So I am in a very confusing situation and no one I know seems to be able to give me some good advice on this one.

So there is a lot of back story on this one, really too much to even to go into, but here are the basics.

So I was with my girlfriend for 2.5 years and we were friends for about 6 years. We lived together for about 8 months before I said I needed a break. I was set to move but before I did I ended up sleeping with another girl in the house me and my now ex both shared (yes I know, absolutely horrible). Well she found out and of course was really pissed. After this, a part of her still wanted me back, and I wanted her back because I felt so bad for what happened; this made me want to pull her closer, but because I was going on the break anyway, I decided to not get back. This happened in May.

We went the whole summer and did not see each other, although we still talked almost every day. I hooked up with a couple people, including the girl I 'cheated' with and she hooked up with a few other guys as well, but neither of us was dating anyone seriously. Around September I decided that I wanted to give us another try (not necessarily get back together but see if there was something to salvage). I had been doing a lot of work on myself to figure out how I could have done something so terrible and to make myself a better man, etc (therapy, praying, reading, exercise).

In late September I convinced my ex that we should meet up for the first time, we ended up having sex and to me it solidified that I really wanted to make this work She said that she didn't know what she wanted. I continued to see her for a couple weeks and she reiterated that she didn't know what she wanted but that she did not want to get back together at this time.

I said I would do whatever I needed to prove myself and gain her trust. I said that I wouldn't date anyone else and she could do whatever she wanted. I said that I would openly answer any question or concern she had about anything and that she could meet any person I knew or hung out with, including any girl.

So now, here is my dilemma: it is now mid January 09 (4.5 months) and she still cannot decide that she wants me back or doesn't want me back. I know that what I did to her was horrible and I would understand if she never wanted to be with me again and never trusted me again, and I understand that if we got back together I would have to earn her trust back. The problem is she just holds me in the middle. She calls me 90% of the time and accepts all the gifts and kind gestures I do for. We still are physically and intellectually intimate. I don't know if she is dating anyone else, but she isn't seeing anyone seriously. She says she loves me, but not the same way.

I know I want her back and feel I have done everything I can to this point. I wish she would either decide she doesn't want me back so I can try and move on or give me another shot at this relationship. I don't know what to do cause I am caught in the middle. I know this is my fault, but I would like to move on with my life one way or another. She says she is not sure but she feels like she needs at least a year to figure things out before she could say whether she wants me back or not.

So my final question is, should I wait around for her to come around since I feel she could be the one, or should I date around while she figures things out (deep down this is hard because I don't really feel like I want to date much now anyway). Just a side note, I feel that if I do date anyone else my ex will pull farther away since she is already insecure that I will stop loving her, and to her this would just be a sign that I will easily move on.

I know there is a lot of information here but any and all advice would be appreciated and if you have any questions or need clarifications or more info let me know...

Ok so you did some things that you regret in your relationship

If there is a relationship worth salvaging you both would work together to regain the trust.. since she is not wanting to get back with you and work on this, this is a major indicator that it's over.

You need to move on.. It's not right that you're waiting for her when she's not waiting for you.

For you to put your life on hold for a year is not healthy for you. It's just torture waiting.

I suggest you sit her down and tell her that it's not healthy to wait for her. Tell her that it's over, and you're moving on.. (btw anything you do while you're broken up is none of her business) and tell her that you are not going to call her or answer her calls anymore. Unless she wants to patch things up (very unlikely)

So, no contact means NO CONTACT! This is really the only way to begin the healing.. not having to hear what's going on in her life helps you to move forward. Also, if she doesn't want to be with you, why does she get to talk to you and hear about your life? It's not fair. If she says she needs time to think, then give it to her and be 100% silent and unavaible to her.

So, what you can do is move on, heal from your heartbreak.. and put out of your mind every possbiltiy that she will come back, because you cann't truly move on if you have that on your mind. If she really wants to patch things up and really work on things with you, you will know, she will make it clear to you.. BUT NO WAITING AROUND!!

Start new hobbies, meet new friends, and get out there.

I suggest you don't date around right away because you are still healing from your heartbreak.. rebound relationships usually never work out and they are a waste of time, it just ends up prolonging the pain

I have been through this before.. listen to my lessons! Good luck

Thank you so much... that was the best advice I have heard and it really really helped me! So well put...

If she can't decide, in fact she has the answer is NO,

If she can not fully say yes, you have to move on.

One of the worst things in my opinoin is how fast you have sex, when she came back, why not wait and build a relationship and let sex come
What bonded your relationship most likely was a negative to hers

All right, so here is the update for now... I haven't seen her in over two weeks but we have talked on the phone a few times, she initiated all of them.

We have plans on Feb 7 for VDay and it should be a kick time... after the 7th I plan on laying low for a couple weeks and then will write her an email telling her that if she needs time and doesn't want to work on us than I will give her the complete space to figure things out.

I am going to use email to make sure I get my words out how I want them and if she wants to talk about things than I am open to doing so.

I know that the ultimate reason we are not still together is my fault, but if she can't forgive me and doesn't know what she wants now than I can't keep my life on hold forever.

I have given her almost 6 months of total devotion to prove myself, and if nothing changes in the next couple weeks than I will have to try and move on. My ex really is a great girl and she has been honest with me about her feelings so far and has never wavered that she wasn't ready to get back together.

I now have to try and move on with out her and if by some chance she wants to give it a second go round someday she can let me know... I will try and remember to update what happens...