I have been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years. In the last year he's treated me really badly. Has no respect for me. And when I tell him he doesn't he gets mad and says that he's right and I'm wrong. I usually don't have low self esteem but he makes me feel worthless. I never felt that way until recently. When we told me himself that he thought I was. Basically a few months ago a co worker of his told me he was sleeping with another co worker. When I confronted him about it he said he didn't but I looked at his phone records and he's always talking and texting her. Should I believe him when he says they're just friends or should I believe my gut? Also he claims she's never been to our house, but the other night she knocked on our door. How would she know where we live if she had never been there. He's always saying that I need to prove myself to him by doing sexual things with other men. I don't want too and I don't so what do I do? Why do I let him treat me this way? I think he's cheating but since I told him my feelings he said I screwed up and need to prove myself to him. I'm not the liar, I'm not the cheater, I'm not the one being accused of cheating because of slight evidence. Just tonight he broke up with me because I told him he was disrespecting me and I don't need to prove myself he either loves me or he doesn't love me for who I am and that's that. HE claims he loves me but how can you love someone you disrespect so much. He said he's discusted in me because of who I am. BUt I do nothing but cater to him for the last 3 years. I do everything for him. I cook I clean I do his laundry, I give him sex. I do so much more. I work and pay my bills. He made me move back home with my parents before new years because I didn't have a job and he said I would find a job that way. Since then he's been telling me to have sex with other guys and tell him about it. Because doing so will prove I love him and I'm willing to do anything for him. I don't need to prove myself. Please help I need to know what to do. He's been acting weird since September.

Hi, starlitesummer!

It sounds to me, like this is a guy that can't face the fact that he needs to tell you the truth about his feelings. It also sounds to me like he is someone who wants to move on with his life, but can't bring closure to the past. I think that he is a coward who can't face telling you how he really feels.

I've been there, done that in a number of relationships that I've had where I have been on the negative receiving end. I just had to let them go...

If he's really interested in you, then he would be demonstrating that to you, rather than putting some sort of unreasonable and unrealistic conditions on you in order to have a relationship with him. You having sex with other guys and then him requiring you to tell him about it? That's almost certainly an excuse to get you to do things so that he can continue to blame you.

You need to prove yourself to him? From what you've already described, it would seem, that even if you did need to do that, then just standing by him and supporting him for the past 3&1/2 years should be all the "proof" that he needs!

My suggestion would be to lose this guy and get together with someone else who'll be more compatible with you so that you won't have so much heartache.

Just my take on things...

Hopefully, others will also be along to address your question.

Thanks!

OK trust your gut this guy has some really serious issues. I would just step away, far far away forever!

I do everything for him. I cook I clean I do his laundry, i give him sex. i do so much more. i work and pay my bills. he made me move back home with my parents before new years because I didn't have a job and he said I would find a job that way. since then he's been telling me to have sex with other guys and tell him about it. because doing so will prove I love him and i'm willing to do anything for him. I don't need to prove myself. please help i need to know what to do. he's been acting weird since september.

All right, this is entirely to weird and unhealthy. Get out of this NOW. He wants you to have sex with other guys to prove you love him? That is inexcusable, and frankly, I don't even have the words to describe how disgusting that is. Your boyfriend, or ex, or whatever he likes to think of himself as, is a walking contradiction of love.

Get the hek out of there! He is emotionally abusing you, and you cannot change this type of behavior, as it only leads to bigger, and more painful, problems! Good luck.

Step 1: LEAVE HIS A$$!

It's easy for a person to disrespect a person who has no respect for themselves.

Seriously you need to grow a pair and RUN!

Run away from this absolute load of s***!

This man does not love or respect you. His treatment of you is disgusting. He emotionally abuses you.


RUN!!

Thanks guys I really appreciate the support and help. I guess sometimes it takes hearing things from other people to get a perspective of what your really in. sounds like I'm in deep waters right now and need to remove myself from the situation

Thanks guys I really appreciate the support and help. I guess sometimes it takes hearing things from other people to get a perspective of what your really in. sounds like i'm in deep waters right now and need to remove myself from the situation

This is our way of throwing you a raft and pulling you out of this mess! Latch on, and let's roll... :)

Yea... um... you need to cut him looses ASAP

He's making a mockery of you; especially with that whole sleeping with other guys to prove your love for him mess...

He's playing you

You better run as fast as you can. This man has serious issues. Don't you have more respect for yourself than that?

I do not want to sound harsh but it sounds like he is almost pimping you out wanting you do to things with other guys and tell him about it - This guy either see's this as a turn on our he is pimping you.

I know from what your saying in your post that right now you feel low and are finding things tough. I think you have thrown yourself a life line at present by dumping this guy.

You may not want to hear this but your boyfriend (ex) has real issues and you are best off out of it. If you are living under his roof then maybe you could go stop with family or friends like you have before, if it is your house kick his you the kerb.

No one has any right to this anyone or treat another person bad. You need to get that get up and go back into your life and stand up for yourself.

If you do nothing else in your whole life fine - but right now you need to get out of this relationship !

Hey Starlite summer,

This guy has no respect or care for you

He is totally selfish and his morals are v wrong

He is a cheater and he is placing guilt on you instead of himself

I find it rather distrubing that he wants you to sleep with other guys to prove you love him. Sorry this is SICK.

From what you have said in your post- I think you know this is not a healthy normal relationship.

RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND NEVER LOOK BACK!

There are many males in this world who will love you for who you are. This person is def not the one.

As all the others have said this guy is a complete jerk and not worthy of your attention or Love.

I think you may have dodged a bullet by being rid of this one , don't go back.

You all have been really helpful I appreciate it. I'm not living with him right now I'm at home with my parents. We talked to day and things seem hopeful but I think your advice is more logical. So I'm not holding my breath about getting back with him or taking him back or any of that. Friends maybe, maybe something later. But probably not

Make him disappear from your life as he will never be a good friend, sorry! Don't waste your time thinking he will.

Why would you stay in a relationship with someone who treats you bad? Don't you think more of yourself that that? Sorry, but it's dysfunctional! Way too many red flags, and its only going to escalate.

Hey Guy's I thought I would give an Update. I talked to one of his co-workers today, and she told me that the girl he's been sleeping with told her like two weeks ago they're still going at it. He's clearly playing the both of us. He came over this weekend and we had a great weekend but what's fishy is.When my boyfriend was on the road coming to visit me (we're in different states now)he called her and talked to her for 10 minutes. Probably telling her she can't see him this weekend blah blah blah whatever.Then I went to a funeral for a good childhood friend who Overdosed, anyway while I was gone, he called the girl he's been cheating on my with and talked to her for 15 minutes. I was only at this funeral for one hour. That's wrong. Well I know he's talking to her on his way home because I told him I got a phone call from a female someone looking for him. He got all defensive. Anyway, so my question is, why would he spend all this money on me to have a fun weekend (I didn't give him sex) and still have sex with her and cheat. I don't mind giving him sex if things were good, if I was in a good relationship but right now we're rocky. I'm not sure what's going on. I told you guys my original synopsis, and then there's this one. So I know what you guys think. He has since dropped the sex with other guys bit. However it took some time. I don't know what he's trying to do. But He is always blaming me for accusing him of things I'm not, it's just normal questions and comments, and he takes them like I'm accusing. Only someone guilty of something would get mad and defensive over something like that correct? I know I should just cut my losses and move on. But I really want to get solid evidence of their affairs and slap him with it. The girl he's cheating on me with say's she's really into him and really likes him and stuff and is content with their relationship. But that's a total disrespect for me. What should I do considering he works with her. To basically tell her to back the off and leave my man alone she can't have him without causing my boyfriend/ex to lose him job? Realistically if it comes down to it I don't care. I do care for him but I don't see a relationship lasting with him but I won't be the only one hurt her. I won't I feel he should be hurt and she should. Not me. He's in the military and I could go to him command and get him for fratinization. But we're not married and we probably won't ever be. Am I wasting my time and efforts or is it worth it to not be the only one hurt in this situation. I feel if I let this go and I leave him behind he's won. And I can't have that. I have more pride than to let him get away with cheating. Let me know. I'm so confused I'm sure this post doesn't even really make any sense. But I really need some ideas and guidance that's why I'm writing here. Thanks guys!

I don't see this as a matter of letting him get away with cheating or not. Don't stoop to that level! By letting this bother you as much as it already has, you're letting him win.

Have enough pride in yourself NOT to retaliate and try to do something to get him into trouble. The best kind of "revenge" you can get is by dumping him and moving on with your life. Initiate No Contact and concentrate on making your life better - you've let him affect yours long enough.

You'll soon find your life is better without all this drama and eventually you'll find someone better who will treat you right.

I don't understand what you are doing to yourself? Get out of this right now. No more playing around and trying to slap him with the evidence of cheating. To continue to put yourself through something like this is absolutely ridiculous!

but I really need some ideas and guidance that's why I'm writing here. Thanks guys!

Dump him, and stop wasting your time.

Dump him, and stop wasting your time.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again -

I agree fully with what talaniman has said in the posts to you.

Yep, he is wasting your time. Dump him and move on

Well just to let everyone know. I called him this morning and he was in a meeting, so I called him work and asked them for the shop address I "wanted" to surprise him with a pizza delivery for lunch. So I called and the girl he's been cheating on me with picks up the phone and I say "Hi this is (my name) so and so's girlfriend, I know he's in a meeting I just wanted to grab the shop address so I can have a pizza delivered" she says "who?" I say "So and so's GIrlfriend, i just need the shop address so I can get him lunch delivered" She says "Hold on" Hangs up. He calls me and says "Why the f did you call my shop." I said "I just wanted the address to send you pizza for lunch" He said "No you never call my shop you know better, now everyone is giving me for you saying your my girlfriend" I say "But I am your girlfriend and they should know that. and sorry I called your shop I just wanted the address and knew you were in a meeting" he says" Now I look like an because I told everyone we were not together" I'm thinking, well that's your problem not mine. I tell everyone everything, if we're together or not. Doesn't matter no lies. So basically he says unless I again can fix things we're never going to be together or work out. Well I'll tell you all what. I just wanted to let that know she was sleeping with a cheater. And that he will cheat on her like he cheated on me. I'm done with this bull and I will have him punished for frantinization. Since he's not supposed to have sexual relationships with his co-workers.
Good luck to him he ed up!

I'm glad you finally got to see what we could all see.

As far as getting back at him I would suggest you just let it go and get on with your life , you will just end up losing your dignity and believe me you will regret it in the long run.

He'll get what's coming to him without your intervention.

Okay so I was writing an update and my kitten deleted it all I thought she prematurely posted it but it's gone.

Anyway let me start again I hope this is the truth and sounds the same just in case it did post I hate repeating stuff, because it's never said the same twice. It's not that I lie it's that once you've said something it never is said the same again unless its scripted especially when you have a point of view and you are upset.

So to let you all know I am no broke up with the boyfriend. But he wants to stay friends. Well I decided to let this happen because told me he promised me that whether we were together or not he would let me go see his family with him. I love his family so I said I'll let him stay in my life long enough to see his fami

Okay now my kitten did prematurely post this messages o here goes again

I love his family so I said I'll let him stay in my life long enough to see his family because I go into the army. Well he said after we broke up that I had to earn. I told his that was messed up he already promised I could go. He said it was his family I had to earn it. Okay so I love his family so I decide to do what he thinks will prove I earned it. Keep in mind I spok ewith his family and they really want to see me. Okay so I did all these things to earn my right to go. Which isn't really a right at all I mean he promised rirght. Okay so I did these things and he said well I ed up on some of them and I didn't earn it all the way so I couldn't go. He said he was gin gto go with his friend a buddy from his shop whom I know an di like and he probably likes me back since we don't know each other too well. Anyway so I said I was really upset and it was un fair to not let me go because I did earn it there were certain things I could no prevent like a cell phone dying while on the road so icouldn't charge it. Anyway so I told him I did earn it and that he promised I could go and he said no is no and odn't push it our friendship is next. I can't help but love the guy and thought that maybe if we stayed friends maybe a slight maybe in the future we could be an item again. (not holding my breath) well so I said fine if your giong with howe at least I know your not going alone okay so he said that his friend might drive the truck for a stretch because they are driving in snow and towing another vehicle, the truck he drives is in my name, so I said that's fine, he can drive it. Well that day that he told me I couldn't go he called me like 10 times asking me to do this and that for him. I told him I was busy and I couldn't do most of them but one I did do because my name is on the lease to our (or his as he calls it) apartment. Anyway so the to get to my point of this, answer me thing. He called me the night before he left and I was hanging out with a friend and here's how the conversation went

Me - hi
Ex - hey
Me - what's up
Ex - nothing what are you doing
Me - out to dinner
Ex - oh with who
Me - just a friend
Ex -oh which one
Me - just a friend does
Ex - your acting sneaky and weird
Me - how
Ex - you just are
Me - okay well we're eating so let me call you later
Ex - okay, wow your acting weird
Me - okay bye
Ex -bye
Click

We're not dating we're not anything why does he insist on treating me like this?

Then we're driving home and he calls me

Conversation
Me - hey what's up
Ex -not much what are you doing
Me - driving, you
Ex- nothing just waiting for you to call
Me - okay well let me call you when ig et home it's illegal to tlka on the phone and drive
Ex - well just talk to me now because ei'm about ready to go to bed
Me - I can't I don't want to get pulled over and get a ticket
Ex - wow your acting really sneaky if we were dating and you were acting like this I would have broken up with you
Me - well sorry you feel that way I'm just driving home I don't want to talk too long
Ex - okay well how long
Me - few minutes
Ex okay fine
Me - okay bye
Click

So what does this mean he's not wanting to be with me but he treats me like I'm still his girlfriend saying I'm being sneaky and acting weird
What the hell

We're not together

Okay so icall him later and he's like oh I had such a stressful day and we talked for an hour and he said he would give me some money back because I helped him pay for his internet card, and then I told him th emoney I used to buy him his laptop I was supposed to use to fix my truck, and buy myself a new computer
And so he said he would help me buy a new computer and he was being so nice. And we were talking about the good times and why there were bad times and he said he didn't care that there were bad times and that we both played head games he said that the reason he didn't want to be with me anymore is because I just didn't care. I told him how do you figure I cared so much I just was battling my own demons, we had stresses, and he said that if I got more self confidence like when we first got together if there was ever a chance he'd want to be together again that would make him say yes. And all this time we're just having a nice conversation. So then the next day he calls me a lot and he said when he gets to vegas he's gion gto call me and he never did. I was supposed to get video of some of his stuff for him for insurance reasons and I got most of it by my storage space was limited and my phone died so I he said I failed at doing that, and then the next morning I got one text from him that said "videos" and I typed back yeah I sent them all too you 3 times. And he said I never got them an di said well I don't know

Then I was hanging with a friend and my friend took my phone when I went to the bathroom and text him and here's what she wrote on my phone

"I know you are with shelley i know you took her and now howe"

Well I didn't want to ruin the friendship because of our financial obligation. An dhe text me back saying not to ever call him again and turned off his phone and so I told him I didn't writ ethat message it was my friend and I yelled a tmy friend for it. So later that night he texts me with apicture of himself at like almost midnight. I'm so confused. I've been doing these exercises with him and they all come out positive saying he still has feelings and cares, but he's so mean sometimes. And I know he's with this other girl, I can just feel it. Otherwise she would never have known how to get to my apartment house. While I was there ei was home and she came over. I called his friend that was supposed to go with him and he said he wasn't with him and I was like well if you talk to my ex tell him I he needs to call because I have a financial question for him (he's almost 3 months late on his truck payment and the truck is under my name on the loan) so I was freaking out because I didn't want a repo on my credit. And it just sucks. I don't know what to do. I have so much financial obligations but I do love him and I don't think it's a healthy situation to be in. but it's hard. What do you all think? Why does he keep treating gme lik ea girlfriend sometimes but then other times not? Why is he all nice on the phone and then it seems th enext time we talk he's a complete jerk like she's there with him or she's filling his head with thoughts about me that are not true. Why. I don't understand. I'm just tired of hurting an di'm tired of being away from him I'm tired of this stupid girl dictating my relationship I'm tired of it.

People only accuse you of cheatin if they are.. if you have texts and calls to prove to him that you think he is cheatin and the fact that she came round whe you say she don't know where you live then you need to sit down with him and put him straight.. u should never ever be afraid of a man you sit him down and say if you don't tell me the truth then your out.. if you think he's lyin then leave him.. u can do much better.. 1. no man takes away yourself esteem 2. you should never prove yourself in a sexual way or any other way! Sounds like you can do much better hun! Go with your gut feeling.. hope it all works out for the best I'm sure there is someone out there waiting to treat you with lost of love and respect!

People only accuse you of cheatin if they are

Not true all the time. My I accused my ex of cheating (which she was) and I had not cheated on her!

He sounds like a controlling, manipulative and insecure guy. The less you have to do with this guy the better.

No not everyone but some people do and it has happened before.. just do what u think is best for you hun! I think we all know what that is x