I work at a seasonal resort. Last year this woman I worked with would be really nice to me and ask me all kinds of questions about her boyfriend and the situations they were in. After a month or so she would then become a complete nutcase and start arguments with me and then we wouldn’t talk for weeks on end. I never thought anything of it, just that she was moody.

When I returned this year this same woman I work with told me that she had talked about me all winter to her family and was interested in me, and had been for part of last year. She wanted to take it slow and I agreed. Things were going along, well and about a month into our courtship some people we work with were calling her some really harsh things behind her back and I defended "Nicole." I ended the conversation by saying that if they had a problem with her maybe they should have me talk to her because I can relate to her.

The next morning, I told her about what happened and she went off on me. For about 10 minutes she yelled that she didn't need me to fight her battles and that she could take care of herself. Obviously, I was in shock because I had just defended her the day prior and she didn't give a damn.

After that we quit talking to each other but I found out through her friend that she was deeply depressed over what happened. She would even come in when I was working and just stare at me and on send me an funny email every now and then. Her friend told me this several times for a the two weeks or so. I told her friend all she had to do was apologize but she never did. Then I found out she said she was still with her old boyfriend, which lead me to believe that she blew me off to go back to him.

The strange thing was she would still stare at me when she came in, try and start unusual conversations, or send me funny emails in a effort to try and reach out to me. Being that I wasn't about to cave in for standing up for I just ignored her.

Well about two weeks after this went by a new woman started working for our company and we have been hanging out since. This new woman is just a friend but apparently, "Nicole" believes that we are having sex and started telling her friends that. Nicole even pulled the new girl into an office, closed the door and point blank asked my new friend, "Are you *****ing him" When my friend denied what wasn't happening anyway "Nicole" just kept questioning why we were always hanging out, and so of course we must be hooking up. This went on for about 5 minutes. Well, of course this has created a lot of rumors and waves at work.

I emailed "Nicole" because I didn't want to start an verbal argument and told basically, that I didn't appreciate her the fact that she blew me off after I went to bat for her. I told her that if she had a problem she should take it up with me and not out on anybody else.

While that email got us on talking terms again and eventually flirting and finally, an unspoken interest that neither one of us would acknowledge or make a move on. Finally one morning, I sat her down for about 30 minutes and told her point blank that I knew she had feelings for me and I knew that I was unlike any other guy she ever met. I told her that the most guys just like her for her looks so she can get whatever she wants with them and then get rid of them without remorse because she grows tired of them. When that happens they come begging back and I have never done that. I, on the other hand have never wanted her for body or looks but for her personality and that scares her because she doesn’t know how to handle it. She became very quiet when I said that. I pointed out to her that every time I’ve gotten close to her and I’ve crossed her comfort zone she pushed me away. But unlike every other guy she’s ever done that too, I always stayed on her mind. Emotionally I never left. She just smiled and looked away. I knew I was right then. I went over ever situation between us and then said to her at the end, “You can run from me, but how long can your run from yourself.” Her mouth literally dropped open and I just walked away. During the whole conversation she sat in complete silence (which if you know this girl is pretty hard for her to pull off) so I knew I was onto something.

About a week ago our mutual friend point blank asked her what was going on between us and she admitted that she felt like she really liked me a lot and really wanted to be with me. The following day she asked me out and said that she was going to open up with me. She stood me up for the date. Two days later she starts a conversation with me by asking what really happened with this other girl. After I told her that nothing happened she then told me that she didn't want to get into another relationship and that nothing was ever going to happen between us.

So again I got pushed away and again I find out she’s gone back to her ex-boyfriend. A woman we work with point blank told her, “You are a fool.” for turning me away. Two woman who are her friends insist that we are going to wind up together someday because she really likes me but she’s hiding it and she‘s afraid. At this point I couldn't care less, I’ve given her enough chances, and I have verbalized that point.

I have now quit talking to her and now again I have caught her staring at me. The other day she sent me an forwarded email about friendship and then she told her roommate that I was mad at her because she stood me up. Nicole neglected to tell her roommate that SHE told me nothing was ever going to happen between us. I’m not even sure why because that would have made herself sound better than to admit she stood me up.

I'm sorry for making this so long but my questions are,
1. What is going on here?
2. Why does she keep giving me mixed signals?
3. Why does she tell her friends one thing and then treat me differently?
4. Should I talk to this girl at work? Should I at least be on friendly terms or should I just continue to ignore her?
5. And to me perhaps the most important question, how can I maintain control over this situation.

1. I think nothing is going on here. She likes you maybe, but can't commit. Sounds like even if she did commit, she's so moody, she'll have second thoughts at some point and drive you nuts.

2. She's confused = trouble for you if you try and date her.

3. She has major confusion and issues. See 2.

4. I think it might be a bad idea based on how she reacts to you having any female friends. She just sounds like a nut case so I'd leave her alone.

5. Leave her alone. That way there won't be any situation.

'nicole' sounds like a total nut job to me!!

Dude - get a clue... total, complete nut case. Drama Queen. Massive issues. Needs a therapist. Nut job.

"She stood me up for the date." - of course she did. Iknew that was coming before you wrote it. You're a nice guy - sucker. I am sure her boy friend is a bad-boy that treats her terribly, but she can't get enough of him. No question.

She loves the attention you give her... but wants nothing to do with you romatically.

Do not have anything to do with her... she's playing you - you're her play thing.

She is crazy - literally.

The best way to have total control over this situation is to leave this crazy female completely alone. It appears your most of the problem for ignoring all the signs of erratic behavior in the first place and listening to her friends? Absolute no-no!

The questions you ask have no easy answers and are not what you need to concern yourself with anyhow at this point. Nicole is much more than just "moody" ; she has severe emotional issues that no doubt require professional intervention and medication. Until she addresses these I'd stay clear from her and forget all about her. You don't need that kind of drama in your life. The stress that results from this type of "relationship" makes it not worth it. There are plenty of stable women out there ; find yourself one of those and get off this crazy roller coaster ride that Nicole's taking you on.


'nicole' sounds like a total nut job to me!!!!

Yes - to tell it like it is! Sad but true.

THANK YOU all for your advice.

This morning her friend told me that she said I was treating her with malice by not talking to her. I just laughed and said, "sure" and changed the subject. I'm no longer even going to talk about her through her friends.

I thought that ignoring her was the best approach but I thought I should ask for some help outside this situation. I will continue to ignore her and I again I thank you all.

THANK YOU all for your advice.Well done for listening.


This morning her friend told me that she said I was treating her with malice by not talking to her. I just laughed and said, "sure" and changed the subject. I'm no longer even going to talk about her through her friends.Bravo for knowing who you are, knowing the real definition of malice and knowing it doesn't apply to you. You are proving "manipulation-proof" which is a very good sign here!


I thought that ignoring her was the best approach but I thought I should ask for some help outside this situation. I will continue to ignore her and I again I thank you all.Nice to see someone get it so easliy -- no fuss, no muss, lesson learned. That was a delight to read. Thank you Chuff :)

Dude - get a clue.....total, complete nut case. Drama Queen. Massive issues. Needs a therapist. Nut job.

"She stood me up for the date." - of course she did. Iknew that was coming before you wrote it. You're a nice guy - sucker. I am sure her boy friend is a bad-boy that treats her terribly, but she can't get enough of him. No question.

She is crazy - literally.

Ok, I'm feeling like a fool for asking this but I think I need to for my own sanity in the future. How did you know she stood me up before I wrote it? I mean she asked me out. I didn't ask her. Furthermore, it was her who told her friend she was going to ask me out and open up with me. How can I better see something like this coming in the future?

Secondly, your right, I am the nice guy and a sucker. I can tell you that nice guys do finish last. Do you have any suggestions on how to change, because it's just so ingrained in my personality that I think I'm kind of cursed for life like this.

Sorry - I am blunt- but I do call it as I see it.

Because... she's a nut job and has had you on a string. And YES I can tell you are a 'nice guy' - she KNOWS you are a 'nice guy'. She a woman who needs a lot of attention and plays guys. She seems to eat men for breakfast - no pun intended.

AND YES you can changed. You are NOT cursed. You just don't know the RULES, the proper way to act, and you espcially are clueless about women.

I have a lot that I can help you with to get over the 'nice guy' stuff - and it's NOT becoming a jerk. It's becoming ga 'good guy'.

Check out these sites:

www.askmen.com = read EVERY article on dating and relationships.

www.sosuave.com - read everything.

The best way to have total control over this situation is to leave this crazy female completely alone. It appears your most of the problem for ignoring all the signs of erratic behavior in the first place and listening to her friends? Absolute no-no!

How very sad and yet very true. I am just as much to blame because your right, I could have saved myself a lot of pain. Actions do speak louder than words and hopefully I can remember that in the future. It just sucks when your caught up in the situation and even worse when you care about her because you start making excuses for her behavior. It's a "you can't see the forrest through the trees" situation.

Trust me on this one - she doesn't care about you... she wants the attention - and when you shut it off - she gets mad. But, until you change your act, she will NEVER have a romantic interest in you.

Well done for listening.

Bravo for knowing who you are, knowing the real definition of malice and knowing it doesn't apply to you. You are proving "manipulation-proof" which is a very good sign here!

Nice to see someone get it so easliy -- no fuss, no muss, lesson learned. That was a delight to read. Thank you Chuff :)


Thank you for your kind words. I can always use them. It seems like a no brainer when you read my original post but when your living it and you want things to go a different way it really sucks and you start making excuses for her behavior. It doesn't help that her friends are on my side and they keep encouraging me, which only gives me false hope. I'm now seeing that she has been manipulating them as you have pointed out. That's why I had to turn to people outside the situation for advice. They can see better what's going on her. Thanks again for your kind words.


Trust me on this one - she doesn't care about you....she wants the attention - and when you shut it off - she gets mad. But, until you change your act, she will NEVER have a romantic interest in you.

I trust you. I hate to admit this as an grown adult but I still have so much to learn about women. It just sucks when you get to the end and realize you've been so stupid the whole time. I've literally done everything wrong which as I look back I now I realize. The only thing is she is the one who always pushes me away, I don't push her away, so I don't know why she gets mad. It's her decision to push me away, it' mine to not give her the time of day. I like this site because those not wrapped up in the situation can see better than I can.

You keep putting the ball in her court... keep the ball in your court. You hold the cards - not her.

Just leave her alone and see what happens. Barely a hi - IF you run into her.

Im sure your not likeing the answers you've gotten so far.?. But there all along the same lines.. "nut/crazy" But I don't think that's it... Im getting the impression she's "well off" which don't get me wrong doesn't make her really better the you, but out of you league. "birds of a flock fly together" she's assamed of you! I mean that ranks up there will having a fling w/"the pool boy" Things just like that aren't welcomed in "there" society. But none the less she does have feelings for you.. be them for the right reason or not. I think procedding on w/this would only set you up for a let down. Besides who wants to live w/"its hs wifes money,he married into bucks,not sure what he provides,extc." now sure love can concur all.. but are you strong enough for the ride? And at this point I don't think your going to get the respect and honest love you deserve. But wouldn't be great if your fairy tale came true?

^^ Huh? How did you figure that out from what chuff posted? She's a nut, whether she's "well-off" or not. And how does her actions prove she's well-off? What are you talking about?

I have to agree, HUH? From what I have read it seems like Chuff DOES like the answers he has gotten so far.

I am curious if Bronica read the entire thread.

And, correct me if I am wrong, but I thought the saying is "birds of a feather flock together."

Chuff, you are doing great keep it up. I am one of those rare women who LIKES a nice guy. So be sure to know that there are women out there looking for nice guys.

Im sure your not likeing the answers youve gotten so far.?. But there all along the same lines.."nut/crazy" But i dont think thats it...Im getting the impression shes "well off" which dont get me wrong doesnt make her really better the you, but out of you league. "birds of a flock fly together" shes assamed of you! I mean that ranks up there will having a fling w/"the pool boy" Things just like that arent welcomed in "there" society. But none the less she does have feelings for you..be them for the right reason or not. I think procedding on w/this would only set you up for a let down. besides who wants to live w/"its hs wifes money,he married into bucks,not sure what he provides,extc." now sure love can concur all..but are you strong enough for the ride? and at this point i dont think your going to get the respect and honest love you deserve. But wouldnt be great if your fairy tale came true?

Ouch! Well I'm not sure where your getting that impression or if I completely understood everything you were trying to say. I appreciate your take and your honesty but if you could offer some more insight I would like to hear it.

For the record I make more money than she does, hold a college degree (she does not)and have a better future ahead of me and I hold a higher position in the company we work for. I am also well liked by most and she is considered "a *****." She doesn't have many friends and the ones she does have, she lies to and they feel sorry for her but can't understand why she continues to run back to this emotional abuser.

I tend to agree with most everyone else in that she is nuts. Or to put it in more politically correct terms she has some deep emotional issues and is afraid of commitment and completely insecure which is why she continues to run back to a boyfriend she's had on and off for years no matter how bad he treats her. That's her comfort zone and the only pillar she's had in years so no matter what he does she can't or won't escape it. I think one of the things that has happened over the last 2 years is he will dump her and she comes to me, who gives her a little confidence or attention and then she runs right back to him when he pulls her back in. When that happens she pushes me away and then she winds up in regretting that after he starts treating her like dirt again.

SHE is also the one who presude me originally. SHE is the one who told me she had feelings for me last season but hid them. SHE is the one who told her friends she was interested in me. SHE is the one who talked about me all winter to her family. SHE is the one who stares at me when she comes in. SHE is the one who gets jealous when she thinks I'm seeing someone else or even talking to another woman. SHE is the one who is still complaining to her two friends if I don't even say hello to her.

I'm the one who made excuses for her behavior. I'm the one who tried to rationalize away her lies. I'm the one who's always felt sorry for her and tried to help her out. Yeah, unfortunately for my love life anyway, I'm the nice guy. I've ignored so many red flags with this individual and tried to rationalize them away because, yeah you got me, I cared. Obviously I cared too much, and continued to hold onto false hope.

As long as my original post was you must realize I left a lot out and as I really look back without my blinders on a lot of what the posters here were saying started making the picture clear. Unless you have some insight they don't have, she's nuts. She's insecure. She's insane. She's a wack job. She deserves the life she leads and I deserve the peace that comes from not having her in mine.

I've said in a couple of my posts but it what makes coming to a website like this so great is you can get honest answers from people who can look at your situation without an emotional attachment from the outside in, as opposed to me from the inside out with my emotions wrapped up in the situation.


^^ Huh? How did you figure that out from what chuff posted? She's a nut, whether she's "well-off" or not. And how does her actions prove she's well-off? What are you talking about?

Cali, your right. She's a nut. And that post confuses me too.

Maybe she is a nut job in disguise. Maybe this --------- one is the one you need to avoid. Lol

Fairy tale ending I do not think so.

You have had excellent advice all the way through except for the -------- one.

I hope you remain friends with the new girl, even with the threats and behaviour from the other girl. That would be a shame if that friendship was lost or strained because of the behaviour of somebody else.

Good luck with everything and yes, ignore and stay away. Going back and forth and trying to be friendly with somebody that does not know up from down will just mess you up and interfere with your work and other workers.

Joe

I have to agree, HUH? From what I have read it seems like Chuff DOES like the answers he has gotten so far.

I am curious if Bronica read the entire thread.

And, correct me if I am wrong, but I thought the saying is "birds of a feather flock together."

Chuff, you are doing great keep it up. I am one of those rare women who LIKES a nice guy. So be sure to know that there are women out there looking for nice guys.

J_9,

Thanks for your feedback. Yeah you are correct, I do like the answers I've gotten and they confirmed what I already knew but was didn't want to accept. It always sucks when you like someone more than they like you, especially when they presude you, but it's even worse when you start making excuses for them and there behavior and their lies.

Thanks for your kind words, I can't tell you and every other poster how much I really, really appreciate it. After a few months of living in that ridicules emotionally insecure world, I fell into it. Even though I'm still confused about the whole thing, I'm pulling myself back out and I continue to get better by the day. Thanks again.

It is so good to hear that you are one of the guys who really knows where he is coming from. We get so many people on here that ask for advice and just keep on doing what they wanted to stop in the first place.

You say you work in a seasonal resort. My cousin does too and when he ran into a similar situation, actually his was worse, but he was able to transfer to another resort owned by the same company. Is this a possibility for you? Just a suggestion.

However, it is good to know that you have your head on straight and really know the answers. You just needed to hear what you were thinking from people who do not know you personally.

Yeah, you will be confused, people like her are confusing. She is like a yo-yo.

Just keep your head up and know for sure that there are women out there who do like Nice Guys. ;) So, if I were you, I wouldn't necessarily change myself, just keep a sharp eye out for the women who like the bad boys and stay away.

Maybe she is a nut job in disguise. Maybe this Bronica one is the one you need to avoid. lol

Now that did get a laugh out of me. Maybe Bronica is really "Nicole"


Fairy tale ending I do not think so.

My fairy tale ending at this point would be if she got fired. But that's not going to happen. I'll just have to settle with her friend telling me how bad it makes her feel that I don't say hello back to her when she says it to me.


You have had excellant advice all the way through except for the Bronica one.

The funny thing is the advice is kind of what I already knew but didn't want to accept. Sometimes you just need that kick in the butt to get back to reality.


I hope you remain friends witht the new girl, even with the threats and behaviour from the other girl. That would be a shame if that friendship was lost or strained because of the behaviour of somebody else.

Yeah we were able to remain friends at work although she now keeps a distance from me outside of work. So I know that it bothered her, and if you knew this girl she is very innocent and kind, so Nicole's actions were not only completely overboard but totally underserving to someone with her head on straight like my friend. It hasn't been the same since Nicole cornered her. Mind you, Nicole is the woman who continues to run back to her boyfriend and even though we weren't doing anything, this other woman and I were somehow the bad people. If that doesn't tell you (and me if I had just opened my eyes) she has problems right there than nothing else will. Even Nicoles friend was disgusted by this behavior and said it resulted from jealousy. Obviously, that's the case but why she's jealous when she's got a boyfriend I still can't understand.


Good luck with everything and yes, ignore and stay away. Going back and forth and trying to be friendly with somebody that does not know up from down will just mess you up and interfere with your work and other workers.

Joe

Thank you for you kind words. I'm doing the best I can although she still says good morning to me every day and sometimes I do give her a hello back. Other times I don't and she whines to her friends about it. But I figure that someone who has no respect for me so why even give her the satisfaction of a good morning. She's just a lost cause and I'm happy she lost on someone else. Again, thank you for your kind words.

If you like, you can borrow my trick. I have a "Nod List" for people who are so awful, so sick that to say good morning to them means the game is on. I nod to acknowledge their presence and that is all, ever. I never speak another word to them nor do I discuss them with others (except to mention that they're on my "Nod List" and that's all they're ever getting out of me). If others attempt to talk about them I diplomatically ditch the conversation or if I am stuck, I stick my fingers in my ears and sing (badly of course LOL) la la la la la I can't hear you until they get the point. It is possible to close a topic entirely and I am grateful I know how. It takes what it takes sometimes, you know?

Though you both work at the same resort her demeanor is different... shes been explained different.. maybe she's not the one well off maybe her parents are I do however seem to think she thinks your not good enough for her for whatever reason money or not. Aside from that she's got the love hate type of thing going.. "wanting her cake and eat it too".as w/all the others comments your better of w/out her, though I know its nice to be wanted even if its only for a little while "its better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all" move on to bigger and better things. Couples are better and stronger when they can relate. No to mention do you really want to make sure your girlfriend/wife whater you choose has taken her prozac for the day? And as I once hear in a movie "you can't ride two horses w/one A## sugar pea!" good luck no matter and sorry if I came off wrong

It is so good to hear that you are one of the guys who really knows where he is coming from. We get so many people on here that ask for advice and just keep on doing what they wanted to stop in the first place.

Well, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't really interested in Nicole, or at least the woman I believed her to be, or at least the woman I convinced myself she was.


You say you work in a seasonal resort. My cousin does too and when he ran into a similar situation, actually his was worse, but he was able to transfer to another resort owned by the same company. Is this a possibility for you? Just a suggestion.

Thanks for your advice. We actually own two properties here on the island but I'm based out of one. Basically, I'm stuck here because only one other person can do my job so I'm not going anywhere. As much as I hate Nicole she's really good at her job and she's worked here for 6 years so she's not going anywhere either. I just have to tough it out until the end of the season which is November. That doesn't sound bad but if you work in this environment that can be a long time away.


However, it is good to know that you have your head on straight and really know the answers. You just needed to hear what you were thinking from people who do not know you personally.

You are right. I needed advice outside my circle because even her friends keep saying things like, "Someday you'll wind up together" and "She really likes you but she's confused." I'm not blaming them because I know they mean well, but that kind of stuff doesn't help me and it only adds to me making excuses for her, and my confusion over the whole thing.


Yeah, you will be confused, people like her are confusing. She is like a yo-yo.

She's beyond confusing. I just need to figure out how to cut that string on the yo-yo.


Just keep your head up and know for sure that there are women out there who do like Nice Guys. ;) So, if I were you, I wouldn't necessarily change myself, just keep a sharp eye out for the women who like the bad boys and stay away.

Well, I have to give credit to Wildcat on this one. He's right I've been I nice guy my whole life and I always wind up hurt in the end. At this point in my life I just don't think I can change because it's so far embedded in my personality. It just sucks when you try to do the right thing by other people and they don't appreciate it.

Well, if it makes any difference, I have always been the "good girl." Guys don't want good girls as much as girls don't want "nice guys."

It takes a lot of pain and trauma, but we are the ones who make out best in the long run.

It doesn't matter what other people say, just stay true to yourself. Do not change because "this is what women like." You will find the right person. Just don't give up.

STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF!! Stay the nice guy, you will be happier in the end.

or at least the woman I convinced myself she was.
That was a bullseye!

I've been I nice guy my whole life and I always wind up hurt in the end.
Good girls and nice guys get hurt but they aren't the only ones who do. Bear in mind that the bad girls and guys do too and actually more often, only in a different perhaps less measurable way. And frankly, I see it as more of the functional (and healthy) tangling with the dysfunctional (and unhealthy) until the functional finally find each other. I have lived on both sides of that fence and can tell you that (true, not the wimpy ones Wildcat speaks of) nice guys no more finish last all the time than good girls have to kiss a lot of frogs. But it helps to be able to recognise people for who they are rather than who you hope they are. Fantasy belongs in comic books or movies and wishful or magical thinking should be left behind in childhood. Its not being a nice guy that is doing it as much as you not living in reality that is. And, like it or not, there are a lot of duplicit people out there too. Discernment takes time and experience. Make the hurt count for something by learning the lesson -- make a personal commitment to live in reality and lose those rose colored glasses. Then when you do hope, you can base it on something real-- that way it may stand the test of time.

Hey Chuff---I'm glad to see that you have been able to handle this situation. Definitely keep coming back here because these people are great at giving advice.

Also, I wanted to address your comment about nice guys finishing last. Personally, I don't think that's the case, especially in this situation. This girl is just plain crazy, so whether you were nice or bad you would have been in one painful relationship.

Moreover, listen to what Wildcat says, he knows what he is talking about. It's not that girls don't want a nice guy, they really do, but more then anything they want a man who is confident. And in reality it's possible to be confident and nice at the same time. Be romantic, show you care, be sweet and charming, but don't over do it to the point it that it loses it's meaning. It's kind of like chocolate and other sweets, it tastes really good but it can be really bad for you if not taken in moderation.

So basically, stay the good guy you are! Just be more confident, put your foot down when you need to, and things will go your way.

Yeah, sounds like this girl has a power trip going on. Who cares why... she just does... good for you for keeping it civil at work with no contact via friends or herself. Sometimes we get caught up in a fantasy of what something really is, but you are right to see that she is not what you wanted her to be... hard lesson learned here... hopefully you learned something. DRAMA SUCKS! Haha

J9, yeah, I am a nice girl too and we get hurt sometimes... but I will win in the end, and so will you Cuff! :) You deserve someone who appreciates you and what you have to offer! :) Good Luck!

If you like, you can borrow my trick. I have a "Nod List" for people who are so awful, so sick that to say good morning to them means the game is on. I nod to acknowledge their presence and that is all, ever. I never speak another word to them nor do I discuss them with others (except to mention that they're on my "Nod List" and that's all they're ever getting out of me). If others attempt to talk about them I diplomatically ditch the conversation or if I am stuck, I stick my fingers in my ears and sing (badly of course LOL) la la la la la I can't hear you until they get the point. It is possible to close a topic entirely and I am grateful I know how. It takes what it takes sometimes, ya know?

This is such a great and funny idea. Tell me what you think about me tweaking it and when she say's good morning, I nod. Eventually she will complain that I don't return the good morning so I would then say, "I nodded!" She would complain that's not the same and then I would say, "Not everybody is on my nod list, your a very special member in a very exclusive club. Not many people get on the Nod list but you've truly earned it. If you want to be some kind of impolite person and don't want to be acknowledged just let me know, and I'll take you off the exclusive list." That is all sarcasm and I would say it with a smile. That would be so funny. The only problem with that is that it requires talking to her.


though you both work at the same resort her demeanor is different...shes been explained different..maybe shes not the one well off maybe her parents are i do however seem to think she thinks your not good enough for her for whatever reason money or not.

What do you mean when you say her demeanor is different? Different than what? What do you mean when you say she's been explained different? I'm the one who explained her? You may be right, she may think I'm not good enough but can you please tell me why and where your getting that impression. If that's the case I'd like to at least know the vibe I'm giving off.



aside from that shes got the love hate type of thing going.."wanting her cake and eat it too".as w/all the others comments your better of w/out her, though i know its nice to be wanted even if its only for a little while "its better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all" move on to bigger and better things. couples are better and stronger when they can relate. no to mention do you really want to make sure your girlfriend/wife whater you choose has taken her prozac for the day? and as i once hear in a movie "you can't ride two horses w/one A## sugar pea!" good luck no matter and sorry if i came off wrong

Well, I'm not here to say you were wrong but I just wanted an explanation. I don't want you to apologize for giving an honest opinion. If that's how you feel then I want you to tell me about what I said or did that gave you that impression. Hopefully I, or somebody else reading this can learn from it.

This is such a great and funny idea. Tell me what you think about me tweaking it and when she say's good morning, I nod. Eventually she will complain that I don't return the good morning so I would then say, "I nodded!" She would complain that's not the same and then I would say, "Not everybody is on my nod list, your a very special member in a very exclusive club. Not many people get on the Nod list but you've truly earned it. If you want to be some kind of impolite person and don't want to be acknowledged just let me know, and I'll take you off the exclusive list." That is all sarcasm and I would say it with a smile. That would be so funny. The only problem with that is that it requires talking to her.
Sarcasm or not, it seems somewhat defensive when you aren't the least bit wrong or worse yet, an attempt to teach an unteachable person-- remember what they say about wrestling with a pig in mud? You'll never win and after a while you'll understand the pig likes it. These types of people thrive on attention, as several posts here already pointed out, and the whole point of the nod is, well, as close to zero attention as possible? :p

Besides I am not big on sarcasm either LOL, I was once told it's a coward's form of anger and stopped me in my tracks with that! :eek:

Now with that said, I do take some naughty delight in watching their initial angst over being as powerless over me as I was over them but I will atone for that sin later, I am sure. :D But they tend to move on to more willing players so that's ultimately what I like-- it ends everything and I get to feel "done". I have no illusions about changing others.

It sounds as though you have it all under control with some great advice. I have to say she has issues upon issues. That is the bad thing about dating someone you work with... the breakup:eek: I worked with a couple that broke up and she even complained to the boss he was not friendly to her. Each morning for a week he would stop at her desk, or go into the break room when she was there. He always made sure many people were around. He would stop, say good morning to her and make such a production of it that everyone could not help but snicker. It did not take long for everyone to stop listening to her drama. He did not look like he was ignoring her and she looked a bit of a fool. I admit he should have been an actor because he did it differently each day and quite funny. She too was a total nut case.

Hey Everybody,

First I wanted to again, say THANK YOU to everybody who posted a response here. I truly can't express to each of you how helpful you have been to me because for awhile there I was losing my mind.

I also wanted to give an update from the past week. I've been a bit under the weather but I have just continued to ignore the nutcase. Last Monday our friend kept asking questions regarding when I was going to talk to her and she said that soon we would be talking again. This went on for several minutes and finally I asked her, "What's going on here? Why are you asking me all these questions? Did she put you up to this?" My friend said "No, I just want to see you two talking."

At this moment I learned something that was in the back of my mind from something Talaniman said, and I hope others can take away from my experience. Part of the reason I continued to have a false hope that something would develop between us was that our friend wanted to see that as well. I was listening to her friend and not paying attention to the woman I was interested in. Her behavior should have told me months ago to cut her loose. As I look back I realize that Nicole not only played me but also played our friend. I think she's still playing our friend for a fool. Nicole told our friend that I don't talk to her because she stood me up but for some reason didn't mention to her that she told me nothing was going to happen between us. To me that would have made her look better than admitting to our friend she stood me up. So she continues to lie to our friend about me.

Nicole comes in every morning and says, "Good morning Travis" and I either say, "What up?" or don't answer at all. The other day when I didn't respond and just walked by she complained again to our mutual friend. I told our friend that I don't wish Good mornings to people who lie to me because I don't feel her exclamation every day that I have a Good morning is genuine. She then tried to continue the conversation about her and I just interrupted her and said, "I've moved on, she should too, let's not talk about her." Well, this morning she walks in drops her purse on a table in our office and angerily says, "Good morning Travis." I looked up for a second, but never looked at her, and then put my head back down to do my work, and smiled, never saying a word back to her. I realized at this moment that her moody, immature behavior no longer controlled me. I'm not saying I'm in control of her or this situation but I'm no longer confused, or wanting her approval. It was a great feeling to be sure.

Wildcat, I appreciate the websites, and I've read a lot on askmen.com (I've been sick for the last week so I haven't read it all) and I've got to tell you I see a lot of myself in the ask doc feature. Unfortunately, a lot of what I see is not good. As a result I've looked back at this situation and past problems I 've had with ex-girlfriends and other women and realized that a change is in order.

I want others to take this away from my situation. I have continued to do what I've always done and always been hurt in the end. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from my mistakes. Listen to the advice on this board. It is right on, and top noch. I know I've repeated this a couple times, but when your in the middle of a situation you sometimes can't think straight. Getting help from here really put everything in perspective. All of you have helped me put my head back on and I truly thank you all.

I just wanted to do a update after a week and I hope some of you can learn from me. Hopefully some of you can see my path from darkness to light and follow it through.

Good for you!! :) Glad you are learning about yourself in the meantime! Woohoo!!

You are free at last... now the trick is to remain that way. Please know this Chuff: no healthy relationship will require that you give up any part of you, in fact, it will only enhance that you remain your own person.

Travis - don't ever feel bad about this... it's a learning experience... knowledge is king. You just didn't know - and thank god you're a good guy. Just keep learning about women... be caucious.

There is nothing we like more than when someone gets helped by the advice we give, Thank you Travis. Stick around, you could be a big help to someone else.

Wow that is fairly surprising information about nice guys vs jerks, but it seems to contradict a lot of the behaviors that are promoted on this website. Im a bit confused.

I think behaviors vs. intentions may be the key..?

Wow that is fairly surprising information about nice guys vs jerks, but it seems to contradict alot of the behaviors that are promoted on this website. Im a bit confused.

Explain please.

Grayfox - you need to really learn about 'nice guys' - in your thread you defintely have all the nice guy tendencies.

'Nice guys' generally just do not have knowledge on how to act with women.
In your post you coem across as very needy, desperate, and insecure - NO WOMEN wants that ever. None.

You just don't have the knowledge about how to act.

Send me a private e-mail and I can go into detail.

You can NEVER completley surrender to someoen as you did - like it or not.

PEOPLE WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE - always.

Grayfox - you need to really learn about 'nice guys' - in your thread you defintely have all the nice guy tendencies.

'Nice guys' generally just do not have knowledge on how to act with women.
In your post you coem across as very needy, desperate, and insecure - NO WOMEN wants that ever. None.

You just don't have the knowledge about how to act.

Send me a private e-mail and I can go into detail.

You can NEVER completley surrender to someoen as you did - liek it or not.

PEOPLE WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE - always.

Yeah Grayfox I was way too much of a nice guy. I lost my backbone with this woman completely. I bent over backwards for her and looking back, every time I did it it drove her further away. When they pull away you've got to pull away too. Don't go in further.

The truth is I've done that my whole life when I really look further back. The worst part is this girl wasn't even my girlfriend. Just someone who was interested in me, and then me in her. If you read my original post you will notice that I stuck up for her earlier this year when some people were saying some (now I think true) statements about her. I defended her and when she yelled at for doing that I cut off communication with her. Even though she wouldn't apologize I know by her actions (and yes what she told her friends, although we can't always depend on them) that by not talking to her it really effected her. She always tried to initiate coversations with me. When she thought I was dating someone else it drove her nuts. I was always happy and smiling and she never was. In this situations I was in control. I didn't look at it like that, nor did I realize that's what it was but I was indeed in control.

The moment, I wrote her an email I gave up control. I thought I was doing it so she would leave my friend alone, but that started us talking again then flirting and then I somehow lost a backbone and started chasing her. Mind you she had chased me to begin with. In my mind, I told myself since she chased me that she would like me chasing her. I was in nice guy mode. It blew up in my face. Then because I was a nice guy (read I was stupid) I continued to chase and continued to believe her friends and it just got worse. Looking back I realize now that it was one mistake after another.

Keep in mind, that while all this was going on she was running back to a boyfriend that has treated her like crap for years.

Now read my update. She's still upset that I won't talk to her and even if I do I just say, "What up" and walk by. In the past I had just given her a dirty look or not smiled. Yesterday, when she dropped her purse and angerily wished me a "Good morning" all I could do was smile. I was happy again. Her behavior no longer affects me. And Grayfox, understand this, it wasn't at her expense. She's just a miserable person whoever she's with. She was trying to make me angry but it didn't work. I was happy again because at that I knew I had regained control of myself.

Again, I'm not in control of this situation. I'm not even in control of her. But by READING, LISTENING, and this is key for many people here, APPLYING the advice I was getting in just about a week and a half I have regained control of myself. That's more important than anything.

Being a nice guy should mean treating a woman with respect but not losing your backbone or who you are as a person. I did completely surrender myself to her as Wildcat says. In doing so I completely forgot who I was. In fact for awhile there I became someone I wasn't.


You are free at last....now the trick is to remain that way. Please know this Chuff: no healthy relationship will require that you give up any part of you, in fact, it will only enhance that you remain your own person.

Valinors is right. If you lose who you are then the relationship isn't worth it.

We also have to understand that we can't always get what we want RIGHT NOW! It is a process and if we are patient, we will see results, but not always RIGHT NOW WHEN WE WANT IT! Be patient! Right Chuff? :)

We also have to understand that we can't always get what we want RIGHT NOW! It is a process and if we are patient, we will see results, but not always RIGHT NOW WHEN WE WANT IT!! Be patient! Right Chuff? :)

That's true but also be aware the results you want may not be the results you get. I would say prepare yourself to be true to yourself. If you aren't true to yourself then she isn't worth it. Also don't be blind to who she really is. Your never going to change her. It's funny women always say that about men but it's also true in reverse.

That is exactly why I say go slow, to give yourself time to think and see things for what they are. There are no guarantees but why run into a brickwall at 100 miles an hour when you can see it coming at 5mph and stop before you bust your head.

Real love can wait so there is no need to rush.

Real love won't break that easily so you don't have to fret over every little detail.

Real love does not require huge personal sacrifice -- if you must slay a dragon to win her love or be rescued from a burning ivory tower by your prince-- then there is something definitely wrong and you need to move to Hollywood to write scripts.

Real love is actually how you feel about yourself only now its for another person, so if its not there inside, how's it supposed to migrate outside?

Real love isn't something you earn it, you are confusing that with trust-- its more like a flower that just blooms when two people who are attracted to each other also earn and learn to trust each other enough to be intimate, not just sexually but mentally, emotionally and spiritually too.

Okay... LOL cue THE ROSE music here before this turns into a Hallmark Card! :o

Real love can wait so there is no need to rush.

Real love won't break that easily so you don't have to fret over every little detail.

Real love does not require huge personal sacrifice -- if you must slay a dragon to win her love or be rescued from a burning ivory tower by your prince-- then there is something definately wrong and you need to move to Hollywood to write scripts.

Real love is actually how you feel about yourself only now its for another person, so if its not there inside, how's it supposed to migrate outside?

Real love isn't something you earn it, you are confusing that with trust-- its more like a flower that just blooms when two people who are attracted to each other also earn and learn to trust each other enough to be intimate, not just sexually but mentally, emotionally and spiritually too.

okay...LOL cue THE ROSE music here before this turns into a Hallmark Card! :o

WOW! How true is all that. Some of these posts need to be read and reread. This is one of those posts.