Hey everyone, this is my situation. I am 23 and my girlfriend is 21. We are high-school sweethearts and have been through a lot together. We fell in love after about 6 months together. We are out first EVERYTHING, including the relationship. The way she came into my life was amazing. It was true love all along. She recently started to show sings of wanting to see what else it out there yet every time we confronted it she said that she wanted to stay with me. I have done Everything for this girl and care about her so much. The love we share is hard to find. It was the kind of love you only dream about. To this day, when we see each other we can't help but show affection and out hearts race. We went out to grab a coffee for the last time together after she told me she wanted to see what else is out there. Some say she is very into herself, she likes that finer things in life. That night we stared at each other and she started to cry. Told me how much she loves me but and misses me, but missing me will not change her mind. She doesn't want to regret not experiencing the single life to make sure there isn't something else for her. She called out relationship a routine, yet we changed it up all the time. She said it was too serious and that she misses that new feeling. I don't know what to do. Her birthday is coming up next week and she still wants to be my friend. That I can't do, I love her too much. If she pursues someone else, I would be crushed. I initialized the NO CALL a little while ago. I got my closure asking her Was it true love, and she said definitely. Then I asked, were you happy until the end, and she said yes. Im so confused but I know this has to happen. Please give me some advice. I hope time does not fade our feelings for one another. She is looking for that dream guy who I believe she has already found. I don't know if he will ever come back, I would like to think so but sometimes I think its over. Sounds like she wants to keep me there until she finds something else, I don't want to be that guy. Thanks for your time everyone.

I know this hurts, and all I can say is that I am sorry. Everyone on this website has been where you are, and a lot of us have come a long way in getting through this.

Cry, or do whatever you have to in order to get the emotions out of you. Read the stickies at the top of this forum, and vent as much as you need to. This is going to be tough, but I advise that you two leave each other alone for awhile, no contact. All too often do we think that the good never ends, and when it does, we have nothing there to hold us up.

So, here we are, to hold you up, until you can do so yourself. Good luck!

Been through this myself, and I can tell you its going to hurt like hell but you must leave her alone and go about your own life. In time you will heal and understand, but for now just accept she is no longer part of your life. Break ups suck! They always will, but that first one is a killer. You will survive, and regroup, eventually, we all do.

Forget friends for now, just go NO CONTACT, and heal.

Hi,

I am sad about what happened to you and brings me back memories to what has happened more than 2 months ago to me. The same...

I tell you, do not try to get her back, you will only push her further away. Leave her the time to be alone. In fact, she will forget it in the end after some time, but you will reach the stage when you won`t want her back either.

Try to consume your time, first weeks is hard like hell, remember my own nights when I couldn`t sleep, when I wanted to contact her, when I missed her so much that I could've done anything for her.

I am 90% sure she probably wants to experience life without you for some time, to see what new things are out there, to be "free" (as my girlfriend said to me when this happened). I know it hurts and we men will never understand this, especially when our girls change their mind so fast (one day they love us, next day they think totally different). God, I remember the happy moments when we were together surrounded by nature, and we promised not to ever leave each other... :(

Taking it in a psychological point of view, this is normal to happen to most couples when you meet up in high-school. Not taking it in a negative way, but first great love never lasts for life. It can become only a happy memory what you will probably remember for a short moments even when you will be very very old.

Take care and be strong

Threads merged

Hey all,sorry this post is so long, I hope you read it, I really need some advice.

So my girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me about a week ago to see what else was out there. She felt as though our relationship was a routine and that she felt bogged down. To tell you the truth, I did everything for this girl. I treated her so well, and made sure I told her how much I love her every day. We are high school sweethearts. I am now 23 and she is 21 on Thursday. Last Friday we sat for a coffee for some closure. I asked her if it was true and she said yes. I asked her if she was happy until the end and she said yes. She started to cry and held my hands, told me how hard it was and that she wants to get back together but just didn't want to be back to the old routine. We are our first EVERYTHING and it means a lot. There is a connection there that is so strong, we get butterflies when we see each other still. Now that I haven't seen her for a week, she met somoene online! He added her on Facebook randomly and told her how beautiful she was, she fell into this trap and went to meet with him. She told her friends how she was seeing him now. How can she just throw away 5 years and feel comfortable after so long. She knows that our love is that once in a lifetime. We were so happy together and she told me just 2 weeks ago. I don't know anymore. She feels as though she can find something better because it is all she ever knows. I know that people say to move on and that you first love never lasts, but what if it can. Her parents were so close with me. Her life fit so perfectly into mine and vise versa. Im crushed right now. I respected her by waiting 2 years to become intimate. I can't believe she will not go and give that to someone else. Everyone, including her friends say that one day she will come running back, but Im trying so hard to move on because I don't want to feel like this every day. It makes me think everything she said about loving and missing me was garbage. It definitely hurts. I was sooo good to her, most of her friends envy what we had. The love was so strong and one day the passion left because she did not want to communicate. What does everyone think about this situation?? I feel as though time will just part us, and distant us, fading memories and feelings. Im afraid she will lose all feelings and become happy with this new individual. Well, that's my dilemma and I am scared to let go. We, including our parents thought we would get married. I still do, I just don't know what she is thinking. I told her I cannot talk to her anymore and that we would know whether the time is right to call or not. I told her I want her to be happy so that no matter what I will be that guy who always wanted her to happy. She met him the week after breakup and now it has been 12 days.

My advice:

Look at it this way. You give yourself to someone for 5 years. You become attached to someone, love that person, respect that person, care for that person... all that stuff. One day, that person tells you, "Hey, I appreciate all the stuff you did for me, but I would like to see if there is anything else out there."

Translation, "Go f*** yourself. I am entirely too good for you, and frankly, I deserve better. If I don't find greener grass on the other side, then MAYBE I will come back to you. Wait here, and I will let you know."

Don't be afraid to let go. People come and go, throughout your entire life. I know it is easy for me to say, and hard for you to grasp, but move on, build YOUR life, and for God's sake, please don't take her back WHEN she comes running into your arms realizing her mistakes. A dog can only be hit so often before it finally realizes it shouldn't come back... (not trying to compare you to a dog).

Sorry for your loss, it hurts, but at least you know her true colors. Don't EVER let someone treat you like garbage, nor make you feel like they are the best you can do.

Yep I agree with kctiger, let her go- after all the effort you have place in this relationship you deserve better!

My ex was the same as yours man. She told me that she appreciated everything that I had done for her and told her friends that I was the only guy who ever really cared for her. But in the end it's never enough for a girl to want to stay with you. The reason: self-esteem. When a woman is in a relationship for an extended period they start to miss being desirable, sexy and all that stuff. You can't give that to her because you've become too familiar to her and with her so it's not the same as some random guy hitting on her. This is clear in your case because some random guy comes along and tells her she's pretty and now she's eating out of his hand. It's pathetic, I know, but that's just the way they are. My ex told me that since she and I have broke up she has never felt so desirable. I just laughed when she said that because it just sounded so naïve.

You were with her for 5 years and respected her and it wasn't enough. Let her go out there and get used and abused, since really that's all most guys want to do to girls, and find out that she messed it all up herself. Like kctiger said, she has shown you her true colours, and you don't need someone like this. Find a woman, not a girl. If and when she comes back, DO NOT TAKE HER BACK! You made a good call by telling her that you don't want to talk to her right now. Keep it up. I know it's going to be really, really hard but that's just the way it has to be. At this point, all you have is your pride, trust me when I say this, so don't lose it by giving in to her.

This type of result is very common in relationships when the woman is between 20-25 years of age. There are so many opportunities and avenues in life at that point in time (most non-romantic) that they often feel penned into the relationship, much of which is their own doing. There is also a self-esteem component, as itried said. They miss feeling desirable, and the ability to freely express it, as they perceive single friends to be doing (most of whom are desperate to have the kind of relationship they do). So the "grass is greener" situation becomes very enticing even when there is no sure thing. They don't hate you and you meant the world to them for a long time, and still matter to them now. They just need to figure out what the rest of the world has - and yeah, many of them will be chewed up and spit out.

Happened to me and my ex after a year. Happened to my best friend and his ex after more than three.

That sounds poo, was it out of the blue, or could you see it coming? I don't want to keep your hopes up but she might just want to have a bit of fun and then realise what she had with you was very special, it sounds pretty harsh after 5 years, but sometimes you just have to move on,

There's a routine in my relationship, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and sometimes it can be boring, and you find yourself thinking, is this it? Is this how my lifes going to be forever now, she's probably having some life crisis and will get over it in time, who knows, just try and go out with friends and meet new people. Build up your confidence

Sometimes people distance themselves for a long time *emotionally* before they make the official break.
That could explain her sudden need for space.

Maybe you did too much for her.Some young women*don't ask me why* like the bad boys.

The challenge or the need to reform someone or just the drama,I never got it personally but I know it happens.

For whatever reason,she has decided to leave and the bottom line is you can't make someone want you or love you.

I understand you are hurting but if she did this to you once,she can do it again.Think about this before you pine your life away on someone who hurt you this way.

Hey everyone, so last month my girlfriend and high school sweetheart broke up with me to see what else was out there. I cared deeply for her and did everything fir her. She is 21 and I am 22. A couple weeks after we met up and she told me how she felt like she was in a routine and that her life was a bubble. She wanted to get back with me, but didn't know. She started crying and wanted to stay friends. I could not wait on the doorstep while she played the field. I asked her if it was true and if she was happy until the end and she said yes. I initiated nc and it has been a month. A week later she met with someone and started dating shortly after. I was extremely close with her parents and now she is making me out to be a bad person. I'm doing everything recommended to move on. Her friends told me she in fact met him after the breakup not during and this was online. He is a smooth talking arrogant person and get friends despise him. I miss her a lot and keep waiting for her even after everything. I'm not as down anymore but sometimes it hits u. I don't know how she can move on so easily after the memories of 5 years. I treated her so well and many were envious of what we had. We still got nervous before seeing each after not being together for a few days. It was the kind of love that's hard to find. Need some advice on what to do now? What do you think about all this?

This happens to a lot of people. Happened to me as well. There really isn't a clear explanation of why she bolted to another guy so fast... maybe she just needs the emotional crutch to get over you... maybe she has low self esteem... who knows, and frankly, it doesn't matter.

Wondering about the "why" in life isn't usually beneficial. You just need to take more time to get over this and stay away from her life. There is just no way you should be finding out any information on her, as it only causes you confusion and pain, which you don't need more of. This is OVER, period. It does not matter what she does with her life... what matters is what you do with yours.

This is a long, painful process that can have wonderful benefits in the end. Treat this like a death, cut ALL ties to her, and move on. Easier said than done, I know, but that is the reality of the situation. I remember the day I found out my ex was dating another guy, and, as painful as it was, it was literally the wake up call I needed. It was THEN that I realized any chance of reonciling was over. I got rid of EVERY single thing that reminded me of her, changed my number, and started rebuilding myself, as I was at a very low point for a long period after we broke up.

Hey everyone, so I've been NC for a month now. Trying hard to get over all this. I don't know what's going on with her a new boy toy and I shouldn't. Still very hard sometimes, especially mornings. Missing her a lot, and I read somewhere that it takes 1 month for every year to get over a relationship of this length and depth. I know she can't just throw it all away, its just that her new boyfriend is obviously blinding her. She has something and it makes it easier for her. I think I did do too much for her. Ive never given so much of myself to someone and there are a lot of sacrifices in 5 years. Everyone is shocked when they hear about this situation and how quickly she turned everything around and moved on. I definitely want to find someone who cares for me like I do her. Although I always wanted it to be her. First love is so hard to get over, but I know I will. Ive been hitting the gym, hanging out with some friends and going out. School is also taking up time. Sorry I just needed to vent again. I know this is not the person she is, I know what she wants after numerous talks about our future. This guy is so arrogant he's telling people he's already into the fam. My ex can easily manipulate her mother, but she can't her father. I was extremely close to him and will miss out golfing weekends lol. So she tried spreading rumors that I was stalking her so she deleted me off Facebook ( beat me to it) and telling her parents hurtful things. Her friends told me that they can see right through her and this guy is not for her. Anyway, this is where I am at. Still at NC which is helping me I guess, I just know that what we had is not finished. Ive said it and many have, one day she will come back but I'm not waiting. I may not be there when she does and I don't think that I would after she ruined our connection of being our first everything. Just seeing it in her eyes the last time we saw each other. Hard to explain, some know what I'm talking about. Even after all these hurtful things and the whole situation, I love her to death lol It was an amazing experience and I do not regret one thing. She made me a better person in knowing her and her family. She will always remember me as the one that wanted her to be happy no matter what. And this is what I told her the last time we spoke. In my heart, As long as she's happy I am happy. No need to be with me only if I feel it and she doesn't. Sucks to say but its true. I know that she was one, but I'm sure something will come along to replace the love. It will not be the same, but different in a better way. After reading all of these posts, it has helped a lot. If you don't mind I would like to keep everyone posted as to my feelings, and thoughts. Thanks again

Good for you! You are moving on and the update is appreciated.I think you need to be an expert here and advise people on the NC rule and how you managed to get through it!
You have come to the *acceptance* stage and now you can really begin the process of moving on! ;)

If it helps, I thought all my exes were the one, so loving, and caring isn't wrong, its just that breaking those very emotional, and intense attachments, you so enjoyed, sucks.

It never gets easier, but you will know what to expect and how to cope and make some adjustments.

Keep coming back, as we all know how it goes.

If she ever does come back, to get back together or just be friends then you have to say no. She dumped you to see other people, met someone else in a matter of weeks and is accusing you of stalking her.
The was a post here not long ago with great relationship advice, I can't remember who it was by but I remember it saying
"If a relationship ends because she was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't 'be friends.' A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend."
Also they say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

Hey, just stopping by. Ive been reading the posts over the past couple weeks and trying to take in all the advice I can for myself. I'm just updating my situation. Ive been 2 months now with NC and still going strong. I don't feel the need to call her anymore yet miss her like crazy. Weird that I know what she did to me yet I'm still deeply in love. I know that she is with someone else now, who her family has accepted and she has probably fully moved on. I know I should do the same, because she is not down about it, why should I be. Still hard lol. I have done everything there is to try and move on. Ive met new people, continuously gone out, and now I am finishing up the last semester for my Business Degree. I have had some girls show interest and want to maybe pursue a relationship slowly yet I cannot help but still feel for my ex. I don't want to start anything with this someone because she is a good girl and I don't want to hurt her or feel as though she is a rebound. I want to fully heal from this situation before I make decisions. Right now, I'm not going to lie, I feel empty. Because she was my first everything, and I was hers I would expect this feeling. It hurts to know how she moved on from me after only 5 days when we put 5 years into this. Obviously this was on her mind for some time, and that is what bothers me. Wish things turned out differently, but it happens for a reason and I am staying positive. The NC has helped me heal quite a bit, but yet I still think about her every day. What a sap lol. Well that's what's going on.. thanks!

So my girlfriend has a close guy friend who has a reputation of being a player. I know exactly what this guy wants. He talks to her about all of this problems, they talk on the phone and he always wants to see her. I trust her, not him, what should I do? I don't know much about her past, but honestly I'm afraid to ask because she always says it doesn't matter. Listen, Im a guy and I know what he's trying to do. I don't know if she's ever been with this guy but they have been friends for a while. And when she was single, she said she slept with her ex's when they called. I found that messed up and she got mad at me for gettting mad lol So am I over reacting to all of this, I just find it hard to trust her now even though she tells me she loves me and much more. Thanks!

She's with you not this other guy so she has made her choice , they have been friends for a long time so I'm sure she had a chance to be with him if she wanted to.

I'd let it go and trust her until she gives you a reason not to , otherwise you may just push her away if she see's your insecure about her talking to her friend.

Thanks for the response... should I make anything of the fast that in her past, when her ex's call she gives them what they want? Honestly, Ive been through a tough breakup before, posted on here, and this girl is very different from what Im used to. Im a genuine guy, and when I heard of this was kind of taken back by it. Do I let that worry go? Im definitely not controlling, just over analyze things. I always think, do they still call her? One has tried to contact her. In the 7 months between her last relationship and me, she has been with her ex's more than once.

Like I said you should trust her until she gives you reason not to , if your really that worried about it and you don't trust her or can't handle her past then maybe you shouldn't be with her.

I'll give it some time. Im not one to let the little things ruin something larger. I look at the whole big picture. Thanks for your advice

If you trust her, then it doesn't matter what this guy does, because you would trust that your girlfriend would act appropriately and accordingly with this guy.

If you say that you trust your girlfriend but not him, what it actually means is that you don't trust your girlfriend.

You better take a few steps back and analyze your trust feelings about your girlfriend before you worry about this other guy.

That's true.. because of what Ive been through in the past, it's very hard trusting; especially where there was nothing to worry about before. I don't want to compare... Now that I see a little threat I make a thing out of it. But I'll trust her until she gives me a reason not too

thanks for the response....should I make anything of the fast that in her past, when her ex's call she gives them what they want?

She was also getting what she wanted. Let her past remain her past; as your past should remain yours. As has been said, she is with you now and you are with her.

It is common when a person has had a bad break-up to be skittish about the next relationship. Try not to permit those fears to act as a magnifying glass. If you let them, a grain of sand will look like a boulder.

I think you may need to work on trusting her and yourself. If you have any doubts about her, then you probably are second guessing yourself and your own judgment.

Usually, when a girl has a guy friend, the guy is in the "friend zone"... so whatever this guy wants, this girl, as long as she's with you, isn't going to mess up.

If she does, that just means that this girl isn't for you.

The best way to find out if you can trust someone is to actually trust someone.

If you don't trust her... it will never work. Eventually something will come up, and you will be stressed out constantly when she goes out with her friends, which is totally not worth it.

Do you trust your gut feelings & intuitions?

Thanks for all the advice :) Yes I trust my gut feelings and intuitions. My problem is when she gives me a reason to question them. Today for example I went to see her and she was in a good mood towards me, hugging, flirting etc. As soon as he called, she totally turned into a diff person and acted afterwards as if I didn't exist. No affection whatsoever. She then went for a walk with him and out to lunch when I left. Kind of weird if you were there to feel what I felt.

Oh yea, he's continually sending her messages and trying to give her so much attention, but she may not see or want to see the situation as I do.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/girlfriend-5-years-wants-see-what-else-out-there-316091-2.html

Personally, I don't worry about exes, or the competition, at all, but that doesn't mean I fall for anything either. Its only been a couple of months, and she is a stranger to you still, but from the events you have written about here, I would sure be cautious of putting all my eggs in her basket, or even get to emotionally invested after only two months.

You have barely had time to develop any communications together. I think a wise man would be going slow on this one, and not just following feelings because, whether its baggage from the past, or not, you still need to pay attention, and have some trust built up, before you just accept things just to have someone. Its not worth it.

Threads merged

Ive been wanted to get this out for a while, and haven't had anyone to hear me out and give me adivice. So Im in a relationship with a really great girl. At first, as in all relationships it went so well. No fighting etc. We fell in love very quickly. She has had a shaky past with relationships and has also tried to commit suicide in the past. I know you probably think she is unstable and most people will think differently about my situation with this said, but you have to know she is an amazing person. When I found all of this out, she said it would change my mind about her and it doesn't. Im the type of person to understand, care for and be there for anyone. I believe now she may be taking advantage of this. I feel as though I am walking on eggshells, not a good feeling and I know you may all have something to say about this.

I do love her and always let go of the little things. She gets mad at me for everything, and let me tell you I do nothing wrong. I have a head on my shoulders and I respect this girl very much. Ive never acted like this before, being afraid to miss phone calls, say the wrong thing because she twists everything. I don't want to plan to go out anywhere because she may get mad. I don't know lol. She almost has a bipolar disorder when she gets something in her head, there is no nice enough thing for me to say that will change that. She takes out everything on me, I get so scared sometimes for her because of the way she acts.

I want to be there for this person, I want to be the good in her life. I feel as though I have come into her life at an important time. I am up for any challenge because the way she makes me feel when times are good, is something everyone looks for. I tell her everything that I feel and how amazing she is, something nobody in her life has ever done. She has tried to break up with me telling me she is toxic and that I deserve so much better. She hurts me with things she says, yet I know its just the moment.

Ive been in a relationship before where the girl has walked all over me. Im starting to think nice guys do finish last. I put my whole heart into everything I do. She knows I won't break up with her and if I threaten it she will play it like she doesn't care. Very smart.

After all of this, why am I so hooked. Im so afraid of losing her as a girlfriend, and I never want her to be in the spot she has been in the past. I love her, and so I put up with all of this stuff, all the arguments. I go home so upset its ridiculous.

I know what most of the advice will lead to, yet I don't know what I want to hear right now. Thanks, I will try to respond to any questions, comments asap.

Blio,you sound to be a really caring,thoughtful,kind guy,who has the generosity to put somebody else's well-being ahead of his own.A really nice guy,in fact!And like you yourself said,you pretty much know what advice you're going to get here:)

Friend,its difficult to step back from the person you love and evaluate your relationship with her objectively.When the times are good,you don't even have to.When the going's rocky and most of all,causing you so much distress and dilemma,its important for you to do that in YOUR best interests.Yes,Blio,charity begins at home.If you don't take care of yourself,love yourself and protect yourself,how can you be a complete person who has the strength to take on life's challenges?Loving someone does mean putting their interests ahead of yours,but definitely not at the cost of your own life and health,right?

Your girlfriend sounds like she might have a serious case of insecurity and also an inferiority complex.She surely doesn't love herself,calling herself toxic and all.She depends on you to solve her life and personality problems,which isn't fair.I am not saying she's doing all this on purpose,in order to harm you or anything.She's just like that,as a person because of all her past baggage,emotional upheavals and the like.Doesnt look like she's moved on from all that.

In this situation,you have to try drill some mature,practical,hard-hitting sense.Not shielding her,pampering her or trying to "make it better",but talking as two mature adults who want a relationship to work.You aren't here on this earth as her sole protector and armour.Tell her she's causing you pain.Tell her you want a happy,wholesome relationship with her where you don't have to constantly be on your toes and re-think every action of yours.Tell her,while you want to be there to support her,you can't take on all her problems and issues.If you can't tell her all this,she will never know what the impact of her actions on you are.Communication,in the right manner,is the key.

She needs to do some work on herself pro-activley(maybe,in some areas,even without you),for her own benefit,before she can have a relationship.And if you are the one telling her that(again,because you are thinking of her benefit and well-being),then so be it.

If this kind of talk doesn't help or she's too immature to take it positively,you need to re-think your relationship.You can't put your life on hold for somebody else.Everybody deserves happiness.

You seem to have another which I came across after posting my reply on this thread.Which,my friend,adds a new dimension to your situation.On top of her personality and emotional probs,there's now a guy whom she's close to and whom you don't trust.

Makes it more like a trust issue in the relationship.We all have our own set of friends outside of relationships with our partners,but am positive we don't always have such trust issues with them,do we?If you are,then either there must be something that's bothering you big time about him,her and them or maybe you are over-analysing.In both cases,this could be an area which you need to work on along with this issue.

You seem to have another which I came across after posting my reply on this thread.Which,my friend,adds a new dimension to your situation..

Bilo
See this is why it's important to keep all your posts under the one thread , gives us all the information so you'll be able to get better advice.

I can tell you from personal experience. I have many guy friends and that has been an issue when I start a new relationship. Not an issue for me but for him. It was difficult for me to constantly defend myself when I would hang out with them without my boyfriend. To me it was just like hanging out with a girl friend but my boyfriend didn't see it that way. It eventually tore us apart. I gave him absolutely no reason not to trust me and was completely honest with him from the beginning about my guy friends. But the comments that he would make and all the texts and phone calls during my time with friends just got to be too much. Friends are very important regardless of if they are same or opposite sex. If you are truly that insecure about this, she will pick up on that and it may end your relationship. I'm sure you don't want that to happen. Have you ever hung out with her and her guy friends to see how they act together?

If you've only been dating for two months, and she's talking to this guy on a regular basis, sounds to me she's testing the waters to see who she wants to be with more.

If you're worried now, think about years down the road when you've actually invested a lot of time, money and effort into the relationship.


She knows I wont break up with her and if I threaten it she will play it like she doesnt care. Very smart.

That's kind of a big deal. She knows you're going to let her get away with anything.

I agree with slapshot. You need to see that in two months, she is continuting to speak to this guy on a regular basis. Sounds to me that she doesn't know who or what she wants. If I were you, I would think twice about this relationship.

If your putting her needs before yours after so short a time, then your moving way to fast. Your ignoring the obvious in the hopes she will stay with you.

Trust me, no one needs love at the expense of themselves, that's not love that's dependence.

One thing that's obvious is your trying to get back what you had in the past with this female, but your paying to high a price for it. *

Are you sure your ready for another relationship?? I personally don't.

*The obvious!!?? She ain't as into you, as you are her. Its not her fault either, as your a stranger to her.

Hi,
Until you actually discover that she has been unfaithful, sounds like they are just friends. You can always be upfront with her and just let her know that you want to be clear on some things. As Sara Callam writes, "Do you trust your gut feelings and intuition?" If you are feeling unsure, just have an honest talk with her. Then put it behind you.

I have lots of guy friends and some of them would be considered players. I'm not interested in them especially because of this. I give them advice about girls. We share stories and jokes and I'll get a guy's perspective from them. Also, they've told me so many of their deepest, darkest secrets that it makes me feel sorry for the girls they get together with. Hah!

Honest communication is always the best!

Hey everyone, thanks again for responding. So we had a talk last night after she read a post on my Facebook wall from an old friend who is a female wanting to catch up by getting a coffee or a drink. I responded by saying yes because in light of this situation, there is no reason why I cannot have a female friend as I am truly faithful and would never do anything to Jeopardize the relationship. She read this and I noticed she was upset. I then proceeded to ask why it was OK for her to hang out for lunch and the bar with her male friend who continuously give each other <3 in their posts. She got sooo defensive, asked me to drive her home and I did. She then called back and we talked until the issue is resolved. But in her view, this was aaall my fault. She is stubborn by saying I will never be friends with him again don't worry. That's besides the point. She has been cheated on before and was worried that I was just another average guy who would hurt her. We are both in the same boat so to speak. I have taken all the advice and have drawn to the conclusion that I will not make any rash decisions regarding this matter and that until there is something to worry about I won't. Either way, everything is always turned around on me and the feeling of whether Im going to have a good day or not with her is really not a good one. I want this to work, and so does she. She poured her heart out last night and told me how much I mean to her. So I know that she and I are ready for a relationship and that she knows what she wants. She is a VERY difficult person to be with and she has said it herself. This does not discourage me however. I wasn't really worried about her cheating, I was just worried about her getting to close to this guy and developing feelings towards him. Now that I know how she feels I am more confident that issue will soon be resolved.

Thanks again

talaniman thanks for the light you have shed on this situation, it really is good advice. It is definitely good to put yourself first in some relationships. In my last relationship this was not the case however. After a 7 month period I found myself again, learned from the past and decided that an opportunity presented itself and I wasn't going to pass it up. I really do feel ready for a relationship, and not just o have someone there, but to be there for someone else. In many ways I do put myself first, and it has been a good feeling. That was an important lesson learned. Thank you again for bringing up such an important point, and reminding me.

Thanks for the kind words, just keep in mind that it takes time to build anything, be it communications, trust, love, and especially understanding, whether its of yourself, or the partner you chose. It takes time to see if the actions to match the words, and only in time, will you know if you can work together, through honest communications, to really resolve any issues to the benefit of you both.

You have to both define the relationship to establish the boundaries of good behavior that allows for learning, and growth, and the adjustments along the way.

For now, just have fun getting to know each other, and see where it goes. There is really plenty of time for the deep soul searching, before you give your all to a stranger.

At least let the lust wear off so the love can grow, and that in itself, takes time.

To much, to fast, crash and burn.

My ex - girlfriend had a "really close guy friend" until he became her boyfriend.

Hey everyone, so this is the latest. My girlfriend of almost 4 months pretty much broke it off with me yesterday out of some kind of frustration. We both live at home with our parents and it is very hard to find private time together. We live in a small town that really doesn't have much at this time of year. We go for coffee a few days out of the week because we both work and go to school until the evening. On the weekend I always take her out, whether it be movies, hotels getaways, the city, a bar, dinner. Everything just seems like its not enough. Im always the one the doesn't mind what we do as long as we are together. She says I don't like to have fun but of course I do.

Last night we had 3 parties that we were invited to, yet she didn't like the sound of any of them, blamed me for it and then the breakup talk came along. What confuses me is that she loves me so much and I her. She always makes sure I know this and its an amazing feeling. This is a new love and its very strong. She was crying and told me how much she would miss me. We couldn't get off the phone with each other and then ended up talking about this. I told her to look at the big picture and if we love each other that much, and care about each other, and make each other happy. Everything else will just come. We will have to just put up with not going out and doing crazy things ALL the time. I just don't know how to make her happy here and don't want to lose her.

She also brought up the fact that we only sleep together once a week sometimes twice, when it used to be all the time. This frustrates me too, I want to move out but I need to find a better job. I am done school in only 2 months. We just don't have the privacy. We are still soooo attracted to each other but it's a frustration. I just need some advice on this situation. Maybe some experiences that other have had. What really hurt me is that she could so easily call it quits yesterday. But we spent the night together last night and it was so amazing. I just don't want to have to worry about this ending out relationship. She always tells me that she's lucky to have me, yet this comes up. Im mature enough to know that yes, it sucks not having the privacy and going out ALL the time, but we still do. What do you think

Thanks!

On a note to this: We are still together. After we talked she understood where I was coming from. I just don't want to worry about the breakup every time we argue or disagree from here on out.

I doubt that the break up feeling will go away soon, as its only been 4 months. If its still there in 7/8 months then I would worry. Its hard when you live at home, and under restraint.

My girlfriend of six years has just broken up with me!I am her 1st love,she has been with me since she was sixteen!Deep down we both knew this day would come,she would want to experience single life and basically see what else is out there!IM 28, and I've had many relationships,I can honestly say now that she's gone I realise that I've never loved anyone like I love her!I believe she was my soul mate,she did so much for me!I"ve lost count the amount of times that ive lifted the phone to ring her,and her number would come up flashing before i got the chance to dial!Or she would say to me after i rang her that she was just about to dial me! Well is just so happened that a week after we broke up,6 weeks now,she met someone else and do no what,that very night without her telling me,i got a sharp pain in my heart that someone else had caught her eye!I swear that till the day i die!These are reasons i believe we are soul mates!

The first 4 years of us was great,i did anything she wanted me too,i took her to Newyork christmas shopping,weekends away,tiffanys jewelry!You name it i did it for this girl,all because i knew she was the one for me!Anyhow cracks started to appear,i would stop texting,ringing or buying her gifts every time we were apart for a while!I think this was my downfall,i spoilt her and she expected this all through out our relationship! i moved to south wales to work back in june,now this took me outa the picture,it give her a chance to see what life would be like without me!So she got used to it as i was only home once a month!Any how as ive said before she finished it over the phone one night,but i managed to persuade her to come to cardiff for a weekend and meet in person,cos six years was along time to just walk away from!

So i booked her flights,and booked us into The Saint Davids Hotel and spa,highly recommended by the way but expensive!So on the friday night while she was still in sauna and swimming pool, i snook up to the room and decorated the room with rose petals,candles and champange!I wrote her a card with poetry,six verses for six years,i bought her womens perfume,oh and six roses for six wonderfull years!I also put are favourite song on for her entering the room!

Well she was taken back,she broke down but didnt want to try again cos she felt that after another year she would want to do the same thing!As hard as it was and still is i have to let her go!I Love her and always will but somtimes loving someone is also letting them go!Im not worried about her developing another relationship with the guy she just met,cos i no shes on the rebound and it"ll never work out! So I no what yourt going through,all I can say is let her go and if she truly loves you she'll come back!

Hi everyone. I know I'm almost a year late for this post, but I'm going through the same thing. My ex boyfriend also said he wanted to see what else is out there. It's been almost a year since the last post from bilo2000. Just wondering how bilo2000 is doing now.