I can't believe I am even asking this question, because I already know the answer. I am just hoping that if I see your responses in writing, somehow my heart might get it..

I have been with this man on and off for over 5 years... (more off, I think). I love him terribly. He has 3 daughters whom I loved also. Much drama happened during our relationship... things I can't discuss here concerning the children and their Grandfather (enough said) and the big drama issues of him always on porn sites, talking to other women, on the dateline, keeping his foot in the door of every x he ever had and in the new ones he would meet trolling. I would find this stuff and be devastated. He wouldn't care if I got upset and moved out... he would blow me off for a few weeks (while he is with the new girl) then start contacting me again. When we would break up he would bad mouth me to his family saying I am insecure and jealous, and them never knowing the truth of what was going on. We have been broken up for a year. He still tries to contact me periodically and of course... I try to blow him off, but I usually end up responding. When I finally respond, he says something mean... I am crazy to love this man or even give him the time of day. I have tried everything to get him out of my head but it doesn't work... now for the question... how do you stop loving someone?

How do you stop loving someone and let go?

By loving yourself more than you love them. By keeping them out of your life, and building one without them in it, and breaking the cycle of talking to them, and getting hurt by them, AGAIN!

If you keep repeating the same mistakes over and over, you will never move on. That's insanity.

So... you are letting him contact you, and hurt you. Quit. Change your contact information if you have to, as you seem addicted to the pain he causes, and for whatever reason, yourself control is thrown out of the window with him.

How to move on:

1. Stop talking to him
2. Let time do the rest

I am not sure you can really stop loving someone, but you can move on with your life, and face facts and reality. With time, you will fall out of love with him, even if you still love him as a person, but keeping in contact will make it virtually impossible.

You move on, when you let yourself move on. I know, I know, it's not that simple. But when you get down to the bare bones of it all, that's the reality of the situation. You need to distance yourself and build a life without this person in it.

How do you stop loving someone and let go?

By loving yourself more than you love them. By keeping them out of your life, and building one without them in it, and breaking the cycle of talking to them, and getting hurt by them, AGAIN!!

If you keep repeating the same mistakes over and over, you will never move on. Thats insanity.

I know you are 100% correct. It is so awful when you love someone and they don't love you back. Never REALLY did. I plan on deleting my "myspace" and email. What is the game he has been playing with me? He has sabataged me with his family because of his lies and always being the victim. I hate they think so awful of me.

So...you are letting him contact you, and hurt you. Quit. Change your contact information if you have to, as you seem addicted to the pain he causes, and for whatever reason, your self control is thrown out of the window with him.

How to move on:

1. Stop talking to him
2. Let time do the rest

I am not sure you can really stop loving someone, but you can move on with your life, and face facts and reality. With time, you will fall out of love with him, even if you still love him as a person, but keeping in contact will make it virtually impossible.

I know, I know... you are right. I hear you all talking... my dang heart just won't stop hurting and loving. Even with all of the pain I still find the love. Maybe I AM insane.

You move on, when you let yourself move on. I know, I know, it's not that simple. But when you get down to the bare bones of it all, that's the reality of the situation. You need to distance yourself and build a life without this person in it.

I am in Florida and he is in Illinois. It has been a year since I have seen him. I have heard he has been with several women since I left. I wish I could be like him and just move right on down the road.

You aren't insane. Once you realize you have such a huge capacity to love, it makes you such a special person. It isn't easy to just get rid of those feelings. Someday, you will find someone that shares the same love for you, that you do for them. This just wasn't the right time, that's all. Nothing makes you more human, and more special than being able to genuinely love someone.

No you're not insane, just love him so much that you are blinded but what your mind is telling you. Listening to your mind is hard when the heart speaks so loud, things will get better but only after you cut off contact with him.

how do you stop loving someone?Hello Christy:

You don't. You just move on... I still LOVE every chick I ever did love, and that includes Marno Eaton who I fell in love with in 4th grade.

excon

True. I still love Jennifer Anniston, but I realized quickly that her string of boyfriends probably had a lot more to offer than I do...

She is to old for me anyway! :)

No you're not insane, just love him so much that you are blinded but what your mind is telling you. Listening to your mind is hard when the heart speaks so loud, things will get better but only after you cut off contact with him.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write me. I know in my mind the truth. I KNOW THE TRUTH... I am just having a hard time accepting it. After a year I still love this man. To be honest, he only contacts me periodiaclly. I figure it is when he is not with someone. He treated me so bad, yet the whole relationship was my fault according to him and his family. They have never even spoken to ME about it... they only listented to him. I know I mustn't dwell. I just squirel cage in my mind all day long.

True. I still love Jennifer Anniston, but I realized quickly that her string of boyfriends probably had a lot more to offer than I do...

She is to old for me anyway! :)

Well, personally I think I am a good woman and he isn't going to find anyone better than me. He will keep looking, though... and THIS I know for sure... he isn't going to treat any other woman any better than he did me.

Of course you are a good women, you just had the wrong man. Accept it and let him go, so you can regroup, and have a better chance at happiness.

Hello Christy:

You don't. You just move on... I still LOVE every chick I ever did love, and that includes Marno Eaton who I fell in love with in 4th grade.

excon

I think there is a difference in loving someone and being "in love" with someone.

Of course you are a good women, you just had the wrong man. Accept it and let him go, so you can regroup, and have a better chance at happiness.

Oh, if it were only THAT easy. I have been trying for a year. He is definitely moving on and doesn't think twice about me. Actually, still bad mouths me. Maybe I need some serious therapy... somehow think being treated so horrible is okay... Why would I allow this?

You need to put your heart to the side.. and use your head... look at the facts of the situation... what's your conclusion?. do what you know you should do even if your heart isn't going to benefit from it... life goes on, keep your chin up and be support yourself in making a wise decision... supporting yourself knowing that you are making this decision for the right reasons will help to ease the heartache.

Oh, if it were only THAT easy......Maybe I need some serious therapy..... Why would I allow this?Hello again luv:

Couple things.

Life ain't easy. Nobody here said it was. People are just saying what to DO, not how to feel about it... Some stuff hurts... Ok.

Now, if you want to beat yourself up about it, or if you want to find out "why" you did it, therapy would be the place to go.

But, if you simply don't want to do it again, then don't.

excon

It's very hard to let go, but once reality has set in, it becomes easier, little by little.

I have been trying for a year.

Work harder to do better things for yourself. I know its not easy, nothing you want in life is.

Work harder to do better things for yourself. I know its not easy, nothing you want in life is.

I know this is true. I COULD do better things for myself. It seems I have been in this circling drain... not going forward, not going back... It is so hard to not punish myself for failing, even though I know I tried so very hard. I am not perfect. I know I have my faults also, but my faults do not involve lying, cheating or deceiving. It has been a year. I know exactly what I need to do. EXACTLY. I am having such a hard time making myself do it!

This isn't about failing. Just because the relationship didn't work out, doesn't mean that you FAILED. Most times, relationships just don't work out, period. When things fall apart, it is so something better can be built, with new and stronger materials. You need to get yourself off the pity train and move yourself forward. Life is waiting, so hop on and get moving!

This isn't about failing. Just because the relationship didn't work out, doesn't mean that you FAILED. Most times, relationships just don't work out, period. When things fall apart, it is so something better can be built, with new and stronger materials. You need to get yourself off of the pity train and move yourself forward. Life is waiting, so hop on and get moving!

You people are wonderful! Thank you for the encouragement. Quick question. If someone can move on so quickly (like him) with so many other women, does it mean he didn't love me? I already know the answer. No, he did not. Not REALLY.

Has nothing to do with him loving you. People cope with separation different ways, and some people cling emotionally or physically to others soon after a break up because they feel they need that support. My ex did the same thing, but ended up being hurt by the guy she did it with. He loved you, no doubt... people just react differently to situations like this.

If someone can move on so quickly (like him) with so many other women, does it mean he didn't love me? I already know the answer. No, he did not. Not REALLY.Hello again, C:

You can't ever know what's going on in somebody's else's head. Besides, it has NOTHING to do with you, anyway...

My EX didn't like it when I looked at women... Now, I was never blatant about it cause I didn't want to embarrass her, but I sure got my looks in.

Does that mean I didn't love her?? What?? SHE, of course, thought it did... In fact, that's the stupidest thing in the world for a chick to think. But, it's like looking at cars. I'll always check out a cool looking car.

I know chicks think that way, but I Don't know why. If chicks UNDERSTOOD men a little better, they wouldn't do that..

In fact, it was her CONSTANT accusations that I DIDN'T love her, that caused me to leave...

All this boils down to, is how long are you going to beat yourself up about it?? And, WHY should you?? Did YOU do something?? I don't think YOU did. You just had unfulfilled expectations...

So, we better STOP this stuff, or I'm going to have to send you a bill.

excon

Your putting way too much focus on his feelings, and doing yourself a big injustice, as your more worried about him than you.

Self pity and guilt, are not going to help, so adjust your thinking to being good to yourself and doing things that make you happy.

Hello again, C:

You can't ever know what's going on in somebody's else's head. Besides, it has NOTHING to do with you, anyway...

My EX didn't like it when I looked at women... Now, I was never blatant about it cause I didn't want to embarrass her, but I sure got my looks in.

Does that mean I didn't love her????? What????? SHE, of course, thought it did... In fact, that's the stupidest thing in the world for a chick to think. But, it's like looking a cars. I'll always check out a cool looking car.

I know chicks think that way, but I DUNNO why. If chicks UNDERSTOOD men a little better, they wouldn't do that..

In fact, it was her CONSTANT accusations that I DIDN'T love her, that caused me to leave....

All this boils down to, is how long are you going to beat yourself up about it??? And, WHY should you???? Did YOU do something???? I don't think YOU did. You just had unfulfilled expectations....

So, we better STOP this stuff, or I'm gonna have to send you a bill.

excon

It is not a question of "it being my business". THAT is not what I was asking. I was asking about behavior. I realize that it does not matter where you look at the menu as long as you come home to eat. I am not unrealistic like that. I, too... LOOK. There is a difference between looking at a beautiful woman (normal) and scamming on every woman you possibly can, then acting...
The bottom line here is... I NEED TO FORGET ABOUT IT AND MOVE ON...
Also, I have read the book, "women are from Venous and men are from Mars." I understand somewhat male behaviors and how they look at things... I am not a complete idiot, just betrayed and hurt. It is so hurtful to realize you meant nothing to someone.

Your putting way to much focus on his feelings, and doing yourself a big injustice, as your more worried about him than you.

Self pity and guilt, are not going to help, so adjust your thinking to being good to yourself and doing things that make you happy.

I know, I know... I hear you. Sorry if my pain sounds like self pity to you. Don't know what to tell you there. I wish I could just stop loving like you say I should. My, wouldn't life be much similar?

Christy, you are completely normal in getting through this. I know it hurts. It takes A LOT of time, that's all. I am sure he cared about you, but just rushed into another relationship really quickly... but hey, that is how he chose to handle this.

I know it is hard not to take things like this personally, but trust me, it isn't any knock on you...

I know, I know.......I hear you. Sorry if my pain sounds like self pity to you. Don't know what to tell you there. I wish I could just stop loving like you say I should. My, wouldn't life be much similar?

Sorry... wouldn't life be much more SIMPLE?

Christy, you are completely normal in getting through this. I know it hurts. It takes A LOT of time, that's all. I am sure he cared about you, but just rushed into another relationship really quickly...but hey, that is how he chose to handle this.

I know it is hard not to take things like this personally, but trust me, it isn't any knock on you...

Thank you for being so kind. I appreciate it. Maybe I am not crazy after all. They say it takes 3 months for every year you were with someone to heal. That means I should be coming up on my time soon. I don't know... I am better than a year ago, but to be honest... I am not sure I will ever be the same.

Time has nothing to do with this. It takes how ever long it takes. I am nearly on month four, and I still have VERY weak moments where I get really sad. It is all good though. I am moving forward, and so are you, even if you cannot see it. Remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint. Keep moving forward, as it will get better. All that matters is YOU, and YOU enjoying YOUR life.

Time has nothing to do with this. It takes how ever long it takes. I am nearly on month four, and I still have VERY weak moments where I get really sad. It is all good though. I am moving forward, and so are you, even if you cannot see it. Remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint. Keep moving forward, as it will get better. All that matters is YOU, and YOU enjoying YOUR life.

You are very cool. Do you have a Myspace? Would love to see what you look like. You can look at my page... email... [email protected]

Sure, here is my pic!

Pic of Me (http://data1.blog.de/blog/t/traummann/img/BradPitt01.jpg)

Sure, here is my pic!

Pic of Me (http://data1.blog.de/blog/t/traummann/img/BradPitt01.jpg)

LOL... very hot! Thanks for making me smile...

I am the resident jokester on this website, as too often do people get really serious around here... glad you could appreciate it! ;)