I have just split up with my girlfriend after 8 years and I can barely remember what its like to date. I am very used to being open and acting naturally in front of my ex-girlfriend because she knew everything about me. Im thinking acting the same way entering a new relationship is the not the way forward. I don't want to come across as too open and scare them off early,

Any tips for a guy who is re-entering the dating game after a long term relationship?

Thanks.

Give it a time first. You may also scare your date if she'll know you just got out from long term relationship thinking you are just using her to forget.

You are absolutely right about using another girl to forget my ex but right now I need to believe that I can attract another woman.

Pretty much every guy I know both on the internet (other forums) and real life has advised me to go and have lots of meaningless sex. I don't know if I'm ready to date someone else but anything other than being alone sounds good right now.

Welcome to my world dude... just got out of a long relationship yesterday... and it sux... because I don't know how to be either... I don't know how to just go find women and stuff... but listen up, try to be on your own for a while... that's what I'm doing, and I think it's the best thing... just to find yourself... be comfortable on your own, because right now your feeling empty, because you believe your not whole...

Been there, done it. Granted, it wasn't an 8 year relationship... more like 2.5, but we were ready to move in together, etc.

After about 6 months, I went on my first date... and like you, I had forgotten how to date... even flirt.

I crashed... burned... and then a dog peed on the remains.

It sounds horrible, but it takes "practice" to get back into it. I suggest meeting a few new people, and just get to know them. I wouldn't worry TOO much, but do try to refrain from talking about the ex or your previous relationship with her.

It sounds ridiculous, but do try to not be so nervous.

There will be so many nights you'll cry you know reminiscin, feeling your "loss", wondering, regret, a lot of ambivalence, even tempted to call the ex, sometimes you'd want to sleep and never wake up again. There are times you'll feel good being sad. Healing takes longer than others but better own those pain than possibly hurt other person.

Hi, Fab1987!

You may not want to be alone right now, however, having some time to yourself may be exactly the thing that you need to do in order to sort yourself out and figure out what you want to do.

If I had been in a long term relationship, and I have been in one a number of times in my life, and we broke up, I always give myself some months before entering into dating again so that my thoughts are not so fresh about the person with whom I broke up and so that those thoughts won't be as fresh in my mind so as to hamper or effect things in the new relationship.

Thanks!

Thanks Clough.

I know you are right, another relationship now would be bad as its going to take while to get over my ex.

I gues the lads are right, I should just have some fun and no more.

Fab,

Rule nothing out. I came out of a 7 year relationship, and was living with my ex at the time we broke up. I decided it was not right for me, as I had some questions over whether I wanted/could spend the rest of my life with her. The relationship was good, and I loved her, but I was unsure whether it was right for the rest of our lives. I was not sure it was the right decision to break up, but by breaking up I would find out if it was right or wrong for me/us.

I met, very shortly after the breakup, a girl that I felt was 'right' for me. It was just a gut feeling, and I was at a crossroads of what to do.

Do I forget her for a bit and come back to it in a couple months when I have sorted all my issues out, or do I jump in and see what happens.

I guess looking back I did the latter. I starting dating her, and we were entirely honest with each other. I told her where I was and she told me she had recently called it off with a guy after 6 months.

So we took it easy and dated very casually for 3 months. It was great when I was with her, and we have fallen madly in love!

The down side is that when I wasn't with her I was dealing with other 'legacy issues' from the previous relationship.

I guess what I am trying to say is : If you want to make a clean break, give yourself at least a month for every 2 years you were together with the ex before you move on; but don't be scared to pursue something you have a gut feeling might be good for you.

If you do the latter you have to open and honest about EVERYTHING so the other person knows where you are coming from. Hell, maybe they are in the same position.

Good luck.

That said, either way, when you date, be yourself. When you were in the relationship with your ex, you were one half of a team, and acted accordingly, you will 'find' and act yourself again given time
Enjoy

Went out with a Guy for 8 years and 1 month after he broke up with me I met a guy he pretty much moved in within a month together but if you think I'm a fast mover you should meet my ex after he broke up with me left the country he has only been back in the country 1 year and is already married (arranged most likely) always was a mummys boy!