I'm 15, and I have major problems with depression and anxiety. Which have been going on as long as I can remember, mostly from being much taller then my friends and more matured, and from having dyslexia at an early age. And the depression went along with that.

So far the psychiatrist has put me on Zoloft (which back fired and made me suicidal), Wellbuttrin (that I just recently stopped taking), and Lamictal (that I'm still on, but very tempted to stop).

And now I'm supposed to be taking Risperdal, which is an anti psychotic, to help me sleep at night because I’ve been forcing myself to stay awake because of my fear of growing up. I realize that’s a stupid thought, staying awake will do nothing more then make me weak and more moody in the day. But now that it’s in my head I can’t shake it.

My only question is: is there any other alternative to taking daily meds? I want something that I can just take every once in a while if I need it. I'm not really in love with the fact that I have a med that’s running threw my mind 24/7.

I'm sorry for making this so long and confusing. I'm just really afraid of my mind and really disgusted with my way of thinking and just need some reassurance on what to do.
:(

Sam, most of this is normal for a 15 year old.

The meds may not be for the rest of your life, it could only be that you have to be on them through this hormonal time in your life. I was put on meds at 15 also and was only on for a short time.

Life will eventually straighten out, I am sure you are probably in a place that you feel you do not belong right now. That will change with time and age.

Hi Sam,
I completely agree. Much of this is probably hormonal, and a natural part of growing up. I do understand how you feel to a degree, having suffered from depression for much of my life. I have been on Zoloft and Wellbutrin myself, and know they weren't necessarily the easist medications to be on.
Though there are probably things you can do occasionally for anxiety, meds for depression work on consistent and regular dosages, and often they take about 6 weeks to begin to show appreciable effects. Though, it's true, not every antidepressant works well for everyone. It is also true that most people often do not need to take them for very extended periods. It really depends.
I know it can be difficult at times, but just try to accept that, to a degree, your thoughts largely have a life of their own. This is natural for anyone. Just try not to identify with them so strongly. It's not necessarily true that you are your thoughts, you are far more complex than that. And try to feel that you are right where you should be at this point in your life, as confusing as it may seem at times.
You will grow out of much of this in time. And hopefully you will be a much more confident person for having overcome it.
Take care. :)

A person so young being put on medications that can actually cause more severe problems. Medications is not always the answer. I think we are feeding children and everybody way way too many drugs that in the long run will just cause more problems with our mind, body and spirit. For me personally, when I was a child and teenager. I used to force myself to stay up all the time because I was afraid of dying in my sleep. Now my sleep cycle has a permanent fix of 3 hours a night. Everybody has thoughts, everybody goes through trauma. Instead of hiding away from it. You need to learn techniques and other things to focus your attention on them, dealing with them. What helped myself considerably was Meditation. There are many forms and types and does take practise, but it defianatly made a big difference in my life. My thoughts became clearer. Reconizing certain thoughts and learning how to let them go, especially the negative is very important. So there are many many ways to learn how to deal with this time and get through this time and actually create a positive outlook on life, positive sides to things and even deal with negative situations and thoughts positively which will continue the road to a better life. Does any of this makes sense?

Joe

To Samantha1990 -

I wanted to first comment on your "problems" You say you are much taller than your friends & that you have had dyslexia for a long time. My thoughts are that you have friends... they may not be as tall as you, but don't they accept you as you are? Also, tallness can be a positive trait in life. You may see this as you mature.
And the dyslexia... well for one thing, you do WRITE well. My daughter had a friend in high school who had to wear a hearing aid to assist her to hear, & she she was able to speak almost normally with some training. I gave her a lot of credit. It must have been hard for her just to be like" everyone else " is naturally. She was even in the top 20 when they graduated (academically)

I take Seroquel for insomnia for about 5yrs. Now. It is also an anti-psychotic, but it works like a charm for me, & I don't have to tell anyone about it if I don't want , because it's really not their business, and I found it doesn't help to.
Now, your Dr. may have you on the Lamictal for a reason, & that drug is a little different than say Zoloft. But either way one shouldn't stop these medicines abruptly, on their own, after long term therapy, because one can get a withdrawal effect of headaches, nausea, & malaise (a down in the dumps feeling) So you follow the Drs recommendation.

I think at your age if you can put your energies toward a type of academic goal, you may have less time to feel depressed about you life. We all go through a time at your age when we are building our self-esteem. It's a hard time, but one can get through all right I think if they put their energies into what they can "do" positively for themselves & for others. By concentrating on schoolwork & a future career, one builds self-esteem & begins to like themselves more & more. And that is the goal in your life stage I think.

Try to strive for this happiness. And have patience with yourself if you don't succeed each time. Just keep trying for yourself. And do not give up on yourself.

If you feel anxious & hyper, just go out & dig the dirt in the garden. Or find some outlet like I did many yrs. Ago, like playing an instrument,table tennis, or some other sport. Like I said, sometimes being tall is better. I'm only 5'5" and I can't help but be a bit jealous.

Also, did you know that Jay Leno(of the Tonight Show) is dyslexic?

You can be happier. It just doesn't happen overnight(usually)

I wish you the best.

thanks every one for taking time out to comment back.

I think I'm just in down in a hole right now. I had another break down were I cryed for no reason today. But it passed after a while.

and I agree that most of this is just from being a teenager! Really akward stage for a lot of people.


I feel like its always there and I always can feel it...
but then every once in a while my head gets shaken like a snow globe and it all races around my head till it settles again
for the best that I can describe it...
its like that feeling people get when there extremely upset and feel lost
and I feel a fraction of that all the time
but every once in a while it gets let loose

weird feeling. But I know it will go away with age so I just have to stick it out. =]

Oh, yeah, you are a teenager all right. My 12 year old daughter is just starting to go through this.

What helps us is to take a nice long warm bath and just freaking cry. I know I feel so much better when I do.

You'll make it through hun, we all do.

hahaha! I love that, taking a bath and just freaking cry. Ill def. try that out some time! =D

Hey, I do it often enough. I am in Nursing School, have a 12 year old and a 4 year old.

We all got to do it sometime!!

Jeez, you almost sound like my niece. LOL

yeah that's got to be tuff! But its amazing that you can do all that and still come on here and help every one out (and do a good job!)

but thank you loads for answering back to everything. You're a life saver!

... and I think I'm going to go take a bath right now... =]

You go honey, take a nice LONG bath, let us know how you feel after. You are in our thoughts.

Hi Samantha

I had a similar problem growing up.. I am tall for a girl. Maybe not as much now.. I'm still tall than average I guess.
I sprouted too early. I was a giant at 12. I got called a giraffe.. stringbean.. we had dancing classes at school, none of the boys were the same height as me. I could tell they felt odd.
I was kind of happy that no one really bothered me in fear that I'd crush them(truthfully, I couldn't hurt a fly..intentionally :P but not too many people got close enough to know that ;) )

Everyone struggles no matter what their appearance is. I can betcha when everyone else looks in the mirror, they probably have at least one or two things they always critique about themselves.

The best part about being tall is that most predator men will think twice before approaching tall women. A lot of women will think twice about picking a fight with you 'just cuz'. It can save your butt without you being aware of it.

Dyslexia affects a lot of people. And you certainly speak well for someone who has a dyslexia. Better than any 15 year olds I've ever met.
I never went and got diagnosed for it myself but I frequently read numbers backwards. I try to adjust myself with it(it just takes me 10 times longer to do my taxes lol) numbers is also a major theme in my career too.. but hey, if i can get through it, so can you. It'll most likely make you more observant of things around you than most other people without a brain hiccup like this to work through.

You have put a lot of pressure on yourself. Probably a lot more than other people your age. It already has put you ahead of them. And we all notice it. But dont forget to take it easy once in a while and be a kid. Do something without "having to" or not do something you "should" once in a while. 15 yrs old is about having fun too. Take advantage that you dont have all the responsibilities adults have - yet.
Life does get better!