I'm completely frustrated. In 2004 we had a referral made about one of our foster children. This child's problem was a problem he came into our home with. Our caseworker knew about it as well and we were working on it. There was an incident at school and daycare so the referral was made. NOW, that is still on our record. Everyone knows it is not about us, but about the child, yet, it is permanently on our record. Can I get this removed??

Sorry Orange, I am not sure you can. You may be able to get a letter of innocence... maybe. I would have to say that the referral should have some sort of statement with it.. does it say you were not found guilty?

Well, we are in the middle of a private adoption and this is how we found out this was such a problem. Our social worker who did our private home study found this on our background. All it says is there was a referral and recommendations. The person who gets this information for the social worker could not give more information on the referral. It is a roadblock to us in that now we have our attorney having to file a petition of disclosure so that the attorney, social worker & judge can be informed about the situation. We know there is nothing to it, but this is a time consuming process and very frustrating. Who do I ask for the letter of innocence?

You could ask the court or who ever put it on there. Ask the social worker about retrieving the reason it was put on in the first place. They are not to hold any thing from you especially if it is on YOUR record.

Napalmface, what do you suppose we do with these kids? And, I apologize that I thought you were a mother in which your child was taken. I was confused. I agree that it is probably the hardest of places to be put with strangers and never feel as if you have a "NORMAL" life. I agree with you on that, but I assure you I never pushed nor put my nose where I didn't belong when it came to the kids' parents, I always (if safe) wanted the boys to be able to see their family and close family friends... I always had it in the back of my mind that the kids felt uncomfortable, and made it a point to help them feel as comfy as possible.
As for abusive foster parents, I will tell you there are some. But don't forget about the good ones, OK?

You could ask the court or who ever put it on there. Ask the social worker about retrieving the reason it was put on in the first place. They are not to hold any thing from you especially if it is on YOUR record.

Here in OK, it appears that our system can keep any information from you that they want. I have been told over & over that certain records cannot be released to us! This includes all background checks and the findings of our state home study.

I see this much like credit reports used to be. The laws need to be changed & we should be able to see any & all reports that affect us. They can block out the kids' names, etc. but the information needs to be available.

Orange2008

someone censored my comments against the welfare system. What was that all about? Isn't this a "public forum" as defined by The Constitution? Don't I have a right to "speak freely" in a "public assembly"? Well whoever you are that censored my posts you need to get more familiar with YOUR rights.

This is a privately owned website... and, as such, is moderated heavily, if you have not noticed. It is also a global website, the entire globe does not revolve around the 2nd amendment, nor do other countries abide by the Constitution.

Again, this is a global website that is moderated highly.

I'm hopeful that I can get something from the attorney or judge working on our adoption that will provide the information for a letter of innocence. I'm not sure how to proceed and may wait until our adoption is finalized before I move on this.

NAPALMFACE, I have plenty of fear of the power DHS has in our lives. I feel like I walk on eggshells for them all the time. I keep in contact, but am very careful as to what I say or do. I guess it's just a feeling that my input isn't important to them so I want to make sure they are happy with me in order that they kids stay here.

Like I said, I have been threatened that the kids will be moved 1) if I didn't transport the kids to the offices where the parents are located for visits and 2) if our finances couldn't handle having them here.

Now, I promise you I'm not holding the kids hostage. These little ones need as much stability as possible so we don't want them moving around (or entering the system). They are 4, 2 & 9 mo. The fact that we are family I believe makes the kids feel like they are just living with family! Their grandma & aunt (my aunt & cousin) come here regularly and we go there, it just seems like one big happy family.

When we see the parents at the visits, we chat about life & stuff so everything feels normal (as normal as possible). In fact, I think we insulate the kids from the system and even from the caseworkers.

This is also why it's hard when the system decides to transport the kids to visits (without asking us). I hate to have the kids feeling like property and not knowing who/what/where. I've tried hard to avoid the kids feeling like they are in any system at all.

So, I don't know if I want to rock the boat right now about this referral until I can be sure it will not affect our adoption. Even writing here makes me nervous, by the way.

Hello Orange - You sound like you are trying very hard to care for the children and looking out for their well-being.

Just a few ideas that come to mind - any referral that is made on a child will automatically reflect who he or she lives with and so will be connected to you if you are the Foster Parent. I would not worry about this so much because a referral is basically a concern for the child and many foster parents have to deal with referrals at some point or another.

That's OK - it is not an indication that you are in any way a bad parent. It simply means that there was a concern for the child and a social worker(s) went out to check on the child and obtain information on the situation.

The important thing here is that you respond honestly as to what happened and what help you had in place - for example "We accepted Joey in our home on such and such a date, fully aware that he had behavior problems that included hitting others. On the day of the referral, Joey hit so and so, and the school made a report. Due to these behaviors, Joey was in therapy once per week, and was receiving behavior modification one time per week.etc, etc." In other words, clarify what issues the child had, how as a foster parent you were trying to help the child, what services were in place - explain your efforts to help. This is in fact your role as a foster parent, to help and to serve on behalf of the child for his well-being. I know it can be scary, but communication is the key - because you, above all, know the child and situation best because you are caring for him.

Referrals are permanent and cannot be erased. One reason for this is that it tracks the number and type of complaints related to a child and his case.

I would not worry so much about this; you have cared for and are adopting a child - there is trust in your ability to care for children. It is just upsetting like any complaint would be - just take a deep breath and know you can handle this. You will be all right.

And the visits - well, that is a standard practice for any child that has family that wants to visit. That is just another service provided by the Foster Parent for the child.

Take care and know you will be safe with your little ones. You have your heart in the right place.

Hey Orande2008 - did you take care of that referral yet? Hey, OK made the news about "removals" being way too high. So stay on your job and try to get it removed. It was like when we were kids are parents told us when others make fun of us don't say anything. Now that we are adults we someone accuses you of something that's what the courts are for - we are put in a position to defend ourselves even though most times we are defending ourselves from nonsense. That's the way our society is these days.