What do cheaters deserve? I mean first-class cheaters who cheat on you emotionally in a long term relationship.when your relationship ends you realize that they have been cheating on you several months before the break up.during those months they kiss you,they say they love you and miss you while they are thinking for someone else.they let you make big plans (life plans)they take your gifts without hesitation.they take your love .then they start preparing the break up scenario.it consists in trying to catch you on a simple mistake and start a fatal argument.they try to end the relationship in their favour in order not to be guilty.so after they have cheated on you,and in the end they try to blame you for the reason things were going wrong.double mistake for them.finally they end the relationship in a phone call and when you are away from them.this is what happened to me after 3 years with that girl.but I wasn't so stupid to take the responsibilities of the break up.with putting some pressure on her she told me the real motives.after saying me the truth she still tried to protect herself saying "couldnt you realize that i was not the same person lately" .this is unfair at all. I would have buried this kind of people alive if I had that power.I ve always hated cheaters and one of them was so near me. So should they pass it so easy? I don't want to show immaturity with this question but that's what she left me, anger.dont say me to move on.thats what I'm doing.honestly-i don't want her back.

A bullet to the head. But that is not your concern. What you deserve is someone better, even if it's no one. You don't deserve someone in your life who treats somebody as good enough as you like she did. I understand that as a man it sucks to be emotional, but I can also tell you as someone who has been cheated on, I'm glad they did, so they could prove to me they weren't to my standards. Three years is a long time, but some people put up with cheaters there whole life, you don't have to. Now is the time to start turning your negative thoughts into positive ones. Every negative thought you get turn it around into something that benefits you.

hard to say what cheaters deserve... to wallow in misery, to eat their own s**t, to get instant karma...

Chuff: nice focus point! B/c it really is more important! what do YOU deserve... what your x did to you is horrible and it is a cruel thing to do to someone who loves you!! And I can understand that she left you feeling angry, and you will need to work through that anger! For sure!

But you should also focus on what you deserve... Bc you deserve a whole lot more then what she gave you!

And like chuff said... turn the negative around, like he just did. And focus on the positive and focus on you. And be glad that you got rid of her, she doesn't deserve you!!! that's a fact!

It has been more than 2 months that I went NC, since the day she told me the truth. I deleted everything I had from her except my memories.here comes another part.difficult to forget how much she hurt me.really hard now.the first days I looked like a zombie.lucky I'm far away from her now.I wouldn't like to see the eyes who loved me and than cheated on me.what I miss now is my family and my friends.they would have helped me so much.you are helping me so much too and a special thanks goes to KcTiger. Every time I call my mother and listen to her voice I feel completely relaxed and my moral goes up.I feel sad I neglected my mom's opinions and listened to my heart.see what happened to me.a good lesson.no one is closer to you more than your own blood.they will love you forever whatever you do, whoever you are.you see.ill be careful next time.now I just have to deal with this anger till it goes.and finally free. At least hope so.if something new doesn't come around.again.

Get a gym membership and push yourself in the gym. It's a great place to release anger.

I dont want to show immaturity with this question but thats what she left me, anger.


I've posted this before but seems apt here...


If you read a lot of the literature on various websites etc. they generally come up with 5 stages that go like this...

The Five Stages of a Break Up

Denial:
"I feel fine, we still love each other." “She is still my best friend.” “We will always be in each others' lives.”

Anger:
"It's not fair!?" "I was always there for her and she was never there for me!" “That !” “That !” “She sucked in bed!” “ I couldn't stand her friends anyway.”

Bargaining:
"If we just go to therapy it will get better." "I promise to visit your parents this Christmas.” “Just give it another chance.”

Depression:
"I can't stop crying." "I want to die.” “I will never date again.””I'm going to die alone…” “I'm unlovable.”


Acceptance:
"We are better off, not together." ”I am content and happy with myself.” "I welcome a new start."

Get a gym membership and push yourself in the gym. It's a great place to release anger.

I used to workout in gym before the break up.and these 2 months NC I ve been killing my muscles until a guy at the gym said me "you are burning them".I must admit that gym helps a lot but still there must be a secret to handle the situation I'm through.and this secret is in my mind.im looking for it.

Get a gym membership and push yourself in the gym. It's a great place to release anger.

I used to workout in gym before the break up.and these 2 months NC I ve been killing my muscles until a guy at the gym said me "you are burning them".I must admit that gym helps a lot but still there must be a secret to handle the situation I'm through.and this secret is in my mind.im looking for it.

I've posted this before but seems apt here..............


If you read a lot of the literature on various websites etc. they generally come up with 5 stages that go like this............

The Five Stages of a Break Up

Denial:
"I feel fine, we still love each other." She is still my best friend. We will always be in each others' lives.

Anger:
"It's not fair!?" "I was always there for her and she was never there for me!" That ! That ! She sucked in bed!  I couldnt stand her friends anyway.

Bargaining:
"If we just go to therapy it will get better." "I promise to visit your parents this Christmas. Just give it another chance.

Depression:
"I cant stop crying." "I want to die. I will never date again.Im going to die alone Im unlovable.


Acceptance:
"We are better off, not together." I am content and happy with myself. "I welcome a new start."
So I'm waiting for acceptance as I see.I hope so.reading your description of the anger stage makes me agree that she really sucked in bed.I m not saying it from anger but that's true.

So im waiting for acceptance as i see.i hope so.

You'll get there believe me , just takes time I'm afraid.

It's not only girls that do this I'm afraid. Try 3 yrs. Of marriage, where your husband/wife cheated on you with a stripper, divorced you and married her. Then a 9 yr. relationship with a man or woman that cheated with more women that you can count, and you, although not stupid, and did your "homework," come to find out the cheating has been happening all along while at work and bringing home the paycheque. And to put the icing on the cake, the 6 yr. relationship where the man was disgusted with the previous men, and promised he would make up for the previous men, and never disrespect our relationship. Only to find out he was no different than man #1 or #2, and come home to find him in my own bed with another woman, while I had just taken the kids (his kids) to school.

Now, the only reason I've told you this is to show you that you don't have to let it control your thoughts. You will get over it, and you do deserve better. It will hurt like hell for awhile, but it WILL lessen, and you will be able to get on with your life.

I didn't tell you this to make you leary of a new relationship. There are some good people who have the same morals and values as you. I'm not sure of your age, but you can, and likely will, be happy with someone else, and the other girl will be a distant memory to you. The memories will stay, the awful feeling will subside. After some time has gone by, you may still have a few good memories, but you will recognise that the bad outweighed the good. It's only a matter of time.

Wow, your situation is like identical to what had happened to me 2 months ago. Only difference was she did it over a text message and she never told me her real motive. I found that out when she had moved in with the guy 2 weeks after the text breakup on our 3rd year anniversary after just knowing the guy for about a month and a half.

As for your question, I can tell you what they don't deserve. They don't deserve your affection, your time, your respect, your attention, your compassion, and your tears. She doesn't deserve you. I understand your anger and frustration, believe me I understand. However, if you are able to love and accept reality, you will become a much better person for it. Please read through my sticky in the forum and I hope you can add to it when all this is behind you and you've become a better and stronger man. Good luck.

I agree with Starbuck, time is the lifeline. Our hearts and minds are marvelous things, they mend, but it takes time.

The steps that you take now to get where you want to be aren't always easy. But as time passes and you look back your emotions will have cleared away and you will be wiser and you will have learned a few things about yourself. You will find that you are also stronger than you thought you were.

Really loving someone is not an easy task. You have to open up, drop your defenses and trust. After someone has betrayed that trust and love you are shattered.

I was married for 18 years to a woman that I adored and we had two children. Believe it or not, over the last two years of that marriage she cheated many times, she left, I took her back, she left, I took her back... too many times.

She was gorgeous and she always needed confirmation that she was, I thought I gave it to her... she found it outside our marriage. Call me a fool, I had my reasons, I came from a broken family AND I did not want my children to have to experience what I went through.

The day that I told her that she could not come home anymore she went hysterical. "It is me, I am 'sick' emotionally, you are a good husband and a good father...what is wrong with me?" It was one of the most difficult days of my life but the dye was cast, no turning back. In three days, she was set up with the same guy, 600 miles away in Dallas, Texas...

I will leave you with something that I was told by a good friend at that time: When someone decides to leave you (or cheats) they have prepared themselves emotionally for it, justified it in their own minds, and probably even set a time table. You take it between the eyes, and then you have to deal with it. You do, you work yourself through it (and you will also). And you get "better" and you move forward with your life. But there is some justice my friend, almost always the person who made the decision to cheat or leave WILL at some point have much more to deal with over the years; guilt. And a very important question; "did I make the right decision?"... and that will bug them continually. Every time that she/he has an argument with the current guy she will be thinking about this for a long time to come.

You see, you won't be asking yourself that question. You were not the cheater and you have already cleansed yourself of all those emotions.

I wish you good luck, I know that you will be fine. Sorry this was longer than I intended it to be.

Stringer

Strung up from the highest tree...


You have great advice so far, in time the anger will subside and you will be far better

Cheaters deserve NOTHING

Its best put simply.

Yep I so damm agree- cheaters deserve NOTHING at all (and I am not trying to be mean).

She doesn't deserve all the time and anguish you are giving her by not moving ahead. She did you wrong, no doubt, but you are still giving her power over you.

Living well (and I mean in your head) is the best revenge.

Being cheated on does suck, it made me feel like an idiot. But what I did learn is that people don't just cheat out of the blue, there's always a not-so-subtle sign or cause.

Cheaters get what they deserve. They're reputation and pride are destroyed, and they usually suffer in a series of bad and failed relationships. Rarely do they find happiness.

Of all the cheaters I've known, guys and girls, they all thought they were ugly, too fat, something stupid like that. My ex was like this. The second I sense that a woman isn't okay with her image, all consideration of beginning a serious relationship is out the window. Can't respect someone if they don't respect themselves.

All cheaters have this trait in common, look for it and you'll spot 'em before they can do any damage.

I don't believe in once a cheater, always a cheater, everyone can get up when the fall. People can learn to respect themselves, but it's hard to do so in a relationship in which cheaters often are, I've never known a cheater to be single for more than five months.

I can tell you what they don't deserve:

1. Your tears
2. Your heart
3. Your feelings of sadness

Don't give 'em anything, cause in the end, they deserve nothing. Karma makes its way around, believe that. Now, you are free to live a life "cheat" free so to speak...

like some of the others have said. I'm actually a firm believer in that whole karma thing... not because its so magical, but more because the cheater in itself has to live with themselves after. And maybe the cheater doesn't have a conscious, or doesn't feel bad... but what comes around goes around.

Your x will have to live with herself, she will have to live with the decisions she's made, and the life she pissed away.

And its hard to say what a person like her deserves, but far easier to say what she doesn't deserve...

I agree with Starbuck, time is the lifeline. Our hearts and minds are marvelous things, they mend, but it takes time.

The steps that you take now to get where you want to be aren't always easy. But as time passes and you look back your emotions will have cleared away and you will be wiser and you will have learned a few things about yourself. You will find that you are also stronger than you thought you were.

Really loving someone is not an easy task. You have to open up, drop your defenses and trust. After someone has betrayed that trust and love you are shattered.

I was married for 18 years to a woman that I adored and we had two children. Believe it or not, over the last two years of that marriage she cheated many times, she left, I took her back, she left, I took her back....too many times.

She was gorgeous and she always needed confirmation that she was, I thought I gave it to her....she found it outside our marriage. Call me a fool, I had my reasons, I came from a broken family AND I did not want my children to have to experience what I went through.

The day that I told her that she could not come home anymore she went hysterical. "It is me, I am 'sick' emotionally, you are a good husband and a good father...what is wrong with me?" It was one of the most difficult days of my life but the dye was cast, no turning back. In three days, she was set up with the same guy, 600 miles away in Dallas, Texas.......

I will leave you with something that I was told by a good friend at that time: When someone decides to leave you (or cheats) they have prepared themselves emotionally for it, justified it in their own minds, and probably even set a time table. You take it between the eyes, and then you have to deal with it. You do, you work yourself through it (and you will also). And you get "better" and you move forward with your life. But there is some justice my friend, almost always the person who made the decision to cheat or leave WILL at some point have much more to deal with over the years; guilt. And a very important question; "did I make the right decision?"...and that will bug them continually. Every time that she/he has an argument with the current guy she will be thinking about this for a long time to come.

You see, you won't be asking yourself that question. You were not the cheater and you have already cleansed yourself of all those emotions.

I wish you good luck, I know that you will be fine. Sorry this was longer than I intended it to be.

Stringer

I see you had to deal with a more serious problem.you were married, you had children, and 18 years is a long time. Me, I'm 24, and let me say I ve had some problems in my life. But I've never had to deal with a broken heart. Never thought it was so hard.
I was going to get engaged with her some months later, and she was the one that wanted this engagement. I really can't understand what her intentions were.she was happy for everything she was doing.I should admit she had a golden heart and was a good person.this is what attracted me to her.she used to be so shy and naïve that I thought she wouldn't have the courage to kill a mosquito.except her good character she had an angel face. And these things really blinded my eyes.she had a lot of bad habits too but I wouldn't care at that time.she always said me she hated cheaters and was afraid I would cheat her.this was her first relationship.but what happened was totally different. She cheated in the end.she changed a lot.maybe she wanted more adventures in her life.me, I'm still the same person I was the first day I met her.
The thing that makes me crazy when I think about it, is the fact that she wanted to blame me in the end.isnt it dishonest at all?so she cheats, and then when she wants to break up she doesn't want to be guilty.so she didn't want to leave as a cheater.nobody wants to be one.

"sorry girl im not an idiot. tell me the truth and dont try to blame me.dont make me do any bad action.if you dont tell me what happened i promise ill hurt you very soon.say it and ill disappear from your life. you dont have to live with the fear that ill hurt you anytime." these were my words.then she started crying over the phone.I guess she was afraid.she was saying me"you are a bad person"(a cheater trying to say the truth is like a criminal in the end of his life. They are both afraid that somebody will judge them for the bad things they did).I wouldn't care about her words at that time.I said "yep im the bad person whom you had a relationship for 3 years.if im bad, you are worse.now tell me the truth and dont make me become worse than you can imagine". Finally she did.maybe at that moment my heart stopped beating for a while.I felt like a dead man.my friends and family couldn't believe it when I told them because I was always telling everyone she was a perfect girl.they were shocked too.imagine me. So this is the respect I gave her.now I feel much better but I want to move on faster.dont want to lose time thinking for a cheater.
I know the decision for a break up doesn't come immediately.I know she has thought over and over it millions of times.the thing that makes me understand that, was her speaking.she was so quiet and sure when she was saying."i dont love you anymore".her mouth wasn't trembling at all.
Now I'm having a good opportunity to be someone in my life but I'm not using it.im neglecting it and the main reason is this break up and my anger in infinity.I have more important things to think about, but still the past bothers me.so time time time.thats what is needed... im waiting

iso time time time.thats what is needed.....im waiting

Quit waiting, and get out there and find your happiness! You could wait for a lifetime, and NEVER be happy, or you could get off your a$$ and make things happen. Be a leader, not a follower!

Carry on... :cool:

If someone broke your heart I don't think you should wait around for them it will be best to move on. Things happens in life that you wished hadn't happen but that's life. But when a loved one do you wrong you do what you have to do to get past it, learn from it, and move on. Life is an learning experience and there is no crystal ball or genies to help you along the way.

Yeah Someone... Guilt is a nagging, painful thing she doesn't like it... good.

At one point during the divorce I tried to "tie it all up" and hopefully get her to at least say something about what happened and why.

Her response; "Well, you cheat!" I was shocked as we had spoken about cheaters many times in those 18 years and how I had no respect for anyone who did that. I asked her to explain, she said "Well....your are a salesman so I know that you cheat!" Floored at her statement all I could say was where, when, please tell me, prove it. She just walked away, Yep, no one likes getting caught or the guilt that comes with it. They want to feel better about themselves by "sharing and spreading" that nasty emotion around a bit.

About two years later when my daughter was spending some time with her we were talking on the phone. Out of context, she suddenly said again"You were a good husband and father." I said "thanks". For some reason that was the final closure that I needed, I didn't care to think about it any more.

But let me tell you, after the divorce I started dating in about two months having fun but thought that I would be single forever. NOPE! I was introduced to the most beautiful woman that I had ever met, 11 years ago.. we were married 6 years ago. All the qualities that I thought my ex had are in abundance with her. I had found my "perfect" match." It took some time, but well worth it, couldn't be happier... Oh, and by the way, she is twenty years younger than me... but has an experienced, loving soul. She makes me happy in so many ways every day of the year.

I agree with KC, get up, get moving... you'll never find her staying home and sitting around. You are a catch my friend.

Again good luck, and I still know that you will do fine.

Stringer

She screwed up, that's human. If you have expectations that the perfect angel-faced, heart of gold girl is beyond humanity, you will continue to live your life angry, resentful and unhappy. No one is perfect. Being self-righteous is different than feeling hurt and angry. Which do you choose?

she always said me she hated cheaters and was afraid i would cheat her.this was her first relationship.but what happened was totally different. she cheated in the end.
Oh man, my ex said the same thing, she was always afraid I would cheat and then she goes and cheats on me.

There's your not-so-subtle sign, why would she think you'd cheat if you haven't had a history of cheating? Makes no sense right? It's all projection; she hates cheaters because she knows she's one, so clearly, she hates herself (all cheaters are insecure); you don't want anyone like this. Girlfriend or friend in general, they have nothing to offer but negative energy.

Back to projection, I've heard girls I've dated tell me that "I trust too easily", I have no idea what that meant 'cause I never trusted any of them with any seizable responsibility or had them make any promises at all. I'm fair and I make sure all my actions are well justified, apparently they weren't used to someone like that.

And every girl that told me that got burned real bad by their exes (financially and emotionally). I don't trust too easily, in fact it's quite the opposite, it's because their trust that was betrayed in such a way that it distorted their view on what trust really is.

I was the same way when I was cheated on, I never thought I could trust another woman again 'cause their all cheaters, but after over a year of healing, I calmed myself back to normal.

A wise person once said; "If you don't stand for something, you will fall for everything." Does that apply to all situations, no it doesn't. But I have never cheated in any personal relationships or purposely let a friend down.

All I am saying is, your convictions mean something or nothing does. Only my opinion.

Yep ill be fine.
My worst part of the day is the morning.Every single morning when I wake up I feel empty.Maybe this happens because you forget everything when you sleep, and when you wake up, everything comes into your head again and you have to face the reality.Let me say it another time. Im glad I'm far away from her.it would be hard to see her again now after what she did.

Yep ill be fine.
My worst part of the day is the morning.Every single morning when i wake up i feel empty.Maybe this happens because you forget everything when you sleep, and when you wake up, everything comes into your head again and you have to face the reality.Let me say it another time. Im glad im far away from her.it would be hard to see her again now after what she did.

I know that you will be :).. the healing process takes some time (remember) but these steps you are taking now will complete the process.

Stringer

This scenario sounds just like mine did a few years back. I was angry for a long time at her for breaking up with me, keeping my engagement ring and finding out later she was seeing some one when we were together. It's been 2 years now and still have some days that I get angry for what she did. But for me the best therapy was to forgive her as I did a few months back and it does help.

She screwed up, that's human. If you have expectations that the perfect angel-faced, heart of gold girl is beyond humanity, you will continue to live your life angry, resentful and unhappy. No one is perfect. Being self-righteous is different than feeling hurt and angry. Which do you choose?

Well it is easy to say but hard to do. You think I don't want to feel better and throw this anger away?sure I want.thats what I want more now.
I don't think I'm going to live my life angry and unhappy.I m not going to do it for no one.I don't even think about it.its non sense and nobody deserves to live an unhappy life for a cheater unless he is the cheater himself.my healing process is going good.so far so good.

I had a boyfriend cheat on me the whole time in our relationship. We broke up, and I found out maybe a couple weeks later. He knew I knew, and I didn't do anything. He tried calling me back "explaining" that what was heard was wrong, bla bla, she was just a "friend", but I wouldn't hear it.. and we were done. About a year later he went to my house, and I was with a new boyfriend, and he looked so miserable.. to see me happy. You know? He knew he messed up, and he has to live with that. I wouldn't talk to her, and just pick up your life where you left off before her. That's all I can say. Hope everything gets better

I could spout all the negative things that cheaters deserve, but I truly believe that karma will catch up to them, so leave it to karma.

The one thing you should do that will drive the cheater nuts is to move on, be happy and find someone else! That's the best revenge.

Trust me, what comes around goes around.

Although Friend4U lists anger 2nd on the list I think that there is another or different type of anger that is an indicator that you get to at some point near the end of all this, that anger is kind of directed at yourself. There came a day when I got angry with myself and simply said; I don't need all this crap anymore, it's unproductive. I need to lift myself up by my own bootstraps and get on with it. What's the point of all these negative thoughts and memories, it isn't doing me any good.

At some point it is like a yoke being lifted off your chest, and you see things much clearer.

Cheaters deserve the same misery, and pain, that they have caused.

Cheaters deserve the same misery, and pain, that they have caused.

They do deserve the same pain, and be assured, it will come around to them. You don't have to lift a finger, or wish anything upon them. It will happen and it does, without your involvement.

I'm going to put a long story into a nutshell. My last ex and I split up because of his cheating, which he hid very well. After busting him, he then broke into my home, and broke several bones in my body. He found many ways to try and justify his actions. I was very angry how the court case turned out, with him getting very little punishment. The women that he cheated with all left him, and wanted nothing to do with him.

Many months later he was out of town, got himself into whatever trouble he had made for himself, and got jumped in a dark alley by 5 men with baseball bats. They beat him to a pulp, and broke some of the same bones the he broke of mine, when he forced his way into my home. He then tried to contact his children with a "poor me" story. His children cut off all contact with him, to make a very long story very short. He is now homeless, and a drug addict, without any family or friends to help him out.

This man and I had a quarter of a million dollar home, he was the boss of a large company, the children were well taken care of, and had the best of everything, and we lived a pretty darned good life. This all ended when he made the decision to cheat, and get involved with the wrong group of people. I wasn't the bitter person that took anything from him, he went about it all by himself, and lost it all, all by himself.

Karma has it's way of coming around. It sometimes is little compensation, but it DOES happen, and often sooner than later. Just rest assured that it will come around, and thank your lucky stars that you were not in that relationship for one more day than you had to!

I know it hurts right now what she has done to you, but seriously,. you have to think of this in the long term. Would you rather have found out now?. or several more years down the line?

Cheaters deserve the same misery, and pain, that they have caused.

Sure. I don't want to seem cruel but she should understand what it means to be cheated by a person who you love and give him so much priority in life. Maybe then she will remember me.maybe then she will understand that life isn't so easy as she expected to be.most of the people are not as honest as they seem to be. I hope for her to become a human being one day.good for her if she does.if she doesn't its her problem.

My cheater ex was at my apartment last night 'cause I'm roommates with her high school best friend. It's fine, I couldn't care less, I'm over her. But, she did mention to my roommate that she's going to bring over her current boyfriend to my apartment.

Yeah, the girl is that stupid.

He's a wicked quiet and timid kid but they both know how much of a prick I can be, especially when it's my kingdom as I like to call it. Most girlfriends wouldn't mix exes and boyfriends because there's no reasons to; she puts him in awkward situations 'cause she doesn't care and wants him to fight; she's disrespecting us both but I'm the only one with enough balls to tell her to stop.

She's in a bad relationship because she doesn't believe she deserves any better, and I have to agree with her.

She's told me how lucky she was to have me and that thinking about what she did to me still hurts even after all this time.

She's paying the wage of her sin; I don't think I've ever seen her truly happy, she just fakes it.

My cheater ex was at my apartment last night 'cause I'm roommates with her high school best friend. It's fine, I could care less, I'm over her. But, she did mention to my roommate that she's going to bring over her current boyfriend to my apartment.

Yeah, the girl is that stupid.

He's a wicked quiet and timid kid but they both know how much of a prick I can be, especially when it's my kingdom as I like to call it. Most girlfriends wouldn't mix exes and boyfriends because there's no reasons to; she puts him in awkward situations 'cause she doesn't care and wants him to fight; she's disrespecting us both but I'm the only one with enough balls to tell her to stop.

She's in a bad relationship because she doesn't believe she deserves any better, and I have to agree with her.

She's told me how lucky she was to have me and that thinking about what she did to me still hurts even after all this time.

She's paying the wage of her sin; I don't think I've ever seen her truly happy, she just fakes it.

Actually, I have to say, she is not paying the "wage of her sin," you are paying that tab for her, if you are going to let this bother you so much. As I've said, I DO understand! BUT, are you going to be her puppet? You DON'T have to involve yourself in this. If she wants to act childish and play these games, you don't need to play along. This is only giving her what she wants, which is obviously more drama. Swallow your pride, no matter how damn hard that will be, and show her that you are above it all, and she is beneath it, by showing her that you are "over it!" Don't involve this other guy in the game. He will find out soon enough. You don't need to teach him any lessons. Let them play their games, and take off to the gym, and beat the crap out of a punching bag! If you let her know how much you are still hurt by her cheating, you are only feeding into HER egomanical game.

Originally Posted by talaniman https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_imgs/buttons/viewpost.gif (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/what-do-cheaters-deserve-313213-4.html#post1531316)
Cheaters deserve the same misery, and pain, that they have caused.


Let me qualify that as many have pointed out, your not the one to give them the misery and pain they deserve, someone else will eventually. Your best revenge I think is to be happy without them.

Takes a lot more energy to be mad at someone than to just not care. Don't waste energy on unproductive activities, it only hurts you in the long run.

I agree that is the best way to overcome/getting over a person.

Takes a lot more energy to be mad at someone than to just not care. Don't waste energy on unproductive activities, it only hurts you in the long run.

This could not be more true. One of the things I always notice when I finally get over someone is, it was never worth the energy to hate them that I put into it. It was just time I wasted and in the end for nothing. I know it's easier said then lived but when you get those moments you have to do your best to talk yourself out of it or distracted yourself.

yes Stringer I think I'm moving on. And this thanks God and people like you who helped me when I needed help.believe me.you were the people that helped me more because as I have said I'm living in another country far away from my family and friends.all alone.so thank you all. You are life-savers guys and I'm going to join your team. Everyday I'm understanding more and more the true meaning of NC.im saying to myself the truth.she needed me more than I needed her because I gave everything in this relationship.there is an expression: I would have killed my own father for her.let me say she chose to be the b*tch (=cheater with no reason) not the honest girl I was looking for.anybody here wants to have a b*tch sleeping beside him ?anybody here wants to be suspicious during his life if his children are really his children? Nobody wants.neither do i.so I did my best and this makes me feel better.I don't like adventures.I m waiting for the lucky girl that will be my princess.I m going to make her happy if she really deserves it.no more cheaters.one was enough.but I got a good lesson and I'm not going to get hurt even if I have to deal with a cheater again.now I know their characteristics.I know how to play the game.I am moving on but I am not healed.I have those bad moments.everytime I dig into my memories I find her and get hurt.I remember some childish actions she did now during the NC that hurt me more and increased my anger more.but in a way I don't care anymore.I know she remembers me because I was a part of her life.and I'm sure she gets hurt every time she remembers my name.I am a good person and left her a lot of good memories.my goodness is going to revenge for me. Now I'm using this anger in gym and I'm buiding a beautiful shaped body.so she is doing me another favour except the favour that she dumped me.thank you ex.

That is the start Someone... you may hit some pit falls but remember that people care about good people and the people here have given you some very good advice. Abide by their advice, fall back on it when you need it and stay strong.

Keep yourself busy and be around other people, people that are interesting, active and mentally challenging you'll grow in many ways.

You know in your heart that you have made the right decision. Cheaters and losers just waste your time.

If you don't mind I would like to ask how old you are? And you mentioned that you are alone in a different country, where is your family and where are you now. Sorry if I missed this in your thread, I went back and reviewed it but I didn't see this addressed.

Thanks,

Stringer

Actually, I have to say, she is not paying the "wage of her sin," you are paying that tab for her, if you are going to let this bother you so much. As I've said, I DO understand! BUT, are you going to be her puppet? You DON'T have to involve yourself in this. If she wants to act childish and play these games, you don't need to play along. This is only giving her what she wants, which is obviously more drama. Swallow your pride, no matter how damn hard that will be, and show her that you are above it all, and she is beneath it, by showing her that you are "over it!" Don't involve this other guy in the game. He will find out soon enough. You don't need to teach him any lessons. Let them play their games, and take off to the gym, and beat the crap out of a punching bag! If you let her know how much you are still hurt by her cheating, you are only feeding into HER egomanical game.
We have a misunderstanding.

I'm serious when I say I'm over this girl, I have no feelings for her and I'm not even attracted to her anymore, I'm not hurt by seeing her with another guy or the fact she cheated on me, if anything, I feel bad for her boyfriend. He's a real nice kid and shy, too; he's one of the text-book "nice guys" that girls say they want to marry but never date. She walks all over him and she probably has cheated on him because she is always telling me and my roommate how she doesn't even really like him.

I do have to involve myself because it's my apartment and it's disrespectful to both her boyfriend and me. She might as well tread mud on me if I let them hang out at my pad while I went somewhere else. I can't let her get away with something like that and she knows this. She'd only pull something like this to test her boyfriend to see if he'd speak up for a change.

Yes, I was hurt when she cheated on me, but she knows I'm better off without her. She also sent me an e-mail a couple months back saying that she was lucky to have dated me and when she thinks about what she put me through it still hurts a lot. She sent it at 10:00 AM so she wasn't drunk.

Really bad day today.
The fact that I have been in a relationship with a bit*h all this time makes me nervous.
I envy all the persons that have gone through this situation and got over their ex.they were pretty strong.
I want to get her out of my head but I really cannot control my dreams.I wake up 3-4 times every night.im having bad dreams since this happened.and when I wake up in the morning I'm full of poison.I can't even stand myself.is this normal? Anybody has an idea how long may it last?how much time do I need to not get hurt when I think about her.to accept what happened and forget about it.
I'm in a phase that some days I say "ou yeah finally free.i can enjoy my life as a single" some other days I say"what a bit*h she was.how could i give my heart to her"and I start thinking what she did to me.
This situation is becoming unbearable but I know I don't have another choice.

It is what it is... and it isn't easy. We all know that. Stand tall, and NEVER look back, just keep your focus forward. We are here with you... you are not alone.

[QUOTE=_Someone_;1539883]I envy all the persons that have gone through this situation and got over their ex.they were pretty strong.
QUOTE SAB123]You shouldn't envy all the people who got over their ex's. And I think 99% of us here were not strong in the beginning phase of our break ups. We got stronger as time went on.

[QUOTE=_Someone_;1539883]I want to get her out of my head but I really cannot control my dreams.I wake up 3-4 times every night.im having bad dreams since this happened.and when I wake up in the morning I'm full of poison.I can't even stand myself.is this normal?
QUOTE SAB123]In time you will get her out of your head. I also did this. This took me about 5-6 months for this to go away, but still had dreams but I was down to a few a month.


[QUOTE=_Someone_;1539883]anybody has an idea how long may it last?how much time do I need to not get hurt when I think about her.to accept what happened and forget about it.
QUOTE SAB123]Like I tell others here time has no baring on when the pain will go away. For me it was about a year. But it's been 2 years for me know and I sometimes when I think about the situation still get angry and feel hurt. But know I can control it and there is no pain in my heart no more as you will find out in time. It all depends on the person and when they decide to let go the pain will go away.

really bad day today.
The fact that i have been in a relationship with a bit*h all this time makes me nervous.
i envy all the persons that have gone through this situation and got over their ex.they were pretty strong.
i want to get her out of my head but i really cannot control my dreams.i wake up 3-4 times every night.im having bad dreams since this happened.and when i wake up in the morning im full of poison.i can't even stand myself.is this normal? anybody has an idea how long may it last?how much time do i need to not get hurt when i think about her.to accept what happened and forget about it.
im in a phase that some days i say "ou yeah finally free.i can enjoy my life as a single" some other days i say"what a bit*h she was.how could i give my heart to her"and i start thinking what she did to me.
this situation is becoming unbearable but i know i dont have another choice.


HI Someone,

One of the things that I believe that you need to do now is to have respect for yourself, feel good about you. Try to segregate yourself from the situation as best you can, this takes effort. Recognize what happened and honestly separate yourself from it. Understand that you have done nothing wrong here you gave to the relationship she chose to do what she did. She is who she is.

In my humble opinion, respect leads to pride in yourself. At one point I realized this and even started to think to myself that I actually felt sorry for her. She had a problem that I couldn't fix, it was something that she would need to address and fix herself, no longer with any help from me There was nothing I could do. When I began to feel this way I was more able to disconnect.

Were there still times when I fell back... yep, but it started to get better when I remembered that I was no longer responsible for her in any way. By feeling this way, I was able to segregate myself and change how I felt. At some point it even felt like I had some pity for her, but not much...

Stringer

Yep guys I know what I should do in theory. Really hard to put it into practice.
The fact that she cheated is the reason to all this sad situation I'm through.it makes me feel disrespected.thats what I'm feeling Stringer.you said it right.
Does having sex in this situation makes things better?what do you think?am I suffering it more because I have sexual desires?its been some months that I'm not having sex.
I would appreciate your answer.

That's not an easy answer Someone. Do you want to take possible advantage of someone in the process? I would say that if the situation presents itself and all the conditions are right and both parties know and understand what it really is... well... Under those circumstances maybe. But you need to make it clear not only to the other but to yourself what it really is and why. Not easy... I know.

To answer your question directly and I may get some rebuttals on this, I would say yes, if what I said above is understood.

does having sex in this situation makes things better?
For me it didn't, we were broken up and I felt like I was cheating on her. Even thou it felt good I felt bad afterward. I would suggest waiting a while.

For me it didn't, we were broken up and I felt like I was cheating on her. Even thou it felt good I felt bad afterward. I would suggest waiting a while.

She cheated on me.everything finished.so what should I wait?its been more than 2 months NC now.everything has finished now for me.

she cheated on me.everything finished.so what should i wait?its been more than 2 months NC now.everything has finished now for me.

If you were completely finished with her you wouldn't be here. You need to get past this before entering into another relationship.

Why are you in such a rush to find another girlfriend? Dude, if you can't enjoy being single for awhile, there must be something wrong with you. Valentine's Day is coming up, and the only thing I can think of is how much money I am saving by being single. (Shallow gals, I know). Enjoy your freaking freedom, you have your whole life to get someone special, for now, just enjoy that special YOU!

I think everyone goes through this stage when you are not over an ex, I know I did when in the beginning of breakup. But I think people want to meet someone/jump into another relationship so fast to fill the void they have just lost. I know I wanted too. And when you start to heal trying to find someone won't be a priority anymore. You have a ways to go before you are healed so take this time to find you and one day when you least expect it you will find someone else.