:o:confused::(This is my first time I have ever posted a question online, so please bare with me. In a nut shell I will try to put my long, complicated story so that you have a little background.
I have two sons, 14 and 12, who both have lived with their father and his wife for the last 6 years. They went to live with him at the time because I was in a very bad, abusive relationship. Due to the situation I was given supervised visitation with my boys.
Since then, I fortunately ended that relationship and met a wonderful man who has now been my husband for over 3 and 1/2 years. The court has also modified my visitation to the normal non-custodial parent visitation.
Anyway, my reason for posting this is I am at my wits end in dealing with my ex-husband's wife and her brain washing ways with my children.
When they still lived at home with me she already had them calling her "Mom". Then when they moved in not only did they call her "Mom", but they began calling me by my first name, instead of Mom.
I have always wondered what she has said to my kids to weaken the bond and relationship between my sons and me, but I'm sure that's something that I will never know.
A couple months ago my ex and his wife separated. In the events that lead up to their separation her true colors surfaced and other family members began to see what I had been seeing for so long.
The relationship that my oldest son had with her has diminished over the last year or so (he is 14 now, has his own opinions on life and can not be programmed as he used to be when he was younger).
The last couple months have been like heaven for me. The three of us have been spending so much time together, almost on a daily basis and our relationship has been re-growing wonderfully, without hinder. My youngest son even told his dad twice through this time that he wants to move in with me, one of those times to the extent of his dad having to come to my home and literally drag him out.
Unfortunately, at least for us, my ex and his wife resolved things and are back together as of this week. I wish I could say that my youngest wasn't still under that looming, grey, "brain-washed" cloud so strongly and could see the light much like his brother has, but that's not the case.
Last weekend we spent the entire weekend together working on his science fair project, playing video games and just hanging out, he even stayed over both nights!!
Then last night we were suppose to go to the skating rink/arcade, much like every Friday night, after their stepmom got home from work my youngest called me and asked if his younger sisters could go with us and I could pay for them. I told him normally that would be fine, but this time I wasn't going to be able to afford anymore than he and his brother. If they wanted to ask THEIR Mom for the money they could still come with us.
Much over an hour after that he continued asking me, trying to change my mind (as if that was going to miraculously make the $$$ appear). As he began figuring I wasn't going to change my mind he started saying mean things, ie: I am not going to go to your house again, progressively getting much worse. I stopped communication with him when he went straight for my heart and said, 'I only have one Mom and she's here at my house.'
I know kids say mean things to their parents to hurt them or to get some kind of response out of them, but in my situation it is much more than that and I am genuinely worried and scared. I don't know what I will do if the relationship recedes back again. We have come so far!
Does anyone have some advice for me on how to handle this situation and where to go from here?

Let me say some tough hard things,

You were in an abusive relationship and instead of leaving it, you gave up your kids, sorry you lost a lot of rights as a mother in my book there, the kids should have been first over a partner that was abusive.

Next after you finally had enough, YOU had enough, you expected the kids and everyone to just run like nothing was wrong. The fact that the kids will even interact at all with you, after you choosing a abusive ex over them at one point in your life makes you just lucky to start with

And yes after living with a step parent that person is mom, I am dad to my step son, and even when his mom and I divorced he chose to live with me.

So yes this new women is well their "mom" also.

I really believe you are trying to make them chose and to be honest afraid you are going to lose if you force the issue

There is nothing you can really do.

You can say you are there mother and she is not. You might end up looking like the bad person.

I can understand your pain. I don't see how step parents can come in and expect to be called mom or dad. Especially if the birth parent is still around. I wonder what kind of mentality they have.

I think it is selfish.

However, it is different if the birth parent is no longer around. If the kids want to call them mom or dad, then that is great. They shouldn't push it on them.

Hang in there. Being a parent can be very emotionally difficult. You did not give in and take the little sisters to the place. (You said no and meant it.) So your younger son got mad at you and tried to change your mind, then emotionally manipulate you. He's 12? He is testing his skills at negotiation.

You taught him a valuable lesson, one that he will remember for a long time. It's fun to be the parent who plays and interacts with the kids. That is good for the children too. It is no fun being a parent/manager at times. But sometimes you have to be the heavy. Your "troops" may not like you at the time. Too bad. They will love you for having the fortitude to tell them the truth, even if their love is not immediately apparent.

I believe if you let your son know that you are his mother no other woman had you but me and because you are upset with me will not make me say yes. Regardless of your pass you are their mother so you have to put your foot down because let's say "what if" something happen to their father your sons would come back to your home and you want them to respect you as their mother so yes it may hurt but he knows you are his mother so just be strong and pray for guidedence.



God bless.trice1