OK back in the day I could deal with loads of school work easily because I would procrastinate work all the time. Now I cant. I don't even have much work and I'm so anxious about it. I sat here on the computer worrying about for 3 hours instead of actually doing it. I can't think straight anymore. I can't pay attention at school anymore. It feels like I'm going crazy. Like I don't have suicidal thoughts but I wish I was dead when the anxiety is going. I will stare at my fan wishing it would break and like kill me, stuff like that. Sometimes I almost cry like it feels like the tears are going to come out, but I can hold them back.

It feels like this started this year, around final exams about 2-3 months ago. These past 3 days it's been getting worse. I usually have to smoke a cigarette to calm down. I told my mom, "mom i think i need to see a psychiatrist about anxiety". She sits in my computer chairs, 4 feet away from me while I'm in my bed laying down and tells me I need to keep my faith up, etc. She suggested that I did small prayers to calm down. The problem is I think that only works if you truly believe in it.

She now worries about and stuff and views me differently (not in a bad way), which is the reason I didn't want to tell her anything in the first place. Any advice it feels like I'm going crazy.

This is a link to a previous thread.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental-emotional-health/social-awkward-extremely-lazy-306097.html#post1497120


I don't think I messed up my brain or anything because this is what I've done so far in the drug world:
1 oral Vicodin, snorted 1 , parachuted 2,
Took total of 3.25 mgs of xanax ,
Took adderal 8 times, snorted 1 adderal ,
Took 1 pure hydrocodone,
Smoked weed about 500-1000 times
Smoked about a pack of cigarettes

I started smoking weed last spring break. I have not smoked weed since last Saturday, do you think that is what is causing the problem.

I think you should seriously see a psychiatrist. My boyfriend was just diagnosed with bipolar disorder last week and that sounds like what he explained to me. It is typical for bipolar not to show it's symptoms until your early twenties. I'm sure you don't like the idea of going to a psychiatrist, but my boyfriend is now on medication and feels so much better! Just tell your Mom that you are serious and want to schedule an appointment. Some people are not comfortable with the idea and think it's all bs, but You are old enough to know what is going on inside your own head!

I don't know, like before I was a lot quieter and before said a word I would fully think about it. Thinking about getting prescribed meds make me anxious because I don't want to develop a dependency towards it. My anxiety was never this bad; what I've done that might have something to do with this is:
On Saturday I parachuted 2 vicodin and took a xanax and smoked like 2 grams.
I woke up remembering the whole night, usually when people take xanax the forget what they did. My right arm felt like someone was pulling it off, I was in quite a bit of pain. That whole day I was still feeling some of the trip.
I quit smoking weed on that day too.

The next 3 days of school where associated with test and a lot of work. My anxiety miraculously kicked in.

Could this have caused it.

I talked to my parents and they are going to schedule me an appointment. I don't want to take meds, because they change you. It is like putting a band-aid on a gash. It only makes the problem worse. I just want to be how I used to be. I honesty had 0 anxiety, like nothing could bring me down.

Well aren't you taking meds illegally now?so what the dif?