The quick stats are that me and my ex-fiance’ were together 7 yrs, engaged 1 yr. Three weeks ago she did the I need space line on me. That last few months have been sketchy, there was definitely an emotional disconnect. She wanted space, and so I withdrew my proposal and took the ring back. But I felt I agreed to the separation way to easy, and I let her know that I did not think it was a good idea. So me the ex, spoke on the phone. It was clear that she did not want to reverse her decision. She tells me the standard line of I’m smothering her, and she needs the space. I live three hours away, it’s not possible to smother her. And no, I don’t call five times a day either.

A lot of people including myself thinks there may be another guy in the picture. All I know is that things were fine, and great with us until she took a trip to Atlanta, during which she saw an ex, and ended up having dinner and going to a club. To her credit, she did not hide that fact when she got back, but to say I had a freaking hissy fit would be the understatement of the year. I didn’t shriek or anything, but I made it clear that it was not appropriate. She tried to argue with me about it, and then I dared her to call any one of her male friends and get just one of them to agree with her—none did.

Nothing has been the same since. She still says there is not another guy; especially not him. That she wants to separate because the stress of me wanting to get married. She says she has shut down, and does not want to give me a chance to unlock the door. And then the further craziness comes out. Here’s the play by play.

Me: So how long is this “separation” supposed to last?

Ex: “I don’t know. I can’t tell you. Don’t try and make me follow a schedule within a separation. It’s like you’re still trying to control me.”

Me: No, I’m not. But I need a date that this is going to last, and I want to know the rules, like neither of us are going to date and be intimate with other people. If all you want is time for work and to clear your mind of the wedding stress, then you don’t need to date anyone.

Ex: I don’t know that I’m going to come back to the relationship. I don’t want you to be with anyone else. It would bother me if you dated, or slept with someone else. But I’m not going to promise you I won’t date anyone.

I’ll never understand why people that seem perfectly reasonable three weeks ago, can now be complete _oles! I mean, I love this girl, but does that not sound like the most selfish, self-centered, Y thing I have ever heard.

So my question is there seems to be a rule that separations never end up getting back together. That’s the rule, what makes an exception. Her behavior in the last four weeks is puzzling, but before that we had a decent relationship. We fit like a glove, same values, goals, family loves me, etc. I don’t know how to deal, well I know cause I’ve read posts here and elsewhere, but still the actual doing is hard. Have NC for about two and weeks. Sorry about length:eek:

Eh in what world would it be OK for her to date but not for you to date??

You need to get on with your life. She seems like a piece of work to me, to say the least.

This behaviour is totally unfair. It's understandable that you would think there is someone else in the picture considering the drastic change in behaviour and goals.

I've never been engaged but I know this must really be breaking your heart. My advice normally would be to tell her to 'get f****d!' but I don't know how easy that would be considering you were engaged.

Her feelings have obviously changed for a reason and you don't want someone who can't even commit to not seeing anyone while your on a break.

It seems like she's playing games, wanting you to pine after while she goes out and has one last turn round the dancefloor.

My rule is that the world won't wait for me, so I'm not going to wait around for anyone. If she doesn't want to be with me now, I don't want to be with her ever. Perhaps that's a cold way to look at things, but it works for me.

I am engaged, and I know it would break my heart to see my fiancé walk out the door. But I'm not going to wait around for her, especially when she won't give a date for the separation to be over. That is a red flag that she wants to have her fun and when she is ready to commit again, she wants you there.

'get f****d!'

All right... do I know you? I thought I was the only one that knew this phrase and used it periodically. Where are you from?

I wouldn't wait around. In my a opinion a break, is a break up, especially when there are no rules to follow. You either want to be with someone and work through tough times, or you don't. I would never ask anyone for a break, it's just selfish.

Alright...do I know you? I thought I was the only one that knew this phrase and used it periodically. Where are you from?

Ha! I'll doubt it, and I keep it for special occasions when I just can't seem to get the exact sentiment out :D

I'm Irish by the way

Threads merged

Just how long are you supposed to do the NC rule? Do you just wait forthem to call, even its like 8 months. V-day is my favorite holiday, and I would like to be with her. We have not spoken for three weeks. Was thinking about emailing her. The flip side is if she has plans, then I know definitively how things are.

You already know how things are, they have ended. Don't put yourself out there for even more hurt

Are you doing NC just to get her back in your life? Did you get scammed by an e-book?

Valentine's Day is just another day. You don't need someone there to make you feel good. Go out, have fun, watch a movie, whatever, but for God's sake, don't ruin your progress just because of some commercial holiday. It really ain't that big of a deal.

NC is not a game that is played until a certain amount of time has passed.NC is letting go,the key word being go.

Letting go of a relationship that is over.You can't get over someone in three weeks,so you can not be friends yet.
Vday is for lovers,not friends.

Don't negate all the work you have done for the past 3 weeks.It couldn't have been easy.

Do you want to start from scratch again? Experience the pain of breaking up all over again.If she wanted to talk to you,she would have called.

For your own sake... continue to let this one go.

NC never ends.

It has to end at some point, edpecially if it is so good at working. And no I don't quite accept that we are over. Silly maybe, but I just can't.

Denial, what a dreadful stage...

Guess we all have to learn the hard way. Good luck!

It's not that you CAN'T accept it is over, it is you WON'T.

The fact is it may be over, but if you sit around and hope it's not over you will never move on. The fact is on one of my breakups I could not come to terms it was over. She did come and just continued to keep breaking up with me. NC is not for an ex to come back, it's for you to heal and move on. It's been 1 1/2 years since I last contacted my ex, and I will continue NC until I die.

No I won't. Why can't I be part of the 3% that do get back together. Waht's the difference? 7 yrs is not a casual thing.

You want to know when you can break NC? It is when you can start thinking with your head, and not your heart. You are still blinded by emotions, which make you vulnerable to breaking down. Until you are able to think, clearly, with your head, make rationale decisions, that better you, don't break NC.

No I won't. Why can't I be part of the 3% that do get back together. Waht's the difference? 7 yrs is not a casual thing.I was with my ex fiancé for 5 years and she broke up with me 5-6 times. It's kind of hard when she kept breaking up with me over and over. On the last break up I was healed enough to know that she was treating me like garbage and Their's a reason why people break up because the other is not into the other person. You are only living on false hope and delaying your healing process.

Then I geuss there's no point to any of this and no one EVER gets back together. We've never broken up once in 7yrs.

Why do you come on here and ask a question and then get mad when people give their advice? Do what you want to do, and quit wasting people's time.

I'm not mad. I'm just wondering what makes the exception? They do exist, so how, is my question. And for the people that do make it back, did the dumpee have to wait for their ex to contact them.

Why hasn't she contacted you? Have you wondered why that is? I assume she has had an opportunity to contact you. Maybe it was a temporary NC for you but it may have been an actual break-up for her.One where the door is closed and not just ajar.

Some people go back and forth again and again.If that's what you want then do it but be prepared to be shot down and have to begin healing again.
Know what the possibilities are for a total rejection.

I'm not mad. I'm just wondering what makes the exception? they do exist, so how, is my question. And for the people that do make it back, did the dumpee have to wait for their ex to contact them.Each person and break up is different. On 3 of my 6 breakups with my ex fiancé, and after complete NC she usuallly contacted me 3 months later to get back with me. But like I said each breakup is different and your ex may not want to get back together.

threads merged

As I lay in bed this morning it became obvious to me that I have a long road ahead of me. I don't want to move, but my mind is painting mental pictures and conversations I would like to have with Tina. What will I write in response to her response to my V-day invitation. What will I say when she wants to get back together? The things I will say if I run into her with someone else. None of this is productive of course. But I can't seem to shut the mind up, and off. And so I lay there watching these mental movies play over and over. Yes, my road ahead is long indeed, and I don't have the will to take it.

For the first time, I feel the creep of cynicalness. I've been on more boards than I should and all the stories are the same. The things I'm feeling are not new or unique and have happened to people more than once, more than twice. It's like there's a never ending cycle taking place. Find a love, love leaves you because you're not “the right one”, your heart breaks, and you go through this grief process all to end up going through the cycle again. You find someone who loves you the way the last should have, and then they break-up with you, and you repeat all over again. Is this what I have too look forward too? It isn't supposed to be this way. What happened to finding your love, and that's it, you're together till one of you dies. IS that so hard to ask for? Can't that happen to people? Why can't it happen to me? Why isn't happening to me.

They say examine the relationship, discover the reason for the break-up, but all I come up with is that I did not do anything wrong. And when I say that, I mean it. I did nothing to make this end. I did not do anything wrong, so why is it ending? And if you can do it all right, and still lose out, why even try? All I see on the web are the cyber remains of broken and crushed hearts slew about like bones in a Roman cemetery. If that's what relationships have become today, then why bother?

And I'm tired of the “other fish in the sea” line. I really don't give a about all the other fish in the sea. I found the one that was my fish, and that's the fish I want. And if I don't have it, believe me the life myself and that particular fish (even though she does not know it yet I guess) will be worse off.

The logical error I see so many well meaning people make is the thought that, “no she is just not the one. A better one is coming along,” you have to admit that cannot go forever. At some point the “one” has too arrive, and if its lost then everyone else after is not as well suited. If that is false, then you could look forever, except we don't have forever. At some point we die. And there are a lot of people that do so alone.

These are the thoughts I have this morning. This what sends me into a depression every morning. Not just that the woman I wanted my future to include is now absent from it, but that there is every reason to believe that “if I go find someone else” the cycle will continue again with the new person at some point. Who wants to do that.

Good. Eventually you wake up from the loser's mentality that you currently have.

When you are ready to get off your a$$ and start making things happen, let me know. Until then, enjoy the pile of poop you are creating for yourself to lay in...

I mean, what are you suppposed to do... just lay down and die?

Carry on... :cool:

As the saying goes... you can't reinvent the wheel. Interesting insight for sure.

The wheel does not seem to stop any more. Like there is no commitment. I mean how many times does this haveto happen. I mean I read about people that have gone through this 3,4 and 5 times. I mean come on.

What you need to do is face the world optimistially and stop being so negative. I understand what you see, BTU everyone's story is not the same. If you want something better then this depression you are putting yourself into... go out and create it. Just as you are creating these negative vibes, you can create positive ones for your day as well.

You only get what you put out into the world, if you think positive and do positive things, positive things will happen. If you always think that something bad is going to happen then well bad things are always going to happen to you.

you only get what you put out into the world, if you think positive and do positive things, positive things will happen. if you always think that something bad is going to happen then well bad things are always going to happen to you.

I hear you, but you realize I did do that with my relationship right? I was positive, and look where I’m at. And then, I hear on the board, and elsewhere that most relationships don’t work out, so I have to be ready top go through this again. And of course forget about the woman I’ve loved for the last 7yrs, because it was obviously not meant to be from the start, or we would be together. Makes you wonder why were together that long, or why she accepted my proposal without a single hiccup. Jesus, just thinking about that moment kills me. The point is I’m sorry if I sound negative, but given what I said wrote, can you blame me?

See you kind of did it there being negative, don't think that every relationship is going to be messed up go into it being positive, that is the best thing that has ever happened to you. If you go and read all these negetive things and go into a relationship thinking something bad is going to happen, well something bad will happen. Because you will never be happy because the whole time you will just be waiting for something bad to happen.

Dude, I know how you feel, and it sucks. I truly believe, with every ounce of me, you are an awesome guy, and you will find happiness with another person. Right now, you are just jaded, and hurt, and confused. Those feelings will pass, and you will get what you deserve, and it WILL WORK! All the happiness you want in life is only an arms length away... it just takes a lot more work to get it, that's all.

Heart break teaches us a lesson, we don't see it while our eyes are clouded with the hurt, anger, resentment and disappointment of the break up.

But the lesson that you learn is what exactly you are looking for, who you want to spend the rest of your life with. It will teach you to look for things that suit you before you are so involved. Being single is a wonderful thing, if you let it be. You learn about you, you learn who you are, so that you are not compromised to be someone else when you are with someone.

Yes, most all of us have been through the experience and we all wake up to brighter days, you will get there too. We have all been where you are and know the pain and hurt that clouds your judgement.

But everything DOES happen for a reason, even if we don't know the reason.

Thread merged

I just got out of a counseling session, and if anything, it made me angrier. In the session the counselor spent most of the session talking about how I was not validating ny ex's feelings. That even if I matched her list of things she wanted and needed, that if all things that Tina saw and heard from her family don't matter, that I should still validate how she feels.

In essence I'm to accept and validate her feelings on anything whether they are correct or not. I can't do that. I've never been able to do that with anyone. Just because you feel something does not make it true. Isn't that what everyone keeps telling me? Just because I feel I'm the best person for Tina, that does not mean I'm right, right? Maybe I'm not the best for her, maybe her soul mate is someone else and we've just been clocking time, loitering around with each other for seven years.

If my ex says that our relationship has been a roller coaster, and we've had all these bad times, and I say “like what”, and she can't come up with a bunch of things that outnumber the good, and regular every day things, I'm still supposed to just accept that, that reality is true? I mean if that's true, then why can't she accept my reality, and validate my feelings that we should be together?

Some how when I put it in reverse everyone knows how silly it sounds.

But maybe that is the problem. She had a list, and I match it, she felt like I was the one, and now she does not, so I should (assuming we were talking or did talk) validate that feeling, say, “yeah I have what you said you wanted, but I totally understand you not wanting to be with me. Sounds like a brilliant thought. In fact, I'm not the one, go look for someone else. And by the way I totally get that you still want to be friends and have me in your life even though I want you for my wife. Makes sense to me completely.”

That's what I'm supposed to do with her or anyone else? Well, then I do give up, cause I'm not going to do that. There are people who believe and feel the world is flat, does not change that it is not. There are people that feel a woman can't be a President, or doctor, or business executive, all obviously wrong. People can feel all sorts of things.

I cannot validate something that does not make sense or is untrue. If we just disagree, that's one thing. I will listen to your (or in my ex's case) point of view, and respect even if I don't agree. But it has to be true, not objectively false.

The larger point here is that, feelings can come and go with the wind. Last year Tina wanted to get married, now she does not. Which feeling is right? Don't know, because they can change. But you look at all the other things that matter and realize that if they are there, and the feelings were there before, then they will be again, if you stick around.

If my ex did stick around, and held on to us, then the thoughts and feelings that lead her to say yes would be rediscovered. They are in her, but she is just running away. And if I've pushed her away because I refuse to say we do not belong together, then I guess getting validated is more important to her then that vaunted list of hers, or the values we share.

ka1, the problem is you're thinking like a guy. You have to understand that (I'm probably going to get slaughtered for saying this lol) women typically don't think the same way as men do. Many women tend to make decisions based on feelings rather than facts or logic.

That you cannot argue what someone is feeling. It just doesn't work! Ever wonder why your buddy tells you about how his wife comes home, starts to vent and talk about how bad her day went and how bad she was feeling can turn out into an all-out yell fest? Its because he doesn't take the time to validate how she's feeling - but instead tries to give her suggestions to "fix" whatever is making her feel that way. She just wants to deepen the emotional bond with you understanding how she's feeling.

Trust me, the sooner you accept this truth the better you'll be able to be suited in handling these types of situations and it can improve any future relationships you have.

I get your point more than you think, considering I majored in speech communication--no jokes please. But how am I suppossesd to bond with the sentence I feel I need space, or I know you have everything I want, but I need space, etc

No joking intended in that manner, trust me.

In the case of "I need space/time/notsurewhatiwant", you can't really bond, only accept it as fact and move on. I've noticed whenever that line is brought out, they have been dwelling on it for quite some time now and most likely have already made a decision. You can confirm that with several sources here. Sure it sucks to high heaven, but we can't change their mind. We have to just give them space and get on with our lives.

She ultimately has to rediscover those feelings on her own. Time can sometimes do this... time apart can make a person realize how much they mean to them.

Honestly, you may already know all this - I'm not debating that. But I'll be the first to admit that I often have a hard time accepting what I already know because my head is clouded with emotions.

Well, I give up. I tried to workout today, and instead I just broke down in the middle of the workout. I don't know what to say to explain what I feel right now, but I just feel... deflated, over cooked, and I just give up. Thank you all for your words, and trying to help me. I can't accept it and I can't deal with it. And I don't know where that leaves me.

It sounds like you're having a down day but don't give up! Don't be afraid to allow yourself to feel and grieve, its all part of the process. We're all human after all.. well most of us :)

Many of us here have gone through similar feelings you are going through. I know what its like to feel so mentally overloaded to the point where you just don't know what to feel anymore and that feeling totally sucks.

Keep posting and venting though OK? I've found through these most troubling times knowing that I wasn't alone and the fact that someone was out there listening helped me profoundly.

First nothing is solved in just a few counseling meetings.

But you don't have to accept their feelings as real to you, but you have to understand, that to THEM, these feelings are important and valid. Thus part of the issue, if you are not accepting those things are important to them, but feel they are not even valid or real or important, you can't even start to work or compromise

Wow, this is one of the hardest things to go through. I know exactly what you mean. It's the old break up line "its not you its me". What the heck is that supposed to mean. I think it would be much more simple if she would Just say "I don't love you any more and I need to walk away". At leased then you would have a clean break.

This situation just drives you insane. I can feel you pain, I have been there before. And on a second note what is up with crappy counseling. Me and my wife have been going for a while. I found out my wife was looking up her ex-boyfriend, having fantasies about him, letting flirting with other guys go on way to far. All the stupid counselor was hung up on was that I was a jealous man. The final event that sent us to counseling was one night after work she was suppose to get a sandwich and be home. Well after many text, and calls at 3:30am Ii went to look for her and a guy brought her back to her car. To make it even worse I ched her phone and there were text back and forth from them that night like you know I want you right. She said it was her friend that sent them. Well at one pint I looked at the counselor and said "I am not dwelling in the past, I am concerned about the stuff that is happening now, would you be jealous if your husband did not show up till 4:30 in the mourning, and sexual text from him to the woman that gave him ride back to his car" She just looked at me like I hate you.

Hang in there, it is hard now but life is worth putting up with the hard times. It's a slow process but you will feel better in time.

ka1 - read the stickies at the top of the forum, they helped and are helping a lot going through my break up

You have to accept how they feel, because they is nothing you can do to change how they feel or to show them that actually they are making the worst decision. In actual fact that thought has probably already gone through her head and she has already prepared herself for that but at the same time she cannot deny her feelings and right now her feelings aren't with you.

You have to tell yourself that

1. I respect her decision
2. I respect her feelings
3. Feelings change and you cannot change this
4. I can and have to move on
5. Something better IS out there
6. This is a process, not an overnight change
7. Keeping busy is the best thing for you
8. Not talking to her is putting yourself forward which you haven't been doing
9. You are a MAN
10. Ultimately, you deserve better and therefore can and are fine without her and don't NEED anyone in your life.

Good luck :)

I think we all feel your hurt as you were together a long time, so its understandable that your really hurt and will need a long time to get it back together. Hell, the shock doesn't seem to have worn off yet. Hang in there, it takes time.

Ok, okaaay. What I’m about to relate in this post now is something that has left me speechless. I was answering a post at another site about my ex’s reaction to my past V-day things I did for her, and a little about how her co-workers related to me. So, for course, my curiosity got the best of me as I was writing, and so I went to the site for the show she works on. And she has two segments she's done about Valentines stuff, including a fabulous wedding gift ideas. And the idea she gave is something I gave from that first Valentines Day!!

But wait there’s more… I look at he whole segment, and now only does she talk about the gift idea, A message in a bottle, but has the actual gift as a prop, on the show! And just mentions in pasting that it is something she got as a gift in the past. AND then precedes to give another idea—the Love Hunt. WHICH I DID FOR HER!

How the hell do people do this? I don’t understand remotely what’s going on in the head. I mean, she can't not think of me with that. I'm the one she got the damn idea from, cause I gave it to her it. How do you go from I don't want to get married or talk to me, and three weeks later you talking about wedding stuff using material that by all rights should make wish to be around me, cause I gave you what you're talking about. Am I crazy here, cause my head is about to explode. I'm not even going to talk about the lingerie segment.

You're not crazy, just feeling lots of emotion right now.

Take a deep breath. Relax. Clear your head. Close your eyes, and think only about taking slow deep breaths for 1 minute.

Ok, so I can understand how you're feeling the way you're feeling but I have to say you kind of asked for it here...

What's going on in her head? Truth is only she knows. Could we take a guess? Sure, but that's a waste of time and in the end doesn't really matter. Sorry to say it but it sounds like she's already moved on and that's why she can act the way she's acting.

This is a perfect example of why its so important to maintain No Contact in all respects. Sorry to be harsh but its something you need to hear.

Oh be quiet I knew someone was going to say something like that. Lol

Okay, you want the truth, no sugarcoating?

What's the big deal? It was a good idea, she had to have a good idea for her show so she used it, doesn't mean she's thinking about you or wants you back.

It is what it is, get over it.

Hey ka1, you've given some pretty decent advice from what I've seen in some other posts. I'm just giving you the swift boot to the rear you so need right now...

I just hope that if and when the time comes, you'll give me the kick in the pants I need too.

doesn't mean she's thinking about you or wants you back.

It is what it is, get over it.

That's at best self-absorbed and at worse not human.

That's at best self-absorbed and at worse not human.

No, not really, it just is.

No, not really, it just is.

Oh OK, so all behaviors are no beg deal because it is what it is? What does that even mean? There seems to be a bit of shallow quality to what you're saying. I can't hear your voice, so I don't know. But if I'm correct in saying you don't think this should bother me, or is a odd, then I think you're incorrect. I've related this to a number of people, and they are a bit shocked.

It means that you're reading too much into it, get over it, move on, and forget about it.

Yes, sometimes it just is what it is!

ka1, I'm a little lost as to what you're really upset about... as far as the post and the responses that you're getting.

My ex tells people about the things I've done for her, and doesn't give me credit... but the thing is, you gave these things as a GIFT. GIFTS are pretty much just that. They're GIFTS. You give them out of your own generosity, not expecting absolutely anything in return, including credit.

Besides, how awkward would the show be if she came on the segment and said, "Oh, my ex got me these..."

... right?

ka1, I'm a little lost as to what you're really upset about...as far as the post and the responses that you're getting.

My ex tells people about the things I've done for her, and doesn't give me credit...but the thing is, you gave these things as a GIFT. GIFTS are pretty much just that. They're GIFTS. You give them out of your own generosity, not expecting absolutely anything in return, including credit.

Besides, how awkward would the show be if she came on the segment and said, "Oh, my ex got me these..."

...right?

Aah, I see what you mean. I can't explain it I guess. It just seems odd that you don't want me, or don't want to be with me on V-day, and then go talk about all this stuff I did with and for you. And to her co-workers who all know who gave her that stuff, it seems weird and off putting to me. Maybe... maybe if this had been a yr from now or something, but three weeks.

I'm not built that way. If I'm in her position, and I'm calling that person. I just can't explain it to guys in a rational way. But my skin is crawling from it. Has been all night.

I thought this person was your ex? If she's your ex, why would she want to be with you or spend time with you?

Perhaps she's better at keeping her personal life and her job separate.

Then she's got no business talking about anything related to us.

Then she's got no business talking about anything related to us.
She didn't talk about the two of you. She has detached herself from you and showed off some neat ideas for V Day. That's all she did. You're not even in the picture.

Actually, BECAUSE she didn't talk about you, you are upset.

She didn't talk about YOU or when you two were together. She talked about something that was DONE when you two were together. Just because she loved pizza when she was with you, doesn't mean she can't eat pizza now.

I know it sounds harsh, but you have to look at this logically.

I've had a few exes in my life, and a few have hurt me quite a bit. But I know that one of my exes still wear the jewelry I bought her... because that would be stupid for her to not wear it... she wears it because she likes it, not because she thinks about me.

Same with me. My exes got me a few clothes; this doesn't mean I can't wear them because it makes me think about her...

I don't think the two are remotely the same. But if what you saying is true, then the words I have for her, I'm not going to repeat here on the board. But they are not nice,

I understand that you're upset, but what I'm trying to tell you is that right now, because you are upset, you are not being logical about this. You say that she has no business talking about you two, but what I'm saying is, why not? She was in the relationship as well. You didn't own the rights of the relationship, she was a partner in it. When you two ended it, you both took a part of it.

Just because you two are now over doesn't mean she has to do a certain thing the way you want her to, and the same with you. Different people have different ways of getting over the other.

I'm not saying that this is her way of getting over you, but what I'm saying is that she is mentioning these things because they were nice things you've done for her, and she thinks these are great ideas. From this, I can guess, you can indirectly gather that she's appreciative of the things you've done and thinks/thought of you as a great boyfriend.

Just because things ended the way they ended doesn't abolish the good things.

If this girl did something absolutely wonderful for you, and a female friend asked you what she could do to surprise her boyfriend, wouldn't you start with, "Well, once my ex did...?"

I'm a true believer that we all live many lives. What we experience in one part of our lives carries over to the next chapter. Her taking these ideas and using them is not a bad thing - we all do this one way or another everyday of our lives.

Just like the lessons we learn from prior relationships, we will apply them to the next.

Well I geuss we will have to disagree. I don't think this is the same, there is a detachment there that is insulting.

I understand that, and this feeling won't go away until you are over her. I feel that after you're over her, and you deal with the breakup, you can look back and realize how silly getting upset over this is.

I wish you the best bud.

Its for this reason we tell you to not sniff behind an ex. You might not like what they are doing, without you.

While I understand you being upset, you must know your own actions (sniffing behind her ) has led to this.

You must accept you cannot control her actions, but you can control your own, and that means giving yourself a chance to heal, so you can put things in there proper perspective.

Your not the first one who cannot grasp the concept of No Contact, nor the first to put themselves through misery and pain, by keeping contact. Takes time you'll get it, as there are a lot of stubborn people who have come here before you did, with the same stubborn attitude.

Its for this reason we tell you to not sniff behind an ex. You might not like what they are doing, without you.

While I understand you being upset, you must know your own actions (sniffing behind her ) has led to this.

You must accept you cannot control her actions, but you can control your own, and that means giving yourself a chance to heal, so you can put things in there proper perspective.

Your not the first one who cannot grasp the concept of No Contact, nor the first to put themselves thru misery and pain, by keeping contact. Takes time you'll get it, as their are a lot of stubborn people who have come here before you did, with the same stubborn attitude.

Perspective... how this for perspective. I found out my uncle died last night while I was whaling away on the key boards. I'm not very close to a lot of my family members, but I was to this side of the family, and this hit me because it was sudden. He had been battling cancer a yr ago, but had gotten it out of his system, last summer. He was well enough to walk around and went on a family reunion cruise, that I was the only family member not to go on. So he was not sick any more.

Or so I believed. Actually the cancer had come back in Dec. And the last time I spoke to him 3 weeks ago, he sounded fine to me, but he knew time was short, and so didn't tell me anything when I called to tell him that my engagement was off. Rather than tell me, he and my aunt decided to talk to me, and try and console me instead. My uncle was dying, knew it, and decided to try and help me through my pain. I don't even know how to deal with that knowledge let alone the anguish I feel over not going on that cruise.

I'm done with situation regarding my ex. It's time I moved on.

I may have totally missed something, but it seems you may be beating yourself up (and her) too much.

I know you are pissed and they are NOT her ideas and she DID CHEAT but if she chose to do it, it's her call...

Unless you want to get a lawyer and sue her on hearsay all you can do is tell her you know and you think her profiting of your ideas is offensive.

After that, it's kind of out of your hands...

Why get upset about it?its done now. Anyway when you gave her the gift you pretty much gave her the idea, in future may you should patent any other gift ideas you have!

It wasn't using the idea that upset me. Doesn't matter now anyway, I got heavier family stuff to deal with.

I think you should be happy that your gift was such a good idea that she is re-using it and showing it off. You can defintiely re-use the gift idea in your next relationship and know it will work.

I think you should be happy that your gift was such a good idea that she is re-using it and showing it off. You can defintiely re-use the gift idea in your next relationship and know it will work.

NEXT RELATIONSHIP?? I'm giving up women!! :p:D

Threads Merged


None of this is working. I still feel like a freakin little baby cause I want to cry every freakin night. I mean I can't even work out without feeling like I'm going to break down. What the hell.

I guess what helped me so far is, I have taken her off that pedestal that I had my ex on. Try thinkiing maybe of all the memory's you guys have had and start thinking of some of that bad things she has done, or the way she has treated you in the past. I mean if she loved you she would be with you, Be pissed about that and say screw her, she's the one that is missing out and losing something special. Because honestly you seem like a good person, so yeah she is the one missing out. You need to realize and accept it is over though and just move on, and have a positive outlook. Know that yes it sucks now but in time I will find someone better then her. Take her off that pedestal you have her on though.

Also I would recommend the movie forgetting sarah marshall, sounds stupid but it really helps a lot. I mean yeah it's a movie and its not all true, but ut makes you feel like there is hope.

We all have these days, been having a bad spell myself recently. This too will pass. Time will heal.


What helped me today was to think "I don't need her in my life"... until the feeling to break something/cry/call them subsides.

It's hard. We've all been there and like never says, we all have our bad days. The truth is, you just got to find out what works for you. It's going to take a while and it'll hurt like hell, but you'll get through it.

What worked for me? I worked out ALL the time and picked up as many patrol shifts as I could until I got it off my mind... but what works for me, might not work for you.

Honestly, you'll find your own way to get over it and when you do, you'll know it. My ex and I have been broken up for almost 6 months and I still have moments from time to time even though I know that I'm happier without her.

Just hang in there, you'll get it!

Your countless threads are starting to really wear me down. I KNOW you are hurting. You have just gotten out of a 7 year relationship (correct me if I am wrong). It won't be easy. The BEST thing for you to do is go through this rough time of crying like a "baby." Trust me my friend, you will soon cry enough that you get tired of it.

You cannot expect this to pass quickly. It will be a long, drawn out process of emotions that you have very little control over. It does no good to keep them in, so let them out, ALL of them. Don't worry that you don't have "hope" yet or that you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. This journey, the "healing process," if you will, is LONG, and it is meant to go through steps, that quite honestly, you WILL NOT want to endure, but that is what makes it worth it.

Patience... if you don't have it, you WILL learn it, because that is the key factor and driving force in getting through this. You have to have patience! Trust me... after a few months go by, you will come on here, look at your past posts, and realize how far you truly have come. Your journey is guided by others on here who know EXACTLY what you are going through... so, have faith, if nothing else, that we know you are hurting, and that we KNOW you will get better.

its annoying isn't it :) it will pass though

I have said what the hell so many times
after my relationships

I mean its amazing how much things can effect us.

you just got out of a 7 year relationship that's not an easy thing to get over so feel your pain and move on =)

it will happen

best of lucl

It will take time to feel right again. Just let all of your emotions out. Don't hold them in. If you need to cry... cry. If you need to talk to someone (NOT the ex) then do so. It will take a long time for you to get over this after such a long attachment to someone.

It is only natural you feel this way. It will get better as long as you give yourself enough time to do so.

You are going through a grieving process.Process being the key word.
Stay on track and keep trying to heal and one day you will notice ,you went an hour without pining over her.The next day you might think of her all day.You can't just throw in the towel.

Talk to yourself.Create a new inner dialogue that says* I am strong,I am worthy,I can do this*.

This is a learning experience,try to grasp what it is you are learning.

it wasn't using the idea that upset me. Doesn't matter now anyway, I got heavier family stuff to deal with.
What sort of family problems are you having?

I know when it rains, it pours!:confused:

You need to basically give yourself a month for every six you were together to get it out of your system in an immediate sense. Add another month for being engaged. You were together seven years.

It could be over a year before you feel free of it all. Take your time. You haven't been out of it for even a month yet.