My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 5months, which was wonderful, but for the past 3 months his mother has been sick and he moved to go take care of her, so he goes back and fort between work and staying with his mom at another state. He said he is very close to his mom and is emotionally distracted. I have not been able to talk to him on the phone for almost 3months now ,we only text at least I text him every day and he does not give me much info when I ask questions about his situation. I have assured him I'm here for him but I get fustrated with everything and sometimes just rather be friends. My issue is I have asked him if he's still interested and he never answers the question. How do I no if he wants me around?

You can't blame the guy for being distracted because his mother is ill. This is a major event in his life and he is obviously stepping up. I understand that you are very frustrated because of your lack of attention. The only advice I can give is that if you think this has potential for a long term relationship you should basically support him and sacrifice a little. If he feels stressed and pressured by you he will probably just end it with you and I wouldn't blame him. After all, this is his mother we're talking about.

I agree with itried, if you are seeking the long term with this guy, be supportive. I know it's not so easy as you have needs too, but he will appreciate your patience and perserverance. One idea of being supportive is to send him small messages such as "I hope you have a nice day" and "i love you". He may not respond, but just to know you are thinking about him will be appreciated.

I'm going to be a bit harsh.

Your boyfriends mother is sick, from what you said it sounds like it's a bad sickness. He needs to be there for his mother right now, having a girlfriend that's constantly asking him if he's still interested, who obviously is upset that she's not getting any of his time, well, that's not what he needs right now.

You either care enough about him to take a step back and let him deal with this, or you keep pushing yourself forward to the point where he dumps you.

It's hard to be supportive sometimes, but this is one of those lessons in life, it's not always all about you.

Thanks guyz, I appreciate your honest response. I was thinking 3months without talking on the phone was kind of weired

All right, I'm going to retract my last statement. If you have only been together for 5 months, with 3 of those months being without actual contact then you should probably let him do his thing. This means that over half of the relationship has been spent without contact of any kind (in person, on the phone, etc). That is kind of crazy.

I understand that he is stressed and that this is a tough time for him. But even still he should be keeping you in the loop in regard to the relationship status, don't you think? He should somehow resemble a boyfriend, regardless of what is happening. I don't think you guys have been together long enough for him to be putting you through this. You basically knew each other for 60 days and then his focus completely shifted to his mother. Nothing wrong with that, but he should take some responsibility for the relationship. I think my last post was a little hasty. You are definitely in a strange situation. Maybe you should just offer him your friendship and support.

We have not talked on the phone for 3months but text each other veryday, is excuse is "i'm with my mom so caent talkon the phone".

A few things come out, 5 months together is nothing, still learning about each other, and already your in to deep, and I understand the insecurity, but not the neediness, as you know as a fact, his duty and responsibility.

To support him as a friend, some empathy, and encouragement helps, and that's what he needs, and not be torn between a mother and a stranger.

Not the easiest of circumstances, granted, but it's that, or leave him alone, and not add to his stress, and problems. Be a supportive friend and not a needy partner as things will be resolved and people do not for get who was helpful, and who was not.

Back off this relationship thing, and get your own life balanced, and healthy, and be responsible for your own happiness. Be helpful where possible.


Could part of the problem be you don't know him that well?? Come on 5 months is not long so how long have you known him before dating?

Another question, how does a guy take off work for 3 months?

You are very right talaniman and I appreciate your honest response... ive known him for 5months total, he owns his own firm, so is like he works for himself, I try not to bring up any relationship stuff and I'm here for him as a friend, I really do care about him but I'll totally leave him if someone else comes my way... but a big issue is, it was a long dist relationship, becos I go to sch far far away and he is like a workacholic. I'm a little confused becos I don't want to be a girlfriend when the going is good and run away when it gets tough, that is why I initially decided to stick around.


He never answers the question of if he wants to cut it off..

Cut off what? Explain how your his g/f in 5 months. Just be a supportive friend, and live your own life, and pray for his.

Text buddies is a more apt definition of whats going on.

I can't even say it's a long distance relationship, but I can tell you back off some, as too much, to fast, CRASH AND BURN.

Talaniman Rule- Give yourself 6 months of dating and getting to know someone, before you decide together to be DATING EXCLUSIVELY, and having fun getting to know each other.

You have skipped a few steps in the process dear.

Known him for 1month, month 2 we decided to make it into a relationship, things were going fine, until his mom became sick... I do understand you and I'm going to take your advice because I do feel like a texting buddy. I meant to cut off the relationship and go our way. I just felt kind of guilty leaving him now.. ill just have to pray for him and his mom and just go my way.

What defines any relationship is how you handle adversity, so keeping your life balanced, and not just depending on him, keeps you both healthy, and just because he is occupied, doesn't mean you stop living your own life, nor have to stop being texts buddies.

You just have to deal with reality as all of us do, the best we can, and be realistic with our expectations, and patient with our feelings, so we don't get carried away by them.

****3 threads merged*********

I've meet many different guys with different personality, but when ever I say lets be friends with no benefits they say sure definitely, but I never hear from them, even my ex for 3 yrs... there are many guys I've met and would like to be friends with just to hang out. Can anyone help me out with this, are there guys out there who wouldn't mind being friends with a girl with either they have had sex with or never had sex with.. I'm confused on how to approach this issue...


I told him, we should just be friends with no benefits and I've not heard back from him... I'm not that lucky with guys being friends with no benefits

I'm not quite sure what you are looking for. I have no problems being just friends with girls. I think I have more friends that are girls than guys.

1) both my ex and I mutually agreed to break it off, we also agreed to be friends which I've no problem doing but he won't even talk to me now. 2) I'm in a relationship I think is going no where, want to break it off but I no he will not want to be just friends with no benefits 3) meet a new guy, not really interested in him but will like to be friends with, just told him and never heard from him again and I've meet many many others.

Perhaps you don't have to tell them "friend with no benefits" unless it is brought up by them. I wouldn't take to kindly to someone always reminding me that there aren't benefits if I wasn't even looking for that. Try saying, I think we should go back to being friends, things as a couple aren't working out.

I asked my boyfriend if he wants to breakup and he avoids the quest or ignores me, but he is not willing to put any effort to making things work. What will make a guy not want to ans that question I'm confused


That makes sense thanks romefalls19

Maybe instead of asking if he wants to break up you should ask him what's wrong. Maybe there's something stressing him out or making him upset that you don't know about. Open the lines of communication. Sounds like maybe you're asking the wrong questions.

Leave it be.

He is highly distracted dealing with an illness to his mother. This relationship is far to new to have this much invested and not getting a return. We have advised to either move on or let it be.

I no! Ill let it be this time around...

Yeah, I just read the other thread. Try to relax. Let things be. He's got a lot going on right now. You just need to wait it out and see what develops. Forcing him to make any kind of decisions right now will only put more pressure on him.

Thanks everyone for the advise, I finally called it quit yesterday and I'm actually relieved and hopes it remains like this. But I've another issue that I think will draw me back to him in the future, I'm 26 about to finish professional sch and get into the working world and he is 46 and one of the power players in my state and my plan after sch is to get into the social scene and I know he can get me there faster. Due to this reason I'm a little confused if I made the rite decision in terms of my career.

So you are a gold digger using the old guy to get you further in life. There was no mention of those facts in your original post.

So now since he didn't fall for the okedoke you were pulling, your career is in your hands, and up to you.

I'm sorry but this doesn't sound like your as straight up, and honest as you portrayed yourself.

You had another agenda.


due to this reason I'm a little confused if I made the rite decision in terms of my career.
I find this thoroughly disgusting

thanks everyone for the advise, i finally called it quit yesterday and im actually relieved and hopes it remains like this. but i've another issue that i think will draw me back to him in the future, i'm 26 about to finish professional sch and get into the working world and he is 46 and one of the power players in my state and my plan after sch is to get into the social scene and i know he can get me there faster. due to this reason i'm a little confused if i made the rite decision in terms of my career.

And the true colors are revealed. Well, thanks for doing him a favor and unlatching your leachy a$$ from him so he can get a woman that deserves him...

It is always good to know that the world is full of unselfish people such as yourself... I do hope you read your post, and read it again... perhaps you will learn something from it, like how feeble minded you are acting.

Carry on... :cool:

I didn't mean to sound like a gold digger because I'm far from that, initially I went out with him just for fun but I ended up having real feelings for him and I care about him a whole lot I can't even believe myself sometimes, I try to never put my emotions out there becos I try to avoid getting hurt, but I did in this case and I did everything I could to make things work and have him know I'm here for him, but he just wouldn't communicate with me. I know is bad to think like this but I hate failure and I feel like I've failed in this case and getting something out of it makes me feel betta about my situation.

If you really cared about this man at 26 you would be able to take yourself out of the situation and treat the man with the a bit of respect.

And if you can't manage to do it for someone else, because it seems as though you're the only one that you think about, do it for yourself. Have a bit of respect for yourself. Who's going to respect a woman who got her leg up by getting her leg over?

If you can't put your emotions out there you may never get hurt by someone else, but loneliness isn't the most comfy warm feeling is it?

You haven't failed, you just didn't find the right guy who felt as you do. We all go through that. Its when we try to get something out of it, the problems start.

Learn, heal, move on.

I'm trying to stop thinking of it as a failure, and yes I don't need anyone to get further in life and I'm taking it one day at a time. I know is been one day and I'm doing fine with no contact. This site has really been helpful and I thank you guyz. I don't think ill give someone else a chance that easy, I say never ever but hopefully as I read more from this site ill learn that is OK...

Threads merged, and edited

Ive tried no NC for 2days then the 3rd day I broke it, I had to text him to ask if we can be friends and he said yes, so we at least text/email once everyday... every morning I tell myself that I wouldn't text but I always end up texting, I don't know how to maintain NC,he's not a bad guy, he just have a lot going on in his life which I should be there for him, but I've 15% patience to stick around, I'm always back and forth with my decisions with him.. I thought a 5months old relationship should be easier to let go. I need help on how to stick to NC, I can't really go out because I'm in med sch and I've no time to go out for fun. My issue is when I'm stressed about sch I love talking to someone that has nothing to do with sch... can anyone give me an idea on what to do? Is driving me crazy

Delete his number, screen name and e-mail address

3 days is not enough that's for sure to do NC.. it takes months or even years for some people... make new friends from your med class..

He just have a lot going on in his life which I should be there for him,

That seems to be your version of things, but he doesn't seem to be initiating contact with you though, so leave him alone, is what you do because he doesn't seem to be as affected as you are, and that's very telling.

U don't have to tell me that again, he just told me he's getting back with an old girlfriend without any apologizes or gbye... is official I hate guyz now, never again...

Ya that's it write off all men because you clearly held on to the wrong one for too long.

Don't look to yourself and see that maybe it's time for some SELF evaluation rather than blanket criticism of a whole gender!

You need to take this time to look at your actions and reactions and try to understand them.

u dont have to tell me that again, he just told me he's getting back with an old girlfriend without any apologizes or gbye....is official i hate guyz now, never again...

How old are you?

When you grow up a bit you'll realize that you can't judge everyone because of one person. Heck, if I did that I'd never have gotten married.

I'm a good person from the inside, attractive and educated, letting guys play games on me is what's upsetting me rite now. I know there are many wonderful men out there but I've been fooled by 2 already. Fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me... I can't try it out for a 3rd time, maybe with age I'll change my thinking of things... I'm just to negative for this site rite now, but I thank you guyz that have relied to my questions, you guyz are awesome...

Your hurt, and disappointed, your supposed to be.

im a good person from the inside, attractive and educated, letting guys play games on me is whats upsetting me rite now. i know there are many wonderful men out there but i've been fooled by 2 already. fool me once shame on u fool me twice shame on me...i can't try it out for a 3rd time, maybe with age i'll change my thinking of things.....i'm just to negative for this site rite now, but i thank u guyz that have relied to my questions, u guyz are awesome.....

You get knocked down tons of times in your life... the only time it can ruin you is if you stay down...

Get up, keep getting up, and know that you are eventually going to succeed. Until then, enjoy the ride.

Good luck!

Hello everyone I already have a post on here, but I don't know where is the right place for my question, I really do need some advice on how to control anger. I have not tried a psychologist yet due to my schdule. If anyone can give me some everyday ideas or suggestions...

Think before you act. It is hard to do this, as anger is an emotion, and when you feel this emotion you react without hesitation. I have the same issue, but have gotten much better at it. It requires a lot of practice and discipline to manage... when you feel yourself getting angry, remove yourself from the situation, walk, breathe some deep breaths...

It is about being aware of things that make you angry, and also being aware of when you feel yourself losing control, then removing something that triggered it, or removing yourself.

You cope with your anger the same way you deal with all your emotions, don't get carried away by the feelings, and give your actions plenty of thought.

If you don't, there are consequences to pay, so be aware of that.

Being able to let go, and walk away from people, places, and things you can't control, is a good tool to have.

I was just wondering what are the chances that exes getting back together after at least a yr works out... personally I think exes should remain exes... just want some opinions, if you have ever gotten back with an ex and if it worked out or not... thanks

I myself have gotten back with a couple ex's, obviously none of them worked out again lol, but they did last longer this time, if its meant to be then its meant to be, think of why you to broke up if your not sure why you did then ask them. If its something little that can be fixed, then fix it, I'm not saying go and change yourself for them, because that's just stupid, but if you really think it will work out again, give it a shot

Would you mind telling what the reason was why you two broke up originally? Unless you'd rather not, your choice. I know couples that were divorced for 10 years, got back together and stayed together till death. I know couples that broke up, got back, but then broke up again and again. I want to tell you to go with your heart because each individual relationship is unique. If you both want to give it another go, why not? I agree with BabyBoy. If it's something that can be fixed, again, why not? You already said you feel exes should remain exes. It sounds like it's your call. I say go for it. Of course it can work out. It can go either way. Good luck to you and I hope it works out. Let us know.

Odds are, they don't work out. But there are exceptions.

The odds are greatly not in your favor and even less in your favor if you think the problems that broke you two up the first time can be swept under the rug and act like they never happened. Through communication and problem solving it can be achieved but it's not likely.

I'm not asking for myself is a friend of mine who wants to get back with an ex boyfriend, which I don't support, especially she is going through a lot of stress in her life right now, I think she is just looking for comfort right now but will soon realize it when her mind clears up..

Every relationship is unique; unfortunately there's no one-size-fits-all litmus test of whether there's a chance of it working out or not.

Best thing you can do is keep doing what you're doing and be there for your friend in their time of need. When their thoughts start to clear up they may realize they broke up for a good reason after all.

The one fact about relationships is, never say never. Can you get back together with an ex and make it work, sure, but it's not likely.

Chances of working it out with an ex

1 in a million.

It's been 2 years since my ex fiancé broke up with me and the 5 years we were together she broke up with me 6 times. So yes ex's come back but if they have issues it's not going to work.

I have a friend who's been in a relationship for 7yrs and asked her boyfriend a yr ago to tell her if he's ready to make a commitment for marriage he was suppose to tell her in jan but told her he would let her know in feb. it is feb now and he has not said anything yet. What should she do now?? Send your opinion...

Wow, commitment with a deadline.

Why couldn't he tell her right away? Why the wait?

It seems like he's not ready for a long term commitment, if he was then he wouldn't have to think about it.

So the choice is hers, wait until he's ready or move on.

Thanks that is a good point I'll let her know

I have been in a committed relationship for five years. Pushing for marriage will not have any advantage except to drive a wedge in the relationship. Commitment phobia is a common occurrence in men and some women.

She has to decide if she loves him and what she wants, if she is not willing to wait any longer then she needs to move on. If she loves him, she has to accept this issue and work with him through it or accept him just the way he is. It's really her decision to make.

Why does she want him to marry her when she is having to force or ultimatum him into the marriage. Plenty of people get cold feet, how will she feel if her big push just ends the relationship in disaster because he is not ready?

I agree, putting a time line on something like marriage can actually push a person away.

It seems like the two involved are not on the same page with their relationship.. she is keen to take it to the next step and he obviously is not ready.

Best advice= COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION AND COMMUNICATION.
Only this way will she know what her man is thinking and wanting out of this relationship.

Yeah nothing says romance and love like a deadline!

Never been married and are both in their 40's and 50's I try to tell her but she thinks starting over with someone else is very hard

Why does she have to start over?

Is she that desperate for a ring on her finger?

Because if she forces this guy, or any other guy, into marrying her that's all it will be, a ring on her finger, no real commitment.

Tell her to relax and enjoy the fact that she has someone special to share her life with. THAT is precious and shouldn't be thrown away because she wants status or security.

I understand that but she's worried about not being able to have a child and does not believe in having a child outside marriage and age is not on her side either. She loves him a whole lot and wants to work away but don't want to make the wrong decision becos he's not telling her anything. She is giving him until this may to tell her something or anything... she is not forcing him but just wants an honest ans from him and if he is not ready for a comittment she is ready to move on with her life.

Is there a way to ask for an honest answer without the man feeling pressurized??

After 7 years she has her answer. She just hasn't accepted it.

she is giving him until this may to tell her something or anything....

No she's not! It started as January, then February.. now May!



She's not going to leave him, she is just trying to get her MRS. She is forcing him into it, well she's trying to but it's not working..

i understand that but she's worried about not being able to have a child and does not believe in having a child outside marriage and age is not on her side either. she loves him a whole lot and wants to work away but dont want to make the wrong decision becos he's not telling her anything. she is giving him until this may to tell her something or anything....she is not forcing him but just wants an honest ans from him and if he is not ready for a comittment she is ready to move on with her life.

You are very concerned for your friend, but the facts are he is not ready/doesn't want a marriage. It doesn't matter what his age is and there is a reason he made it so late in life without marrying.

SHE has to make this decision - ACCEPT just the way it is, no guarantee of children, no marriage or LEAVE and risk being single with no guarantee of children, no guarantee of marriage.

If she is unwilling to compromise having children out of wedlock, why does she expect that he should compromise for a marriage that he doesn't want?

So if she is ready to move on like you claim, she needs to do that, he will either appreciate what he lost and step up to the plate or he won't and she is free to find love somewhere else.

Hi everyone, I think I need help! I'm going through the phase where I miss my ex this morning I've a test tomorrow and I can't concentrate...

Pull through it. Your future is more important than your ex. Go for a long walk, cry it out, and get back to work.

Take my hand, and let's roll!!

Thanks KC, you are the best, I feel better back in the mood to hit the books... :) I was very close to texting, glad I didn't

I don't understand my ex boyfriend of 3yrs, we decided it wasn't working out so we broke up in July 08' but decided to stay friends and I even talked to him about my new ex boyfriend which he asked me a few questions about the new guy, all of a sudden I try to contact him every once in a while but he never responds. He was my first everything, though I've moved on I still care about him and want him some where in my life and don't understand why he's ignoring me... do any one have an idea

i dont understand my ex bf of 3yrs, we decided it wasnt working out so we broke up in july 08' but decided to stay friends and i even talked to him about my new ex bf which he asked me a few questions about the new guy, all of a sudden i try to contact him every once in a while but he never responds. he was my first everything, tho i've moved on i stil care about him and want him some where in my life and dont understand why he's ignoring me....do any one have an idea

Not all exes can be friends, in fact, it's not the norm for exes to be friends.

Maybe he's decided that you need him too much, that it's not healthy in order for him to be able to move on, find someone new, live his life.

Maybe he's busy.

Maybe he has a new girlfriend and she's not comfortable with him talking to his ex.

So many possibilites. Sorry, but if he's doing NC you're just going to have to accept it and move on.

Good luck.

Thanks alt, it sucks & I just want to scream!! I wish my exes can be my friends ill be so happy, I've not contacted him in a few months but today was my last contact w/him, I sent him a text wishing him well...

I've been dating a guy for over 2months and we had everything in common, it's a long dist relationship since I'm away for sch, but we found out we had the sickle cell trait and everything has gone wrong for the fast 2 weeks, he said he cares about me so much but the relationship is not going to work due to the genotype fact. It has been so hard for either of us to let go, he wants us to be friends and find out what happens in the future, but I'm not too sure if I can handle friendship with him, becos he treats me soooo good. I ended the friendship or whateva it was, by texting him very very mean things just to hurt his feeling just like he did mine, 2days later I realized that what I said was too mean and immature, I texted him to apologize and asked that we end it in a more mature and in good term, but he ignored my text of course. I know he is hurt by the things I said but I need help on how to handle this issue or just let him be. I really care about him but I over reacted on something either of us have no control over... what should I do??

You said you already apologized for what you said so just leave him alone and go NC until one of you are ready to talk again, but in the mean time heal yourself by going out and do things with friends, family, etc.

You're not ready for a friendship with him. Don't try to force a friendship when that's not what you really want.

It's too late now, but in the future: "If you have nothing good to say, then don't say anything at all"

At least you realized that what you did was immature. In time he may realize that it was something dumb too, and may want to end on a better note. Til then just take your time to heal and let him do the same.

Now you move on because there is nothing left for you to do. You said your peace and now that's it.

Hopefully, you learned your lesson and would say anything harsh to someone in the future just because you want to hurt their feelings.

Once something leave your mouth you can take it back and it is hard to take your foot out your a$$.

I've been restless all day... I can't go hang out becos I've a test to study for and my mind is just clouded with the thought that he might never speak to me again... he is such a great guy and I want him in my life and don't know how to handle it

Even if he was in your life he would have only been your friend and some how I don't think you could settle with just being his friend.

So you need to work on getting past him and accepting the relationship you two had is over. So let go and move on.

I doubt you have healed from the last relationship, so jumping into a long distance one, didn't work. Time for you to do things for you, as you learn and grow and I hope you find happiness with who you are.

You have a lot to offer the right person, and that happens to be you right now.

Thanks tal, he's such a wonderful guy though, I'm so scared to loose this one... we have so much in common and we are same age and I've never had that in any guy yet...

You can't lose what you never had, but you can deal with what you know you have, and that's still just YOU.

Threads merged.


My boyfriend and I had a big messy fight which ended up with us not speaking, I said some very hurtful words which included I was going back with my ex of 3yrs, but I later realized how much I care for him and I've been trying to apologize for it, we have not had a conversation about anything for about 1 month now, I apologized and he always says everything is cool, he ignores my text, then last week I was in town and fustrated that he won't speak to me then I showed up at his house to tell him how I truly feel about him and that I wanted him as a part of my life and he said it is going to take time. Later that evening I texted him to apologize for showing up at his house and he said is all good. For almost a week now after the inccident I've texted him a gnite, gmorning or hi and he does not respond. I need advice on how to handle this situation, I'm not a patient person but I feel deep in my heart that he's the rite person for me, I want to wait for him to heal but is him not talking to me a sign that he is done with us? Or what can I do or say to show him that I'm heartily sorry for my words?

Your constant attention giving and attention wanting is pushing him further and further away from you. All those texts might seem to you like you're just being friendly or trying to open up communication but it just causes more and more distance between you two because he made it clear that he wants time.

Even though right now you're sad because of the end of the relationship and you want to wait for him, you're going to have to force yourself to stop all contact with him, including the texting goodnight and goodmorning. During this time, keep yourself busy with other activities and when you find your mind wandering towards him, force yourself to think about something else. Move on from this guy.

You've already said you are sorry, he's already accepted your apology, but now he doesn't want you in his life anymore.

He said it is going to take time.

Your way isn't working, try mine and give him the time he needs. If and when he is ready he will let you know. That's pretty much the price you pay for careless hurtful words that its to late to take back, and require more than an apology to get over. Learn that valuable lesson for the future.


I'm not a patient person
That's not going to work out for you a lot of the times.

I agree with Syzygy in that your guy wants some time away from you right now. What you said probably really hurt him. I don't agree that he doesn't want you back at all. That could very well be true, but then again, he might just need some time (and by that I mean days, possibly weeks, not hours or minutes). The more you push yourself on him, even in those little texts, is just more time that he's going to need away from you to figure it out. What you may need to do, if you haven't all ready is plainly ask him if he will consider you two getting back together. If he says he needs time to get over what happened, or think, then you will know to give him space and continue to hope. I would recommend only contacting him at the most once every three or four days at most. However, it is also quite possible that he will say no. And then you will know that you have to force yourself to move on. While that might seem like it would be worse than wondering if there is hope, it will be easier in the end if you find out now and begin moving on, rather than after a few weeks of wondering you find out he's seeing someone else. Regardless, the guy needs his space right now, and the only way to have him in your life at all after this incident is to give him that space.

I'm not sure why a guy would take you back if you handle an argument by saying your going to sleep with someone else. To me that's an admission of cheating. It sure doesn't speak volumes about your loyalty.

So you admit that and now you are trying to force him into something. That's not going to work. He needs time to sort out if she should trust you. You are not gaining trust by constantly harassing him.

I already know that he's not coming back rite now, but from all my past relationships every one of my exs always comes back when I've moved on and then is too late and I never go back. I'm trying to avoid all of that and want to fix things with him. I'm afriad to cut off every contact with him becos if I do then is completely ova for me. I'm confused on what to do, do I give myself a deadline before moving on?

i already know that he's not coming back rite now, but from all my past relationships every one of my exs always comes back when i've moved on and then is too late and i never go back.

So this is a pattern of behavior.


i'm trying to avoid all of that and want to fix things with him.

I think you need some fixing. This pattern of behavior repeats itself and yet it's not a good behavior. You are practicing self sabotage. Why? My guess is you have control issues and by threatening to leave someone for an ex you feel like you can control them to behave or do what you want.


i'm afriad to cut off every contact with him becos if i do then is completely ova for me. i'm confused on what to do, do i give myself a deadline b4 moving on?

I think this is great news for you. This gives you the time you need to find out what is causing these behaviors and what can you do to fix them.

I think she acts without thinking, and then doesn't want to pay the consequenses of her actions. Post #21 was quite revealing.

You keep doing the same thing over and over. When will you learn?

I think she acts without thinking, and then doesn't want to pay the consequenses of her actions. Post #21 was quite revealing.

Tal I'm confused, if I'm right this post I'm making here is post #21? I looked in the upper right hand corner is that not the post number?

LOL, your right, I meant post #12. The eyes (or the brain ) ain't what it use to be.

Hi everyone, I'm still in the same situation with the same guy and am trying to change my ways and now I'm in tears becos I realized how bad I messed up and want to do anything to make things right, he finally responded to my text after a while and said believe it or not we are friends, I told him I still like him a lot and didn't mean for things to be this messy and his response was I understand, I really want him back and don't know what or how to go about it becos I feel like the damage is too much , I'm going about it the wrong way by texting everyday for the fast 3 days, I can't control it

I think you need a crash course in a couple of areas:

1.) Thinking before you speak.

2.) Not being dependent on others for happines.

Your thread I SOOO similar to mine, but I don't think you screwed up as bad as me. I didn't tell him I was going to sleep with someone else , but I told him horrible hurtful things things as well. I was in so much pain and my way of letting out that pain was by sending him hateful texts, and now I regret sending every single one of those texts and I ended up losing him for good. I still beat myself up for that sometimes, but what done is done, and now I know what not to do next time.

I agree, but are you guyz still friends at all?

>.>?

How do you expect to be friends with someone you are so attached too?

Heal your broken heart first, get some better perspective, and see what happens AFTER that.

Oh, her post confused me. I thought she was asking US if we were still friends with her. >.>

Lol @ torri's post sorry about the confusion, yes tal I've let him go and is healing now..

lol @ torri's post sorry about the confusion, yes tal i've let him go and is healing now..

Lol, okay, because I was about to say, "Yes, of course we can be friends?" xD

I'm glad to hear you're healing! Keep your chin up; you can do it! :)

Though it doesn't matter becos I'm ova it, but I've a question I just want to understand, I asked him if he would be happier if I let him be and he never answers that question... why?

lol @ torri's post sorry about the confusion, yes tal i've let him go and is healing now..

Good for you. Now what are you doing for yourself? You have some behaviors you recognize as not working for you. Have you taken steps to address them?

Yes, by cutting off all contacts

So my ex sent me 3 emails to talk when I got the chance and I did text him and he didn't say much except that he was going through a lot during the past months, and said to be cool, what do I do now, I'm mostly afriad that strong feelings might come back, do I cut him off and get over my feelings completely before I start being cool w/him. I don't know what to do, if to stick to my original decision or give another shot?

Giving it another shot hasn't worked in the past, stick to NC and work on yourself!

Thanks

Just because he is reaching out to you doesn't mean you have to reach back. Nor does it means he wants you back.

You should continue doing what your doing and move forward instead of backwards.

Thanks liz, I figured that out and I've changed my # today, so that's it for me... NC for eva

Good luck with that decision!

We broke up over a yr ago because we both have a genetic disorder which prevented us from ever been together if we plan on having children together. I had so much anger towards him, but I got over it, moved on and have since dated someone else for a few months. I moved back to the same state and I texted him after a yr of no contact because I thought I was over it and was ready to be friends with him. We are both single and we tried not to talk about the past. We both do care about building our friendship but one thing led to another and we had sex, we agreed not to be friends with benefits, but we both started having little emotions and I started getting very angry at him again, and sent him a very mean email that I didn't want to ever speak to him ever again for the rest of our lives. My issue is now I feel extremely bad and I've apologized but he ignores me and is driving me crazy. How do I handle this situation ***?

The best way to handle it is to leave him alone for good. You obviously cannot be friends, because as soon as you started seeing each other, you've had sex. You're not completely over him either as you still harbor all that anger.

You're "over" them when you completely don't care one way or the other. If you're angry and then run to apologize - it's just a mess. So got back to NC and stick to it to truly move on from this unhealthy situation.

I always promise my boyfriend I would change my atitude of being so fast to break up w/him even sometimes with out a fight, but he always stands by me and gives me chances. Even if I'm extremely mean to him, he still tells me to stop over reacting. Him taking me back does that mean he truly loves me? We ve been together on and off for 5yrs...

Your threads were merged, but my question is when is this change supposed to happen? After the next break up? If you have no confidence he cares after 5 years of knowing him, and off and on in a relationship, what's the point of doing this all over again.

You have personal issues to work on, and next time may be too late. Maybe its best to leave him alone until you do deal with your issues. Obviously you seem hard to take for long, even though he likes the sex. HMMMMMM!!