I left my ex almost a year ago after 12 yrs/marriage 14 together. Good guy but more into financial support of marriage than emotional/spiritual side and going nowhere. We were married in his church and I thought I had a spiritual partner but it became evident after the marriage tha this was not the case. Because he was a good person I have tried to make it work but it just hasn't. We have agreed on everything and I agreed to settle for MUCH less than half. He keeps the house, most the furniture, 401K, etc. I was to have our son, decide where to live, small amount of child support, which I'm not getting as of yet, my vehicle. He even said he knew I might move away one day and we would work that out and have our son visit him in the summer & holidays. I just wanted my son and to be done with the marriage, not so much about money. If I would have gone for half he said he would get ugly so I settled.

The lawyer sat on the divorce papers and everything was fine until I told him I planned on moving soon. The papers came and he put in that HE should have the exclusive right to decide where my son lives, not me as agreed. We have both moved on since I left and I met someone that is the love of my life and we have talked about marriage. The thorn is that he is out of state and he had thought he would come here if my ex fought the move. The next thorn came when we found out he had a brain tumor and needed surgery so there isn't a way for him to move for quite some time if that. We don't know how long he has and my ex is basically trying to dictate my life telling me I "should just go on up there and see how things work out and our son can come visit me". He knows I can't leave my son, yet he is saying I can't have my new life either.

The fiancé has met my son and adores him and likewise. He is not a replacement for his Dad in any way but because the ex didn't "expect this to happen so soon" he has gone back on everything we had agreed on. Does anyone have feedback - I know it's a lot to read but I appreciate any help.

So you are interested in taking a child away from his dying father so you can start your life?

Barring any judgment, if the father has court ordered/agreed visitation, you cannot change that visitation without court approval. Moving would necessitate changing the visitation order so you could not move without approval of the court, which would likely not give it to you if the father didn't agree.

Edit: I reread it. Your fiancée has the tumor? That sucks. Sorry though... the court still has to approve the move and likely won't.

You said, the father amended the divorce agreement. Did you sign that? If so, then you would have to go to court to get it amended. If you didn't sign, then your attorney needs to restore the original language. And then you fight it out in court.

You don't say how old your son is. Does he have a preference of whom he lives with?

My son is almost 9 and his father changed the agreement before getting the "final draft" to me. I haven't signed anything. Basically, so far as I have found, unless the father doesn't stand by our original agreement I can't take him out of state. That also means if my 87 year old Grandfather falls ill that I wouldn't be able to move to be nearby to help him either.

My fiancé had the tumor then brain surgery.
I have been the primary care giver my sons whole life and while I do not devalue his father's role in the least, I may one day face the issue that my son wants to go live with his father and he would have the right to do so. My son wants to be with me right now and while I don't doubt he would miss his father he wants to move with me. We have worked through the divorce issue and he is very well adjusted. We go to church regularly, he is in cub scouts and plays basketball and is doing much better in school than a year ago when I was so unhappy.

I have also found that if I were to take him to court he would have to sell the house, most likely I would get standard visitation anyhow instead of the week on , week off that we have been doing (until that wasn't possible - again, as agreed), much more child support than he offered and so on. He tells me it is not about the money yet reminds me "How hard he has worked to get what he has in the last 14 years and doesn't want to lose half of that in another divorce (this will be his second). He has much more to lose this go round. It's not been about the money to me and that's why I settled for maybe 1/4 of what our assets are worth which would make it go amicably, have it done, and I would have my son. I get the feeling deep down he still feels I am responisible and caused all this anyway and even though we were both working for the benefit of the marriage, because I ended it that I don't deserve half of it all. See and that's just it, I don't want it but if he is going to make things miserable for me why shouldn't I fight for more?
Thank you so much for the input. It helps to get it out and have some unbiased opinions.

It is very very common not to be able to move out of the area that would cuase undo problems in visit.

It is written into almost all child custody agreements. And to be honest if the father wants it in there, in the end, he will get it, you can fight the terms all you want, but a judge is not going to rule against a father getting to visit his child.

You have already been separated for a year, so it is obvious you are having issues coming to terms

And you need to get a temp child support order in place to get him paying, snce as long as you don't agree on terms, there is no child support order in place yet.

And if you don't sign he can go very easily if you start to move and get an injuction to stop your move pending a judge ruling on it.

And yes he also deserves 1/2 , 1/2 of the time with his child,

Money division and custody are two different things.

You can go back and fight him saying since he reneged on your agreement that you want better terms. But I agree with Chuck, a court is unlikely to allow a move if it interferes with the NCP's ability to visit with the child.

So it appears you have some negotiating to do.