desperately
Feb 7, 2009, 01:18 PM
Sorry for the super long post.. I don't know how to put what I'm thinking and feeling into a coherent sort of thing because there are too many factors going into my "question". So. I will tell you the facts, and then see where things go.
I am a nympho. I always have been. I love sex, I love intimacy.
I am submissive. My fiancé is also submissive. He will do anything I ask, but ONLY if I ask.
Until recently, he never initiated sex. I had to ask every time I wanted it.. Which caused me to have a lot of issues.. I felt unwanted, unsexy, and everything else a woman could feel when she doesn't think that she is good enough for her man. We have had a few conversations about the topic and now he at least tries to initiate sex every so often..
Because he never initiated sex, I never wanted to ask for foreplay. I would suck him often, 99% of the time plus times when we didn't even make love afterward. I wanted him to do that to me too! I gave him all kinds of attention, not just oral, and the only thing I got from him was sex.
Until him, I had never gotten off with a man (excluding the few times I've done anal). Nobody I've been with has ever gotten me off without my help. And only one other guy has even bothered. I didn't care then, because none of them were my fiancé.. But now that I HAVE a fiancé, I want him to WANT to make me feel as good as I make him. I have to ask him to play with me.. It's not that he won't do it when I ask, but I get really annoyed that I have to ask in the first place. Shouldn't he get the urges to make me feel good? I get those urges all the time.. And act on them accordingly. He's never asked me to go down on him, yet I regularly do so, lovingly and with no complaints.
Sex with him for the last year has been pretty boring. There was never any foreplay because he never offered it. I never wanted to ask for it because I felt like I was an inconvenience.. That if he wanted to make me feel good, he would at least say something, ask if he didn't know what to do, you know?
After 365 days of him not initiating sex or even telling me he wanted to make me feel good.. Well, it kind of made me a bit loopy.
Now, we're in the process of working through the issues.. He has initiated things a couple times in the last month. He even tied me up and got me super ready once.. Which was absolutely amazing.
Which reminds me. We've only had absolutely amazing sex twice. TWICE. And by amazing, I mean that he actually gets me wet beforehand and I don't have to use lube. And I can actually get off without jumping through mental hoops to get there. It's amazing when it works like that.. But it doesn't happen unless he makes it obvious that he's trying to make me feel good.
So anyway, like I said, he's trying now.. But even when he does do things for me, I still have a mental roadblock. I can relax, I can get into things, but I'm constantly wishing that he would do more for me. I know that sounds selfish, but to tell you the absolute truth I don't think that it is. I don't nag him, I've only brought up the topic 4 or 5 times, and each time he says he will change, and he does for a day or two afterward.. But after that it's back to normal.
I don't feel entitled.. Well, in a way I do, I want my man to want and desire me like I want and desire him.. Which he does.. But I want him to desire to please me just like I desire to please him. Granted, I have more experience than him.. But that really doesn't have much to do with anything. Every time we do something new that I like, or even if he does something old that I like, I tell him how much I love what he's doing. I encourage instead of berate. I suggest instead of condemn. I never make it out to be a bad thing to him.. It's always in the tone of wanting to make things better for us, not telling him he sucks and he'd better do what I say..
Anyway. I'm trying to let all of this go.. So!
I really love my man, but our sex life.. Well I need more. He has little desire and even when he does, I can easily satisfy him but he is incapable of returning the favor.. And I'm really not THAT difficult to please. If he would even get me turned on before sex, I would be happy. And that is no biggie. Spank me, talk dirty, little things that show that he's really into making me feel good, you know? I'm afraid that his lack of interest is because I'm not doing my job.. And that makes me feel absolutely horrible.
He's a good man. Really, he is. Outside of the bedroom he is damn near perfect. We have the same interests.. He's so caring, we cuddle all the time. He kisses me every chance he gets.. But when we get to the getting to it part, it's like he freezes.
If I could tell him exactly what I want all of the time, I would. But I don't know what I want! I've never had a man interested in finding my spots.. Or playing with me until I beg him to stop.. Or trying to see how many times he can get me off (I've never had multiple orgasms.. Or vaginal.. Or g-spot.. ). I need him to enjoy taking the time to get to know my body. I want him to be the only person in the world who knows precisely how to take me to the height of pleasure. I would be happy if he would take the time to just.. I don't know..
I don't even know what my question is.. I just wanted to get all of this off my chest I suppose.. And hear someone else's opinion. Am I retarded? Are we just not compatible in bed? I consider myself an extremely patient person.. Very open, not dramatic.. I feel like I've done all I can do. I love him. Absolutely, whole-heartedly, unabashedly.. However. I will not do myself the disservice of marrying a man who is unwilling or unable to treat me how I think I should be treated. I am a very sexual person.. Very kinky.. I give amazing head.. I always thought that when I found the man of my dreams that he would realize how awesome I am and treat me as such.. I hate to sound full of myself, I'm really not. I just want what everyone else wants. To be appreciated.
So what should I do? Give it more time? Should we have yet another one-sided discussion? If you think that with our open communication and the fact that he IS trying, maybe we can work it out, how should I go about working things out between us? It IS a lot in my head after all.
If you've read this far, would you at least give me a comment? Anything, even a single sentence.. Thanks in advance. :)
I am a nympho. I always have been. I love sex, I love intimacy.
I am submissive. My fiancé is also submissive. He will do anything I ask, but ONLY if I ask.
Until recently, he never initiated sex. I had to ask every time I wanted it.. Which caused me to have a lot of issues.. I felt unwanted, unsexy, and everything else a woman could feel when she doesn't think that she is good enough for her man. We have had a few conversations about the topic and now he at least tries to initiate sex every so often..
Because he never initiated sex, I never wanted to ask for foreplay. I would suck him often, 99% of the time plus times when we didn't even make love afterward. I wanted him to do that to me too! I gave him all kinds of attention, not just oral, and the only thing I got from him was sex.
Until him, I had never gotten off with a man (excluding the few times I've done anal). Nobody I've been with has ever gotten me off without my help. And only one other guy has even bothered. I didn't care then, because none of them were my fiancé.. But now that I HAVE a fiancé, I want him to WANT to make me feel as good as I make him. I have to ask him to play with me.. It's not that he won't do it when I ask, but I get really annoyed that I have to ask in the first place. Shouldn't he get the urges to make me feel good? I get those urges all the time.. And act on them accordingly. He's never asked me to go down on him, yet I regularly do so, lovingly and with no complaints.
Sex with him for the last year has been pretty boring. There was never any foreplay because he never offered it. I never wanted to ask for it because I felt like I was an inconvenience.. That if he wanted to make me feel good, he would at least say something, ask if he didn't know what to do, you know?
After 365 days of him not initiating sex or even telling me he wanted to make me feel good.. Well, it kind of made me a bit loopy.
Now, we're in the process of working through the issues.. He has initiated things a couple times in the last month. He even tied me up and got me super ready once.. Which was absolutely amazing.
Which reminds me. We've only had absolutely amazing sex twice. TWICE. And by amazing, I mean that he actually gets me wet beforehand and I don't have to use lube. And I can actually get off without jumping through mental hoops to get there. It's amazing when it works like that.. But it doesn't happen unless he makes it obvious that he's trying to make me feel good.
So anyway, like I said, he's trying now.. But even when he does do things for me, I still have a mental roadblock. I can relax, I can get into things, but I'm constantly wishing that he would do more for me. I know that sounds selfish, but to tell you the absolute truth I don't think that it is. I don't nag him, I've only brought up the topic 4 or 5 times, and each time he says he will change, and he does for a day or two afterward.. But after that it's back to normal.
I don't feel entitled.. Well, in a way I do, I want my man to want and desire me like I want and desire him.. Which he does.. But I want him to desire to please me just like I desire to please him. Granted, I have more experience than him.. But that really doesn't have much to do with anything. Every time we do something new that I like, or even if he does something old that I like, I tell him how much I love what he's doing. I encourage instead of berate. I suggest instead of condemn. I never make it out to be a bad thing to him.. It's always in the tone of wanting to make things better for us, not telling him he sucks and he'd better do what I say..
Anyway. I'm trying to let all of this go.. So!
I really love my man, but our sex life.. Well I need more. He has little desire and even when he does, I can easily satisfy him but he is incapable of returning the favor.. And I'm really not THAT difficult to please. If he would even get me turned on before sex, I would be happy. And that is no biggie. Spank me, talk dirty, little things that show that he's really into making me feel good, you know? I'm afraid that his lack of interest is because I'm not doing my job.. And that makes me feel absolutely horrible.
He's a good man. Really, he is. Outside of the bedroom he is damn near perfect. We have the same interests.. He's so caring, we cuddle all the time. He kisses me every chance he gets.. But when we get to the getting to it part, it's like he freezes.
If I could tell him exactly what I want all of the time, I would. But I don't know what I want! I've never had a man interested in finding my spots.. Or playing with me until I beg him to stop.. Or trying to see how many times he can get me off (I've never had multiple orgasms.. Or vaginal.. Or g-spot.. ). I need him to enjoy taking the time to get to know my body. I want him to be the only person in the world who knows precisely how to take me to the height of pleasure. I would be happy if he would take the time to just.. I don't know..
I don't even know what my question is.. I just wanted to get all of this off my chest I suppose.. And hear someone else's opinion. Am I retarded? Are we just not compatible in bed? I consider myself an extremely patient person.. Very open, not dramatic.. I feel like I've done all I can do. I love him. Absolutely, whole-heartedly, unabashedly.. However. I will not do myself the disservice of marrying a man who is unwilling or unable to treat me how I think I should be treated. I am a very sexual person.. Very kinky.. I give amazing head.. I always thought that when I found the man of my dreams that he would realize how awesome I am and treat me as such.. I hate to sound full of myself, I'm really not. I just want what everyone else wants. To be appreciated.
So what should I do? Give it more time? Should we have yet another one-sided discussion? If you think that with our open communication and the fact that he IS trying, maybe we can work it out, how should I go about working things out between us? It IS a lot in my head after all.
If you've read this far, would you at least give me a comment? Anything, even a single sentence.. Thanks in advance. :)