and me for three years. Both of us were fine with that (althougth we tried going out with other people and being social). My family is completely split apart too. I live with my Mom back home and we rely on each other to live and get by. She is quite negative and I think she rubbed off on me and in turn that pushed my girlfriend away from me. She did mention this once or twice. I tried not letting my mother and her problems get me down but when you live with that one person, you can't avoid it. I'm trying to regain the passion I had for my art before I met her. Its hard to focus on my work though. I never thought I'd meet such a great girl back then and I was happy with just me and my art. So in a way she showed me how great life can be outside of my art studio. Anyway, so now I'm having to settle back into my old ways of being satisfied with being a sort of social guy who is very involved with his art and career. I'm trying to go out running a few times a week too.

No reply is necessary here, I just thought an update was needed.

Thank you all.

Threads merged and edited again- Overworked moderator!


Hello everyone,

I can't believe I wrote this much. I apologize for the length of this post. I guess I needed to vent and get it all out...? Wow, I'd really appreciate anyone who takes the time to offer me help.

I posted back in March when I was at school in GA. I live in New England and go to school down there. Here is the link to my previous post from back then. It can help catch you up if you are interested.

So, in 2006, my first year at college, I met a girl. I'm old fashioned and picky so meeting her was really special because most people my age don't agree with the way I live my life. I'm an idealist, a Christian, and I try to live to be the very best man I can be. So I have trouble meeting girls that appreciate that. I should point out, I'm not stuck up, I don't think less of people, and I love enjoying life and all that. So we hit it off, we go out for three years. It was really the very best time of my entire life. Just good clean romance and fun. Unique times in my life. I'm not just glamorizing it. So on January 3rd right after my birthday, she drives me to the airport to return to school in GA. She spoiled me and bought me three video games and it was a real fun holiday season with her. At the airport, we hold each other for a half hour straight before I head to the gate and onto the plane. I give her a long kiss goodbye and we talk about how we can't wait until Summer to be back together. I get to my dorm in GA and 4 days later she breaks up with me via a Facebook message. She is cryptic and doesn't answer anything and doesn't return my phone call until 9 pm at night. So three years of bliss then that... I immediately consulted the internet for tips and advice and decided to go with the no contact gig.

My goal here has always been to get her back. Not to "move on". To be honest, aside from sitting around and working on my artwork and playing video games there isn't much to move on to. My mother and I live together, she is very negative and depressed and places a huge burden on me to keep her happy. She just broke up with her 3rd serious relationship right when my occurred. Her unhappiness drives me crazy and makes me that much more unhappy as well. I'm getting tired of working on crap alone in front of my computer! I like being social. All of my friends have moved away unfortunately.

SOO, back to my ex, I don't beg her and plead. Believe it or not I played the game from the start. I thought she would work a couple of those 12 hour overnight shifts at the factory she works at and then she'd remember how much she misses having someone who loves her. Weeks went by, I wouldn't hear from her. She took it well... WAY too well. I sort of knew something was wrong with that. That's not normal... 3 years together, talking to each other every single day, then over night nothing?? She sent me a text one night while I was riding the bus back to my dorm room in GA. She said "Hey I had an eventful day, how are you?" I tried to play it cool and said "I'm doing real good! Tell me about your day sometime." Weeks go by. I wrote the first post here. Then I get nervous. She was just taking it sooo well, aren't breakups supposed to be painful? I certainly was in pain, and still am actually. So when April starts, I decide to cut NC and see what happens. I call her twice during a week. I get zero response. I left no voicemail. So that didn't even make her curious. She signs onto AIM and I say hello, and just act very neutral and friendly. She says something like "We shouldn't be talking" and I'm like whoa what? She reveals that she thinks we should stop talking because she is trying to "deal with feelings she has for someone". I then crap my pants and fall over dead. Then I inquire politely even, trying to maintain my composure. She tells me his name and I ask how she managed to get so serious over someone in just a month and a half. I lose it and ask to hear her voice and she said she'd call me soon. She calls... and she's crying her eyes out over this guy because he told her he didn't like her and thinks nothing special of her. I pretty much don't know what the hell to do or say. After every sentence of hers she said something like, and I don't want to get back together! I wouldn't even ask! She would just fire that off at me! I'm trying to act cool and calm this whole time. I inquire some more, as fragile as possible. She says she met him at work. Then I realize that's the answer. She got the factory job maybe a year ago. And has been working 12 hour oever night shifts there ever since. She was just tired and grumpy when she came to see me all the time. She met this new guy there! They've been working together 12 hour shifts ever since last August! She even mentioned him once! I remember her telling me that she didn't mind work anymore because there was a friend she could joke around with to pass the time!

My time at school comes to an end. I cry myself to sleep every night. She says hi to me maybe twice by AIM and never calls me once! She just said hi once asked if I was OK. I said I'm fine but having a tough time at school focusing. I try to tell her my feelings finally. Since I was holding them in for months. She then says "Ok, well is there anything else you wanted to know? I just wanted to give you some answers and try to treat you better than I have." If I keep the conversation going she just says it again "Was there anything else you wanted?" As if this is a drive through window and she is supposed to be able to just enter and out of my life as she wants to and I'm supposed to be like "okay, that'll be it, have a nice day now, ya hear?"

She contacts a week before I come home on an airplane. She sounds happy/friendly for the first time since the breakup. She says things are going well with the new guy and was just wondering if I still wanted to meet up finally to talk and get closure when I get back home up North. She tells me she "misinterpreted" what the guy said about not liking her and they are "taking things slow". I'm reading that and thinking what the heck? I say "I think he sounds like he doesn't care about you." I asked "Why would you date someone who told you they don't think you are special?" She says "Hes getting better."... Can you believe that crapp? She is acting TOTALLY unlike herself and COMPLETELY out of her own character. Its like this is some different version of my old girlfriend. So she suddenly says "I was thinking we could maybe have lunch when you get back?" I agree calmly. We set a date to meet and a place to have lunch. I haven't seen her in 5 months remember. Last time I saw her I was giving her a long passionate kiss goodbye in January. I go to bed and sleep better than I had for the entire time I was at school. It was bliss and I had a burden lifted from me for one night... 8:00AM the next morning I get a text, I reach for my phone and its from her! I thinks its GREAT for a split second. She says "Hi, I dont think you and I can meet at all, we are dating now and I don't think its fair to him to see you. sorry bye." I call her right away hurt beyond belief. She picks up... I hear her voice for the first time in months. It was like talking to a stranger. I'll admit it, I was a nervous wreck. I couldn't maintain my calm and cool anymore. I asked her why she would make plans just to cancel them the next morning. She had zero valid answers. They were all very selfish answers. She just kept saying I'm dating W(the new guy) now and not you. I'd say that's not fair! You aren't even going to see me to give me a well deserved face to face conversation? She says no, no , and no. I break down start crying, wondering where I went wrong. She starts the whole drive through thing asking "is that all?" and it pisses me off every time I hear it. I try to remind her of the three years we had. She says stop thinking about the past, there's nothing let for us. I don't care for you anymore. I told her "if you keep treating my like this, you may never hear from me again." she just said "I'm fine with it." I'm pretty much dumbfounded. Sitting there wondering where three years of my life went. And who this girl was on the phone.

I get my finals in and make straight A's. So friggin what. I get to fly home soon. I'm all packed soon and have nothing left in my room but my laptop sitting on the floor at 1AM the day I go home. I get a text on AIM from her right before I shut the computer down. "Hey, are you home yet?" I hesitate for 10 minutes. I reply "no." she comes back with "Oh ok" I decide it's a good idea to pretend I don't care anymore. Even though I do, the same I always had. I don't want her thinking I'm clingy or desperate. I pack up my laptop and fly home the next day. That's he last I heard from her.

I get off the airplane and see the very spot where I last saw her with my own eyes. I nearly break down. My depressed mother was standing there instead. She tells me I look really thin and unhealthy. I found out later I lost 15 pounds while at school. And uh, I'm already a really thin guy so this was kind of a big deal. I know my mom, first thing she is going to do is force me to apply for jobs all around town before even taking me home to relax and pull myself together after traveling all day. She does just that. I eventually get home to my room.

Every day since then, I wake up, apply for jobs online and every now and then go in town to search for jobs then comeback home and eat dinner alone in front of my PC. I've repeated that every single day since May 29th. I still can't get someone to hire me. I have heard nothing from my ex girlfriend.

I met a cute new girl online (I know that's kind of lame but I can't seem to meet girls in person that I think are a likely match for me) and we had a date set up to meet and go have fun at the beach. We seem to hit it off and talk on the phone for hours every night for about a week. She canceled the date the night before and told me she is thinking of getting back together with her ex who is 28 years old and has two kids. She's only 23 and a single college student. She loves him still she tells me, even though he took advantage of her for her money and never bought a gift or even a greeting card during their entire relationship. So I pretty much roll my eyes. Tell her she's making a mistake. And to spare me anymore details because it's a bad decision and I don't see how someone can be so connected to a guy who treats them like crap anyway.

I don't care about her. I just wanted to meet her and see if there were any sparks. But now she too doesn't want to meet me, not even for the first time. I'm over that, didn't care too much. I'm getting used to rejection.

That just left me thinking, "wow, I treated my ex so wonderfully, bought her tons of things, supported her ideas, her business ventures, drove her places, took vacations together, I thought we were emotionally in tune with each other, and both managed our own money. We had a really picture perfect relationship and I KNOW I was a great boyfriend. The contrast between this new girl going back with her crappy ex and my ex leaving me for a guy who doesn't even like her... it just makes me feel like I'm insane. I'm some kind of crazy person in a world where people don't ever see things the same way I do.

Truth is, nothing has gone right for me since the year 2009 began.

What am I doing wrong? Can anyone offer me advice of any kind pertaining to anything here?

I pray to God everyday to point me in the right direction. My mother is soooo depressed and comes crying to me every single day about HER breakup. I can't leave the house because I don't have gas money. My mother gets upset if I mention having a friend come up here to see me. I'm 22 years old by the way. Yes, I live with my mom, I'm a college student and not yet prepared to live on my own. I'm not a Mamas boy or whatever, I just look out for her because no one else does.

How can I stop this awful cycle?

After all these months, there's no light at the end of this tunnel! I miss my ex sooo bad, every day. I tried forgetting her. I tried being social and distracting myself. I try leaving it up to God. But I just exist here, feeling dormant. I can't seem to get it out of my brain. It stuck there tormenting me. I'm forcing myself not to contact her. Its like you all say, if she's interested, she'd contact me.

Thanks for taking the time to hear all this.

-Zigg

1. I'm some kind of crazy person in a world where people don't ever see things the same way I do.

2. Truth is, nothing has gone right for me since the year 2009 began.


1. That sentence right there is what EVERYONE that has been dumped, goes through. You are not the only one, there are tons of good people out there that get screwed over. It's the sad fact of life, but it makes us stronger.

2. You're tellin' me. This year is by far the worst of my life. My ex left me after 9 years (we were living together), my brother is a drug addict and needs to rehab, my job has recently been cutting hours which cut my paycheck pretty deep, one of my best friends is moving out of town and the Lakers are about to win another Championship. Ouch.


Point is, as hard as it is right now, you shouldn't dwell all the time. You should be thinking about plans for yourself and for the future to better something in your life. I understand all the negativity that you're going through, I've been there and still am. It's been almost 2 months since she left me and I'm glad to say that it's getting a little better. While you stick to NC, just remember the fact that she dumped you for someone else. You do not deserve that man, you should be telling yourself to move on but not necessarily with someone else... be happy with yourself. It will take time and it will hurt. You will have the ups, you will have the downs... but when days go by, it'll get easier to deal with bit by bit. By telling yourself to move on, you will be doing yourself a huge favor for your life, because you deserve your life back man. Shed this skin and start living for yourself now. Good luck man, work hard.

You probably already know this, but NC is no doubt the way to go. Read the guide on maintaining NC and all the success stories that have come from it.

I don't have any advice about your mother, I never been in that situation, but keep yourself busy, working out usually makes people feel better about themselves and it helps relieve stress.

And when you catch yourself thinking of her, don't think of her as this perfect being you used to have but focus on how uncaring she truly is, and how she isn't worth your time/feelings.

1. That sentence right there is what EVERYONE that has been dumped, goes through. You are not the only one, there are tons of good people out there that get screwed over. It's the sad fact of life, but it makes us stronger.

2. You're tellin' me. This year is by far the worst of my life. My ex left me after 9 years (we were living together), my brother is a drug addict and needs to rehab, my job has recently been cutting hours which cut my paycheck pretty deep, one of my best friends is moving out of town and the Lakers are about to win another Championship. Ouch.


Point is, as hard as it is right now, you shouldn't dwell all the time. You should be thinking about plans for yourself and for the future to better something in your life. I understand all the negativity that you're going through, I've been there and still am. It's been almost 2 months since she left me and I'm glad to say that it's getting a little better. While you stick to NC, just remember the fact that she dumped you for someone else. You do not deserve that man, you should be telling yourself to move on but not necessarily with someone else...be happy with yourself. It will take time and it will hurt. You will have the ups, you will have the downs...but when days go by, it'll get easier to deal with bit by bit. By telling yourself to move on, you will be doing yourself a huge favor for your life, because you deserve your life back man. Shed this skin and start living for yourself now. Good luck man, work hard.

LMAO, that's awful, I strongly agree.

Part 1 of 2


First let's address this ugliness.


the Lakers are about to win another Championship.

Disturbing isn't it. I've driven to Orlando twice this week and then driven 2 hours home and got up the next day to go to work very tired and am going tomorrow to watch them lose probably again and probably in overtime after giving the game away and will be tired again Monday morning at work after only a few hours of sleep.

Let's get down to business.


I'm old fashioned and picky so meeting her was really special because most people my age don't agree with the way I live my life. I'm an idealist, a Christian, and I try to live to be the very best man I can be.

And you still are. So you've come through a trying time in your life stronger then before.


So I have trouble meeting girls that appreciate that.

Aren't there girls at your church looking for the same thing? I'm just saying don't put limits on yourself.


My goal here has always been to get her back. Not to "move on". To be honest, aside from sitting around and working on my artwork and playing video games there isn't much to move on to. My mother and I live together, she is very negative and depressed and places a huge burden on me to keep her happy. She just broke up with her 3rd serious relationship right when my occurred. Her unhappiness drives me crazy and makes me that much more unhappy as well. I'm getting tired of working on crap alone in front of my computer! I like being social. All of my friends have moved away unfortunately.

Your mother has to make her own happiness. Happiness does not come from somewhere else, it comes from with in. You have to express that to her.

As far as your friends moving away, can't you make new friends? You said you were Christian, I assume that means you are going to church. Don't they have functions you could go to? How about volunteering for something. Even yours truly has volunteered at a dog shelter before. Granted the dogs are not human, but they are social.


She reveals that she thinks we should stop talking because she is trying to "deal with feelings she has for someone". I then crap my pants and fall over dead. Then I inquire politely even, trying to maintain my composure. She tells me his name and I ask how she managed to get so serious over someone in just a month and a half. I lose it and ask to hear her voice and she said she'd call me soon. She calls...and shes crying her eyes out over this guy because he told her he didnt like her and thinks nothing special of her. I pretty much dont know what the hell to do or say. After every sentence of hers she said something like, and I don't want to get back together! I wouldnt even ask!! she would just fire that off at me! I'm trying to act cool and calm this whole time. I inquire some more, as fragile as possible. She says she met him at work. Then I realize thats the answer. She got the factory job maybe a year ago. And has been working 12 hour oever night shifts there ever since. She was just tired and grumpy when she came to see me all the time. She met this new guy there! They've been working together 12 hour shifts ever since last August! She even mentioned him once! I remember her telling me that she didnt mind work anymore because there was a friend she could joke around with to pass the time!

What I think you missed in all this was you had been moved into the friend zone by her. She no longer looked at you as a lover, but a friend. The fact that you were listening to her go on about another guy is not only insulting, it's a reflection of her perspective about your relationship. To her, you were the guy she was going to dump her problems on. You made yourself available for this and instead of backing off you kept getting more and more information. But you digging was her dumping the emotional baggage.



My time at school comes to an end. I cry myself to sleep every night.

I understand you were upet. But in these situations if you put yourself to sleep upset you wake up, upset. You have to do something positive for yourself right before bed so that it floats around in your brain for 8 hours like that.


She contacts a week before I come home on an airplane. She sounds happy/friendly for the first time since the breakup. She says things are going well with the new guy and was just wondering if I still wanted to meet up finally to talk and get closure when I get back home up North. She tells me she "misinterpreted" what the guy said about not liking her and they are "taking things slow". I'm reading that and thinking what the heck? I say "I think he sounds like he doesn't care about you."

This not your concern. Don't you see what happened? She got you to be plan B. She's got you as back up because he doesn't care about her. If and when he dumps her, she's got you waiting the background.


I asked "Why would you date someone who told you they don't think you are special?" She says "Hes getting better."

He's a challenge. You are the sure thing.


....Can you believe that crapp??

Pretty much, yes.


She is acting TOTALLY unlike herself and COMPLETELY out of her own character.

To me it sounds like she's acting like a woman. What I mean by that is, women want a challenge, they want someone who doesn't give them everything. They may tell you differently and Oprah may tell them men are pigs, but if you pay attention to what they respond to this is actually in no way surprising.


Its like this is some different version of my old girlfriend. So she suddenly says "I was thinking we could maybe have lunch when you get back?" I agree calmly.

Why? You are prolonging your own pain.


We set a date to meet and a place to have lunch. I haven't seen her in 5 months remember. Last time I saw her I was giving her a long passionate kiss goodbye in January. I go to bed and sleep better than I had for the entire time I was at school. It was bliss and I had a burden lifted from me for one night... 8:00AM the next morning I get a text, I reach for my phone and its from her!! I thinks its GREAT for a split second. She says "Hi, I dont think you and I can meet at all, we are dating now and I don't think its fair to him to see you. sorry bye."

So she's a coward and does it via text.


I call her right away hurt beyond belief. She picks up... I hear her voice for the first time in months. It was like talking to a stranger. I'll admit it, I was a nervous wreck. I couldn't maintain my calm and cool anymore. I asked her why she would make plans just to cancel them the next morning. She had zero valid answers.

Because stringing you alone as plan B doesn't sound nice. However it would have at least been honest.


They were all very selfish answers.

Yes, because she is selfish.


She just kept saying I'm dating W(the new guy) now and not you. I'd say thats not fair! You arent even going to see me to give me a well deserved face to face conversation? She says no, no , and no. I break down start crying, wondering where I went wrong.

You kept talking to her.

Part 2 of 2.



She starts the whole drive through thing asking "is that all?" and it pisses me off everytime i hear it. I try to remind her of the three years we had. She says stop thinking about the past, theres nothing let for us. I don't care for you anymore. I told her "if you keep treating my like this, you may never hear from me again." she just said "I'm fine with it." I'm pretty much dumbfounded. Sitting there wondering where three years of my life went. And who this girl was on the phone.

I'm sorry you are upset about this. But I just reread that last paragraph twice and the only question I have is, why would you want this woman?


I get my finals in and make straight A's. So friggin what.

I'll tell you so friggin what. You education will last you to the day you die. That's what. This is one dumb cheating b!tch who is not more important then you, your future, or you education. That' friggin what. She is not the end all be all of human existence and you better start realizing that. She's done nothing but use you since last August and once the holidays were over and a new year started she followed through with her plans to start something new. She then kept you on the merry go round because plan A wasn't as available as you are. Once you came she was forced to end the game. Do not tell me for one second that your life and your education is somehow less important then this low class cheating slut. There are people on this planet right now who would give their own lives to send their children to get an elementary education and you got a college education. Do not give me so friggin what when you accomplish all A's. She, nor any other of the 3 billion woman are more important then that. Do not insult yourself, me, or those people who will never get to your level with this BS that a woman, especially this one, is more important then that.


I get off the airplane and see the very spot where I last saw her with my own eyes. I nearly break down.

I flew in to Tampa about two month ago and saw a 3 or 4 year old little girl go running into her father's arms, who just happened to be a soldier. Not going to lie, I almost shed a tear. That guy could die for me, and leave that little one behind for a cause bigger then himself. Different airport different experience, your girl isn't worth breaking down for, but next time you go to airport you'll probably see men and women serving you getting greetings like that or with banners or big groups waiting. Maybe you ought to start asking yourself what's really important a girl screwing with your head or something like that. If your going to be moved by something at least let be worth it.


My depressed mother was standing there instead.

Depressed or not, she still loves you, and she still cared enough to show up. Can't you find the positive in that? Maybe your mother isn't emotionally well, but she at least cares enough not to purposely screw with your head and to give you a ride home.


Every day since then, I wake up, apply for jobs online and every now and then go in town to search for jobs then comeback home and eat dinner alone in front of my pc. I've repeated that every single day since May 29th. I still can't get someone to hire me.

It's not that you can't get anybody to hire you, it's that there are so few jobs available. This economy sucks, tax rates are going up so business has to cut back and jobs are the easiest to cut. Unemployment is now close to 10% and going higher. I'm not saying don't use that as an excuse to not look, but also be aware there aren't jobs a plenty out there. Also, two weeks isn't that long when job searching.


I have heard nothing from my ex girlfriend.

Thank God. Literally, I mean you should be thanking God.


I met a cute new girl online (I know thats kinda lame but I can't seem to meet girls in person that I think are a likely match for me) and we had a date set up to meet and go have fun at the beach. We seem to hit it off and talk on the phone for hours every night for about a week. She canceled the date the night before and told me she is thinking of getting back together with her ex who is 28 years old and has two kids. Shes only 23 and a single college student. She loves him still she tells me, even though he took advantage of her for her money and never bought a gift or even a greeting card during their entire relationship. So I pretty much roll my eyes. Tell her shes making a mistake. And to spare me anymore details because its a bad decision and I dont see how someone can be so connected to a guy who treats them like crap anyways.

Great news!! You didn't waste a dime on this one before she told you she likes being an abused victim. You lost nothing.

Having said that, I'm not suggesting you treat woman like crap, but you do come off as the nice guy who always listens to a woman's problems and tries to correct them. Let them correct their own behavior. You can not be the guy who is always available to talk to. That will continue to put you in the friend zone.


I don't care about her. I just wanted to meet her and see if there were any sparks. But now she too doesn't want to meet me, not even for the first time. I'm over that, didn't care too much. I'm getting used to rejection.

Two girls out of 3 billion does not equal rejection. In fact 2.9 billion girls saying no does not equal rejection. All you need is one to say yes. I will let you in on a Chuff secret. I have been rejected. No, It's true, it's true. But that's there loss, not mine. I've been rejected by girls who I later found out got beat by boyfriends, other's who I found out had been cheated on and they knew it, other's who were psycho. My point is you may not know who is "rejecting" you and if you did you might not consider it rejection. Usually when a girl turns you down there is something wrong with HER not with you. In this case, you already know there is something wrong with her.


That just left me thinking, "wow, I treated my ex so wonderfully, bought her tons of things, supported her ideas, her business ventures, drove her places, took vacations together, I thought we were emotionally in tune with each other, and both managed our own money. We had a really picture perfect relationship and I KNOW I was a great boyfriend. The contrast between this new girl going back with her crappy ex and my ex leaving me for a guy who doesnt even like her... it just makes me feel like I'm insane. I'm some kind of crazy person in a world where people don't ever see things the same way I do.

You were a great boyfriend. You are starting to base some things on two girls.

Having said that, you are a little inexperienced in dealing with how a woman's mind works. Using your two examples what both guys give those girls is challenge. Those guys do NOT buy them everything, do NOT treat them great all the time, are NOT always available, and most important they put themselves above the girl.

You need to apply all these things to you life with woman. YOU are the most important person, not her. Do not buy her everything. In fact, insist she buy you things. If she says I want to go see such and such movie, say "if your buying and available at 6:00 pm" I can give you two hours." That lets her know
A. she's paying and you are not an open wallet.
B. You give direction by giving the time.
C. Your time is valuable and you will give her two hours of yours as a gift that is not to be taken for granted.

If she starts complaining about something shut her down immediately. The thing I noticed you did is allowed you ex to ramble on with you for 5 months about stuff that not your problem. They get one chance to complain about something. If they don't make any improvements and continue to complain flat out tell them you aren't going to listen to her go on and on about it. She'll pretend to be mad, but she'll really respect you for standing up to her whining.

Do not always be there. When she calls and says call back just to talk. Don't. When you tell her you'll pick her up at 8:00 wait until 8:10. She's on your time, not the other way around. When she's on the phone talking about nothing important get off the phone. Make is short. Less is more.


Truth is, nothing has gone right for me since the year 2009 began.

Really? Because I remember when you wrote this...


I get my finals in and make straight A's.

Which is funny since this is the most important thing you can being doing for yourself, so I'd say in the importance dept 2009 has been very good to you.

Truth is, you are choosing to make sure nothing goes right because it's easier to stay at the bottom then to climb up. It is easier to look at all the negative and say "life sucks I'm not going to do anything." You come with a brain that is designed to stay negative for as a protection mechanism and it's easy to overlook accomplishments when the negative is the focus.


What am I doing wrong? Can anyone offer me advice of any kind pertaining to anything here?

Hopefully I have.


I pray to God everyday to point me in the right direction.

Maybe God has brought you to me. Watch out AMHD.com members, I have connections.:eek:

In all seriousness, how do you know God hasn't put these situations in you life to see what you learn from them. You either grow from pain or repeat it. Maybe you need to grow.


My mother is soooo depressed and comes crying to me every single day about HER breakup. I can't leave the house because I don't have gas money. My mother gets upset if I mention having a friend come up here to see me. I'm 22 years old by the way. Yes, I live with my mom, I'm a college student and not yet prepared to live on my own. I'm not a Mamas boy or whatever, I just look out for her because no one else does.

You mom has to solve her own problems. Again, you can offer advice but if she doesn't take it then tell her, "I told you what to do, and you didn't listen, there is no more advice I can give you." There's nothing wrong or mama's boyish about taking care of you mother either.


How can I stop this awful cycle?

Recognize the behavior patterns you have. Life is the same situation replayed hundreds of times. How you behave in those situation is what matters.

Also, quit beating yourself up. Quit being negative about everything and start seeing the positive in everything.


After all these months, theres no light at the end of this tunnel! I miss my ex sooo bad, every day. I tried forgetting her. I tried being social and distracting myself. I try leaving it up to God. But I just exist here, feeling dormant. I can't seem to get it out of my brain. It stuck there tormenting me. I'm forcing myself not to contact her. Its like you all say, if shes interested, she'd contact me.



It was over for her last August or before. You are just now entering NC. She had a long head start which is why it's so easy for her. Give yourself some credit. You fought through all this and succeeded at school, you succeeded at getting some help, and you are now succeeding at NC and making good life choices. The positives are there, start looking at them.

Whoa, that is some fantastic advice. I know I am probably being very negative. I try my best to be optimistic and happy but then it just feels like I'm acting.

A few things I wanted to point out that seemed to be lost in my story. I am a Christian yes, I grew up as one and try to maintain a connection with God. I do no go to Church. I used to. But when my family broke apart we stopped going. I don't really feel like getting all involved and what not. I know those people are supposed to by my type of crowd (according to society) but I never feel quite like I fit in.

I should point out, I realize I did change for the worse during our relationship. But because of other influences. My family... they are all negative people. Yes my mother is the source for all that. She is so overbearing. But I was taking her for granted, thinking she'd never leave me and things seemed fine to me back then. I would snap at her, I was stupid. I would ignore her sometimes when she is trying to get my attention. Just things like that. Nothing major like cheating or kissing other girls. And she put herself in this position where if I was trying to talk to her seriously about something, she would just give the impression that she is being lectured when I am just trying to have a heart to heart talk. This would be about other stuff in the world not our relationship. Well, apparently, according to her (she told me this during one of our very few talks post-breakup) that I treated people as if they are inferior. And her too. I don't think that is true. I just am an idealist, I guess that's the word for me. So she just started hearing me sound like I am better than everyone or something. I DO get easily angry and irritated with the general public. So did she though. Anyway, I did make some mistakes that are worth mentioning.

The other thing is, she and I were both our firsts loves. She technically isn't a slut by the way. She only had me and we didn't actually have sex. Not t glorify her but just so you guys understand what type of person she WAS... she once bought flowers for an old man that worked in the toll booth she always passed at night coming home from classes. The guy cried and thanked her, he was very moved. She was quite considerate of others and always sure to be compassionate. Chuff you asked why would I want this woman? Truth is, our three years together were just really great times. We had maybe one or two fights over silly things. Great chemistry and made each other laugh every single day. She didn't become this selfish b!tch until she broke up with me. So its like I miss my girlfriend, not this selfish person she turned into afterward. I guess that's why I still love her, because 2006-2008 was just a great time in my life because of her. I suppose I want that back.

Another thing, you might be painting a picture of her in your mind that she's some typical hot blond or something. She absolutely beautiful to me, don't get me wrong. But to others they might notice her weight issue, she's not the most fit, and she's very self conscious. I know most girls are but she was quite overweight for her height. I don't care, I grew to love that about her. Sounds stupid but its true. She's seriously the cutest thing ever though, she has dimples and has a very silly personality.

Chuff, I am familiar with the game and being a chase is exciting. I did not keep in contact with her while I was at school. During those five months, we had 3 phone conversations and maybe 4 AIM chat conversations. I only made the effort to contact her once! That was when she told me about the new guy. By the way he's 30 and never went to college. I saw a pic of him, he looks like a mess, nothing like me. She has big plans to be an entrepreneur and start businesses, I REALLY don't see how she thinks this guy fits in... Do you think she is really just looking for excitement? Its so contradicting, she used to go on and on about when we move in together and what kinds of foods we'd buy and what our place will look like. Her mother left her father for another man. She used to tell me how much it disgusted her... and we would talk about why people do those types of things. And LOOK she went did just that! So yeah I tried being scarce and unavailable to her. We went a whole 2 months without hearing from each other during that time.

Chuff, yes she is a coward. I know that. She has never quit a job face to face. I knew if she ever broke up with me she would probably call me or write me. I have tried helping her overcome her social anxiety and fear of conflict. Its her biggest flaw, hands down.

That's also (I think) what caused our relationship to fail. She doesn't say anything when she is mad or upset. She just stays quiet for hours or even the whole day. She DOES NOT communicate AT ALL. She was somewhat physically abused as a little girl, her father used his belt on her. I thought that might've messed with her head growing up or something.

Any other thoughts folks?

That was a great read about her and her and her. Luckily for you I don't really care about her. What I care about is you and getting you back on track. I understand how easy it is to look back and romantize certain times and sometimes the woman gets wrapped up in that and we romantize her instead of the time. But she's not who she used to be and you are better then you are allowing yourself to be.

Your life's journey allowed her along for the ride for 3 years, 2 1/2 of which were good. But now you are going in another direction and you are doing it with the most important person and the only person you will have a lifetime relationship and that is yourself. What can you today, this moment to start being positive and put positive things into you head? Now is the time for you to be selfish and there is nothing wrong with being selfish when it comes to creating a better you. The stronger you make yourself the better prepared you can be for the next one and life in general. But it starts with you, and starts from the inside. Chasing your emotions from 2006 doesn't mean a thing in 2009. You need to bring the focus to now and to you.

Well done Chuff!




During those five months, we had 3 phone conversations and maybe 4 AIM chat conversations. I only made the effort to contact her once! That was when she told me about the new guy. By the way he's 30 and never went to college.


I find this amusing frankly, you down playing the contact you have had with her, but failing to see how that limited contact has impacted your feelings, and attitude, for the worst. Not her fault, since you allow it, right?

Take some advice for a change and cut the girl from your life so you can eventually stop torturing yourself, and tripping about her and her life. That's borderline sick, and insane, (which you are, but you can heal) and you could have already been at a place you can see the glass is half full.

All that writing about her, you make us read, but you ignore the suggestions you have asked for.

Congrats on the good grades, keep looking for work, and have some fun without putting conditions on it.

My gosh dude 2 females down, millions to go, life is short, so get busy. Ya ain't got time for crying

Coming from another 22-year old computer geek that doesn't drink or smoke and recently got out of a three year relationship where he made his ex his entire life: NC is the way to go. While it's easier for me as my ex had devolved into a lying cheater, there's one certain similarity between our situations: our exes don't feel the same way about us. In order to make the same true of you, you need her to be cut out of your life. Dwelling on it, romanticizing every aspect of the relationship, and writing these long posts isn't helping. Keep yourself as distracted as possible and realize she's gone.

Hi everyone. I am not sure what I'm here for. I suppose just to vent. I got home from school a month and a half ago. It has been so boring and life has become more difficult actually now that I do not have any school work to distract me. Also, I'm home, I could drive 20 minutes to see her (my ex) and its just so tempting to contact her. I thought I would be over her by now.

I went out on a date (sorta) with a girl last night. I wasn't exactly excited about it. I am low on cash but I agreed to meet her just because I figure I need to get out and have some kind of life. We were meeting with a few of her friends to have dinner. I was the odd man out. I didn't know what the heck they were all talking about and she wasn't paying any attention to me. She kept fooling around with her friend. I realized she is probably too young and immature for me.

My ex seems completely happy with her new relationship. I think it is a rebound. She asked him out 40 days after breaking up with me through Facebook! Hes nothing like me. I am irritated how she pushes me away so very much, and I don't understand why, I treated her so well. Spoiled her, was always reliable, and helped her with what little money I had. She appears to have ZERO remorse. ZERO regret. She doesn't even hint at missing me or thinking about me. It makes me feel like the three years I spent loving her were in my imagination. She behaves like she's doing perfect. She tells her cousin this new guys a "keeper" on Facebook. As if... I'm not?? I do not contact her (one exception I'll get to that in a second). I have had zero luck finding a job for the Summer which really sucks. I find myself sitting here doing my artwork and even additional school work at my computer. I of course can't resist checking her Facebook. Her new boyfriend doesn't ever leave her anything there. He must not be a computer person or something. He has a picture, and he looks old enough to be her dad... it sickens me. She was never a girl to be into older men. She acts so silly and childish, its part of her humor and it just makes this whole new relationship of hers seem very far out of character for her.

On the 3rd and 4th of July she contacted me (just phone texts and AIM chat, she never calls). Just "hi how are things" and "whats new, anything?" I was neutral and answered her questions with limited details. I asked how she was after that and she replied with just "good" then asked me again "whats new with you?" She knows I tend to over explain and share details (don't laugh) so I purposefully kept things very short but just enough. So the next day at 10:00PM I was watching fireworks on the beach. I couldn't stop thinking about her of course. I had bad heartache. I texted her "Happy Fourth Terri." I didn't care if she responded but she actually did. "Thank you, you too. What did you do today?" she asks back. Later on I just told her where I saw fireworks and how many people were there. Just one sentence.

So nothing else since then. I've watched every movie I have. I watched the Dark Knight 4 times. I beat all of my Xbox games. I'm really dying to have some kind of fun. I'm broke. I miss her. I do not want to return to school down south without at least seeing her once this Summer. I do not know what I hope to achieve by doing that. Perhaps some peace of mind.

Again, I do not know what I'm posting for. Perhaps some shared experiences or something of the sort?

I am wasting every day of Summer it seems. I see friends when they are available and I have gas but that isn't very often.

I have had zero luck finding a job for the Summer which really sucks. I find myself sitting here doing my artwork and even additional school work at my computer. I of course can't resist checking her Facebook. Her new bf doesn't ever leave her anything there. He must not be a computer person or something. He has a picture, and he looks old enough to be her dad... it sickens me.

Once you devote AMPLE attention to your own life and remove her from yours, perhaps things will start looking up. Call me stupid, but just me, I wouldn't want to be keeping tabs on someone who dumped me. You can't really expect to get out of your funk until you make the effort to do so... ridding yourself of Facebook (her profile) is one of the first steps.