Hi there... I have a major issue that has been problems for almost all of my relationships. I am coming 30 years old this year and I have had some serious experiences with sex and relationships.

Just to give you a bit of background... at the age of 18, I stopped being self-conscious. I realized that I was a beautiful person inside and out. There are a lot of girls that don't get that opportunity but I took it on with a vengeance. I started experimenting having sex with women, 3somes, and as I got older, experimented with the world of kink.

I have done lots of different things and mainly because I love new experiences. I have come to conclusion that I don't get physically turned on by love or by romance. I get turned on by stuff that is "unacceptable" or a "little to the left". With that being said, I want to be in love. I want to have someone and a relationship that is meaningful and wanting. But I can't deny the fact that I love the excitement and adrenaline you get from having sex with someone that you hardly know... or someone that you do know and you just get together for sex.

I think the best way to sum it up is that I don't find sex an emotional event for me. I think of it as fun and I can separate my emotions from the sex. This gets me in trouble for when I am in a relationship with someone that is NOT like that, I am needing to behave and try and be loyal. My heart and my head is loyal to that person in regards to my feelings. I don't have ANY emotional feelings for some of the "sessions" that I've had with other people. I simply have a problem saying No.

So, now that I am coming 30 and I need to understand what is going on so I stop hurting those people who come into my life for love and companionship, I have to distinguish what I want and find that person who will be able to fit into that framework.

I've always been interested and have had enjoyable times in the swinging community. I see their lives and relationships to be 100% trustworthy, loving and strong. These couples have been able to have the excitement of having sex with others and experiencing that together rather than apart. When they go home and have intimate time together, that is a different kind of sex than with others. I view the others to be almost like toys. Like toys in your girlfriends underwear drawer. They are disposable (sometimes friendships and further play time happen), but for the most part, they are just for the amusement of you and your partner. Is that bad?

There are lots of men that have come into my life that are good men. They are trustworthy, loving and they care about me a great deal. But because they don't fit into that framework, they usually don't pan out. But I am afraid that this is something that I have to change myself. Otherwise, I may never find someone for me... or I may pass up that one person who would make me want to change the way that I am just for him. I wouldn't mind that happening and I've tried... but I ALWAYS come back to the same problem. Not enough sexual excitement.

Maybe I answered my own question and ranted on for a little too long. Any comments of encouragement or advice is greatly appreciated.

I think as the years pass, you are wondering what is going to happen to you when you age and it shows. Will you be able to continue your current sexual practices, will there be any takers?

People start to decline sexually at 40 in the sense of starting to get old, according to scientists who study these matters.

Anyway, I think you need to have more self-knowledge... changing one's personality is no easy thing, girl. See a professional would be my advice at this point.

Best wishes in the future, :)

Thank you Choux. I think I will be setting an appointment with someone. The more I think about it, the more I feel like I can find someone who is interested in the swinging lifestyle and I can be happy with those "kinks". I will just have to be honest with myself in order to find that person.

I believe that people can lose their sex drive... but only because they don't use it. I think that we all stay young at heart with sexual tension and excitement. That can never go away. We are only human.

Yes, I think you can find many men who meet your criteria. :)

Hi there...I have a major issue that has been problems for almost all of my relationships. I am coming 30 years old this year and I have had some serious experiences with sex and relationships.

Just to give you a bit of background...at the age of 18, I stopped being self-conscious. I realized that I was a beautiful person inside and out. There are a lot of girls that don't get that opportunity but I took it on with a vengeance. I started experimenting having sex with women, 3somes, and as I got older, experimented with the world of kink.

I have done lots of different things and mainly because I love new experiences. I have come to conclusion that I don't get physically turned on by love or by romance. I get turned on by stuff that is "unacceptable" or a "little to the left". With that being said, I want to be in love. I want to have someone and a relationship that is meaningful and wanting. But I can't deny the fact that I love the excitement and adrenaline you get from having sex with someone that you hardly know...or someone that you do know and you just get together for sex.

I think the best way to sum it up is that I don't find sex an emotional event for me. I think of it as fun and I can separate my emotions from the sex. This gets me in trouble for when I am in a relationship with someone that is NOT like that, I am needing to behave and try and be loyal. My heart and my head is loyal to that person in regards to my feelings. I don't have ANY emotional feelings for some of the "sessions" that I've had with other people. I simply have a problem saying No.

So, now that I am coming 30 and I need to understand what is going on so i stop hurting those people who come into my life for love and companionship, I have to distinguish what I want and find that person who will be able to fit into that framework.

I've always been interested and have had enjoyable times in the swinging community. I see their lives and relationships to be 100% trustworthy, loving and strong. These couples have been able to have the excitement of having sex with others and experiencing that together rather than apart. When they go home and have intimate time together, that is a different kind of sex than with others. I view the others to be almost like toys. Like toys in your girlfriends underwear drawer. they are disposable (sometimes friendships and further play time happen), but for the most part, they are just for the amusement of you and your partner. Is that bad?

There are lots of men that have come into my life that are good men. They are trustworthy, loving and they care about me a great deal. But because they don't fit into that framework, they usually don't pan out. But I am afraid that this is something that I have to change myself. Otherwise, I may never find someone for me...or I may pass up that one person who would make me want to change the way that I am just for him. I wouldn't mind that happening and I've tried...but I ALWAYS come back to the same problem. Not enough sexual excitement.

Maybe I answered my own question and ranted on for a little too long. Any comments of encouragement or advice is greatly appreciated.
I am the same way. I have always enjoyed loving relationships, though. I find that all kinds of kink are exciting and gratifying. While I find "making love" boring, I take great pleasure in making/watching/experiencing the woman I love orgasm; especially in new and exciting ways. Its even better to share my love of the freaky and taboo with the woman I love. This goes for everything from water sports to watching her with another man. I have always enjoyed voyerism and 3somes, but it is made better when I love the woman that is getting it.