Hi there I'm new to this site

But I really need some advice on some stuff... Well I have together for 9 years with my common-in-law husband we have 2 kids.. But his romance love making went out he door and the cuddling too after abo1 1/2 years so we would always fight he would give me what I want for a few days then stop and its been like this for a while now so in the last 2 years I started to sleep with my hubbys cousin which give me great sex and cuddles which is all that it was to be well a year ago he moved in with us and feelings got stronger between us and we agreed there was more here then just sex and they keep getting stronger we always talk about our feelings we get along really great better then my husband at time.. but lately I think both of them have been taking me for granted my husband for a while with him because I let him buy what ever he wants and I cook his meals wash his close give him sex when he needs it let him do what ever he wants he comes home from work eats and sits on the couch or works on his truck or sled.. so I'm left with cleaning up bathing the kids doing the kids home work with them putting them to bed and all that stuff then my husband exspects me to have sex too after all that he sometimes help out but he always gets snoty when I ask him to do stuff and now in away I think the cousin is starting to take me for granted for sex now to in the last 3 weeks he comes home and spends a day with me we have sex and then he is gone for 3 days he doesn't even text me no more.. but he says he likes me a lot but I starting to feel like I'm just here when they both need me and its starting to bug me a lot I feel no one wants me for me anyway someone help me with this

There is more to al the story but this is the short one

Sounds to me like you're selling yourself too cheaply, either way.

Pick ONE of these guys, be faithful, and go to counseling to figure out not only why you're cheating, but why you aren't insisting on what you need to make a relationship work.

I know what it's like to feel taken for granted, but until you state how YOU are going to handle everything from now on--Like, you'll cook, but then expect him to clean up, or you won't be cooking again until it IS cleaned up--then you can expect to be taken for granted.

If you aren't communicating what you need, in plain speak, then you can't expect to get it.

If you ARE communicating what you need, in plain speech, then you need to get out of this situation entirely and make it on your own--you are worth what you let yourself be worth.

Find somebody who is there for you to make you happy dummmmmmmmmmmmmmp both of them!!

I would say they take you for granted because you don't have much respect for yourself.

You need to come clean with your husband and pick one or the other.

You are still a young woman, snow. There is plenty of time for you to get yourself together and go after what you want in life. :)

That will involve strengthening your personality, being a woman independent of your status with a man. The men are just walking all over you because they know they can.

There can be good things for you in the future if you get someone to help guide you-teach you how to make yourself strong.

Best wishes, :)

Playing devils advocate here a bit. Are you giving your husband what he needs? I mean, as soon as your needs weren't met you fell into the bed of another man. Yet your husband is guilty of not cuddling anymore, or doing some housework. I wonder how you've changed, or are you very demanding and he can't get anything right? Now you aren't happy with your lover because he doesn't cuddle anymore; is it time for a new lover who cuddles?

Why did both of them stop cuddling? Are you too emotionally needy, have you overburdened them with your emotional needs so they stop cuddling.

Yes, these men are walking over you, I agree with Cough; but it is you that keeps volunteering. Cough is right, you need to start loving yourself more and stop looking outside yourself for your emotional needs to be met; because you are so needy, you put yourself in situations that diminish you. Don't blame the men your life, you chose them and you will continue to choose men just like them until you change, until you start loving yourself.

A question, are any of you drinkers (you, husband, boyfriend) or had parents that were heavy drinkers?

Anyway, sorry to be harsh, but most of this thread was kind of bashing the men and I think all people need to take responsibility for there own choices in a relationship and I thought I would add this to the discussion.

Good luck to you and God Bless.

Sounds like your being used by both guys. There's no love anywhere in both relationships. Your whole situation is bad.

If your husband can't help you around the house and stuff but wants sex he is using you and if your cheating on him you don't love him.

The cousin is just using you for sex plan and simple.

Wait a second. You cheat with your husband cousin and have an affair with him for close to two years and now your complainting about the both of them. It seems that you been having your cake and eating it too for far to long. How would you like it if your husband cheated on you with a relative then they move in? I hope you had enough respect to not have sex in the bed that you and your husband shares?

If this marriage is unfixable then leave but don't cheat and if your going cheat than go out and find a guy, don't do a relative.

Now who has the guts to tell the husband, you or the cousin?

Ok first of all... there are way to many men for you to have to be sleeping with your husbands cousin... that's disgusting! Also, leave your husband before you throw yourself down flat on your back again. What you're doing is much worse than what he is doing. You're lonely and yes I feel sorry for you but that is no excuse. Leave them both. Get help. Help yourself.