I work with mostly female coworkers and just turns out that most of them are married. They are all young oldest being 29yrs n are really attractive. The only thing is, they just like to flirt with me. They know I'm single. So... is it OK to like.. flirt with them. Also.. why do they do that... they are married!

... it seems like a pretty obvious answer.

They're married so they know that they can't do anything (I'm assuming everyone's keeping true to their vows), but they can still harmlessly flirt, right?

I suggest you keep flirting to a minimum. There's nothing wrong with harmless flirting, but I suggest you don't cross the line.

My wife is... uhm... well... married... and is a bit of a flirt at times.

She's outgoing, loves company, loves attention... just because she vowed to come home to me doesn't mean she vowed to never find another man attractive till death do we part.

You are a single guy and a "safe" outlet for venting.

Were I in your shoes, and I've been there once before, id simply channel all that sexual tension into another relationship.

My wife likes to flirt. As do I. you don't marry another and suddenly become blind to the other sex.

So... stop thinking about "what do they want from me"... just give a little friendly attention and expect nothing back.

You are an escape from the "norm"... you are a chance for friendly flirting... and there's nothing wrong with that as long as you keep your head about you.

It seems like the advice here is contradictory.

"It's fine, it's harmless; but be careful."

What does that really mean? Is it really perfectly fine and harmless if people have to be so careful?

My take is that flirting is playing with fire, especially with coworkers you see every day. Something that seems easy to handle and just fun on Monday can suddenly seem overwhelming on Friday. Suddenly you are involved with a married woman (or man). I just don't see the point of leading oneself and others into temptation.

I know I'm only 13 but its OK to flirt a little I have lots of cool friends most of the time we are flirting with each other it's a common thing just don't go to far and don't send any sighs about sex with them... every one flirts even if there married with some one

But I may be wrong but I know eevery one flirts a little I may be wrong though I'm only 13 lmao

I say it's harmless but be careful...

It's harmless to drive, but you go too far, go too fast, you wreck.

Drive slow homie.

I need to drive to get to the store. I don't need to flirt, do I? Why not just smile and be friendly without the little sexual tension that flirting involves?

I'm not trying to co-opt this thread, just give a different perspective. I think a little flirting CAN be harmless, but it's also risky, so why do we need so much of it? It's seems less like driving a car, more like like speeding.

Forgive me. I flirt too much.

Lmao just have a little fun if you want it tto stop get a ring and pretend your married lmao


I saw that in a movie lmfao

Look... I do think its much more "dangerous" to do this in the workplace. You might get into an ugly situation. Or married, like I did.

Most of what I'm talking about is more "disconnected"... hell, when I was single I used to go out with friends to the bar... id sit outside and talk trash with the guys, and then id go dance with their girlfriends. No harm, no foul. The boys got to sit and smoke cigars on the patio and the girls got to dance.

Second... there is no perfect line that works for all. There are people who have written in here stating that a married man has no business being good friends with a woman who isn't his mate (and the same for married woman/other man)... using that same argument... you can try to do it but it can be tricky or complicated so why open up that door? So the lunch date I had with a female friend is just asking for trouble, right? Break out the burka and make sure a male relative is always present?

Both my wife and I would lose some good friendships if we followed that line of thought. I can keep my pants on and I can be faithful and I can be friends with women. Its not that complicated.

Simple flirting in my relationship just isn't a problem. I'm not trying to catch some guys wife or distract her. She's isn't trying to steal away some woman's man.

A person who will cheat might use flirting as a vehicle to get what they want... but flirting is just the symptom, not the cause. I don't get my panties in a bunch if my wife flirts a little because she keeps her panties on.

So... I guess all we've concluded is that there's no simple, perfect answer for all?

No simple answers and no clear lines. Agreed. Lunch is fine. How about if you go out to dinner with your friend and don't want your wife to come because you have personal things to talk about or business? Fine not fine? Some people would find this problematic, others not. Did you both drink, not? For some people that would make a difference.

It's not about a burka, it's about fidelity and not making partners worry, about demonstrating respect for the person you are with. There is a difference between group activities, work, and things that look just like dates. I also think it matters whether both partners flirt a lot and are both secure. Often, one person flirts but goes ballistic if the other person even talks to someone. Then you have to wonder what's in their head if they think talking to the opposite sex is so bad.

No easy answers, but I do think workplace flirting with married people is more questionable than other kinds--more likely to end in tears.

The only thing I can say is be careful with the flirting with people on your job because sometimes things can be taken wrong and that can make work uncomfortable. It's okay to be friendly and get along with everyone but sometimes signals can get crossed. Then the next thing you know someone is taking what you said serious when you was only playing.

How about if you go out to dinner with your friend and don't want your wife to come because you have personal things to talk about or business? Fine not fine? Some people would find this problematic, others not. Did you both drink, not? For some people that would make a difference.

I don't have a problem with this one bit. The day I do is the day I need to address some fundamental issue in my marriage. Now... I am in no way saying that everything in my life is nice and tidy. We have our issues and our spots that need work. This just isn't one of them. I knew I married a strong, smart, beautiful woman who liked a little attention from others and who seemed to be absolutely grounded in her fundamental vows. So far, I think there has been a healthy balance of honoring each others wishes without being too restrictive...

When the guy from her work was out with her and others and he hung around and waited, then propositioned her to "not go home yet", she called me. She didn't have to tell me about the man in mexico or the boys at the coastal conference (but she did). I didn't have to tell her (tho I did) about the college coed who pretty much gave me a "blank check" when I taught. But for every one of these problem moments, there have been a hundred others that were nothing and harmless.

When I stopped the lady, probably 10-15 years older than me, in the grocery store, having heard her lament about her bad day to a coworker, and told her that her short, gray hair was really a great cut for her, I think it made her day. When the young jamacian woman stopped me on the sidewalk, with my face in a grimmace thinking about all that I needed to do (I scowl when I'm thinking apparently) and told me "you should smile. you are very handsome when you do"... it made my day. No numbers were exchanged. No alternative motives. That is "flirting" at its best. My 5 year old is a master at it.

And on that note... I will again emphasize that workplace flirting can be tricky and even a bad idea. I was careful when I taught at university with the students... no flirting there. When I later worked in a business, there was more flirting and simple, silly stuff. But then again, we were younger and mostly single... a few of the people were married, but the flirting was never the "how can i escalate this to get into her/his pants" kind... it was just naughty noise for the most part.


It's not about a burka, it's about fidelity and not making partners worry, about demonstrating respect for the person you are with. There is a difference between group activities, work, and things that look just like dates. I also think it matters whether both partners flirt a lot and are both secure. Often, one person flirts but goes ballistic if the other person even talks to someone. Then you have to wonder what's in their head if they think talking to the opposite sex is so bad.

And this is where there's no easy answer, so maybe erring on the side of caution is best. In my relationship, I'm not going to get upset if a man finds my wife attractive and flirts a little. I've been in a bar, away from her, and had friends point out the guy who is buying her drinks and being a little too touchy feely (a hand at her back for a moment, for ex)... fine. He's paying half the tab, she's getting attention and meeting a new person, and she's coming home to me.

Is it different if its more one on one? Perhaps. If she spent a lot of time with another guy, time she was taking from "our time", its another thing. If she wants to hit a movie with a guy or drink a bottle of wine at a dinner, fine.

Now... she's backed hard off from a great friend when his current girlfriend found her to be a threat. They (my wife and the man) went back years and years, and had a playful banter about them... they could never have lived together, but always found ways to keep things light, a little flirting included. So... it certainly becomes a problem when you don't know how the other spouse will take it. I think then it becomes the responsibility of the mate to know what's acceptable and what isn't.

I know my wife wouldn't be upset with simple, casual flirting with a stranger or a person I knew better. I know she wouldn't care if I danced to sultry blues with a girl at the bar. I know she wouldn't like my going to a strip club, and I don't. I know that the occasional flirting that's gone on here with a few members I know well doesn't mean a thing.

So... I guess my first answer "no big deal if you keep your head about you" is a little too simplistic.

And I know its not about a burka. Just pushing buttons to make a point.


No easy answers, but I do think workplace flirting with married people is more questionable than other kinds--more likely to end in tears.

Agreed.

Flirting is a speicial kind of joke, perhaps.