losthope
Jul 31, 2006, 05:47 PM
Hello,
Hi all, I know it's long,, I tried to summarise 8 years of history, I know its sappy and desperate, but I really need help I'm lost,,
My question is about love, I'm going to to try to make it short, when I was 13-14 I used to date sooo many girls but after they became my girlfriend I lost interest, it came to a point where when I was in 7th grade I had 34 GF, when I was 16 I became so afraid of never falling in love and yeing alone I became depressed.. so one day I prayed to god and I even cried and I saked him to send me love I wanted to exprerince the pain of love the beauty of it... coinsidense or not I fell madly in love with my best friend it cought me by surprise... we started getting closer and closer, but one day about a year later she told me she was bisexual... so I helped her... the problem was that she was with a girl from her school,, but we continued to have our "thing" (after she told me I even ecouraged her to continue to see this girl and see what comes out of it, I wanted to be sure that if we were ever going to be together that she was not confused about her sexuality) even though I felt jelous and insecure I did not show it, but we contunued to see each other and sometimes sleep together.. this continued for some time by the time I was 19 I was moving to New York to study, during my 2 years of study I was trying my best to move on and find some one new, I dated but nothing, I woild dream of her. Then one day after I sent her Anna Karenina to read, she read it and 5 months before returning to why country (colombia) she called me and told me she had broken up with her GF, I was very happy I made sure she had broken up for good reasons and not for me.. and she did, but 2 months before I returned I found out she was dating a guy that has 42 and she was 19, we got in a fight and stopped talking it hast until I found out that the guy was gay and was cheating on her with a tranny,, I had to tell her, so I did she called me a liar. When I got back out of the blue she called me and tried to fix thing it took some time but she left the guy and we finally were a couple... I thanked god soooo much that day, I was so happy, I learned that everything happes for a reason, good things happen to dose who wait, and I grew closer to god,. now Andrea has probles,, with her self and her family, her parents are divorsed and her mother is a horrible one. So I tried to help out in her home as much as I could, I even paid for a shrink andrea could go to. I took her and her mother to luch and dinners (family plans), but still she needs a lot of professional help... she sah been throug a lot.. 4 months latter she dumped me... and for months after that here I am... and I am lost... I know you can't force to make someone love you, I never tried I just gave love unconditionally... the thing I did for her were so beautifull, every day I would try to show her a love she never got from her friend and family.. to be honest I pray every single day to god... but sure it took her 3 months to return my stuff after we broke up but we have not talked, we broke up in good terms, but we don't talk any more... and trust me if there was anything I could do I would do it but after so many years there is nithing for me to do, I fought for her like nothing I have done in my life, in fact proving and showing her my love has been the best thing I have done in my life... but after this life is not the same,, instead of feeling that everything happens for a reason I feel that **** happens,, I'm losing my faith,, every thing,, I know she is not a lesbian and her exGF is a dab person and she used to do black magic on and her,, and all I think is that what if they end up together again,, where is god in that?? She ends up back with her ex anfter she does black magic,, she's a cold a and mean person,, she doen not desserve andrea... I know you a thinking "first love" but its so much more that that... I am not losing just andrea, all the beautifull things I discovered about life are going to, god is going to...
And it makes me so mad that after I cry and pray to god to let me experience love, and I get it,, but when all I do is pray to fim that the person that I discovered love from ,love me back... NO... ohh and I never ever treated her bad,, I loved and helped her so much, I was an angel... I baked her grandma a cake on her b-day!! When she was 13 she told me a dream that she woke up in a field of roses, so one day years latter, with the help of her brother I bought her 4500 roses and covered her room in them when she was sleeping, so she would wake up in a "field". I did my best to understand her, guide her... and I end up heart broken... all of the life leasons I learned have benn broken down,, all I have is "be carefull what you wish for" and the worst thing is tat I still believe in god,, and believe that she and I will be together one day...
Don't ask me why but I do... but I feel foolish to hope agaist all odds, because I am scared to death that my hope is worthless...
What do you think, of love, god, hope, what do I do... move on and wait for a miricle?? Everyday I tell myself life is beautifull and thatk god for all I have but once I hink that she will never return... life is not that great anymore... I know life goes on... and it will, but it will never be the same,, after this ,why put your heart and soul and god into something? And fight for what you believe? It didn't work for me in the past? Why expect good things to come when god let this happen? You know the best qualityi have is my ability to love, god gave me a beautiful heart... for what to be broken?? Why should I trust my heart again , or for that matter life or god, if the best thing I have after long years and believing and trusting and praying was not enough??
Please tell me what to do, think.. any thing, its one thing to lose the love of your life, but to loose it along with your beliefs in life and hope in god... well it more that I can handle... any storyes abot ex coming back after everything told you it was over?
p.s,, for doce who have had an ex come back even if you sayd no,, you are lucky,, misery prevails when a love is blind.
Sorry about my spelling.
Thank you so much for reading...
God bless... I hope
Hi all, I know it's long,, I tried to summarise 8 years of history, I know its sappy and desperate, but I really need help I'm lost,,
My question is about love, I'm going to to try to make it short, when I was 13-14 I used to date sooo many girls but after they became my girlfriend I lost interest, it came to a point where when I was in 7th grade I had 34 GF, when I was 16 I became so afraid of never falling in love and yeing alone I became depressed.. so one day I prayed to god and I even cried and I saked him to send me love I wanted to exprerince the pain of love the beauty of it... coinsidense or not I fell madly in love with my best friend it cought me by surprise... we started getting closer and closer, but one day about a year later she told me she was bisexual... so I helped her... the problem was that she was with a girl from her school,, but we continued to have our "thing" (after she told me I even ecouraged her to continue to see this girl and see what comes out of it, I wanted to be sure that if we were ever going to be together that she was not confused about her sexuality) even though I felt jelous and insecure I did not show it, but we contunued to see each other and sometimes sleep together.. this continued for some time by the time I was 19 I was moving to New York to study, during my 2 years of study I was trying my best to move on and find some one new, I dated but nothing, I woild dream of her. Then one day after I sent her Anna Karenina to read, she read it and 5 months before returning to why country (colombia) she called me and told me she had broken up with her GF, I was very happy I made sure she had broken up for good reasons and not for me.. and she did, but 2 months before I returned I found out she was dating a guy that has 42 and she was 19, we got in a fight and stopped talking it hast until I found out that the guy was gay and was cheating on her with a tranny,, I had to tell her, so I did she called me a liar. When I got back out of the blue she called me and tried to fix thing it took some time but she left the guy and we finally were a couple... I thanked god soooo much that day, I was so happy, I learned that everything happes for a reason, good things happen to dose who wait, and I grew closer to god,. now Andrea has probles,, with her self and her family, her parents are divorsed and her mother is a horrible one. So I tried to help out in her home as much as I could, I even paid for a shrink andrea could go to. I took her and her mother to luch and dinners (family plans), but still she needs a lot of professional help... she sah been throug a lot.. 4 months latter she dumped me... and for months after that here I am... and I am lost... I know you can't force to make someone love you, I never tried I just gave love unconditionally... the thing I did for her were so beautifull, every day I would try to show her a love she never got from her friend and family.. to be honest I pray every single day to god... but sure it took her 3 months to return my stuff after we broke up but we have not talked, we broke up in good terms, but we don't talk any more... and trust me if there was anything I could do I would do it but after so many years there is nithing for me to do, I fought for her like nothing I have done in my life, in fact proving and showing her my love has been the best thing I have done in my life... but after this life is not the same,, instead of feeling that everything happens for a reason I feel that **** happens,, I'm losing my faith,, every thing,, I know she is not a lesbian and her exGF is a dab person and she used to do black magic on and her,, and all I think is that what if they end up together again,, where is god in that?? She ends up back with her ex anfter she does black magic,, she's a cold a and mean person,, she doen not desserve andrea... I know you a thinking "first love" but its so much more that that... I am not losing just andrea, all the beautifull things I discovered about life are going to, god is going to...
And it makes me so mad that after I cry and pray to god to let me experience love, and I get it,, but when all I do is pray to fim that the person that I discovered love from ,love me back... NO... ohh and I never ever treated her bad,, I loved and helped her so much, I was an angel... I baked her grandma a cake on her b-day!! When she was 13 she told me a dream that she woke up in a field of roses, so one day years latter, with the help of her brother I bought her 4500 roses and covered her room in them when she was sleeping, so she would wake up in a "field". I did my best to understand her, guide her... and I end up heart broken... all of the life leasons I learned have benn broken down,, all I have is "be carefull what you wish for" and the worst thing is tat I still believe in god,, and believe that she and I will be together one day...
Don't ask me why but I do... but I feel foolish to hope agaist all odds, because I am scared to death that my hope is worthless...
What do you think, of love, god, hope, what do I do... move on and wait for a miricle?? Everyday I tell myself life is beautifull and thatk god for all I have but once I hink that she will never return... life is not that great anymore... I know life goes on... and it will, but it will never be the same,, after this ,why put your heart and soul and god into something? And fight for what you believe? It didn't work for me in the past? Why expect good things to come when god let this happen? You know the best qualityi have is my ability to love, god gave me a beautiful heart... for what to be broken?? Why should I trust my heart again , or for that matter life or god, if the best thing I have after long years and believing and trusting and praying was not enough??
Please tell me what to do, think.. any thing, its one thing to lose the love of your life, but to loose it along with your beliefs in life and hope in god... well it more that I can handle... any storyes abot ex coming back after everything told you it was over?
p.s,, for doce who have had an ex come back even if you sayd no,, you are lucky,, misery prevails when a love is blind.
Sorry about my spelling.
Thank you so much for reading...
God bless... I hope