A group of us went to a lap dancing as part of the night out for my boyfriends birthday. I went in willingly as I have never been in 1 before and felt comfortable talking to the ladies walking round in their underwear, and even recognised 1, as I am a loud and outgoing person.

His mate paid for him a lapdance which was upstairs in a private room, not at the table.

He asked me if I was OK with it and I said yes because I didn't think I would have a problem with it. Even though I was unsure I didn't want to spoil his fun and I know that he had never had 1 before.

As she was leading him upstairs I felt sick, he looked like he couldn't wait to get up there. I tried to put on a face as my mates were asking me if I was OK and I kept saying 'sure I am'.

He came down looking so happy and shook his mates hand when he asked him how it was and said fantastic with a smile like christmas day on his face.

I know it shouldn't bother me because he said before he went up that he loves me no less, in fact he said he loves me more for being an understanding girlfriend.

I can't talk to any of my friends who were there because they are just going to say that I told him it was fine and I can't talk to any other friends because they will probably agree.

Another thing about me is that although I am loud and outgoing I am a size 22 and just can't get the image of him enjoying this tiny, blond woman dancing around him.

I have so many questions to ask him but then he will know that its bothering me, like did he get visually aroused (her wasn't when he came downstairs), was he turned on, did she take her bra off, did she touch him, has he pictured it since, will he picture her when we are intimate, was he thinking about what it would be like to be intimate with her, did I even cross his mind when he was up there...

We have been together just over a year and he is a very shy guy and I never thought he would be interested in anything like that but obviously he proved me wrong. Maybe there are no shy guys, there are just guys who don't admit to what they really want, and there are others that go out and get it?? :confused:

OK, you go to a strip club and have a issue when he sees a striper??
You can't have it both ways

All guys have sexua interest ( one way or another) some don't show it

So a half naked girl was shoving it at him, you for some foolish reason was OK with going there and told him OK.

Now you talk to him, tell him you were wrong and it is bothering you and work over it

Had to spread the rep, but I agree with Fr_Chuck... be honest and let him know how you really feel, that you went along because you didn't want to spoil his fun, etc..

No need for all of the details that went on, just let him know that you would be hurt and upset if he were to think it was fine with you for him to repeat the experience.

Unfortunately you did say it was OK so he's done nothing wrong.

He probably will think about it again, NOT when your intimate because that is between you and him and is about love not lust.

You've been together over a year, he loves you not random stripper girl. Have a bit of trust in your man.

I would talk to him, to put your mind at ease, but not with all the probing questions you listed above because that's not fair. Just tell him that you feel uncomfortable with it now after thinking about it and see what he has to say.

Well you found out no guy is that shy, and all he had to do was sit, and enjoy it. ( Remember someone had to pay for it also )

This is something for you guys to talk about, but not something to make a big deal over, or get carried away by insecurity and jealousy. That's when it becomes an issue as I'm sure your b/f appreciates your understanding, and willingness to let him enjoy himself.

But do be honest, and make sure you express your feelings, without anger, or malice. Venting is good. Bet you both learned something.

Thanks all for your honest and sometimes blunt words lol. I needed it. I mentioned it to him and he said it wasn't even that good (although I'm sure he's just saying that now) but even if he is bending the truth and he did enjoy it it still means that he is thinking about my feelings.

He appologised, even though I told him not to because, as you say, I did say ti was OK.

He told me he loved me and in a fun sort of way said that it was just something he can tick of his list of experiences (we keep saying that we want to experience most things and making an effort to live life, even if I am dragging him along a bit with him being shy).

Remember he's dragging you on a bit with your insecurities. Which is fine as long as everyone has a part to play.

Glad it worked out OK for you.

If this is the worst problem you two have, you have a great relationship.

I text him telling him my concerns and I received this message from him:

''She doesn't turn me on more than you do babe. You're my girlfriend and I love you more than ever. And it was crap anyway. I cam downstais with a little laugh because of how cheesy and crap it was. I want to spend the rest of my life with you baby''.

Your right though, on the whole we do have a great relationship and 'neverme' I couldn't agree more!

Wondering, something to remember. We all have fantasies, we're all attracted to more than one person, but, at the end of the day we either choose to be with the person we love or choose to go elsewhere.

He had fun, that's all, and afterwards he came back to you, he's with you and intends to stay with you.

I'm glad that you talked to him and that you two worked it out. Communication is the most important part of a relationship, once you have that it's pretty easy to solve whatever comes up. :)

Yes wondering, it is fine. Everyone has their fantasies... I mean, do you know how many women dream of being with me (*cough*), but usually they have a boyfriend, so they have to have a bit of self control... nothing wrong with being attracted to someone, it is the actions that tell you the entire story...

He's a man and men will look but what you have got to remember is that it's a job that these girls do and he obviously loves you regardless as he wouldn't be with you otherwise. I hope everyhting gets sorted between you, you both sound great together just be honest with each other and don't be scared to tell him how your feeling or it will end up driving you insane :)

Thank you guys. Altenweg - what a beautiful and wonderful way to look at things.

As the others have stated,it most likely meant very little to him in the long run and you did agree.
Here is a link you may find amusing and it might be a cute surprise for your B.F.

iVillage.com Tells You How to Give a Lap Dance (http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextaboos/0,,b62t68w0,00.html)

Well seeing that the problem is resolved all I can say is I am happy it all worked out in a positive manner.