My 12 1/2 year old son has recently come to me and asked to live in my home for a trial basis. His mother and I constantly fight and are rarely ever on speaking terms.

When he was 10 years old and his mother had shortly remarried he asked me this same question because his mother was saying untrue and very hurtful things about in conversations with him. He even went as far as running away from her home one day and the police had to become involved. Once he approached her about the fact that he wished to live with me every rule he ever had in her home went out the window. A few months later my new wife, I and her two children moved in with each other. We made sure our home was big enough so he could feel welcome there in his OWN room. He told me he didn't think he was ready to live with me once the rules, bed times and homework in our home were enforced. He has struggled with school and his mother has personally told me that his homework is solely his responsibility and she won't "micro manage it".

His mother has very inappropriate conversations with him regarding me and I think he is finally seeing what a good environment might be in my home as apposed to his mothers.

I personally don't think she cares for him the way she should. He comes here in dirty underwear, Filthy hair. He doesn't practice good personal hygiene and really doesn't know how. I have to over see the simplest things like brushing his hair because he just doesn't know how. Her house is an absolute mess and he doesn't have many belongings in his room.

I have been told by others that they believe she just wants him because I do. That she wants him to fail because it hurts my chances at getting him because I enforcee groundings for bad grades. I see my son on a weekly basis. One day a week and everyother weekend. I can't do an entire weeks worth of homework in one night. I have tried. It is stressful on our father/son relationship.

I don't know how to ready him for a guilt trip or bribe she might throw at him to get him to stay. I don't think she will just let him come to my house. I fear for how unstable I know she can become. And sadd to say so does my son. I really am a good father, I don't want him to be anywhere he doesn't want to be. I DO believe my home is more approriate for him but I fear for how it will show in him in the future if he is allowed to stay with her.

By the way, the inappropriate conversation she had with him when he was 10? She said I performed a lude sexual act with her when we were married and she was unconscious.

I told him that if that were even remotely true it would have come up during the divorce and there would have been a fight for me to be able to have ever had any kind of visitation with him.

What would my chances be in getting him here with as little fight as possible.

Tjohn -

When you say fight, you are trying to avoid going to court for legal custody?

No, I know court is a definite.

I see. Because your son is almost a teenager and you seem to be a fit parent, I wonder whether your son's desire to live with you could be reason enough to have the court settle custody in your favor. Have you already spoke to an attorney yet?

Well, yes. Do I have a good case? How much of a fight is needed at his age? What if she were to bribe him again and money spent on an attorney is waisted?

well, yes. Do i have a good case? how much of a fight is needed at his age? What if she were to bribe him again and money spent on an attorney is waisted?

How much of what your saying is really true and can be verified ? That's really what is going to prove your case. If its he said she said then depending on your court system your not likely to win the kind of custody you want. At this point what you might want to consider ( not cheap ) is a parental evaluation. That way you can get proof and it can be provided through the courts. Its not something that only she would be going through but the both of you at the same time as well as your child. His desires also can be taken into consideration at that time through the evaluator. Ask your lawyer if they have that in your local court systems and think about requesting one. That way even bribes won't get through after the fact.

Before you go to court there is a mediation service for families.Call your county courthouse.

Ask for a meeting. If she does not show up you can say you at least tried to settle this out of court.

It is free and you may be able to avoid a costly lawyers fee in the process.

If you can prove that she is an unfit parent.ie; not bathing no homework help etc,that's another issue.

Start keeping a record of his dirty condition and take pictures ,keep emails that indicate he wants to be with you.

Keep in mind that he loves his mother and never try to turn your child against her,it always backfires.

You have one thing you can both agree on and that is the best thing for your son.Try to be peaceful as the last thing he needs is to feel the pull of you two.

Before you go to court there is a mediation service for families.Call your county courthouse.

Ask for a meeting. If she does not show up you can say you at least tried to settle this out of court.

It is free and you may be able to avoid a costly lawyers fee in the process.

If you can prove that she is an unfit parent.ie; not bathing no homework help etc,that's another issue.

Start keeping a record of his dirty condition and take pictures ,keep emails that indicate he wants to be with you.

Keep in mind that he loves his mother and never try to turn your child against her,it always backfires.

You have one thing you can both agree on and that is the best thing for your son.Try to be peaceful as the last thing he needs is to feel the pull of you two.

I guess I missed something here.. I hadn't seen the State identified for the OP. Not sure if his State offers " free " mediation or if its mandatory from OP's court system. Some states have it as mandatory but I don't think all the states have it yet.

Yes and some states require it but it is not free at all.