My husband found out he had a possible daughter in 2005 and missed the court date, so, they slapped him with 12,000 dollars in back child support with no acknowledgement of paternity, him not listed on the birth certificate, and no paternity test. In fact she just now agreed to do one September 2008 and, it is his child, but, she has refused testing all this time, and, he has been paying child support (garnished from his checks) for 2 years. Why should he be slapped with all this back child support when she refused paternity testing for so long. I agree he should step up, but, back child support for a kid he didn't even know was his for the longest time, really? And, we had to file joint this year on our taxes, will they automatically do a tax intercept and take what is rightfully mine and my 3 children's money because we are married, or, does his ex-girlfriend have to request this. We live in Missouri, so, taxes were filed here, but, the child support case is through the Texas attorney general's office. What are our rights here? It all just seems really unjustified and unfair. Thanks, Denise Mathieu

I'm not sure what your argument is. On one hand, you say that this child is your husband's responsibility and he should step up. You then say it doesn't seem fair that he has to pay back support. Child support isn't meant to buy time with a child; it's to help with day-to-day expenses incurred by raising a child. He had a chance to contest paternity back in 2005 but he missed the court date; that's no one's fault but his own.

They can take his taxes but not yours. He can also get his license suspended and have a lien filed on any personal property he owns if he doesn't catch up on his past due support.

Just so everyone who reads this knows, I forgot to mention, he did not even know the child existed until the child was 5, almost 6 years old, and they still slapped him with back child support even though there was nothing AT ALL on paper saying that the child was his or he had any knowing of the child. He thought the court date was March 16th of 2005 and it was actually the 15th of 2005, so, when he showed up, they basically told him tough crap! He tried then after that to get a paternity test and was forced to pay child support anyway, which he did and does, but he now owes 12,000 in back child support for this crap! That is what is unfair! And, they tell me they can take my taxes too for his baggage because we are married! Forget about the 3 children we have and claim, they are going to give one child priority over that. It's not fair to me or my children, it's takes from us over all this drama!

Comments on this post
Densam1982 (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/densam1982.html) disagrees: My argument is that he did not know the child existed until the child was 5 years almost 6 years old and they slapped him with back child support anyway!! Sorry forgot to mention that part. The unfair part is taking my taxes too!

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedback/using-comments-feature-24951.html

Something as important as a court date for back child support and he messes the date up? Did he have an attorney? Does he have one now?

Acourt is not going to take that kindly. They are going to see the failure to show as an acknowledgement that its his child and he owes the money.

If he doesn't have an attorney yet, he needs to get one

Well the issue is he did nothing he was suppose to do in court.

He did not file a motion to deman a DNA test though court. She can't refuse a court order DNA test, if she did, you take her back to court for contempt.

He got all the back support ordered, since he did not show up in court, so she won everything she asked for,

Had he just showed up and filed a argument it would not have happened.

So it is all his fault basically for not showing up

Densam1982 disagrees: My arguement is that he did not know the child existed until the child was 5 years almost 6 years old and they slapped him with back child support anyway!!!! Sorry forgot to mention that part. The unfair part is taking my taxes too!!

You're arguing with yourself. You state that he should support the child, then state that you don't think he should have to pay for the first 6 years because he didn't know. Regardless of if he knew or not, this is still his child and still his financial responsibility.

You seem to be angry at everyone except your husband, who is the one who got himself into this whole mess to begin with. He got the other woman pregnant, he screwed up the court date, he never requested a DNA test through the court... yet you think the other woman should shoulder all of the blame? You can't possibly be serious.

Stepping out from the legal aspect of this, I find it quite disgusting that you refer to your husband's flesh and blood as "baggage."

...they tell me they can take my taxes too for his baggage because we are married!

Earlier I posted a question and left important details out after going back and reading it. I don't want anyone's two sense, I just want to know the legal status of the situation, and what our rights are! I don't care if you agree or disagree, I would like someone with a legal backround to answere my questions please.

Here's the scoop, 11 years ago, my Husband was dating a girl and left her because he felt like she was not being faithul, then, after not speaking to her for 4 and 1/2 months, she comes to him and says I'm pregnant and it's yours step up (even though he left her because he thought she was cheating). He said he would be more than happy to step up IF she agreed to paternity testing and SHE refused testing. So a couple years go by and he never heard from her again until the baby was 1 and 1/2 years old and she showed up to his place of employment, through the child in his arms, and said "this is your child, take responsibility" he told her once again, "I will take responsibility when you agree to a paternity test. Once again, the mother refused testing! Then years go by and the child was 5, almost 6 years old and my husband was summoned to court for a child support hearing. This is were HE messed up. He showed up a day late thinking the court date was March 16th 2005, it was really March 15th 2005 and when he showed up dressed and ready to be heard, they sent him away and told him because he missed the court date there was nothing he could do, slapped him with 5 years of back child support (12,000) and told him tough crap, EVEN THOUGH there was no Acknowledgement of Paternity signed, no paternity test established, they weren't every married or living together, and he is not even on the birth certificate. He once again went to the mother and asked her to agree to a paternity test and she again refused. He did not want to become financially/emotionally attatched to this child until he knew for sure it was his, this was the ONLY reason he didn't help her out. He is not a dead beat dad, he took responsibility for my 2 children that aren't even his, and that was before the father of my 2 children died in a motorcycle accident. He and I now have a little girl and he is a wonderful father, it was never about not wanting the child, it was always about question of paternity of the child.

Well, he refused to pay willingly so they garnished his waiges starting in 2007 (state of Texas by the way) even though paternity still was not established at this point. I called the Texas attorney general myself to speak with them about what we could do and why they won't court order a paternity test before slapping someone with support and back support. They said it was already put into effect and there was not a damn thing he could do about it unless he get's a private lawyer and fights it. We didn't have the money for that at the time, so, we were screwed.

Finally, September 2008, I asked her for a paternity test because my husband, and I were an emotional mess not knowing if the child we were supporting was even really his or not, or if he had just missed out on 9 years of his child's life because of refusal of paternity testing. She agreed to do one when I asked her and, the child is 99.9% his child.

Now, here is my question, why did she refuse testing for so long? Not only has it emotionally destroyed my husband, and me for that matter, it enabled him to be slapped in the face with 12,000 in back child support when he could have been helping out and paying for the child from day one if the mother would have just agreed to paternity testing. She knew he questioned her faithfullness and that's why he ended the relationship. This all just doesn't seem fair to him or me for that matter (they take my tax return for her also because we are married, and, I have two children under my roof with a deceased dad that my husband and I are supporting, plus our daughter that is mine and my husbands). She needs to understand she did not handle things right either, and he shouldn't have to be slapped with back child support. Can we fight the back owed child support somehow in court and get the years of question erased? Please let me know, we are desperated for someone, anyone to empathize with us and help us!

The truth is he messed up from the start. It wasn't her problem it was his problem. He knew for a fact that the child could have been his. Did he act on it ? No. He knew for a very long time. As far as what he is paying for support now you might be able to petition the courts for a change because you have 1 child together. Or if he adopts yours as his own. That could make a difference. But as far as going back on the support.. unless the ruling was out of state guidelines then how can he even fight it ? He can't say I didn't know it might be my child. Sounds like your stuck. So its time to get over the past and start building a future with the child.

Earlier I posted a question and left important details out after going back and reading it. I don't want anyones two sense, I just want to know the legal status of the situation, and what our rights are! I don't care if you agree or disagree, I would like someone with a legal backround to answere my questions please.

I really don't think you have expanded anymore on this topic and the advice you were given were two legal backgrounded responses.

I am going to reiterate the problems here that are EXCLUSIVE to your husband, he never filed through the court system for a court ordered paternity test. That should have happened YEARS ago when she first showed up at his work demanding he take responsibility. How did he walk away for all of that time even if he knew there was a chance the child wasn't his, he also knew there was a chance the child WAS his.

Second, missing court is HUGE, they do not have time to reschedule appointments and take it as blatant disregard if you miss appearances. He is not only wasting the courts time, he is wasting the ex's time as well. They will carry on with the case without his presence and they weighed against your husband because of his non-appearance.

Third, he needs an ATTORNEY. We are here for legal advice but what you really need in your situation is COUNSEL, retain a family law attorney immediately. The fault is your husbands for behaving as if this problem would disappear, now you have a child who doesn't know his father, back child support and enough blame and irresponsiblity to be angry at the answers you are given.

Good luck to you and God bless.

I can't address the child support issue but I did notice you said that the father of your first two children is deceased. Those children most likely are eligible for SSI benefits (depending on your income.) It won't be much, but might help your bottom line considering your new development.

Densam1982 disagrees: Like I said I don't want your two sense! She is just as much to blame for her child not knowing her father, all she had to do was let them swab the child's mouth. This is BOTH of their faults, she needs to take responsibility as well!!

She has been taking responsibility, she has been the single parent for the last nine years. It's unfortunate that you are too angry to hear what you are being told. You want advice but you are not listening to it, you want sympathy and that is not part legal advice. Your husband messed up in a legal sense. If you want your sympathic answers take it to a discussion or relationship forum.

Densam1982 disagrees: First of all don't sit there and say he messed up, he tried to get paternity testing done and she refuse because she knew she was sleeping around. How could he have controlled that, both parents have to agree to paternity testing for it to happen!

He tried to tell her to have paternity testing, he NEEDED to have the paternity testing court ordered, he had to have wondered, there was just as much a chance the child WAS his. Both parents DO NOT have to agreed to court ordered testing, a JUDGE forces it, just as he is forcing your husband to pay the back child support, but your husband needed to be proactive.

( quote ) Densam1982 disagrees: First of all don't sit there and say he messed up, he tried to get paternity testing done and she refuse because she knew she was sleeping around. How could he have controlled that, both parents have to agree to paternity testing for it to happen! ( end quote )

You asked for legal opinion. And yet you think you know the law. If he had went to court and claimed the child the courts would have ordered a paternity test even if she didn't like the idea because she would have been held in contempt and sat in jail until she co operated. So your thinking that both parents have to agree is wrong!! That would be like saying they both have to agree on child support.. I think your finding out the hard way that they don't. Also if you file injured spouse with your returns they wouldn't take all of it for " his child support ".

So like it or not you received a good answer even though you refuse to believe in it or the law.

It is not both of their fault. It is the fathers fault. Period. If he wanted paternity testing done he should have asked a court, not the mother. She doesn't have to agree to it... she has to comply or go to jail. The mother is not obligated to the father's wishes. She IS, however, responsible to the court.

Sorry you don't like the answer... but it's the truth, the fact and you can whine about what you 'want' all you want. You want legal counsel, go pay for it. If you want advice from people that know much more about this subject than you do, ask nicely and treat them with the respect that they deserve.

[QUOTE=Justwantfair;1544982]I really don't think you have expanded anymore on this topic and the advice you were given were two legal backgrounded responses.
I am going to reiterate the problems here that are EXCLUSIVE to your husband, he never filed through the court system for a court ordered paternity test. That should have happened YEARS ago when she first showed up at his work demanding he take responsibility. How did he walk away for all of that time even if he knew there was a chance the child wasn't his, he also knew there was a chance the child WAS his.

Second, missing court is HUGE, they do not have time to reschedule appointments and take it as blatant disregard if you miss appearances. He is not only wasting the courts time, he is wasting the ex's time as well. They will carry on with the case without his presence and they weighed against your husband because of his non-appearance.

Third, he needs an ATTORNEY. We are here for legal advice but what you really need in your situation is COUNSEL, retain a family law attorney immediately. The fault is your husbands for behaving as if this problem would disappear, now you have a child who doesn't know his father, back child support and enough blame and irresponsiblity to be angry at the answers you are given.


I didn't say I know the law, I wouldn't be inquiring if I did. Just don't think it's fair for them to take away from the 3 children he supports every day by doing a tax interception on my money also! I also don't think that she is getting any of the blame and she should be! It takes 2. I never said he did everything right, but, the problem was, he didn't know his rights, or where to go. Don't just assume he wanted it to disappear because you don't know that, it is not a fact. Everything Ive stated is fact except for the fact that I don't agree with how it turned out, that is my opinion. I'm not saying he shouldn't have to pay to support her, but, they are taking it a bit far. She is not a single parent by the way, she is married but her husband lives in another state for work purposes . The only reson she didn't agree to testing is because she wanted him to quote "get mad and sign over his rights to the child so that her husband could adopt the child". She has never wanted him to be a part of the child's life from day one, it's always been about the money and about what she wanted. What about what the 9 year old child wants. The child wants to meet my husband and regulary talks to him on the phone (we live in another state). His ex wasn't even going to tell Michaella about the testing results and was not going to give her the option of being in my husbands life until I told her we would fight it and we would not sign over the rights because we weren't trying to take the easy way out, we just wanted what was right for everyone involved in this situation. She is just trying (in my opinion) to do everything she can to be a pain in the butt. I am almost in divorce mode over this whole deal because I don't want to deal with any of it. When they started taking what is rightfully mine and my children's then I will fight it! I didn't even know my husband until 2004 so I refuse to help pay for a child's back support to his ex on their child's expenses at that time. Not my problem, I have plenty of my own drama without having to deal with this mess. I will be damned if I will hand over money being taken from me and my children without a fight. I am a mother raising children also, and he has 3 children under his roof to worry about as well. This is not just about 1 child like the state is making it out to be. It's all (in my opinion) a JOKE and a load of crap and the system should be changed to where paternity has to be established before garnishing peoples waiges and slapping them back support.

This thread needs to be closed. The OP starts new threads with new information and criticizes those who give her a legal opinion that she doesn't like. She's not looking for legal advice, she's looking for an argument.

Comments on this post
Densam1982 (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/densam1982.html) disagrees: First of all don't sit there and say he messed up, he tried to get paternity testing done and she refuse because she knew she was sleeping around. How could he have controlled that, both parents have to agree to paternity testing for it to happen!

Comments on this post Densam1982 (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/densam1982.html) disagrees: Like I said I don't want your two sense! She is just as much to blame for her child not knowing her father, all she had to do was let them swab the child's mouth. This is BOTH of their faults, she needs to take responsibility as well!



First, Did you bother to check the link I warned you about earlier? You are entitled to disagree with what someone posted, but not by using the comments feature unless youy know for a fact the answer was factually incorrect.

In the comments above, you are not refuting facts, just your emotions. It's a court who ORDERS paternity tests, it has nothing to do with both parents agreeing. And that's where your husband first messed up. When she refused the tests and disappeared, I suspect he felt relieved and did not pursue as he should have. The second place he messed up was not exercising enough care to keep track of a court date. And the third mistake was not retaining legal counsel.

I suspect the courts looked at the mother's story that 3 times, she approached him to take responsibility and 3 times he refused. Yes I know, you say he didn't refuse, but only wanted to confirm paternity. I don't know if you were there those times or not, but I suspect she is telling a different story. And finally, when he has a chance to have his day in court, he misses the date.

So what you do now is you hire an attorney and listen to their advice and do what they say. Its your only chance of mitigiating paying the back support.

Two other points. I merged your two threads. You shouldn't open another thread for the same issue. If youy want to add info or follow-up or comment on what someone posts, you use the Answer This Question options.

And, if you misuse the comments feature again, further action will be taken.

We do want to help you, but you have to be open to the help. You seem to want someone to agree with you not to tell you the facts.

Densam1982 disagrees: Oh OK, so the mother has no responsibility in this at all? You are a joke seriously!

That's exactly what I am saying and a fact. That your husband shirked his responsibility for 9 years.

Life is not always fair. The sooner you realize that the better off you will be. You have to deal with the hand dealt you. Your husband messed up and now is being punished for it. Does the punishment fit the crime? Probably not. So he needs to work within the system to get things changed. And that means getting an attorney. The sooner you drop this woe is me, what did I do to deserve this attitude and start looking forward to what you can do, the better off you will be.

Sure the mother has some responsibility here. But, according to you, on 3 separate occasions she asked your husband to take responsibility. Even if she refused a test, he had the power to compel a test through the courts and didn't follow-up.

OP has now handed out four negative ratings to people who gave her accurate legal advice.

You all are not giving legal advice, you are giving opinions! I understand if there is nothing we can do about this, but, don't run him into the dirt for not knowing what to do about the matter. Yes he messed up because he didn't fight it, I never denied that now did I? Maybe I would be more respectful if people would just stop being so hateful. I get what I give and that is it. The reason I posted the I don't want your two sense just actual black and whit legal advice was because of your hateful remarks on the last thread this8384. That is why I closed it.

Opinions based on cases law and fact are advice. And again, this is a site where people give advice for FREE. If you don't want peoples advice pay someone and tell HIM what advice he can give you.

You all are not giving legal advice, you are giving opinions! I understand if there is nothing we can do about this, but, don't run him into the dirt for not knowing what to do about the matter. Yes he messed up because he didn't fight it, I never denied that now did I? Maybe I would be more respectful if people would just stop being so hateful. I get what I give and that is it. The reason I posted the I don't want your two sense just actual black and whit legal advice was because of your hateful remarks on the last thread this8384. That is why I closed it.

I have to admit, this one had me laughing. My "hateful remarks"? Is that supposed to be a joke? And fyi, you didn't close anything. You just started a new thread, rather than correcting what you didn't post originally.

You have gotten legal advice; your problem is that you don't like it. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's wrong. It's certainly not inaccurate.

You cannot do anything about the back support; no way, no how. Your husband should have been asking for advice when he first got ordered to pay support, not wait until his wife decided to start arguments on an advice board.

Ok - here is some advice.

1) get used to paying child support
2) get used to "baggage", although most people would be happy to have a child
3) stop being so self righteous - this is the internet... you get what you put into it.
4) if you are concerned with your tax return, you file Form 8379 as the "Injured Spouse" which will allow you to keep your portion of the refund. Your tax professional should be able to handle that.
5) you might have 3 kids. Your husband has 4... and that 4th is entitled to support also. He has been supporting your 3... sorry for them that he is late on dealing with his 4th.
6) adjust your tax withholdings so you aren't getting such a large return.

There... 6 sound pieces of advice.

Ok - here is some advice.

1) get used to paying child support
2) get used to "baggage", although most people would be happy to have a child
3) stop being so self righteous - this is the internet... you get what you put into it.
4) if you are concerned with your tax return, you file Form 8379 as the "Injured Spouse" which will allow you to keep your portion of the refund. Your tax professional should be able to handle that.
5) you might have 3 kids. Your husband has 4... and that 4th is entitled to support also. He has been supporting your 3... sorry for them that he is late on dealing with his 4th.
6) adjust your tax withholdings so you arent getting such a large return.

There... 6 sound pieces of advice.

Or is that 6 sound pieces of opinion? According to the OP, nobody on this site has any idea what the law is.

Or is that 6 sound pieces of opinion? According to the OP, nobody on this site has any idea what the law is.

I would disagree with myself if I could. :)

I would disagree with myself if I could. :)

Well I would disagree with you too, but apparently all I'm capable of is "posting nasty comments" :)

Don't you love it when people beg for legal advice, get it, and then complain that it's wrong after admitting that they don't know the law themselves?

LOL, once again someone is assuming I was calling the child baggage. Did I say his child is baggage? Nope, don't believe I did. I talk to her all the time. By "baggage" I am referring to the financial mess that my husband, and his ex created. She shouldn't have waited 5 years to file child support either. It's not like she dealt with this the right way from the start either. Not saying he is all right either, in fact, never said that. And filing injured spouse costs 400 out of my pocket today that I don't have! And I would have to wait 6 months to get it back. Rather her just get the money for the next 2 years and pay it off so they will quit taking money every year.

Ok - so you don't want opinions OR advice... what is it that you actually want?

As for the baggage issue... that's how it reads. You cannot fault anyone for how we interpret it. I appoligize if I jumped to a conclusion based on what I read, but in absence of anything to the contrary, that's what I had to work with.

What the mother should or shouldn't do is not our concern. If you hate her, start a blog. This is a legal board for legal discussions. Sucks that it hurts your family now, but she is doing what she is entitled to do. She dealt with it in a way that worked for her, as is her right. The fact that it affects you is not her problem. If it is such a huge issue, get a divorce and then it won't be your problem anymore either.

Well I would disagree with you too, but apparently all I'm capable of is "posting nasty comments" :)

Don't you love it when people beg for legal advice, get it, and then complain that it's wrong after admitting that they don't know the law themselves?

There are so many things I love about this thread that I don't even know where to start. :)

I'm still not understanding what the argument is. She doesn't seem to think he should have to pay back support. I guess she's not realizing that this is his legal obligation, whether he knew about it or not; it costs money to raise a child and he needs to help.
She says she understands that, but then argues that it's not fair... I'm really confused by this whole situation!

I'm still not understanding what the argument is. She doesn't seem to think he should have to pay back support. I guess she's not realizing that this is his legal obligation, whether he knew about it or not; it costs money to raise a child and he needs to help.
She says she understands that, but then argues that it's not fair....I'm really confused by this whole situation!

From what I understand the OP is angry that her husband couldn't be bothered to show up to his court date and got served with a default judgement and since apparently being P.Od at him doesn't do it for her, she comes here to be P.O'd at us instead.

The poster is not wanting to hear the truth, not wanting to hear what needed to be done and needs to stop being so hateful if they are ever going to get real help. They are attacking the very peeople that are givig them real legal advice, because it is not what they want to hear.

No wonder they may not have an attorney, since they would not want to hear the truth from them either,

This little time of feeling sorry for oneself is over,

Thread closed