I'm a 23 year old female and have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for almost 5 years, we have lived together for most of the time. It seems like quite quickly we went from having sex daily, to weekly then monthly and now we often times go 4 months with no sex. First I believed it to be the fact that he was still addicted to opiates, but he has now been clean for over three years and things have only gotten worse. Since becoming clean he has been on an "opiate blocker" which apparently can take away your sex drive, and then 2 years ago he had a seizure and now takes an anti seizure medication, he also smokes marijuana everyday. I think if it does have anything to do with the medications that marijuana is certainly not helping the situation, he argues that he was tested and it was found that he has VERY low levels of testosterone for a 27 year old male. But could the marijuana and or the medications being doing this? All I know is I think in a way I gave up on the idea of something being resolved anytime soon and have become kind of a-sexual myself and find myself not wanting sex. However, sometimes I fascinate about someone, any attractive male seducing me or having a brief secret "affair" because I feel that I'm way too young to be sleeping next to my 27 year old boyfriend every night and not feeling worthy or good enough even though he tells me it is him and not me... Sorry for blabbing, any suggestions, opinions, solutions?

He needs to talk to his doc about the meds he's taking. It's not the marijuana. Marijuana doesn't do this (with all the marijuana smokers out there, don't you think someone would have noticed this by now?. no way, it's not the pot).

Tell him to give up the smoke or your gone. You shouldn't have to feel like this!

Go to the doctor and see if you can try any other meds..

And if it doesn't work out then it's time to go. No one of any age should feel they are stuck somewhere. If there isn't communication and compromise, what's the point of the relationship at all?

He needs to talk to his doc about the meds he's taking. It's not the marijuana. Marijuana doesn't do this (with all the marijuana smokers out there, don't you think someone would have noticed this by now? ...no way, it's not the pot).

Ya but it does make you lethargic, stopping him from wanting sex (or to do anything more than sit there and eat) thus adding to the problem.


Moreover, being in a relationship with someone who is constantly stoned would get on my last nerve!

I'm not saying that pot makes you not want to have sex in itself, but it certainly can make you tired and not wanting to put in the physical effort of making love to your girlfriend. I don't get it, what do you think the low levels of testosterone can mean? Or what causes such low levels? We are both physically healthy, me more so then him, he has become kind of lazy, but not fat, yet... I'm pretty humble and not one to think that someone's physical appearance is very important but I'm a fit, healthy, in shape attractive girl who attracts people based firstly on my personality, and I know he still adores me, that's clear, but this has become quite unbearable and its taken its toll on the relationship in general.

Maybe he's getting too comfortable?

I had a boyfriend once who smoked pot quite a bit and it didn't have any effect on his libido. Yeah, it can make you lethargic but probably not more so that a couple glasses of wine.

I'm not saying that pot makes you not want to have sex in itself, but it certainly can make you tired and not wanting to put in the physical effort of making love to your girlfriend. I don't get it, what do you think the low levels of testosterone can mean?? Or what causes such low levels?? We are both physically healthy, me more so then him, he has become kind of lazy, but not fat, yet...I'm pretty humble and not one to think that someones physical appearance is very important but I'm a fit, healthy, in shape attractive girl who attracts people based firstly on my personality, and I know he still adores me, thats clear, but this has become quite unbearable and its taken its toll on the relationship in general.

Again, you should have him talk to the doc about the testosterone levels being low (but there is a very wide range of normal don't forget). It wouldn't be the pot but possibly the other meds. And the low level certainly would affect libido.

Sorry to say, but if he doesn't get better you might want to think of getting another boyfriend. You sound like a nice gal and I can't see wasting time with a guy who's got all these problems.

Ok cadillac, but she's saying it is a problem and if she doesn't feel comfortable with it she should ask him to stop, if he doesn't or can't then she has to leave.


This site might be able to direct you in the right... well direction :p

Low Libido (http://www.4-men.org/sex-drive/low-libido.html)


Also, I was thinking, do you put a lot of effort in?
Have you always?

I don't put any effort in anymore, because I refuse to be turned down anymore its humiliating... He knows I'm ready when he is, I have been kind, patient and understanding but his efforts are slow are non existent.

I don't put any effort in anymore, because I refuse to be turned down anymore its humiliating...He knows I'm ready when he is, I have been kind, patient and understanding but his efforts are slow are non existant.

Man I miss that, I hope when I get together with another girl she has a sex drive like yours.

Well you can't expect what you don't give in yourself.

Any man, well anyONE, but any MAN especially will feel overly self conscious about this kind of problem.


If you feel you are done, and to be honest it sounds as though you are, then leave. No point wasting anymore of either of your time.

Ok cadillac, but she's saying it is a problem and if she doesn't feel comfortable with it she should ask him to stop, if he doesn't or can't then she has to leave.


This site might be able to direct you in the right...well direction :p

Low Libido (http://www.4-men.org/sex-drive/low-libido.html)


Also, I was thinking, do you put alot of effort in?
Have you always?

Oh I agree. That's why I said she should maybe consider moving on and finding someone else. What did she say, they only have sex once in 4 months or something? That is proof of some major problem ( I go crazy if I have it less than 4 times a week, and I'm 50, not 27).

Oh I agree. That's why I said she should maybe consider moving on and finding someone else. What did she say, they only have sex once in 4 months or something? That is proof of some major problem ( I go crazy if I have it less than 4 times a week, and I'm 50, not 27).

Haha oh wow, yeah my ex started to get mad when we were having it 5 or 6 times a week

haha oh wow, yeah my ex started to get mad when we were having it 5 or 6 times a week

5 or 6 times being too much or too little? I think 5 or 6 would be about average for me.

Too much for her, not I though

Definitely see a doctor. Did he smoke pot when you met him? If he did, or has been smoking a while, that maybe a non issue here but his seizures are a concern, and the side effects of the meds he takes. Only a doctor can answer your questions. I also would like to know is he disabled? Does he work?? Are there children involved and do you work?

He is not disabled, just slightly spoiled. I work full time and am in school part time, he is in school and doesn't work, but I do not support him in any way, except emotionally. No children involved. Like I said, we are both healthy and in good shape, from the outside we appear to be a moderately happy couple. He was not smoking pot like he does now when we first got together, but it started pretty soon afterwards.

Ya but it does make you lethargic, stopping him from wanting sex (or to do anything more than sit there and eat) thus adding to the problem.

Where did you get this from. i have never come across any medical studies that prove pot smoking has an effect on one's sex drive


Moreover, being in a relationship with someone who is constantly stoned would get on my last nerve!

It would get on your last nerve but does the OP really care about him smoking pot?

I use to be quite the pot smoker myself, before we were together, however I don't smoke at all anymore. It wouldnt' bother me if it wasn't to such an extreme, he is an addict with addict tendencies and I feel like the way pot revolves around so much it is in some way his new addiction although I'm obviously very thankful that he no longer takes opiates or worse.

Have you talked about your concerns? Generally a lack of sex is only a symptom of a greater problem that needs addressing, and that's what has to be figured out.

Where does he get his pot money from, and why doesn't he work? Don't know the meds he takes, but you can Google them for side effects but a doctor would be the way to go.

Also what has changed, or made circumstances different such as arguments, or disagreements that have led to resentments, or unresolved conflicts.

With you working, and in school, is your expectations of attention from him to high? Hard to say what's going on between you, but you both should be talking.

Yes we have talked, and he tells me it has to do with low levels of testosterone, medications etc. He doesn't work because apparently in his family as long as your "in school" dad fronts all living expenses, so he essentially has a "budget" he gets each month and he has included extra for his pot, and he has a marijuana medical license so often times he gets it free, don't ask about that one. Anyway, we have issues just like any couple but nothing that would explain the lack of sex, its very frustrating, he says this week he will be getting health insurance, which his dad will pay for he just has to put the effort into finding it and signing up, and then he will get back on testosterone which he was on briefly 6 months ago and seemed to make things a little better. I don't know what I was expecting to hear, I know he needs to continue talking to his doctor about this, which he did before and that is why he was on testosterone, but I feel like we are too young for this.

Your never to young for life to knock you around. You learn to adjust. What kind of seizures are we talking about. You can go to Web MD, and see the side effects of his medications.

Regarding his meds,if he discusses with his Dr. about his decreased libido,they may be able to try some other meds until they find one that works.My BF had to do that with Blood pressure medicine.

This sounds medical and you can't fault the guy for that.If I was in his position I would at least make an attempt to satisfy your urges.

He still has the ability to take care of your needs.It happens all the time in relationships when one partner can't have sex for whatever reason. Ask him for a hand here.

Hi there,

I completely understand your dilemma! I've been with my boyfriend for close to 5 years too and the first year we were together we were inseparable and our sex life was amazing. It gradually got worse over the years and now we will have sex every 4 months or so if that! He is very affectionate but it seems he is too lethargic to actually perform. He also smokes a lot of pot. I can understand your frustration for sure, I find myself in the same situation. It's a horrible feeling almost as if feeling rejected and not wanting to try with it anymore. If you find an answer let me know!

Xx

Sounds like a medical issue and pot is the scape goat here for your frustrations. Same as above, get a MD's advise.