:confused:
Why is it so hard to deal with my mom and dads divorce? Although it happened 14 years ago I do not exactly know how to feel and it is really hard to let go of. My mother is always saying bad stuff about my dad and yet my dad is never saying anything. My mom a few years ago went to a judge made up a few lies and yet my dad moved out of province. I am not sure what to do I am not sure what to do. He would write but my mom would just burn the letters and tell us our dad did not even care and know I only see him every 3 weeks. What do I do?:confused: :mad: :(

Im sure you're not a kid.
Tell your parents you have to right to know what's going on.
Have a one to one with them at separate sides, you need to hear both sides of the story.

I mostly agree with Krs, however, sometimes what happens between a man and wife should stay between a man and wife.

I was married 22 years ago to a man I thought was wonderful. It turned out that he was not and that remains between us.

Here is my reasoning. My ex and I had 2 boys, if I were to go and tell them why we divorced, the REAL reasons, they would not think as highly of their father.

It is important that children have a mother and father who both love them, and it is equally important that the children love both the mother and father.

As a mother of 4 children ages 20 all the way down to 4, I believe that there are situations that happen between a husband and wife that really need to stay between the husband and wife.

I also believe that this mother should stop talking bad about the father. Is there a way to get her to do that? Probably not without a form of an intervention.

If dreamerswish were to talk " Have a one to one with them at seperate sides" this could cause some major tension in the family.

Actually J_9 you are right.
I can't comprehend the situation as I've never experienced it.

As J_9 explained it should stay between the parents, that's true, but dreamerwish's mum is NOT taking the right actions.
She lied about the father and the children know, the father writes to her and mother burns the letters and the mum is involving the kids by telling them that the father doesn't care for them.

The mum shouldn't put her kids in that position.

You are very right about the mother's actions!! What she is doing is hurtful and spiteful.

That is a terrible situation to be putting the children, young or grown, in. Unfortunately, it will come back to haunt her one day, and that is sad.

My parent divorced the year I graduated from high school. Neither of them said anything bad about the other. It was very healthy. My daughter and her husband had a "blood bath divorce" and my oldest grandson was 10. They put him in the middle. He would stay with me as much as possible. We talked a lot about it. My daughter finally got over the anger and stopped. Her X husband still keeps it up. I told my grandson to tell them both when they would start in about each other to say. I did not ask you to pick him for my father, you made that choice, and you have to live with it just as I do. You can get another husband, but he will always be my father, I can not get another one. Please do not talk to me about him, it hurts. I can not change what you did to make him my father. Talk to your friends about Him, not me. When he said that to my daughter, she started crying. When he said it to his dad he said he was being disrespecful. Brian told him, no dad you are. I am being honest. It has made a difference. I don't know if you have the courage to say anything like that. Brian knew he could always live with me:)

Hi, I can completely relate!

Your mom has no right to act like this and is being very selfish. They are your parents and you should not have to defend either one of them (especially to the other). Her actions are completely unacceptable no matter how old you are. Unfortunately you are going to have to make yourself heard. This is probably the only way she will understand what she is doing.

I wish you the best!

Evidently your mother has some anger issues concerning your father. These are her problems, not yours and not your father's. You evidently have a good relationship with your father so keep it that way. If it's really hard for you to deal with perhaps you could try getting your mother to talk about her problems where your father is concerned. Of course, take any critical or disparaging remarks with a grain of salt but letting her open up and "get it off her chest" could do both of you a world of good. I presume that you are now an adult yourself so maybe after hearing your mother out you could give her some womanly advice where her issues with your father are concerned ; not in an accusing or condescending sort of way but in an objective, matter-of-fact manner.

Oh boy! Your mom is very inmature.. im sorry to hear about this, its something no child should have to go through,though you as an adult first must respect her decion to divorce what ever they may be. But do be thankfull for your dad,he's a true gift. Your feelings are natural.. theres nothing wrong w/you. As for how to deal w/your mom.. be the adult tell her to grow up. Tell her to get a friend to complain to not you. Honestly tell her,don't beat around the bush. A child's father is sacred no matter the opion of the mother, that is a bond only the child has the right to distroy. And if I were you, if she doesn't take the suggestion, id place a little distance between you and her, focus more on your father, shell come around. Best wishes in quest to be happy.. and remember they won't live forever there's no time like the present, to salvage what you've got left with her... please make it good, and meaningful...