Obviously no body likes to be called ma'am then why people using it? Women especially like to call other women with this ma'am thing just to piss you off. I think it should be considered offensive, banned and agist, I know some will say it is just respect term but no I do not think so because people, no body likes it.

I live in the southern US and only the children here use ma'am and sir as a term of respect.

If a mother says something to her child, the child does not reply with "What?" The reply with "Ma'am?"

Where I am from it is a term for respect of your elders.

Different people get offended by different things. That's kind of minor in the grand scheme of things.

I use ma'am as a form of respect, too. Only rarely have I heard that some women do not like it.

... I'd like to see if this issue has ever been well surveyed...

I agree. It is form for respect but saying that in Europe its not used hardly ever these days, seems like its used a lot in America thou.
But its still respectful

If anyone watched old episodes of Saturday Night Live they used Ma'am in a derrogatory way.

I agree it's a form of respect but when someone your age says it is not and I think it is not flattering. If a woman likes a man and he said to her ma'am istead of miss I think she would be flatterd with miss more and like him better.

I wouldn't personally say I would like him better just because he called me miss and not ma'am...
But yes I personally would prefer a miss instead of a ma'am..

Ma'am is used for elders where miss is used for younger women. At least that is where I live.

If a child is told to do something in school they say, "yes, ma'am." However, if their teacher is Katie SoandSo they call her Miss Katie. So here where I live they are almost interchangeable.

This is reminding me of one episode in Will & Grace.

Where Grace came back to work after been shopping, walks in all stressed and says " this man, called me ma'am... now do i look like a ma'am to you" all agitated she was and not impressed!

I glanced at several webpages that speak of this (here (http://www.google.com/search?num=100&hl=en&lr=&safe=off&q=use+of+ma%27am&btnG=Search)) and most agree that it is acceptable in varying circumstances. I did not find any of them saying it's derogatory in any way.

No, I don't think it is derogatory, SNL used to do a skit using it that way, but I think it is respectable.

LOL... I am with "needKarma" on this one. I sometimes am put off by it because it makes me feel old (I am only 29). That's my choice to be offended or not. I think you should see where it is coming from, what were the intentions behind it. The english language is funny that way.

I don't think there is any need for any "ban" or legislation etc. - that continues the myth that women can't speak for themselves. If I was a woman and someone "ma'am'ed me - id say please call my Peggy, or Mrs XYZ etc. Real simple.

You can call me Ma'am anytime (heck, I'm old enough)!

I'm with aqua... I'm 26 (soon to be 27) and I hate being called ma'am as it makes me feel so old. If a clerk calls me ma'am in a store, I usually spend the rest of the day tormenting my husband by asking over and over again if I look old and/or fat lol. However, I agree with NeedKarma that it's not a big issue, and I certainly won't blame a poor clerk who's just trying to be polite. And most of the time I do still get called "Miss" or else "Mrs. Kohen" when I shop at Safeway and use my customer card. ;)

It is an interesting dynamic though, that men, as a matter of politeness, are called "Mr." and "Sir" throughout their lives, whether they are young or old, and as far as I've heard it's never offensive to them, excepting of course many male physicians (including my hubby) who prefer to be called "Dr." all the time haha. I guess "Ms." is supposed to be the proper, non-offensive female equivalent, but I rarely hear it spoken.

As I believe already said, it may well be a culture thing, if a child does not say yes ma'am and no ma'am to a adult they are liketly to get bopped here in the South. Even grown children here in their 20's and 30's still say that to older women in respect.

What should be not allowed is the yea and nahh answer too many kids today have adapted.

I totally agree with you Fr Chuck (and Janine!) with the politeness aspect for children. The children in my home are required to address my husband and I properly, but to me they just say "Yes, Mummy" or "Yes, Auntie". Other adults they address as Mr. or Mrs. So-and-so. They do say "Yes Sir" to my husband though sometimes. I never really thought of them calling me Ma'am, but I guess it would be all right since they are children. I mostly just don't like it from other adults, since as I said, it makes me feel old! :p

When I first moved down to Florida from N.Y. I found that to be part the cultural shock. This fella was helping with groceries in the trunk and he said ma'am so many times I could scream! It sounded like: old lady, old lady, oldie but goodie lady!
Now I know it's just the way they talk. But I will never say ma'am! Miss always comes out anyway.

Yeah, you just get over the ma'am. But now I look people sternly in the eye when they say that, thinking to myself "it figures" lol..

I consider "Ma'am" and "Miss Susan" (my real name for those who skipped the intro LOL) both part of the many beguiling aspects of the charming south and partially the reason I moved here, just so's y'alls know'd that now! The other great one I hear is that a southerner can say the most scathingly critical remark and get away with it simply by prefacing it with "Bless her poor pea-picking heart..." LOL

I too have always grown up with ma'am as a term of respect.

Same as 'hon'
I ran into one lady that had deep rooted personal issues to 'hon' and would go batty on people who said it to her regardless of what they meant.
Later I had found out that her husband would beat her and use the word 'hon' in a scathing way.. so rather than facing the person and his behaviour as the cause of her feelings, which she felt helpless about, she connected her feelings of indignity to the word "hon". It became a trigger for her. Perhaps she felt that it was something she could control more than her husband - which is out of her control.

I'd look at how the person said it.. if they are saying words in a mean way, they could make any word sound derogatory. And what would we do then? We can't ban all words that they would use. Why give them so much power over us?
Words alone are just words..
The words a hurtful person would use are just a symptom. A weapon. A utility. It's one of the many ways hurtful people reach out to touch others. If it weren't words, it would be actions. And we can't punish everyone else and what they say or do over what one hurtful person did.
It would be more effective to hold the person, the root of the problem responsible for intent rather than everything they say or do.

I vote that if you do have a person in your life saying simple words like that to you in a derogatory way, you should consider walking away from the person and consider your life without them or at least give them the ultimatum. After all, who needs people like that!

I just noticed that this is in the Mental Health & W. category. Do you think this belongs here, because isn't it making the question heavier? Or am I flying again? Ma'am is not that threatening to most people, neither is Hon. I think.

But I agree. Tone & intention count for more than the words.

Ma'am IS awful. But it could be worse! Lol :(

Maybe it is the way it is said. I don't mind as long as it is in a respectful way. My daughter lives in Florida and she said everyone is referred to as Miss. I would find that very different. Where I live you are referred to as your first name or Mrs.

I don't know, I get called "father' everywhere I go, and just don't understand it.

Ok, joking aside for what little joke that was but culture is very different, respect of others and respect of elders differ from areas of the US and in various nations.

I had an experience a few years ago, there was an asian gentlement, he called the police on his wife, he wanted her taken to jail, her crime, she had disrespected the mans mother. His mother was ill, and his wife had not wished her well and told her she wanted her to get better, so this was a crime bad enough to be bansihed from the house and to be sent to some level of "wife jail". And the wife was ready to be banished for her evil disrespect. We believe he also hit her but could not prove it, and she said she deserved all the punishment she was to get.

So culture has a lot to do with the way we see things. And age.

Ma'am is used for elders where miss is used for younger women. At least that is where I live.

If a child is told to do something in school they say, "yes, ma'am." However, if their teacher is Katie SoandSo they call her Miss Katie. So here where I live they are almost interchangable.


Hmmm. What's your term for "younger" men then?

Why is it okay for women to be called certain names according to their age, and not men?

That's one reason so many women hate Ma'am, because them same terms don't apply to men. Meaning, there's no male equivalent for "Miss".

Just my take on the whole offensive word thing, no matter what we apply it to. For cripes sakes, what is the big deal with our f*ing world and country? Everybody is so hypersensitive about everything whether it be words or stereotypes, or whatever. The people that use words in derogatory means, or stereotypes as belittling have the mindset of a child and all of you people who show hypersensitivity to these comments are just giving them what they want. LOOK IF I SAY THIS I GET MY NAME IN LIGHTS. Just stop giving a crap. WOrd and stereotypes don't perpetuate themselves, peope giving a damn and showing a reaction to stereotypes and words perpetuate them. It is basc pyschology and quite honestly I am sick of SUPPOSEDLY intelligent people wasting there breath criticising people who are trying to get criticized... QUIK GIVING THEM WHAT THEY WANT AND THEY WILL STOP!


Sorry for venting, but as for the "ma'am" thing... you have to be kidding me right? What's next "mom" being offensive?

As I said before. We could be called a lot worse.

Having grown up in the mid 1950's, I saw many an episode of "Dragnet" cop series with Jack Web staring icily at a rambling woman and cutting her off saying, "Just the facts, ma'am."

Ma'am has always turned me off, but not many called me that in my life, many people younger than I gravitated to Miss B____, (my last name). I thought that was the most respectful of all.

I think no matter what the word may be, the tone of voice used and the context it is delivered within should dictate whether it is "offensve" to the applicable invidual or not. I do not think it can be a broad society wide agreement of what is and is not "offensive". You are all a little to Utopian for me. :-)