Hey me and my girlfriend have been going out for just about a year and we love each other very much! Just yesterday she told me that I have become lazy and unexciting... and that she wants a break to have fun and go out with her friends. I used to take her out all the time anywhere she wanted to go we went. Anytime she needed me I was there for her! We would watch movies at our houses together, and we used to go out all the time but now I currently am trying to get a job and its hard to find one because no one is hiring. So since I haven't had a job going out to places has been a little limited now. It hurts so much inside I have no idea why she would do this! She said she still loves me and is not with another guy. She said maybe in a coupe of weeks we can meet up or something. This whole situation is driving me crazy I want to text her and want to get her back now but every one keeps telling me to leave it alone and let her come back to me. All of her boyfriends before me have treated her like or used her, and I am the only one who has ever been so nice so caring and always there for her and she calls me her everything! I just don't see why this happened!?

Anyone have any ideas what I should do or say? Please help! I don't want to lose her!

Thanks!

Her feelings have changed, and you do need to leave her alone, and focus on getting a job, so you can build your own life.

Sometimes we just don't click any more, and no matter how good you were, you'll be even better with the next one.

She said she still wants to talk and still loves me and maybe we can meet up in a couple weeks

You have got to be kidding! Don't you know that any contact will give you false hope, and drive you crazy??

Read some of the things the guys and girls here have gone through, trying to keep someone in your life who has dumped you, before you were ready to move on.

Being in the friend zone, and available to her when she wants you, sounds good on paper, but it's a miserable experience.

Do you really think her mind will change, and you'll live happily ever after??

She texted me today saying that... "I know I let you down in a way.. but you will always be someone very special to me. So I wrote back because I am truly in love with her and she said we might get together on valentines day for dinner. I really want to show her the better me and prove to her that I love her so much and want this to last!

OK. Hold the phone here. She is feeding you the BS break-up special.

I know I let you down in a way.. but you will always be someone very special to me.

Ding, Ding, Ding, this relationship is over. Sorry bud, it is best to stop holding on to this and time to start the healing process.


she said we might get together on valentines day for dinner.

Why so you can pay for her meal, while she feeds you every line in the book, building this fantasy of false hope of reconciliation in your head?

No way man! No Valentine's day dinner. You are broke-up. Break-ups don't include dinner, drinks, and dancing. Break-ups include something called the NC rule. A rule that you should implement right now. Trust me, and everyone that replies after me, you will be WAY better off if you just drop it and start attempting to move on now. The more you hang around the more you end up in the barren land known as the Friends Zone.

You may think that your relationship is the exception, but if you read around, you'll find it's not.

Time to let go. Time to reconnect with friends. Time to start building your life back up, without her. It's time to move on.

Sorry for the harsh sounding answer... but the earlier you realize what's going on the better off you will be.

This is still very fresh to you. Soon you'll (hopefully) come to realize that loving someone and being in love with them, while both perfectly honest answers, mean very different things. You love your family and close friends right? You wouldn't want to be romantically involved with them, though.

You're going to have some hard weeks ahead, but it'll get better. Before you contact her out of weakness, come here and vent and then don't do it. Only she can make that choice, and there's nothing you can do to change it except stand back.

Everyone on here is right, read people's posts and stories on here about their "breaks" and you will see they are like yours. She does love you, you always will love someone you loved before just less than before and not in a romantic way but she needs to go out and live her life and she chose without you. Now you need to do the same, go NC with her and rebuild your own life without her.

I will bet you that if you end up going to dinner on Valentine's Day you will follow it up with a post on the forum about what does this mean, or what does that mean. You are going to end up worse than what you are now.

I know all of you on here are trying to give me the best advice and trying to help me and I appreciate it but I cannot go NC with my ex I have to get back together with her!! Especially if its easy to fix! I can't just take her out of my life and I need to do this so I'm going to her house at 2am in the morning I told her dad that I was going to come and be there to talk to her and give her this $57 teddy bear I bought her which is half the size of me! I can't let something so stupid end like this I have to get her back no matter what! NC doesn't always help everyone's situation especially mine but thanks for the advice anyway!

Ill keep you all posted what happens on Monday

I know all of you on here are tryin to give me the best advice and tryin to help me and i appreciate it but i cannot go NC with my ex i have to get back together with her!!! Especially if its easy to fix! I can't just take her out of my life and i need to do this so im going to her house at 2am in the morning i told her dad that i was going to come and be there to talk to her and give her this $57 teddy bear i bought her which is half the size of me! I can't let something so stupid end like this i have to get her back no matter what! NC doesnt always help everyones situation especially mine but thanks for the advice anyways!

ill keep you all posted what happens on monday



You don't need to keep me posted.. I know what will happen.

Ahem..

This is how you are feeling.
Oh my god there is hope she loves me. There is still a chance I mean look she is sending me text and she did say sorry!. so there is a chance!

This is what she is thinking.

Uff I feel guilty I know what will make me feel better. Ill tell him I'm sorry and etc etc and maybe fill him with a bit of false hope.


You say NC does not work all the time.. Trust me kid. Its much better than filling your head with false hope
Begging. And trying to buy back love

Have some self respect
And just leave her alone.

Or if not and you are so willing on doing this.
What's the point of even coming on here. If your not going to listen.
You will be back here trust me.

And we are not going to be as forgiving. As we were.
Because if you burn yourself once. Yeah it's a shame
You do it twice, and you know your doing it. You a... well will leave it like that.

Enjoy the let down kid ;)
Your in for some more pain.

This forum is for help on someone's situation whether it be breaking up, getting back together, trying to forget about them, and so on. I know you all try to help with by saying just move on and everything will be better but that's not how everyone feels.. not everyone in the world is just going to give up on someone they once loved or still do! It helps some people with going no contact but not everyone keep that in mind.

Don't you dare speak to me about how its hard for you.
You think it was easy for us? For me?

Everyone on here. Has been really hurt or has had a relationship gone bad in someway

Now did we go. Oh OK thanks for the memories yeah ill see you later.

No we did not. We broke down. We felt bad. We wanted them back.
This is all normal feelings.

But the thing that makes us different, is.. I was willing to listen to other people
I had the sens that. My own feelings was clouding the way I thought.
Yeah it was hard as hell.

But everyone speaking to you. Has been where you are today.
You may think you're the only one. And know one knows your pain
Or the love you guys felt between each other.
I'm sorry. But that's b.s

We have ALL been there done that, brought the T-shirt and even washed it.

Trust me if I could see a chance that you guys could make this work. I would say look you can probable make this work here it goes.

But she has said that you are no fun. And she wants to go out have fun.
Now I could go on. For the many reasons this is a no come back zone.
But ill put it in these words for you..

She is bored. Simple as that. Now this is not your fault. It happens as everyone has said people grow apart

You think we wanted to go N.C? No we didn't. We all had that thought in our heads. Maybe the what ifs.
But after months and months of being strang along and learning the hard way. Yeah we kick ourselves. And think oh geee if I would have just not brought her that big teddy bar

Because you see in the end... you don't win her back. You just end up hating yourself. For acting like a love sick puppy.
And you will shake your head and go wow, did I really do that.

You may think this sounds harsh. And I know these words won't effect your actions
As I'm sure your going to run off and go all MOVIE on her. Flowers nice words gifts.

As I said that does not work.

Do what you must. We all have to learn one way or the other
We are just trying to save you some pain.

But as I said in my last message
If you want to go down the hard road. Then be my guest.

Come back on here in 3 months. And then tell me. What you think
I can tell you 100% that you will won't even believe what you wrote.


No contact is not for everyone.. yeah No S@@ I personaly love contact. But if it just damages you. Then why do it?

I know all of you on here are tryin to give me the best advice and tryin to help me and i appreciate it but i cannot go NC with my ex i have to get back together with her!!! Especially if its easy to fix! I can't just take her out of my life and i need to do this so im going to her house at 2am in the morning i told her dad that i was going to come and be there to talk to her and give her this $57 teddy bear i bought her which is half the size of me! I can't let something so stupid end like this i have to get her back no matter what! NC doesnt always help everyones situation especially mine but thanks for the advice anyways!

ill keep you all posted what happens on monday

You are setting yourself up for more pain and hurt.No matter what you do , she probably isn't coming back

I can't just take her out of my life and I need to do this so I'm going to her house at 2am in the morning

You don't have a choice her, she doesn't want you to be a part of her life that's why she broke up with you.Move on

I'm going to her house at 2am in the morning I told her dad that I was going to come and be there to talk to her and give her this $57 teddy bear I bought her

Wow... if you think this is going to win her back, let me tell you what it really says to her.

This really tells her that she can do anything she wants, walk all over you, and you will keep coming back.

It shows how needy and desperate you are, two things that women hate to see in men. It also shows how insecure you are with yourself, by showing her that you can't live with out her.

This may creep her out or piss her off. She will either be thinking "Whoa, this guy is seriously way too obsessed." OR "Why the f- is he here at 2am. I'm trying to get some sleep so I can go out tomorrow and party with my friends."

You are trying to do what they do in the movies. Wake up!! This is real life not some movie. Things that always work in movies hardly ever work in reality. Hardly anyone wins their love back and rides happily into the sunset. It is all fantasy, and sadly many people confuse this with reality.

As True says, we all learn some how. Some people listen and take the easier way, others like to emotionally beat themselves into submission by going through what your trying to do.

It is going to take you so much longer to move on from this when she really crushes your heart and you finally realize the situation.

Why don't you cash in the $57 teddy and buy a $10 welcome mat and afix it to your head.

Same same but different.

This forum is for help on someones situation whether it be breaking up, getting back together, trying to forget about them, and so on. I know you all try to help with by sayin just move on and everything will be better but thats not how everyone feels.. not everyone in the world is just gonna give up on someone they once loved or still do! It helps some people with going no contact but not everyone keep that in mind.

NC is for EVERYONE the best option. Now you are thinking that your situation is unique and you are the only one in the world suffering this loss. Not true at all. You see only in this site there are thousands.imagine the whole world.its hard for you now and everything seems virtual. Don't pinch yourself. Its not a bad dream. It's the reality and you have to deal with it.dont escape. Stay strong with your NC and you will feel better.

Let me say you an expression that I read in this forum: If you really love someone set him free. If she comes back to you, she is yours.if she doesn't, then she isn't meant to be with you.---so set her free.

Accept this.you don't have any other solutions. You can't get her back trying to find a job or trying to change yourself. Don't believe every word she says. Open your eyes. She is not an angel and she is not perfect.---if there was any way to get her back we would have told it to you. We don't have any interest to lie you. We are here to help.

Sorry to say this but don't be surprised if you find out soon that she has another guy.be a man and deal with it. One day you are going to thank her for what she did.
she will make you stronger.

Love is not a *when I feel like it* kind of thing.It is not * I love you when you can take me out and spend money on me*kind of thing either.
Love means sticking with someone through thick and thin. Bottom line is that if she truly cared for you she would not treat you this way.
Love is unconditional... period.

I did something like this and my ex was turned off by the fact I showed up, it shows desperation, which is unattractive to a girl. Same thing happened with me, I used to take her out all the time and I lost my job. Woman are turned off by men without jobs. If you don't have a job your "worth" is decreased and they don't see value in you. Also I did the same mistake as you did, we spent way too much time together, women like it when men do their own thing. I learned a few things from people here, no contact works, I didn't contact her for 3 days and she was already texting me to see how I am. When you don't give chase they wonder why and most of the time come back.Women hate to be ignored. Im on the same boat as you dude, my girlfriend was smart and gorgeous. They love attention, but if u give them too much suddenly they want space, or want to be alone, or just do something with the girls. Its only whether they realize if they do miss you, that determines if they come back. Time can only tell. And time sucks. Especially if u lost your job.

i did something like this and my ex was turned off by the fact i showed up, it shows desperation, which is unattractive to a girl. Same thing happened with me, i used to take her out all the time and i lost my job. Woman are turned off by men without jobs. If you dont have a job your "worth" is decreased and they dont see value in you. also i did the same mistake as you did, we spent way too much time together, women like it when men do their own thing. I learned a few things from people here, no contact works, i didnt contact her for 3 days and she was already texting me to see how i am. When you dont give chase they wonder why and most of the time come back.Women hate to be ignored. Im on the same exact boat as you dude, my girlfriend was smart and gorgeous. They love attention, but if u give them too much suddenly they want space, or want to be alone, or just do something with the girls. its only whether or not they realize if they do miss you, that determines if they come back. time can only tell. And time sucks. Especially if u lost your job.

That is exactly what I mean! I've been going no contact for a week and she texted me and called once and I only answered one call that's all.. she said we will talk on Tuesday

I had a really good weekend with myfriends after feeling horrible for the past week!. Ive decided I'm just going to go to her house and just tell her how I feel so I can get it all out I'm not going to seem desperate or needy I just want to express the way I feel and let her make a decision I'm not going to beg for her to come back to me I'm going to say if you want to give things a try again I'm here but I'm not going to be waiting around. The main part what gets me is that she gave up on me so fast... I understand this is her first real good relationship! All of her other boyfriends used her and treated her like sh.t! And her other relationships only lasted about a month at max. This was her longest one and her first love which was just about a year long.

I had a really good weekend with myfriends after feeling horrible for the past week!... Ive decided im just gonna go to her house and just tell her how i feel so i can get it all out im not going to seem desperate or needy i just want to express the way i feel and let her make a decision im not going to beg for her to come back to me im going to say if you want to give things a try again im here but im not going to be waiting around. The main part what gets me is that she gave up on me so fast.... i understand this is her first real good relationship! all of her other boyfriends used her and treated her like sh.t! and her other relationships only lasted about a month at max. This was her longest one and her first love which was just about a year long.

This is not going to work out.How are you going to ask her to come back without acting desperate and needy? If you find a way do let me know.It doesn't matter it this was her first real good relationship, in by the way she doesn't think it was her first good relationship, if she did why would she then break up with you.Move on.

im not going to seem desperate or needy

Yes, yes you will. You won't mean to, but you will come across that way. I'd nearly promise it.

Sorry to tell you buddy, but from someone that has been on both the giving and receiving side of desperate, you will.

Honestly man just stop and chill a sec, leave her alone. All you are going to do is push her away more and more every time you do this. Just leave it and move on. If she really wants you she will come back to you but let her be the one that takes the initiative.
Because all your doing is setting yourself up for some major heartache, more then you have now. Because once you have totally scared her off she will never come back. Then you totally lost her for good. And never have a chance again.

I did the same thing man, it will put pressure on her and she won't like it. If you give a girl an ultimatem, they will always pick the one you didn't want to piss you off and show you she's independent. Your going to look needy, don't do it

The only thing that you can do to make her want to come back is... do nothing. You trying to convince her to get back together with you will backfire spectacularly.

Its very very counter-intuitive... but it's the way it is. If you want her back, leave her alone, and let her make that decision on her own. And while you are leaving her alone, move along with your life, that way if she decides she doesn't want to get back together, you will be far enough down the track that you won't care either way.

She sounds very immature. You were her longest relationship and it was only for a year?

How old are you two?

She definitely has to figure herself out. If all of her relationships have only been for a few months to a year, she doesn't know what she wants relationship wise. She still has a lot of growing to do.

You need to leave her alone and figure out what exactly you want in a woman, because it sounds like you have a lot growing to do as well. Continue to go out, have fun, and not worry about anything right now.

I decided not to go but now I'm stuck with a $50 teddy bear and I don't have the receipt lol Im going to give her time for a while!

Give it to a little sister, niece, or cousin. They will love it I bet.

Today I went over like she told me to then blew me off and didn't give me the time of day to express the way I feel so I can let everything out and move on with my life! I ended up going over(she wasn't home) her mom and I talked and it made me feel a lot better and I gave her stuff that was at my house and a teddy bear that I was going to give her for valentines day there was no need in keeping it so I gave it and left I cried in the car for about 10 min but after wards I felt a lot better and now I feel so much better and am ready to move on with my life if she tries to talk to me again it probably won't happen... if I ever decide to let it work again things will go very very slowly but for right now I feel great or at least better then last week!

Everyone on here is right, read people's posts and stories on here about their "breaks" and you will see they are like yours. She does love you, you always will love someone you loved before just less than before and not in a romantic way but she needs to go out and live her life and she chose without you. Now you need to do the same, go NC with her and rebuild your own life without her.

I will bet you that if you end up going to dinner on Valentine's Day you will follow it up with a post on the forum about what does this mean, or what does that mean. You are going to end up worse than what you are now.

You know I've never gotten this whole they just love in a different way now. It's like saying a bird is not a bird any more. It seems nonsensical to me. If they love you, really love you, then they should always love in that way. If they don't then it seems to me, either they never did, or they have associated love with the emotional feeling that we see in the movies, but that is not real love. Trust... people married for 30 years do not love each other (the emotional kind) at the same level. It goes up and down over the years.

Just asking but the girl that I recently got dumped by a week ago is already flirting with some other guy (event though I don't care now). I finally feel a lot better getting out everything I needed to say to her. She and I were going out for about a year and it was the best relationship we have both ever had! I did everything I could for I was always there for her and now since we broke up she thinks I'm annoying because all her friends or people that know her said she made a mistake. She told me to come over today so I can talk to her and she blew me off and didn't give me the time of day and left. I drove to her house and me and her mom had a talk and she thinks that she isn't thinking straight and all. She called and I picked up and I told her on the phone how I felt I didn't argue or anything and she got mad because of everyone saying how big of a mistake she made and she told me "F**k you"and hung up on me I replieed back(text) saying one day you'll understand and appreciate everything I did for you and was always there by your side and if you ever want to give us another chance then call me. Bye. How long will it take this girl to realize "Damn I made a mistake and I miss the stuff he did for me.

Just wondering by the way ever since I wrote that and left a big teddy bear on her bed and talked to her mom I feel a lot better and not stressed one bit.

From a past experience, it took him about 2 months. And that's what people told me. That he'll realize what he did and come back to you wanting you to take him back if I just gave it a few months. But, don't rely on that. She may take much longer or never at all. If she's not willing to give you the time of day, I say to maybe do a little dating in the time being... you know... don't wait for just one person to change.

I agree with what you say I just wish people would realize all the good things you do for them and were always there for them. But for now I'm taking it slow and not rushing into a relationship for a while until I feel ready to do so because at times my heart still hurts knowing I lost someone I loved very much.

Nobody in the world can predict if she will ever regret her decision.she may or she may not.she regrets it or not, its not your duty to think about this or you are not going to move on. Focus on yourself and start your healing process which means No Contact. Time is the best medicine. There is an expression "they may forget what you said to them, but they will never forget how you made them feel".so don't worry. She will never forget a such nice guy like you.if she is clever enough she will come back. If she isn't, its her problem.You just move on. Go NC and don't wait for her.you are not losing her.she lost you.

You know I've never gotten this whole they just love in a different way now. It's like saying a bird is not a bird any more. It seems nonsensical to me. If they love you, really love you, then they should always love in that way. If they don't then it seems to me, either they never did, or they have associated love with the emotional feeling that we see in the movies, but that is not real love. Trust...people married for 30 years do not love each other (the emotional kind) at the same level. it goes up and down over the years.

OK, now you are just being naïve. I have broken my far share of hearts, as well as had my heart broken a few times and I still love each and everyone of the girls I said "I love you" too, just not in the emotional way I used too. Each girl will hold a special place in my heart because of the time we shared together. Just because someone's feelings change and the love on a relationship level is gone does NOT mean they never loved you or misunderstood their emotion. I understand you are hurt but don't start posting advice with a clouded mind or anger on other people's posts as it is not helpful. You ask anyone on this forum, who has been around and healed, they will say they do believe their ex loved them but their feelings changed. I don't blame my ex for her feelings changing, it was something she made a decision to live with.

To capitalize on what Rome said, as I concur, this is life. You cannot predict it and some Hollywood director isn't sitting behind a desk writing your "love" story for you. Feelings change, like the weather, they really do. To think that by falling in love that it stays that way for ever is just extremely blind and naïve emotions clouding the way you feel. That is almost having the self pity syndrome, where everything revolves around you... heaven forbid someone NOT be in love with you for the rest of their lives, and if their feelings do change, then apparently they never did really love you. GARBAGE!

You really only have two options in life:

1. Make the most of what you have
2. Wallow in self pity, and eventually die of shame

Which one would you prefer?

You both miss my point I'm afraid. Focus on what I said about married couples. In 20, 30, 40 yrs do you really think the emotional feeling part we tak about so much has not changed? Of course it has. It has gone up and down. Been stronger and weaker, BUT THEY ARE STILL MARRIED. If you felt enough to get married, or say yes to getting married then you should be able to hold on to that person when the feelings wane a bit. They will, and then they will come back, especially if you realize that you are as responsible for them as anything else. Meaning when you put love into it, you get it back. But I think Lolo and many others hit that spot where things are low in the emotional side and then just leave. And make some silly excuse about not meant to be, or some other such nonsense. If you say that 1 person is not the person, and you will find someone who is, think about that statement. Do you really think that you will be on some emotional high for 30yrs when you get that"right person" NO! You have to decide to stay put. That's my point. If you loved enough to go there, that love does not just go away and will resurface stronger.

If I'm wrong then, LOLA and the rest of you ask yourself and tell me, how have people that are married stayed married for 25,30, and 40+ years

I used to take her out all the time anywhere she wanted to go we went. Anytime she needed me i was there for her!

Did you guys ever do what you wanted, or was she always calling the shots? I could see that as being unexciting.


You know I've never gotten this whole they just love in a different way now. It's like saying a bird is not a bird any more.
I agree. All the girls I said "I love you to" was a lie. Every time it was pure lust.



To think that by falling in love that it stays that way for ever is just extremely blind and naive emotions clouding the way you feel.

That's a pretty depressing thought man. Life doesn't have to be that way. I don't want to go through life with the thought in my brain that my future wife might fall out of love; I'd always be on the defense. I used to think like this too, and then I realized it's because I still had issues from my past relationship that I had to deal with.

So you want to stay in a relationship, no matter how bad it is, because you feel the love will come back? Are you serious? Quit comparing people who are married for a long amount of time to every relationship. MOST relationships END, period. MOST people are not right for each other, period. That is the most naïve statement or post I have read in a long time.

Fact: People fall out of love! It happens. Anyone blind to that fact clearly needs to re-evaluate their stance.

I don't know if I agree or disagree with what was said in the last few posts.

When people first fall in love (new love/lust) they can't get enough of each other. They are with each other all the time. They f like rabbits and so on.

As the years (2 years or more) go by, the lust wanes. This is when the mature/real loves takes over. This is when you are there for each other. You help each other out and you care for one another. You communicate and make compromise to make things continue to work. Sex is not AS important at this stage, but still required for a healthy relationship.

Finally after many years together, I would say 10 years or more, you start to get to the attachment phase, where both people are so entrenched in each other thoughts, emotions, and lives, that if one where to leave, or god forbid die, it is a real emotional and physical shock to the other person.

Look at all of the old couples in the world, who have been together for 30,40,50 years. They still love and care for each other. Many of them refer to there partners as their lovers AND best friends. When one person looses the other, the partner still living usually follows close behind. Why? I believe that after being with someone for that long, your body actually needs that person to live. Ever hear of someone dying from a "broken heart"? It happens all the time. I'm not saying that this is the case for all couples... but it is interesting to think about.

I think to say you will always loose love for your partner after a while is false. I believe the love is always there, but it matures from new love/lust to attachment. It doesn't change, it just grows, like a baby into an adult. To say that it doesn't change is wrong. However, to say it always dies, or goes away at the drop of a hat is wrong as well.

BTW, we should take this to another thread... we kind of hijacked JT's thread here. :D

So you want to stay in a relationship, no matter how bad it is, because you feel the love will come back? Are you serious? Quit comparing people who are married for a long amount of time to every relationship. MOST relationships END, period. MOST people are not right for each other, period. That is the most naive statement or post I have read in a long time.

Fact: People fall out of love! It happens. Anyone blind to that fact clearly needs to re-evaluate their stance.

Then the idea that you will find the right person is a falsehood. Think about what you’re saying for a minute here. If most relationships fail, then that means ALL relationships, including the ones in the future, will mostly likely fail. So where does the leave the whole, “If its meant to be” crap, or “don’t worry about losing this one man, the right one is coming along.” Those are to opposed views. There are the “right ones” out there, then by definition there is something that has to happen in order for it to last, like goddamn commitment. Not the Universe just making this work magically. And working on it means not “falling out of love” all the darn time.

Naïveté’s is not the issue here. The simple fact that people very often just give up. If there was something about you or some girl that made you in love to begin with then unless there has been a major life change, that person is still there and you should commit to reigniting the love if it has waned. If the relationship is bad, cheating, abuse, incompatibility, that is one thing, but most relationships do not end because of those things, especially LTR.

I’m sick of people just giving up.

Giving up? It isn't about giving up, it is about being happy. You sit here and spout the BS about giving up, yet you create a post that is about nothing but GIVING UP! This woe is me crap is getting old. Get out of yourself pity. This is life, some things just don't work out. Love shouldn't be extremely hard, and when it gets to a point of constant wear and tear, then rather than fighting for something that doesn't seem to be there, the couple should probably just move on, as they, in the end, just weren't compatible.

This is your life here. You should be happy, and if you aren't happy, then find something else. I can see, that in a marriage, YES, you should do everything you can to salvage it, but not in a relationship. The chemistry of couples change, fact. Don't lay that whole, "she gave up on me" crap on this. Take the self pity elsewhere. You think that when people get married they plan on getting divorced? People try, over and over again, to make things work, but you can't fight life.

It's like saying a bird is not a bird any more. It seems nonsensical to me.

Try looking at the bird this way, it grows up and leaves the nest and faces life away from its parents. Still a bird, just older and more independent.

you ask yourself and tell me, how have people that are married stayed married for 25,30, and 40+ years
You stay together by working together and GROWING TOGETHER.

Life throws many things at us, and as we get older, and more experienced we handle things differently. All humans change at some point, but I think the partners that stay together and are happy, deal with there situations together, for the benefit of them both.

Just need to point out, even when we disagree, the wife and I still love each other, and that's never been a question. So there is no need to even worry about the grass being greener in someone else's yard, but in taking care of our own.

Long term partners work well together, no matter what the problem is.

Today i went over like she told me to then blew me off and didnt give me the time of day to express the way i feel so i can let everything out and move on with my life! I ended up going over(she wasnt home) her mom and i talked and it made me feel alot better and i gave her stuff that was at my house and a teddy bear that i was going to give her for valentines day there was no need in keeping it so i gave it and left i cried in the car for about 10 min but after wards i felt alot better and now i feel so much better and am ready to move on with my life if she trys to talk to me again it probably wont happen... if i ever decide to let it work again things will go very very slowly but for right now i feel great or at least better then last week!
Once you have accepted that this thing is over you can look forward and not back. Glad you feel better, and you will see that there is a lot to be happy about, as your free to be happy, and seek what life has to offer.

NO CONTACT for any reason what so ever.

Both parties have to put forth the effort to make a relationship, and marriage, work. If one is not putting in the work, while the other takes up the slack... that is where problems arise. Love and relationships are a two way street, meaning both parties have to be equally committed to make it work. If one isn't it won't work.

This all doesn't happen over night. Sometimes it takes months or years before one person or the other calls it quits. I think that people rarely give up, they just reach a breaking point where they question their happiness being with the other person.

There is no reason on this earth to suffer in a relationship if you are unhappy. If you try and can't make it work... then it's time to make the tough decision to leave.

When the a person comes along and everything comes naturally, (love, commitment, happyness, communication, and compromise) then you have something very special.

KC is right in the fact that these things should not be hard to work towards when you are with the right person. Why? The other person is working for them along with you. It's called teamwork. It makes everything easier.

So there is no need to even worry about the grass being greener in someone elses yard, but in taking care of our own.

Long term partners work well together, no matter what the problem is.

And that's my point. IN a LTR its not about your happiness, its about the happiness of your parnter. And vice versa. A relationship hits lull or something and now you're not happy, so I'll just leave. To feel better you say it was not meant to be. To me that’s the real self pity. Thinking you or the other person had no control over the situation, and it just had to be that way. That may be true for 6 month or 1yr relationships. But for relationships two plus yrs or longer, and marriages, your happiness is in your control.

Flat out me and my ex were compatible in every possible way. What happened then, well its clear she just gave up. If I had her attitude, then 4 yrs ago when I felt I was unhappy I would have slept with someone and just said, I’m not happy. I would have left, and not instead looked at the relationship and all the positive things that were still present, and out weighted what was happening at the present moment at that time.

I also understand where Ka1 is coming from. When I first broke up with my girlfriend, I had that mentality, like, "How could she give up on me?"

I think, over time, you start to realize that both parties played a hand in the demise of the relationship, and I totally commend her for ending a relationship that hadn't been working for a long time.

Just need to point out, even when we disagree, the wife and I still love each other, and that's never been a question. So there is no need to even worry about the grass being greener in someone elses yard, but in taking care of our own.

Long term partners work well together, no matter what the problem is.[/QUOTE]

The grass grows greener where it is watered.

Reality- people grow, and change, and sometimes they grow apart. Even after 30 years.

Placing blame, and fault changes nothing, only delays the learning and healing.

There are no right, or wrong, answers when that happens, thats entirely up to the two partners.

Late last night my ex texted me after a few days of me going NC and her friend or someone she kind of knew at her school passed away due to heart failure. I know its very sad but this is what she wrote me it was basically an apology of some sort... "I dont want to be mad at you now or ever, i just had a friend pass away tonight so im sorry i made you upset about everything". IMO it seems like she is feeling guilty and in a way using this to say sorry in some way( I did not text back). Am I wrong for not doing so or what should I do or say?

She is trying to use the excuse of her friend dying to get in touch with you in order to try and relieve her guilt. You did the right thing. Notice she said


I don't want to be mad at you now or ever

Why should she be mad at you? She wanted this, not you. If anyone should be mad, its you! She is only thinking of herself. Don't give in.

That's what I was thinking as well she is basically trying to apologize for hurting me and all. I talked to some of my buddies and my cousin and they said the same thing that she is using it as a way to relieve her guilt.

Thanks

At least she is feeling that she is guilty.this is important. Don't contact her.stay strong,that's why we are men.and that's why they are women,to make us things more difficult.if she contacted you once she is going to do it again.be indiferent.dont contact her.ignore her.it will help you to gain power over her and maybe in the end you will be the one to decide about your relationship,not her.be patient and wait.everything is going to get better even if you have to live without her.

Should I have said happy valentines day to her yesterday (I didnt) just wanted to know some other people thoughts.. Also her birthday and mine are coming up in march should I say happy birthday to her or keep going NC?

Should i have said happy valentines day to her yesterday (i didnt) just wanted to know some other people thoughts.. Also her birthday and mine are coming up in march should i say happy birthday to her or keep going NC?

NOPE

And

NOPE

No. Valentines day is for couples... you're not with her. B-Day, well that is up to you.

Should i have said happy valentines day to her yesterday (i didnt) just wanted to know some other people thoughts.. Also her birthday and mine are coming up in march should i say happy birthday to her or keep going NC?

I was not going to contact me ex,but I did let her know about the death in my family. Only because of the dynamic. She spent a good amount of time with my uncle and aunt in question. Of course she gave the I still love and care for you line. I just need to have time away from the relationship in order to evaluate it and my life.

Whatever. Her B-day is coming up to, but I'm not going to call. Assuming we both need to not call.

Don't contact her even if it is her birthday.I did the same thing.I didn't contact my ex neither for the new year's day nor for her birthday.she doesn't need you to wish her "happy birthday".thats all.

And they don't deserve to wish them "happy birthday"

Good point! Because she basically is the one who gave up on our relationship so I shouldn't have to say anything. I am doing better so far but every now and then she comes into my head and I just keep waiting for a text or something for her to say sorry and stuff like that but the last text I got from her was about her friend and her saying sorry about getting me upset about the whole thing

I know inside of me I still do not want to let go of her especially since it is really easy to fix! But I guess I will just continue NC until one day she realizes (if she does) that she made a mistake with giving up on me and not wanting to work it out. And if that day does come I will not give in that easily I will take it very slowly with her to make sure that my heart does not get broken again! It just sucks losing someone that you have done everything with and everything for and both loved each other so much and it just ends so simple like that.

You echo my sentiments. Its amazing how people can just screw things up worse, by giving up

I hate to disagree but I just got to. You are playing games and trying to manipulate the situation. Just be truthful and real. If you want to see her on her birthday, see her, want to call her, then call her. I just believe that a "mature" relationship is one that people aren't playing the hard to get game.

I hate to disagree but I just gotta. You are playing games and trying to manipulate the situation. Just be truthful and real. If you want to see her on her birthday, see her, want to call her, then call her. I just believe that a "mature" relationship is one that people aren't playing the hard to get game.

That's what I'm saying but a lot of people on here say go NC and that's the best way to go I want us to work again and go back out because its easy to fix if I keep going NC she might just forget about me and I don't want that

Just be honest and follow your heart. Don't do it to the point that SHE is playing games and you get taken advantage of. If she starts doing that just say, "here's the deal, I like you a lot and would love to spend more time with you. If you feel the same way, great, let's do it. If you are going to be playing with my heart by running hot and cold, depending on what else you have going on, then count me out. End of story. That way there is no guess work. It is what it is. I would respect a guy that said something like that to me. It's a man who knows his own heart and mind, has set his boundaries and, is capable of being a good partner, but won't be toyed with.

I hate to disagree but I just gotta. You are playing games and trying to manipulate the situation. Just be truthful and real. If you want to see her on her birthday, see her, want to call her, then call her. I just believe that a "mature" relationship is one that people aren't playing the hard to get game.

If the relationship did not break over fundamental compatibly issues than the person leaving is being immature. Some may disagree, because there's seems to be a lot of people that just think a break-up is meant to be; which is false. Problems and challenges arise in any relationship, and many people take the easy way out. Very often because of this cultural belief (this is my speculative thesis) that if its meant to be, it will just happen.

NC very often makes me questions what they did. It is not manipulative, its just that people do make mistakes, and in relationship where one person is taking the other for granted or gotten comfortable, or things there is greener grass elsewhere, the disconnection helps hammer the point home that they screwed up.

Now here's the problem for guys like me and JST, that has no bearing on what we have to do to survive the break-up. NC can become a mute point because by the time it "works" we have moved on, or don't quite trust or feel secure that they won't do it again. I know for myself that 1. I can hold grudges, 2. I would not feel totally secure in the relationship, which will cause me to act in ways that would hurt it. So either way, I'm stuck with her bad decision, and the pain I have to deal with from it.

JTS31708;1550017, I know inside of me I still do not want to let go of her especially since it is really easy to fix!
That's your side of things, but obviously she doesn't agree.

But I guess I will just continue NC until one day she realizes (if she does) that she made a mistake with giving up on me and not wanting to work it out.
What if that day never comes? What will you be doing in the meantime?

And if that day does come I will not give in that easily I will take it very slowly with her to make sure that my heart does not get broken again!
IF that day comes?? Again how long do you think that will be?

It just sucks losing someone that you have done everything with and everything for and both loved each other so much and it just ends so simple like that.
I agree there, it does suck, but the bigger question is what are you going to do about it?


That's what I'm saying but a lot of people on here say go NC and that's the best way to go I want us to work again and go back out because its easy to fix if i keep going NC she might just forget about me and i don't want that

You go NC to heal and see reality and make better decisions for yourself based on facts and not just feelings. Right now your feelings are blinding you to the facts,
She dumped you
She gave up on the relationship, because HER feelings have changed.
So it simply ends, just like that.

But until you accept it, you cannot move ahead in the healing process.

Ka1;1550378, If the relationship did not break over fundamental compatibly issues than the person leaving is being immature. Some may disagree, because there's seems to be a lot of people that just think a break-up is meant to be; which is false. Problems and challenges arise in any relationship, and many people take the easy way out. Very often because of this cultural belief (this is my speculative thesis) that if its meant to be, it will just happen.

You forget the obvious, sometimes feelings die, fade, or just CHANGE. That's what humans do, they feel, and they change.


NC very often makes me questions what they did. It is not manipulative, its just that people do make mistakes, and in relationship where one person is taking the other for granted or gotten comfortable, or things there is greener grass elsewhere, the disconnection helps hammer the point home that they screwed up.

Or it allows you to heal, after a break up, so you can deal with the reality of the situation, after the emotional dust settles.

Now here's the problem for guys like me and JST, that has no bearing on what we have to do to survive the break-up. NC can become a mute point because by the time it "works" we have moved on, or don't quite trust or feel secure that they won't do it again. I know for myself that 1. I can hold grudges, 2. I would not feel totally secure in the relationship, which will cause me to act in ways that would hurt it. So either way, I'm stuck with her bad decision, and the pain I have to deal with from it
NC is what helps you get over it, and deal in a positive realistic way, all the points you bring up. And just because you say your partner made a bad decision by dumping you, to them it was a good decision. Unless they come back and tell you otherwise.

Nothing wrong with being stubborn, just know when to quit. Being dumped doesn't have to be a bad thing, just a realization that something has changed and you need to make some adjustments to cope with those changes.

talaniman,

I believe you are making the fundamental mistake I'm seeing on this board and others; and maybe its more of a different world view. A crack addict thinks it's the right decision to get high, but its not. And we all know that. Just because someone thinks they made the right choice, does not mean they did. In fact, people make poor decisions more often than good one in general. I sickens me to hear people say, "she made the right choice, so understand that," or something similar. The reason so many people do feel like they made a mistake by leaving their ex's that were good, is precisely because they realize they made mistake. Which means by definition is was a mistake to break-up from jump.

Your assertion that feelings do change is true only to a certain degree. How can I say that. I go back to my earlier posts about married couples. If you get married at 25, and stay married until a spouse dies at 75, that's 50yrs. It is a definitive fact that each person's feelings for the other has waxed and waned at different times in 50yrs. That's just the nature of human relationships, but they did not break-up. Why? Well there can be a lot good reasons, but 1 is always going to be an understanding that you look past your feelings of the moment.

I'm telling you if basic, fundamental compatibility is in the relationship, changed feelings may be why a person decides to give up, but it is not a reason to break-up. The rough patch will disappear. If it didn't then there would be very few couples married for 30 plus years. You have to look at the successful ones, and realize they experienced the same thing the people who broke-up did, but choose a better way to deal, than running away.

talaniman, the next love relationship you have, or you just going to pack in the 1st time your "feelings" are different? Come on, man you got to do better than that.

talaniman,

I believe you are making the fundamental mistake I'm seeing on this board and others; and maybe its more of a different world view. A crack addict thinks its the right decision to get high, but its not. And we all know that. Just because someone thinks they made the right choice, does not mean they did. In fact, people make poor decisions more often than good one in general. I sickens me to hear people say, "she made the right choice, so understand that," or something similar. The reason soo many people do feel like they made a mistake by leaving their ex's that were good, is precisely because they realize they made mistake. Which means by definition is was a mistake to break-up from jump.

Your assertion that feelings do change is true only to a certain degree. How can I say that. I go back to my earlier posts about married couples. If you get married at 25, and stay married until a spouse dies at 75, that's 50yrs. It is a definitive fact that each person's feelings for the other has waxed and waned at different times in 50yrs. That's just the nature of human relationships, but they did not break-up. Why? Well there can be a lot good reasons, but 1 is always going to be an understanding that you look past your feelings of the moment.



I'm telling you if basic, fundamental compatibility is in the relationship, changed feelings may be why a person decides to give up, but it is not a reason to break-up. The rough patch will disappear. If it didn't then there would be very few couples married for 30 plus years. You have to look at the successful ones, and realize they experienced the same thing the people who broke-up did, but choose a better way to deal, than running away.

talaniman, the next love relationship you have, or you just gonna pack in the 1st time your "feelings" are different? Come on, man you gotta do better than that.

I've been married for over 28 years and you are absolutely right about feelings waxing and waning. We could have been divorced and re-married 15 times if we just followed our feelings at the time.

I agree but what should I do about it I told her I'm going to give her space like 2 weeks or so like I said. But afterwards how should I go and approach her or start to communicate again. Part of me wants to see if she realizes that she made a mistake after a rebound or something and the other part wants me to take action and try to start talking to her again.

Hi there its very hard for us women sometimes and we just need some breathing space . If you leave her alone for a while ,you will be giving her what she needs and that way if she is missing you she will be back . She sounds confused and needs to go out and have fun .hopefully if she is in love with you she will come back to you . Believe me and be possitie great things happen to peoplle who are passiant.

Talaniman, the next love relationship you have, or you just going to pack in the 1st time your "feelings" are different? Come on, man you got to do better than that.


I have been married more than 30 years, and know full well how people can either work at it, or just give up. What you propose is to fix it, and that's great if your partner is willing. But if they are not, what are you going to do about it? I asked this before and got no answer.

I have seen your reaction, and JTS's many times, and its natural when humans become attached but can't let go. Been there done that, its called denial. You will work through it, we all do. It's a part of the healing process, which it seems your going to have to learn the hard way.

One thing though most successful marriages, and relationships are about partners who resolve their issues through honest communications, and are WILLING to work together for the benefit of both. Without that from both partners, you have no relationship.

Its fact, most relationships end any way, as we grow, and learn until we find someone who fits well, and is more compatible and in tune with with us.

Now you think you can fix everything with an UNWILLING partner? Try, and let me know how miserable, and confused you are.

I agree but what should i do about it i told her im going to give her space like 2 weeks or so like i said. But afterwards how should i go and approach her or start to communicate again. Part of me wants to see if she realizes that she made a mistake after a rebound or something and the other part wants me to take action and try to start talking to her again.
Leave her alone, and let her make her own decision, without your influence. In the meantime work on you and heal. Then you can take it from there, and see what life has for you. I understand your feelings, it sucks to be dumped. But life does move forward, and get better. Just take one thing at a time, and deal with it.

I decided not to go but now im stuck with a $50 teddy bear and i dont have the reciept lol Im going to give her time for a while!

DO NOT ever give her this bear and stop wasting your money. The bear is just more game playing, manipulating etc..

SHE texted you after a death. She wanted to make contact with you. That is what tells me that it is one of these two things...
1. She is not feeling so cocky after being brought down by someone's death and feels the need to turn to someone she considers a true "heart to heart" person in her life.

2. She has a lot of maturing to do and is just using you in her down and out moments to cheer her and possibly puff up her ego.

Either way, you know what YOU feel. I would present it to her in a matter of fact way. Exactly as I said in an earlier post. That is IF she makes contact with you again. That will open the door for you to state your case without you seeking her out. You can tell her what you want and still hold onto your dignity if you do it the right way.

Well I was on aim and my ex tried to start a conversation with me and I kept it very short I said hey what's up, she asked me what I was doing I said just got out of the shower and she said I'm getting ready for tomorrow, and I said that's cool well I have to go to bed night. I ended it like that is that OK to have a short conversation and not get into things?

Better to have no conversation, but you have to start somewhere.

So if she tries to contact me again in anyway either email, aim, call, or text should I ignore it or at least have a short conversation with her? I don't want to be rude about things and not to ever see her again. I feel a lot better now since I've been having a good time with friends and all so I don't see why I shouldn't at least have convos with her short ones though! I Won't contact her only when she tries to talk to me is when I think I should

This is not going to work. You need to go NC, you are not her door mat, Move on

i don't see why i shouldn't at least have convos with her short ones though! I Won't contact her only when she tries to talk to me is when I think I should

Its real simple, you will be miserable with her in your life and she isn't your g/f. You will take her nice friendly gestures as a sign there is still a chance ,and waste your time waiting for her to change her mind and take you back.

Now, if your really over her, then you won't mind seeing her eventually having to make more time for a new guy, and less time for you.

Be real with yourself, can you do that?

This is going to be long but today we were coincedently at the same game and she was with her friends and I was with mine and she saw me and I didn't see her but when I got home she called and texted and wrote this to me((((((.hi .
So as of what I saw your doing well you look good just how you did when I first meet you!
You know I read your blogs and if I somehwat was the reason you wrote them I'm soory.
You're a great writer though..
I really just didn't think it be like this I know I was an when you tried to talk to me but I just didn't want to talk about the same thingg.
No one influenced me to do anything.
I made my own decisions and I know I prettymuch made it for both of us but its how I said I cared about me first I wasn't happy I didn't want to fake my happinees .
Like you said someone will appreciate everything you did for me even more but TRUST me when I say this I CARED & still do I appreciate it and everythingg.
I didn't think we would act like children llike how we did today yea I shouldve gone up too you but I didn't want to make it akward.
I called you on the day that I found out I had lost a friend and texted you but you didn't call me nor text me back now I know I deserved it but I needed to tell you that I was soory and that I loved you and to not argue anymore or be mad or hate each other but to be FRIENDS. Because I lost a friend when I thought he was OK seeing someone one day and then the next him not being there.. it sucks so bad and I don't want to loose you completely because you were the first guy I was in love with the first one I did many things with and I don't want to pretend like none of it happeneed.
I apologize for my past actions & I hope we can be friends or to the point were if we see each other we can say hi and not ask our friends where one another is or if werelooking cause we both were doing that .
You know me and I know you very well or at least I think I do so do what you please after this I trulyy care about you and like I told your sister I do think about you .
There is no one else I'm trying to talk too or get with.
I'm simply just living life to the fullest because after this past weekend the one person who always did live that way lost his life and I want to be just like himm and happy all the time .
&i can't be like that knowing someone is upset at me or I am not atpeice with you because I want to be that's all I ever wanted and wantt.

Write back . Call me . Text me . Which ever one your heart tells you to do follow your heart not what your head tells you to do because feelings come first and are the best ones to go with whether it be to not ever talk to me again or to do the complete oppositee .

Iloveyou with all my heart &wish you the best in life because I know that if you put your heart and soul into it you will accompplish whatever it is your destined to dooo!

<3 MELYY )))

You still haven't answered my question.

Very sweet words from an ex... however, this does nothing for you except RE-ENFORCE the idea of a FRIEND. And this mate, is something you want to stay away from for a long while. Staying close will not let you move on with your life and find the happiness in yourself. If she doesn't get this well it's her problem. She can deal with it her own way--she says "i made my own decisions and i know i prettymuch made it for both of us" and there's your answer she took a decision to get her happiness back... you do the same and if it involves removing her from your life then DO IT! For YOU! Its YOUR decision. Once you take it, stick with it. Good luck and be strong.

- expat

If there are any feelings that you are still holding on to for this female, friendship will not work. Only when you feel nothing (romatically speaking) will you be able to possibly foster a friendship with her. This may never happen, as many people can not be friends with their ex for that reason alone. Not because they don't want to, but because their heart and their head can't agree on where to place this "friend".

Well she wants to talk in person so I agreed we will most likely talk tomorrow she will say everything she has to say and I will say everything I have to say as well. Then we will go from there I'm not going to beg her back or anything but if she says she does not want to ever get back together then I will have to erase her from my life. I prepared for the worst more then the best. Even though there is a slight chance we could get back I'm not getting my hopes up.

One more thing if this helps she is (16 turning 17) I am 18. It just seems like she knows everything already when she doesn't its a lot different when you get out of high school I'm in college now and I learned the hard way and I don't want her to make mistakes.

Read what you just wrote 10 times before going to the meeting, OK?

You are not going to beg. And if she doesn't want to go back together, erase her from your life.

Read what you just wrote 10 times before going to the meeting, OK?

You are not going to beg. And if she doesn't want to go back together, erase her from your life.

Lol that's exactly what I'm going to do. I still have feelings for her obviously but I cannot be a friend because I can't sit back and constantly keep thinking about her if she is with another guy or if she is doing fine so I'm going to have to erase her from my life as painfull as it will be for a little while it will have to be done if I know for a fact she does not want to get back together.

We talk tomorrow ( If she can she will be at a funeral and when she gets out she said we would) so I will keep you posted!

Any more advice before tomorrow?
THe day we could try to fix things or the day I erase her from my life...

After a funeral? Dude. I think it's a bad idea. I really think it's a bad idea. Can't you call it off? There's a good chance she'll be very emotional after it. I don't know...

I wouldn't do it , too many mixed emotions are involved and it could go either way.

So I should put it on hold for another day like Saturday?

You should put it on hold indefinitely, but if you need to talk to her, another day would be better. She will still be emotional, but not as bad as she would be right after a funeral.

I hope you get closure, and a fair warning, if she comes back, which I seriously doubt, things will be very different. She will be different.

Just me I would have let her have enough space for the emotional dust to settle for you both as she is mourning and your still in shock and have a lot of false hope built up.

I do question your decision making when it comes to her, and this relationship.

After a funeral would be a bad idea, too many emotions can be going on. Put it on hold, and make sure this is what YOU want. Remember, she isn't who she used to be and your not who you used to be, it might be a waste of time trying it again

I just caled her and asked if we could do it another day because I don't want to see her all sad and everything especially right after a funeral she said no I will be fine we will talk later today. So I guess she wants to do it today I will let you all know what happens

Thanks!

She wants to meet up at 3

she wants to meet up at 3

Try not to wear your heart on your sleeve,it's a good way to have it torn apart.

Perfect answer art, don't let your feelings show to easily. Life is like a poker game, don't show your cards until you know you can win.

Well we talked and it made me feel a lot better at least she said everything she has been wanting to say a lot of it made sense most of it I still don't get but whatever she will realize it later.. I said what I had to say a lot of it stuff she will probably be questioning herself later on. We both teared up a little when we talked. She said she wanted to be friends for now or at least to the point where we can say hi to each other.. Later that night we someohow ended going up to the same bowling alley I was with my friends she was with hers. I don't think it was a coincidence because on my myspace I put going to the bowling alley and I have a feeling she saw it and decided well lets go see how he is. It was very awkward seeing each other there so I just said hi and she gave me a little hug and that was it I didn't talk to her or nothing. She seemed confused and shy. They left because of the wait( even though there really wasn't one at all) she texted me when she left saying how weird and ironic it was and that they were going to go to the movies instead and told me to have fun I replied very short worded. 3 hours later she texted me before she went to bed (it was 12:30am) saying " Dont ever change! your the best! and im sorry! i just want everything to be ok." I wanted to reply with a smart answer saying if I'm the best why did you leave me lol but I just left it at that with no response and haven't said a thing to her since that day. Did I do the right thing?

Sorry for it being so long lol

Under the circumstances, what else could you do? What you do next is probably more important.

That's very true! I just wanted to know if I did the right thing. In the beginnign she said she gave me chances to change by helping out around the house because I was lazy which was true and also to get a job and she felt like I wasn't listening or didn't take her seriously that's why she broke it off with me. But I tried my best looking and looking but nothing happened.

I just want to know if I'm doing the right thing so far and if I did the right thing that night by not texting her back when she sent me that text" Don't ever change! You're the best! And I'm sorry! I just want everything to be OK.

I just still feel like there is no one that will compare to her at times I don't think about her because I'm with my friends but she always pops into my head everyday somehow. Memories, songs, my room, car, places we go to everything I still feel down inside and still just have some hope of one day we get back. But in the meantime I'm going to try to not let it bother me. She said when she feels 100% with herself first we could then probably give it another try. But I'm not going to wait aroudn for her

I just want to know if im doing the right thing so far and if i did the right thing that night by not texting her back when she sent me that text" Dont ever change! your the best! and im sorry! i just want everything to be ok.

I just still feel like there is no one that will compare to her at times i dont think about her because im with my friends but she always pops into my head everyday somehow. Memories, songs, my room, car, places we go to everything i still feel down inside and still just have some hope of one day we get back. But in the meantime im gonna try to not let it bother me. She said when she feels 100% with herself first we could then probably give it another try. But im not going to wait aroudn for her

Everyone feels that way if the relationship matters to them. Don't in the slightest expect that she will ever come back. It's not because you were a horrible person and she regrets the time spent with you. It just wasn't what she needed for her life - and you can't change your fundamental being, and neither would you want to.

What does that really even mean though? "Dont ever change! You're the best and I'm sorry! I just want everything to be OK. What is that even supposed to mean?

She is saying anything she can to try and convince you to be her friend. Once you do, that is where you will stay... the Friend Zone. It will be fairly awkward anytime you hang out with her as long as you still have ANY feelings for her(which it seems you do).


What does that really even mean though? "Don't ever change! You're the best and I'm sorry! I just want everything to be OK. What is that even supposed to mean?

Just go back to doing what you were doing before. As you can see (we all can see), you're confused again. You are latching on to every last word she said to you when you saw her and are trying to analyze them for any shreds of hope that she wants you back.

STOP. She only feeding you crumbs to keep you wondering and interested. Time to go back to doing your own thing. You are not ready to forge any type of friendly relationship with this girl, because your head and your heart cannot agree where to put her in your life, causing you to get confused and looking for any hope of reconciliation.

What does that really even mean though? "Dont ever change! Your the best and im sorry! I just want everything to be ok. what is that even supposed to mean?

She's trying to tell you that she didn't break up with you because you were a bad person or that she stopped caring about you - she just lost faith in the relationship being what she needed in the present/long-term. She feels very guilty for having hurt someone she loves (although not "in love" with), and wants to know that you'll recover and not hate her (although hating the situation is fine).

As for friendship - you're not even close to the point of being ready for that. In fact, most of the ex-friendships that exist would barely qualify as that with other friends. Typically, it just means to people who can talk or cross paths occasionally and chat briefly about the mundane things in life without turning to goo. Contact won't be frequent, and you'll likely never be able to have a close relationship with "hang-outs" and the like.

Me and my ex have been broken up for about 3 months now and every couple days she will text or IM me to see how I'm doing or what I'm doing. Sometimes I like that she still texts me and stuff like that but most of the time I get annoyed because it feels like she's giving me false hope! I put lyrics of a song on my away message and she thought that I was talking to another girl. And she replied on my aim saying (Anything that will keep you smiling! :) ) And I hope we can still be friends because I will never forget you! I just responded back saying I have to go to bed I have class in the morning goodnight. And she wrote back saying don't forget what I wrote you. I just keep thinking she's giving me false hope! After the 2nd month I really thought I was completely over her. But for some reason she keeps coming back into my head. I always wonder if she's talking to someone else or how she's doing. I am talking to a few girls but nothing serious now basically just flirting. I know it might sound stupid but I still hope that one day we can get back together because I know I treated her right and never did anything wrong.

Is there any advice any one has? Im basically asking what should I say to her from now on when she tries to text me or IM me online? I want to play hard to get but at the same time I want to get my mind off her so I won't keep feeling like this and hopefully she comes around some day.

But when she wrote " anything to keep you smiling" it seemed like she was happy but really nervous when she wrote it all and then asked me right after I hope we can still be friends because I will never forget you. I already agreed to being her friend before but she brought it up again. Its confusing

So don't be her friend, for now. You owe her nothing, not a reply, not a smile, not a hello, and not a friendship. What you do owe, is to yourself, to not allow her messages and means of contact disturb your process of getting back to who you were/are going to be. Find a way to block her from your life for the time being so you can get back to being emotionally healthy.

kctigers right. Cutting the contact will help you heal and you won't be giving yourself false hope because of her actions.

This is also how I know she's jealous curious and worried because she IMed me on aim last night at like 12 at night she just said " I felt like saying hi" and put a <3. She never did that ever when we were going out or not even when we broke up she never was up that late just to say hi. Plus she had class early in the morning. Now I know she's curious and is afraid of losing me completley so I'm going to keep it like this for the time being and better myself up.

Thanks so far for the advice! I guess I just want to be able to have more control over this situation so I can feel better and see where it takes me.

Thanks so far for the advice! I guess i just want to be able to have more control over this situation so i can feel better and see where it takes me.
The only way you will have control is if you TAKE control. Block her where you can, and don't reply. If you see her in person, don't talk to her or even look at her, but just walk or turn away and move your body elsewhere. She is dangling you like a little puppet. Stop being one.

The more you talk to her, the more you reset the healing process. You say you broke up for 3 months, but in reality, your healing only starts when you've cut contact with her.

Update! Ive told my ex that I can't have her text me or call me anymore for a while because I told her it feels like she is giving me false hope and I can't heal or anything. So I told her to give me time and she agreed. A week later which was yesterday she texted me saying "I miss you" I didn't text back because my phone was dying. The next morning I wake up to a text saying I truly want us to be friends I can't just not have you be in my life I miss you and you are very special to me. I wrote I'm not ignoring you I just told you I need time. She eneded up responding back saying "But I don't want to damn it I f... ing miss talking too you, seeing you everything its been 3 months and it has killed me and been hard on me to I just never showed it or talked to anyone about it I kept it inside for too long. (Sorry for this being long lol its almost done) I ended up responding saying I don't know what you want from me it sounds like you want to be friends or do you want to be more? After about 30 min she said friend, I don't know I don't know what I want I just want to be okay! Then I said we are. And it kept going back and fourth not getting anywhere she would reply you sure? I said yes I just told you.. and the last thing she responded saying was I miss you a lot! And I haven't responded back yet. I don't know what she wants from me she sounds like she can't make up her mind and everything I write won't finish anything. Am I doing the write thing by talking to her what should I do any advice?

Thanks and sorry for it being so long!

Am I doing the write thing by talking to her
No.

what should I do any advice?
We told you what to do. Did you listen? No. Will you listen to us? No.

Its been 3 months I have taken the advice giving to me and it helped I'm pretty much over her its just now she can't stand me not talking to her and wants me either back or as a friend but I think she's doing it because she feels guilty and wants herself to feel better that why I said I don't know what to do I don't know what she wants from me

its been 3 months i have taken the advice givin to me and it helped im pretty much over her its just now she can't stand me not talking to her and wants me either back or as a friend but i think shes doing it because she feels guilty and wants herself to feel better that why i said i dont know what to do i dont know what she wants from me
So be her friend. See where that takes you.

We ALL know what she wants from you.

So be her friend. See where that takes you.

We ALL know what she wants from you.


Exactly that's why I don't want to play a game with her all I said was ill be her friend but I'm just not going to reply every time or maybe not at all

I mean if I see her in person ill say hi how are you doing but that's probably about it

i mean if i see her in person ill say hi how are you doing but thats probably about it
"probably"

Like I said before I'm over her she is the one who did all this and now she feels guilty and wants me back as a friend first that's what I'm thinking but if I do see her I will just simply have a short conversation with her and that's it I owe her nothing I'm not the one who did this.

like i said before im over her she is the one who did all this and now she feels guilty and wants me back as a friend first thats what im thinking but if i do see her i will just simply have a short convo with her and thats it i owe her nothing im not the one who did this.
So you will remain in contact with her.

Now she is IMing me on aim asking me how I'm doing and trying to keep a conversation going and I'm just keeping it short I said I would be her friend but in my head she did this to me so I shouldn't have to be there for her or owe her anything

Simple solution... block her on AIM! You are allowing this to happen!

The thing is I don't like to break my promises I told her I would be her friend but I'm not going to always contact her I shouldn't have to I'm over her she just is trying to make herself feel better by talking to me she doesn't know what she wants all she knows now is she wants to be friends

Who gives a flying fu** what she wants?? This isn't about her, it is about you. Wake up and smell the coffee. Is her friendship worth the confusing BS that it causes you? As long as you are friends with her you will find yourself on her question every SINGLE thing she does.

So you will remain in contact with her.

Wondergirl, I think you are being a little rough on the guy. It is easy for us to tell him what to do, or second guess him. We have no emotion invested in this thing. We have a very objective view, where his is clouded by his feelings. I agree with a lot of what you say, and I know you mean well. I just want to say to him that. "this too shall pass".

Give your heart the time to heal. Protect your heart and don't let her play games with it. She knows how you truly feel about her and she is being coy with all her texting etc. Almost like fishing for compliments. I am a girl, and I know how girls tend to operate. She was too immature to hang around when you couldn't entertain her to the extent she wanted to be entertained. She likes you enough that she wants you to remain in her little world. On HER terms. Now you have to figure how what YOUR terms will be. There is something better out there for you and I hope you free your heart up enough to recognize it. I wish you the best.:)

Wondergirl, I think you are being a little rough on the guy.
It's called "playing devil's advocate."

She texts him. Repeatedly. As her "friend," he finally texts her back. She is at a restaurant and says, 'I miss u. Come eat with me." He feels obliged, so he does. By dessert, she's practically sitting in his lap and kissing his neck.

Now what will you tell him?

It's called "playing devil's advocate."

She texts him. Repeatedly. As her "friend," he finally texts her back. She is at a restaurant and says, 'I miss u. Come eat with me." He feels obliged, so he does. By dessert, she's practically sitting in his lap and kissing his neck.

Now what will you tell him?

I tell him what I told him in my post. She is being coy, missing his attention, and looking for affirmation. She wants this relationship to be on HER terms. As I said earlier, he needs to set HIS OWN terms, not hers, and not ours.

I tell him what I told him in my post. She is being coy, missing his attention, and looking for confirmation. She wants this relationship to be on HER terms. As I said earlier, he needs to set HIS OWN terms, not hers, and not ours.
And in order to have time and space for him to be able to get a life, those terms need to be NC.

Update: I know most of you will think this was stupid and some people won't but here it goes... Yesterday my ex contacted me on aim and tried to have a conversation with me and I basically ignored her being short worded. She ended up asking me does it still hurt when I talk to you honestly? I told her soetimes yes. She came and kept saying sorry and was saying I didn't want to hurt you and I'm sorry I did. She then said most of the time I want to be with you/again! Other times I don't. I still love you! And miss you so much! And said I felt like if we would have kept going it would have been the same. All I did was say simply "things could have changed no one is perfect it takes 2 to work through a relationship but you didnt have the patience to do so, i told her im not waiting around for her and im living my life and i said you dont have to keep saying sorry it was the past you made your decision that you thought was best for you. She responded saying "I guess.. " and she said again times i want to be with you others i dont" I told her I'm not waiting around you made your decision that ended us and I stopped writing... I really am over her because its getting very annoying now when she is trying to talk to me after everything she has put me through and she keeps giving me mixed feeling to the point where I don't care anymore she can't make up her f... ing mind its just getting confusing. Am I wrong for any of this?

Sorry for it being so long

No your not wrong, as often we do not express ourselves well, or do what's the right thing to do. Its obvious she still feels things, but not enough to change her mind.

What she must realize, and so do you, is the contact is only prolonging the pain of the break up for you both, and sorry to say you must ignore her calls for your own sake, as well as hers.

Yes it is confusing. My ex contacted me about 3 weeks ago and then again a week later. We had a nice conversation, but it should not have happened. I should have ignored her attempts at contact, because now 2-3 weeks later, I'm still thinking about it.

All the conversations do is fill you with false hope of some sort of reconciliation with them. I'm finding that the feelings settle back down WAY faster than the false hope. I'm still battling that after breaking up months ago! I was doing really well with NC, until I picked up the phone last month. Since then, I've been thinking about her all the time.


What she must realize, and so do you, is the contact is only prolonging the pain of the break up for you both, and sorry to say you must ignore her calls for your own sake, as well as hers.


Tal is absolutely correct. What it all comes down to is strength. The strength to disappear and walk away from someone you cared so much about and would have done anything for. I want to find that strength and become a stronger person... so far it has eluded me.:(

Remember, we all make mistakes and learn from them. Some of us make the same mistakes over and over again, until the pain is too much that the solution finally sinks in. I'm guilty of that. In the end we learn and become better people from that.

It looks like you are moving toward that solution. Good Luck!

After that day I stopped contacting her. By the way thanks for all the advice! But this morning I wake up to a text saying I really want to see you.. I think what she is doing now is she see's what she gave up on and took me for granted. Like I said before if I contact her or she does to me it doesn't reset the healing process for me because I'm over her. Don't get me wrong I would take her back but not right away I would make sure its what we both want especially her. But she just doesn't know what she wants and I think its coming to the point where she just might come back to me but I don't know what to do at that point

Another thing to add is that she texted me saying I want to see you.. I haven't responded back because I don't know what to say to that. Like I said I'm over her because I got myself back on track and know I can live without her I just don't know what to say or respond to that because I don't feel like ignoring her and I want to respond back just don't know what to say or do

Red Flag!

If you were over her, you would worry about what to do or say, but just listen.



Don't get me wrong i would take her back but not right away I would make sure its what we both want especially her.


Sorry guy, I know you can't see it, but this is fear, and false hope at work.

She is wanting you because she can't have you. If she got you, you would be right back where you started from. Plus, she is a drama mama and likes it when things are more challengeing. Don't get caught up in her drama again.

Yea that's true I see what you all are saying. Well she wants to meet up because she is crazy about seeing me again and wants to talk and see me since its been almost 2 months since we have seen each other either tomorrow or Thursday she wants to meet up the only thing is I don't know how to go about it I agreed to seeing her I just don't know what to say because for me there is nothing to say I don't know it just feels awkward in a way.. I want her to make up her mind so I can get this over with its either we get back and try it again and work together or I will just tell her look I think its best if we don't talk I'm sorry but it just can't work

Its just all confusing how she can't make up her mind she let me go because she wanted to have fun "more fun" by hanging out with her friends and not have a boyfriend but out of nowhere when I tell her look I need time by myself she gives me a week and starts getting sad because she wants to see me and talk to me so bad she said she can't stand it anymore. I don't get it I thought that's what she wanted she wanted to make herself a lot more happy and now she is seeing it as o maybe I made a mistake and took him for granted either way I just want this to be over with either we get back or we don't see each other anymore.

Thank you all for listening

She wants to meet up today at her job she wants to see me bad. I don't know what to say though when I go in I guess ill keep the conversation short but I don't know what's going to happen any advice what I should do?

Thanks

She wants to meet up today at her job she wants to see me bad. I dont know what to say though when i go in i guess ill keep the convo short but i dont know whats going to happen any advice what i should do?

Thanks

Why don't you just say, why did you want to see me? When she answers, go from there.

Why don't you just say, why did you want to see me? When she answers, go from there.

She said she wants to see me because it drives her crazy that we haven't spoke or seen each other for a month and a half. Every time she would text or call I would either ignore it or reply with a response of one to two words. That's the whole reason she wants to see me and its all because she doesn't know what she wants again. So I don't know what to really say when I go in there. =[ This is going to be awkward! Lol

She said she wants to see me because it drives her crazy that we havent spoke or seen eachother for a month and a half. Everytime she would text or call i would either ignore it or reply back with a response of one to two words. Thats the whole reason she wants to see me and its all because she doesnt know what she wants again. So i dont know what to really say when i go in there. =[ This is going to be awkward! lol

Take a microphone and earpiece to said meeting, hook it up so I can hear, and I will direct your conversation for you. Less stress for you and a guaranteed good outcome for you. Or, entertaining at the least.

Take a microphone and earpiece to said meeting, hook it up so I can hear, and I will direct your conversation for you. Less stress for you and a gauranteed good outcome for you. Or, entertaining at the least.

Lmaoo hahaha I would if I could I really just want to hear what she has to say. Im meeting her at her job in about an hour or so. Its either we work things out, or it will be a sad day when I tell her look its not going to work out us being friends maybe one day in the future we can.

But other then that it just feels awkward and not sure what to say I hope she doesn't expect me to talk first lol

The first conversation is always awkward, it's filled with weird silences and out of place laughs

The first conversation is always awkward, it's filled with weird silences and out of place laughs

That is very true but to me I feel like there is nothing I should have to say at all I'm not the one who did all of this to make us end up like this. I just want to hear what she has to say and go from there.

Im new to this thread, I would love to know the outcome. You have come a long way in the past 2 months!

Ill let you all know what happens when I get back I'm leaving in about 30 min! This is going to be one hell of a day lol

Any last advice?? =]

Don't make any big decisions today!! That's my last advice! Just listen, take it in... no decisions.

Update: Just got back from talking with her. Just like I thought it would be awkward she would ask normal things that she knew the answer to already just to keep a conversation going. It had a lot of quiet moments in it because I wanted to see what she had to say. Rome you were right about the strange laughter that would occur lol. To me though it didn't benefit me in any way. Im already over her I just want her to make up her mind already, either we work it out together and try again or we don't talk at all. Thanks everyone for their advice this deffiantely isn't over yet.

She texted me about 20 min later saying "It was lovely seeing you!" I didn't respond back because I don't know what I should say to it. I can't say I felt the same knowing she is the one who gave up on our relationship.

What should I respond to that or should I just leave it alone?

Leave it alone. Why wait on her to make up her mind? You make up YOUR mind. If you are already over her why care about if she wants to work it out or not?

That's true I just want to know what she wants to do so I can get this over with. Either work it out and get back or stop talking with each other for good

Tonight she texted me saying "It was lovely seeing you!" I didn't respond because I can't say I felt the same waay I was there to hear what she had to say. So then she texted back saying it again I finally responded simply "good seeing you to" she wrote back like 5 min later saying "Mhmm i bet.."
So after that I left it alone because I wasn't getting into any arguments or nothing like that. Then she texted me to tell me goodnight and once again I did not respond. Im going NC again until she makes up her mind what she wants.

Thanks again for everyone's advice

Sounds to me like you are putting your life on hold, while waiting for her to make up her mind. If you do this, she will know you will always be there and therefore take you feelings for granted.

Let me tell you one thing... women are always confused about something. Have you ever asked a woman "What do you want to do tonight?"? What is the typical response??

"I don't know. What do you want to do?"

See a lot of women, especially young ones never know what they want and are so indecisive they just go along with whatever.

If you are waiting for this girl to make up her mind, you will be waiting for a LONG TIME.

Another example, when women get ready to go out, they like to get all dressed up. So they will pick out an outfit, try it on and then find something wrong with it and try on something else. Then usually they find something else wrong with that one and either try on something else, or GO BACK to what they tried on before and settle for that. How long does that process take? Forever, because they can't make up their mind. (3 hours at least and that's just deciding what to wear!)

Are you going to be the outfit that she goes back to and settles for? Are you going to wait while she tries other outfits (ie: other guys) on before she makes up her mind and settles on something?? Are you going to wait around for her to make up her mind?

I hope you learn to answer "No" to all of these, because I think your leaning toward "yes".

Good luck with waiting.

Ah! I hate asking my fiancé what she wants to do tonight, she always pulls that response!

Ah! I hate asking my fiance what she wants to do tonight, she always pulls that response!

And then, when you do come up with an idea, they respond with, "No, I don't want to do that." Then what in the fu** do you want to do??

And then, when you do come up with an idea, they respond with, "No, I don't want to do that." Then what in the fu** do you want to do???

Or I love that in an argument at a later date they use this "we ALWAYS do what you want to do" That's because you are so fracking indecisive that I always have to think of things to do

Then she texted me to tell me goodnight and once again I did not respond. Im going NC again until she makes up her mind what she wants.



Go No Contact until you get your own life in order without her.

Its obvious she will not invite you back in her life, but wants the benefits of you being in her life.

Makes no sense wasting time, waiting for her to make up her mind, to give you what you want.

^^LOL. KC and Rome you know where I'm coming from with this.

They are never able to make up their minds, even about little trivial things.

That is why when you wait, you wait forever.

Yea no kidding! This is why I dedicated the song "Waiting on a woman" by brad Paisley to my fiancé

or I love that in an argument at a later date they use this "we ALWAYS do what you want to do" That's because you are so fracking indecisive that I always have to think of things to do

OMG nail on the head. Yeah I got that line. You always do what you want. We don't do what I want. I asked every freaking week what she wanted to do. And all I ever got was I don't know or I don't care. I'm not a mind reader. That crap really burns my butt.

JTs, sorry we high jacked your thread


She yells at me because I don't know what I want for dinner, whatever I pick she usually says "I don't know" which really means "I don't want that" so it's easier to let her decide and I will just eat whatever. I can't read your mind, so just write down what you want to do and we will do that to avoid an argument in which you bring up that we never do what you want in the future.

Actually Rome... we are just giving him real life examples on why he should not wait on a decisive answer from this girl.

Ok, I HAVE to respond... my boyfriend and I have this running joke.

He hated it when I would say I didn't care whatever he wanted to do was fine. He said it makes it sound like I don't care at all and he wants to know I am excited. So now I say... "whatever you choose will be equally fun!!" hahahaha
Sometimes I really DO NOT HAVE A PREFERENCE. Now, I just come up with a few ideas for him to help. It'sn ow a joke for us...
BUt great conversation on this thread!

ANd JT, she sounds confused, selfish right now. She knows she hurt you and the relationship and she wants to hear from you that its okay and you miss her. When she is not getting that, she says something sarcastic to make you feel bad. But in reality you sound very angry that she changed your life. Even if you have a friendship you will have to have this conversation and get to a place where you can be. Right now, it does not sound like you want that, and I don't know if a relationship would be healthy at this time. You sound like a caring guy, any girl will be lucky to have a chance to date you...

Thanks.. Im just going to start NC again even though I'm already healed I'm just trying to get this whole mess over with when she figures out what she wants is when I will talk but until then I am not meeting her up anymore.

If she starts talking to me on aim or in a text what should I respond back to her?

Thanks.. Im just going to start NC again even though im already healed im just trying to get this whole mess over with when she figures out what she wants is when i will talk but until then i am not meeting her up anymore.

If she starts talking to me on aim or in a text what should i respond back to her?

Only if you want to prolong the aggravation and agony. Why do you care what she "decides she wants?" Will you go back to her if she wants to get back together?

Aww well I mean all girls need to have some fun but just because she wanted a break doesn't mean she wants one forever. I think that she needed to just think things over and have a little fun with her friends. Me and my boyfriend went through the same thing but we worked it all out so I'm sure that you guys will be just fine :) good luck with everything!

If she wanted to come back I wouldn't take her right away I would make sure its what we both want "especially her" and we work together to make it happen because it takes 2 to be in a relationship. I would take it slow to see how things go.

Thanks for all of the advice so far!

I'm afraid you would take her back in a New York minute. I also don't think you are over her. I wish you were. I do think you are better than you were in the beginning, just not totally over her.. I just think you both are too young to be taking any relationship very seriously. Have fun, be care free, and take care of your heart. I know, easier said than done. We have all been there. That is why I tell you this stuff. It's called experience. I really do wish you well.

JTS nice work! I was reading your early posts in the thread telling that you're the one treating her the best of all the bf's she have. That time, she have the POWER over u. Now you've go NC which u hesitated earlier and YOU are having SO MUCH POWER over her! Glad to see it happen brother... if u want to help this relationship, its HER that needs some working out and brain wash :)

The sad part is it can't be through u as some people just can't digest what their mate says when it comes to some important stuffs :)

Today was my dads birthday and she didn't know, until she went on my aim and saw that it was. So now I know that she basically checks up on my away messages to see what I'm doing or see if anything new is going on. Im still doing NC as of yesterday again so she can make her decision and make up her mind. This still isn't over yet ill keep you all posted when I find out something but until then. Im enjoying my life =] How is everyone else?

Today was my dads birthday and she didnt know, until she went on my aim and saw that it was. So now i know that she basically checks up on my away messages to see what im doing or see if anything new is going on. Im still doing NC as of yesterday again so she can make her decision and make up her mind. This still isnt over yet ill keep you all posted when i find out something but until then. Im enjoying my life =] How is everyone else??

Well, don't know about everyone else, but me? I am on top of the world baby!! Hope you are truly enjoying your life. I have been "single" for awhile now, and I got to tell you, it is freaking awesome!! Happy Friday dude!

I am doing pretty good, going through some stuff with my fiance's ex husbands family but that's never anything new.

I'm recovering from the baseball game last night. I'm a little tired but hanging in there. I need to wake up some how so I can do it all over again!!

A key to waking up = A large Vanilla Iced Coffee from McDonalds. It is perfection in a cup. I no longer need a $6 cup of, whatever the hell it is from Starbucks...

Yeah... I'm drinking a 16oz Royal Farms coffee right now. It will help till right about 2pm... then the afternoon crash comes... :rolleyes:

Update: lmaoo! To me I think this is funny, well I was online last night and my friend showed me some quotes that were really good so I put it on my Facebook and my aim late at night (not thinking about my ex at all) just put it up. The quote was pretty much like Tal's and this morning she wrote back saying " you were never an option, how could you say such a thing like that" Now I didn't mean it towards her she just took it that way.

Now what I'm asking is should I just tell her it was not towards her or leave it. Either way won't reset my healing process.

Thanks

Leave it alone, you know that it wasn't towards her and that's all that matters.

Just leave her too it, maybe she just needs space. If she doesn't want another guy you have nothing to worry about, and she will realise how much she loves you. Feel free to text and ask how she is doing, but just don't text her every min of the day or it will take longer

just leave her too it, maybe she just needs space. if she doesnt want another guy you have nothing to worry about, and she will realise how much she loves you. feel free to text and ask how she is doing, but just dont text her every min of the day or it will take longer

This is the third time I have read your "advice" and each time I am puzzled as to your way of thinking. Give me ONE decent reason he should text her asking how she is doing? One. Why? For what purpose does that serve?

If you are going to give advice to people who are hurting, give logical advice, and if it goes against the grain, a logical explanation of your thought process would be in order.

Im just going NC its working for me so ill just keep it that way unless she has something important to say.

I think this is probably going to be the final update: (thank god)

She texted me saying hi and I didn't respond back because I was keeping NC in mind. Then she texted back saying "you never text back" So I got fed up with all of this back and forth stuff so I finally asked her "what do you want me to say we have the same conversation every time. She then told me "to forget it" Then i asked her honestly what do you want out of us. She seemed unsure and said friends but idk. So i went off and wrote this prepare its kinda long lol "(I can't do it because it won't work out every time I see you every time I get a message from you its false hope to me. Im not being mean but just like you said it takes 2 to be in a relationship and work together to make it last but you didn't want to you let go of our relationship and left me alone I've been down for 2 to 3 months and trying to get over the fact that a perfectly good relationship went out the window. You made your decision about what you wanted to make you happy but for some reason you still seem confused.)" I wrote that then nothing back so I pretty much think its done with and I'm actually kind of glad because I'm tired of the same conversations back and forth and arguing and I just want this to be over with either we work it out or we don't talk ever again.

THanks for listing sorry it was long!

Is it OK that I wrote that? I wanted to let everything out to get this over with.

You have your closure now, so to speak, so be done with it. NO MORE. The issue with writing something like that is that you expect some type of response, so when you don't get one, you start wondering. If you do get one, you start wondering... double edge sword. The next time you have the urge to "vent" like that, may I suggest writing it down and ripping it up, or even posting it here. DO NOT give her the pleasure of your emotions.

Yea, post it on here and we can advise you on what to do. You got your closure, now just walk away from her as you deserve better

Today was my dads birthday and she didnt know, until she went on my aim and saw that it was. So now i know that she basically checks up on my away messages to see what im doing or see if anything new is going on. Im still doing NC as of yesterday again so she can make her decision and make up her mind. This still isnt over yet ill keep you all posted when i find out something but until then. Im enjoying my life =] How is everyone else??

I hope your job hunting is going well. I must agree that finances are a strain on a relationship, and since your girlfriend has called you lazy and unexciting since you lost your job, she must have had fun with your money.

She is probably checking your aim to see if you got a job. I think you should post that you are "away with friends" when you are here with us, after all, we care about you more than she does.

Its not about the money at all she had a good point ( I was lazy and couldn't find a job she said she would have been happy if I would have been a little bit more creative)

Update: lol all she wrote back after about 2-3 hours was "im sorry.."
So I am officially done thank god! I will not respond no matter how fed up I am I will come on here and let it out. The only way I will break NC is if she one day changes her mind that she wants to work it out but until then I do not care.

THanks everyone for being there and giving me advice! Sorry about sometimes that I didn't take it, but now after listening and going out with friends I feel a lot better.

Update: lol all she wrote back after about 2-3 hours was "im sorry.."
So I am officially done thank god! I will not respond no matter how fed up I am I will come on here and let it out. The only way I will break NC is if she one day changes her mind that she wants to work it out but until then i do not care.

THanks everyone for being there and giving me advice! Sorry about sometimes that i didnt take it, but now after listening and going out with friends i feel alot better.

The more you keep to nc, eventually even if she calls you and tells you she wants to work things out, you won't want to anymore because by that time you would have found something better in your life.

Hopefully that happens

Hopefully that happens

It will. All you have to do is believe it, if you don't it won't happen.

I saw her aim away message and she put "dont cry over someone who wont cry for you". What kind of S**t is that? I hope that is not about me because I have cried over her for the past 3 months. That really pissed me off when I saw that but I came on here instead of telling her about it. To me that quote seems selfish.

Anything I should do?

This really wants to make me confront her on aim now!
That is just being selfish to me!

Im sorry to everyone but I had to confront her I couldn't wait any longer.
It made me feel so mad inside and I had to let it out

I hope you haven't confronted her yet... that's probably the biggest mistake you would have made. Why are you letting her trap you? At this rate you will never heal if you keep coming up with reasons to confront her. She is trying to play games with you buddy. You don't even know if that's directed at you.

It was directed towards me

Im done with her

About freakin time, GEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ!!

All you had to do was ignore her, instead you allowed your buttons to be pushed, now do your NC, and get real with it.

Im done with her

That's what you said last time...

Are you really done with her?

Yea for sure I made it clear to her

I just don't see how someone could be so selfish and get so mad after her being the one who has caused all of this and put us where we are now instead of where we could have been if she would have worked together with me in our relationship.

If you figure out that answer, please tell me where you got it. I searched for many months on an answer for that and came up with nothing.

From your original post.


I just don't see why this happened!?

Just can't imagine someone changing their mind huh? Get used to it as that happens all the time.
Today.

instead of where we could have been if she would have worked together with me in our relationship.
When people's feelings change, they aren't as willing to go along with the program, heck, they may even want to do their OWN program, without you.

It takes time for reality to set in, and accept it for what it is.

Bottom line... Sometimes people don't want what you want. Can't say I'm sorry for your loss, as there will be other, better, options and opportunities. Its only a matter of time.

Give yourself time to redevelop your own life. When the next girl comes along (I can 100% guarantee she will), you will be happier and better off.

Thanks to all of you for your support and giving me great advice.
I can actually say now that I have not thought about her all day, I feel so glad I sent that message and was done with her it wasn't mean it was just straight up and to the point of what needed to be said.

Thanks to all of you for your support and giving me great advice.
I can actually say now that i have not thought about her all day, i feel so glad i sent that message and was done with her it wasnt mean it was just straight up and to the point of what needed to be said.

Congrats your on the road to recovery

She is at a point where she is selfish and not really concerned about you... what she feels is more importantl... you deserve better... leave it at that... she will never understand because she does not want to...
Good luck to you...

Thanks to all of you for your support and giving me great advice.
I can actually say now that i have not thought about her all day, i feel so glad i sent that message and was done with her it wasnt mean it was just straight up and to the point of what needed to be said.

Lol actually I can guarantee you did because you wrote this post. " I have not thought about her all day, ..."

STOP THINKING ABOUT HER!!

Do what you have to do man, but I'll tell you one thing..

DON'T BREAK NC.

She is not worth it, she's playing games, she's trying to make herself feel better about the guilt she has to deal with and that shows what kind of person she is. Screw her, move on.

It's one thing to break up with someone and try to move on down the road, it's another to break up with someone and try to make themselves feel better about it by any means, even as far as to make the one they broke up with feel depressed and miserable. Selfish, irresponsible and controlling. She is no good.

She contacted me today saying sorry about everything and saying karma hit her back or something like that saying she has felt bad and says she wants to be friends for now I didn't respond I just deleted the messages like I said I'm done with her I will not write back only unless she is willing to want to work things out not because I wanted to but if she wants to. That is the only way I will talk until then I'm doing NC for good and getting over her which I am about 80% about right now lol

That's real good, I'm glad you're moving on with your life. Keep working hard at being yourself and making things better for you, keep us updated on your progress to success.

Thanks I will definitely update from time to time, but for now we won't be texting each other or anything for a while!! Lol well mainly me I put her number in my phone listed as don't break NC lmaooo. I don't want to go back to her the only way I would is if deep down inside she truly wanted to start over again but that won't be for a while a long while because she thinks she knows what she is doing and swears she is happy when deep down she's not and that is perfectly fine with me because she was the one who caused all of this and to put us where we are today

Funny... you put her as don't break no contact. Good one!

Lol she asked me the other day if we could be friends or not at all I didn't contact her because I'm not going to she will get the message after a while lol

Yea I actually did put her in my contacts as that lol

Feeling a lot better since I haven't had any contact with her!
Today I got to drive my friends 09 zo6 corvette it was amazing and definitely took my mind off things lol

Feeling alot better since i havent had any contact with her!
Today i got to drive my friends 09 zo6 corvette it was amazing and definately took my mind off things lol


Cool man, I drove my civic today... =/

Cool man, I drove my civic today... =/

Cool man, I drove my bike today... OH I MEAN I RODE MY BIKE!! -_- lol be thankful you have a car =P XD

Lol well I'm doing good so far I think she is trying to get me jealous in some way by putting away messages up on aim saying she is going out with her friend and a couple guys or writing something else lol. To tell you the truth I thought it would bother me but it doesn't at all. Ever since I put her name in my phone as Don't break NC, and delted her from myspace and Facebook I feel pretty good! How is everyone else doing so far?

Well I think you should just leave her alone and let her come back to you and if she don't come back to you than there was no point and you relationship I think if she don't come back that was a signe 2 find somebody else


PRINCESS UNIQUA:p

Delete her from aim too! You don't need these little tid bits about her new life. You need to stop checking up on what she is doing and start concentrating on your own life. If you keep checking up on her, you will make it a lot harder for yourself to move on.

Update: Doing a lot better its been a week with no contact between us and it feels good! Just going out and hanging out with friends, working, and going to the gym. I also might be buying a new car soon hopefully! =]

How is everyone else doing!

I know its hard man I just went through a break up a month after you when I found this site every day is a struggle but you know what.. there is someone out there for us that will appreciate, and treat us in a way we deserve. I read about all you did for this girl and I truly commend you for it. It takes a strong person to recover from something that you helped build, but it isn't our fault when that creation wasn't meant to be.

I briefly read through some of the posts... I am copying what you did. I replaced my ex's number with "Don't Break NC" great idea! =)

if you have an iPhone, which most people do, you can get an app called iBlacklist.

It sends your X to a busy signal on your phone. No voicemail, and 0 notification on your end she even called, or texted.

Basically my X could call me 100 times n a row and send me 100 text messages, and I will never see them, or even know she sent them.

It was a bit crazy at first wondering if I was blocking something? But if you commit to it, its SOOOO much easier knowing that even if you wanted to chat with her you wouldn't know she was calling. Then you can finally stop looking at your phone every time to check if there is a voicemail from her, or a text message, or etc.. Sometimes its better to just not have to worry about it at all.

Hey me and my girlfriend have been going out for just about a year and we love eachother very much! just yesterday she told me that i have become lazy and unexciting... and that she wants a break to have fun and go out with her friends. I used to take her out all the time anywhere she wanted to go we went. Anytime she needed me i was there for her! We would watch movies at our houses together, and we used to go out all the time but now i currently am trying to get a job and its hard to find one because no one is hiring. So since i havent had a job going out to places has been a little limited now. It hurts so much inside i have no idea why she would do this! She said she still loves me and is not with another guy. She said maybe in a coupe of weeks we can meet up or something. This whole situation is driving me crazy i want to text her and want to get her back now but every one keeps tellin me to leave it alone and let her come back to me. All of her boyfriends before me have treated her like or used her, and i am the only one who has ever been so nice so caring and always there for her and she calls me her everything! I just dont see why this happened!??

Anyone have any ideas what i should do or say?? please help! I dont want to lose her!

Thanks!

My ex for a little over a yr broke it off too and i was sad all i can say is if she wants to get out and do her own thing let her. And you have to tell yourself that its over until you meet again, don't text her and don't call her and just believe that you can move on, i did and i was so hurt and sad and it felt like he broke it off wen i needed him the most, but i let it go and honestly now that im in love with another man he wants to text me and go out and all that so don't worry, let her be and move on.

update: Doing alot better its been a week with no contact between us and it feels good! Just going out and hanging out with friends, working, and going to the gym. I also might be buying a new car soon hopefully! =]

how is everyone else doing!?

Thas good, I'm proud of you!

Thanks, yea we have been through the arguing to try to get back together well basically I was the one who was doing that asking for another chance to change things but it just kept getting worse! Then after about a week or so she said she misses me I told her I need time to myself and she said she would give me that time. Another week passes and she absolutley can't take it anymore she says she wants to see me and she misses me so much. I told her we cannot be friends I said we either work together to work it out or nothing. She said she was sorry and that's the last I heard from her. The one thing I think is funny about all of this is how she pretends that she is having the best time of her life just how she was before until she came back saying I miss you. So I know this isn't getting anywhere so I'm leaving it alone and moving on.

Thanks, yea we have been through the arguing to try to get back together well basically i was the one who was doing that asking for another chance to change things but it just kept getting worse! Then after about a week or so she said she misses me i told her i need time to myself and she said she would give me that time. Another week passes and she absolutley can't take it anymore she says she wants to see me and she misses me so much. I told her we cannot be friends i said we either work together to work it out or nothing. She said she was sorry and thats the last i heard from her. The one thing i think is funny about all of this is how she pretends that she is having the best time of her life just how she was before until she came back saying i miss you. So i know this isnt getting anywhere so im leaving it alone and moving on.

Dude, take it from me, a veteran of the love-hate wars for 30-some odd years...

30 years ago, I had a girlfriend who I was absolutely ga-ga over. After dating for 9 very passionate months, she did the same thing to me. She said I was smothering her and she wanted to "fly". Someone once told me to let love fly away, and if it comes back to you, it's true. Over the next 5 years she flew back to me, and then away again so many times I cannot remember how many times. I finally gave up after she convinced some other guy that she was dating [at the time] to attack me. I kicked his and went no contact with absolutley no hope of ever seeing her again. In the last 24 years she has resurfaced twice and tried to interfere with my [married] life. She almost got me this last time (in just the last 3 months), but I have her figured out. I've even tried being a friend to her... but it doesn't seem to work... she wants something more than friendship and something less than a loving relationship... if you catch my drift. To her, I was purely a sex toy.

I'm not saying this is the case with you, but what I am saying is... this can go on forever dude. If she doesn't "fly" back to you and nest-up... it ain't no good. I understand that you need to find out. If she truly loved you, she would love everything about you.. it wouldn't always be about what she needs or what she wants... it would be YOU and HER... together... connected at the soul and at the heart... not at the groin.

Good luck to you dude, I'm rooting for you! Do yourself a favor and make a great life for yourself rather than worrying about this. If you two are meant to be... it will happen. Set yourself a challenging goal and go for it! If she wants to go along for the ride and you really believe her, then go for that too... it can be done. If she doesn't want to go along for the ride... then let her crash & burn... just like my tormentor has done. Keep me posted.

I think you should just sent her a text. If she says you are lazy and unexciting, prove her wrong.
If she wants things to be how they used to be, let them.
Start from the very beginning. Just flirt with her, make her remember what it was like when you first met and she will really see how much she misses you.

I think you should just sent her a text. If she says you are lazy and unexciting, prove her wrong.
If she wants things to be how they used to be, let them.
Start from the very beginning. Just flirt with her, make her remeber what it was like when you first met and she will really see how much she misses you.

Bad idea.He should move on, life is too precious to be wasted on someone who doesnot love you.

Im feeling way better than before now things that I know or things I find out about her do not bother me at all!! =] She is talking to some guy she barely knows apparently. And she says she is having the best time of her life apparently when on her aim she puts down happy then dissapointed the next day lol. Well just letting everyone know that what used to bother me doesn't anymore =] I feel a lot better

That's great!! I'm trying to get to that point

I'm glad you are feeling better but heed this warning...

Don't think that just because you feel this way right now, that you can open all doors for friendship and stay in constant contact with her. If you do, you are going to get bit in the @ss and fall hard. Stick to NC and quit checking her AIM for crumbs of her life. I still think you are not truly moving forward, because you keep checking up on her. You need to realize she is no longer part of your life and you're no longer a part of her life, and let things be the way they are.

Don't do that. If you really want to test these "I don't care feelings", go strict NC and move on.

My only concern is that your feelings will fluctuate, but your actions shouldn't. Right now you feel powerful and in the drivers seat of your life. That is so good to hear and I couldn't be more pleased. But , I want you to watch out for this. At some point or points, for whatever reason, you may have a down day. This is not unusual, in fact it is to be expected. You know, remnants of the past that rear their ugly head. Or hearing something about her that makes you sad. Don't let this feeling throw you for a loop. IT WILL PASS. It is normal and I don't want you to think that it means that you are back at square one. Just know that it could happen, but that it will pass. It isn't a set back.

Stick to NC and quit checking her AIM for crumbs of her life.

Don't do that. If you really want to test these "I don't care feelings", go strict NC and move on.



Yes.
I'm glad you're feeling better man, but truly move on by disappearing from her life. That includes you updating with her life, you'll eventually get hit hard by doing it.

Can't believe this dude is still hanging onto her.

My girlfriend has just split up with me, her mom died 6 weeks ago after a long illness and I guess her feeling have changed over the last 6 months and probably fallen out of love with me and possibly talked herself out of it. We were planning to buy a house. Now she wants to concentrate on looking after her father and doesn't want me to wait until her head is sorted. I suspect she is just letting me down gently. So going no contact and get on with thing. If her head gets sorted and wants me back then I will worry about that if it happens. But I've got to try to move on.

I'm gutted but life is jut too short

Update:

Ok its been about 2 weeks and 3 days NC with my ex and it feels good! I have actually just ran into an old friend who I haven't seen for 7 years and we actually started to talk. Right away we got a good connection and I guess taking it slow. I am very attracted towards her and I don't think about my ex at all only that once in a while she will pop up in my head and it makes me want to see what she is doing. The last thing I saw about her was that I guess a guy or someone is playing games with her and she feels like she doesn't know what to do and is upset or something. Bad for her doesn't bother me she is the one who got herself in that situation. Im going to take it slow and not rush into a relationship right away but ill keep updating on what happens!

Thanks to everyone!

Good luck to you!

Update:

Ok its been about 2 weeks and 3 days NC with my ex and it feels good! I have actually just ran into an old friend who i havent seen for 7 years and we actually started to talk. Right away we got a good connection and i guess taking it slow. I am very attracted towards her and I dont think about my ex at all only that once in a while she will pop up in my head and it makes me want to see what she is doing. The last thing i saw about her was that i guess a guy or someone is playing games with her and she feels like she doesnt know what to do and is upset or something. Bad for her doesnt bother me she is the one who got herself in that situation. Im going to take it slow and not rush into a relationship right away but ill keep updating on what happens!

Thanks to everyone!

I can say you still think about your ex. Reason? You remember exactly how many days you have been in NC. Just becareful with a new relationship when the break up is still fresh.

:Update
So my ex texted me after almost 3 weeks I STILL HAVE NOT CONTACTED HER BACK.. and she says how come I'm just ignoring her. She said "This all sucks I hate having you not wanting to know about me, like we said we would be friends when we talked in the begining of our relationship but what happened?" I thought to myself well you let go of our relationship and you made it be like this. Then I get another text from not responding back saying "She said she didnt give up on me she said that the reason she didnt want to work things out is because she hurt me before and didnt want to hurt me again in the long run saying it might not work out. Last message i received was "I hate myself for doing that to you, I can't stand us not speaking to each other!"

So after all of that to honestly say I don't feel bad she caused this all by herself, I no I have been doing NC but should I just respond back to her once saying It's either we are all or nothing?

Because either way is fine with me

Thanks

I no I have been doing NC but should I just respond back to her once saying It's either we are all or nothing?



I would not respond, why? Nothing has changed, and she is just now realizing she no longer commands the top place in your life. That's good! Leave it be, and continue your healing.



It's either we are all or nothing?
Because either way is fine with me



Ultimatums never work, and they are the tool of a desperate mind. If indeed you do not care what her choice would be, then thats reason enough to leave her alone, and stay with NC, as why bring back confusion, and drama, when you don't have to, nor care?

That's a good point...

Don't want to bash you or anything but I thought you said, you were over her now. Doesn't really seem like it. Its not a bad thing if you're still not, its just you got to accept that and take a step forward to some positive change instead of going against your feelings.

You act like you are over her but you aren't, it's a good time to think about this and see what steps you can take to get over her instead of being in denial and start seeing other girls and stuff. I hope this is some good advice for you and again I don't mean to sound harsh or anything just seeing it for how it is and I've been through this myself.

Just saying to heal completely you will need to embrace the feelings of hurt you might still have instead of telling you how your feelings should feel.

Delete the messages and move on. She is just trying to reel you back in, I know you don't want to spend the summer in this limbo.


Girls in bikinis

And I'm out

Delete the messages and move on. She is just trying to reel you back in, I know you don't want to spend the summer in this limbo.


Girls in bikinis

And I'm out

Indeed... :cool:

Last night I spent the night at this girl's house the one I met, and after staying the night I realized that I started to miss my ex again for some reason like I felt like I should be with her. Part of me wants to contact her, and the other part thinks I should hold out and see what happens. Im confused what to do...