Hi everyone. I have asked a few questions on this website and love the results I get. They have been nothing but helpful and help me through a lot of situations.

My question starts with before I left for college that is 2 hours away from her at home. About three weeks before I left I met this girl, who is still a senior in high school, that I immediately fell in love with. I have dealt with some shady relationships that I thought I "loved" that person but I am with her and I know I do. She does everything I ask in a relationship, she's honest (so much that she makes people mad sometimes lol), she is down to earth, she's cute, funny, and she knows how to take a joke and even gives it back. For me, being a very sarcastic guy dealing with girls who take my jokes seriously, that was big. Enough mushy talk and to the problem.

I left for college with her as my girlfriend wondering what was going to happen. We eventually decided to break up but were going to get back together when summer came around. We also found out that talking was not a very good thing so we stopped, and she hooked up with her ex boyfriend and I decided that she moved on. I was very comfortable after a while and happy because I found myself getting over her finally. Right before thanksgiving break she decided to text me, and even though she was dating her ex boyfriend at the time she told me how she still cried over me and still was in love with me and that made her realize how much she did. When I came home for Christmas for almost a month it was amazing. It really made me see how much I loved her.

I left for college about 4 days ago and I find myself feeling the same way I did when I first left. I miss her so much and want nothing but to just go home. We have gotten much smarter and we decided not to date when I was home in December and also not when I came back to school. She wants to have her senior year to go to parties have fun and maybe get with a guy or two (all though she does not want me to, and she won't herself have sex). Guys that mean nothing to her and girls that mean nothing to me. She says I am more "mature" than her when it comes to this because in the time we were not talking I got with a few girls and got to party. We are still talking saying I love you everything before but I am upset all the time because I can't see her. I am upset because I think of her with another guy, and she is because she thinks of me with another girl. It sucks for both of us but we know it has to be done in order for this to work. We will break up when she goes to college this fall and do the same thing because we are willing to do whatever we can to make this work.

My question is is there anything her or I can do to make this easier. I sit awake a lot at night because I am so upset about it all and I can't think of anything to make it better. I can barely sleep, I don't eat a lot and I know it won't go away until summer. The good part about college is it goes by fast and is only until April 28th that I will be home which is only 4 months. I just want to know if anyone has any pointers or tips or anything at all that will make it all go by easier. My only solution is not talk and we couldn't do that. It would kill me, id have to be mad at her for something and I'm not so it would make it worse. If anyone has any ideas please let me know. Thanks for any help

Andy

The only thing you can do to make this easier is quit lying to yourself, and treat this as what it is, NOTHING. She says she will not have sex while she is out partying, but that is garbage. You guys cannot have a relationship like this... it isn't even a relationship. Quit talking to her, quit looking at pics, and move on. Who knows, maybe after her senior year, and at the start of college, you two could reunite, but right now, that isn't something that should remotely cross your mind.

She wants to "get with a guy or two" but says she will not have sex. That quote kills me. So, basically, she wants to have fun and not worry about "cheating" on you, however when you come back from break, everything is normal, and you two are an item. That makes sense. This isn't love, at all. Clearly you guys are at different points in your life, and fun is more important than actual commitment. That is understandable, as it is all apart of the experience, however staying in this kind of "relationship" is going to end up hurting one of you really badly, and sadly, it looks like you are the one who is going to be hurt.

Don't get me wrong, if you could accept this for nothing more than it is, a fun fling every once in awhile, it wouldn't be so bad. But clearly you have deeper feelings than that, and that is where you run into problems.

This only works in the movies and fairytales. Life isn't like this, I don't know why you think she will hold to her word. She may tell you this stuff and mean it whole heartedly, but you aren't around but Tom, and Barry are, and they can fill a void in her right now.

It sucks to think about, but think about enjoying college life, you will regret not having fun in the long run.

I understand what you guys are saying completely. That is what I initially thought. But in everyone's life they have to experience everything and go out and have fun. I did too. There came a point where I was thinking "why am i in a relationship in college instead of partying" when we were dating when I first got here. She needs someone by her at home instead of someone 2 hours away. They say "let something go and if it comes back it was always yours" and I did that already. I let her go and she came back. She told me she would and she doesn't lie. I do realize the logic behind what you say, but if it hasn't happened before. If she never text me before break saying she was still in love with me when she had plenty of opportunities to get with people, and even ended up full on dating someone else. I am the only person she has had sex with, the guy she dated when we were on a "break" she wouldn't even have sex with. She wouldn't do that with anyone else. She has had chances and hasn't why should it change. I appreciate your answers but I am asking for ways in how to deal with it and things to do to make it easier, not reasons I should give it up. I did give it up once. I was probably 95% over her because people on here told me I should and I value a 3rd person perspective whose head isn't clouded. I did that and it helped, but she still came back and it still worked out, and this time around it will be the same. I suggested the break not her, I want her to have fun and get out and enjoy her senior year instead of possibly resenting me for being the guy that held her back from having the fun that she watched everyone else have. There is a strong possibility that she won't do anything with any guys but if that happens we are being safe. Thanks for any help.

Andy

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I think your holding your breathe for nothing, and have invested unwisely emotionally to a young stranger who goes along with you, and feeds you false hope, whether its intentional, or not.