I just came home and my BF was looking up single hot girls on myspace and checking out their pics in bikinis. He even typed in our zipcode- so they are close by. I am 32 and he was looking at 21-30. Guys- is this normal? I am so upset, I can't believe someone would do this or why

No, this is not normal. Looking up people that live in your area borders on trying to find a "hook up." I have never done that kind of stuff, let alone do it with a girlfriend. Borders on creepy, and it is a bit disrespectful in my opinion.

Nope, this is not normal. If the guy was looking at random websites with models - that would be normal. The fact that he's looking for SINGLE women in your area is a little concerning, although it doesn't expressly prove anything at all.

Depends on why he was doing it. If he was doing it to contact them then it isn't right. If he was doing it just to see if he could find girls he might know in bikinis, then it may not be right but isn't the worst thing he could do either. What did he say he was doing it for? Did you ask him?

If he was just looking for random pictures I would say yes it is rather normal, but for him to be looking for local girls I would say he is hoping to get lucky with one or more of them.
Ask him how he would feel and what he would think if you typed in your zip code to find hot guys near you.

Yes, looking at radom girls, fairly normal, looking up local girls, nope, not normal

I going to disagree with everyone and say yes this is normal. In fact I've done the same thing. I've been curious what kind of good looking women live in my area and if they compare to "celebrity women."

Yeah I knew a guy that told his girlfriend that he was just curious and only looking and using my cell phone to call and arrange meeting them.
So
Step 1 is being curious
Step 2 is being curious how interested they might be in you
Step 3 is deciding if you may want to take this one a step further

Nobody can really prove at what step they would stop.
Even the most well intentioned guy may end up keeping taking one more step.

Not normal! Kind of weird actually!

Communication
Communication
Communication

I just came home and my BF was looking up single hot girls on myspace and checking out their pics in bikinis. He even typed in our zipcode- so they are close by. I am 32 and he was looking at 21-30. Guys- is this normal? I am soo upset, I can't believe someone would do this or why

Checking out single hot girls and single hot girls in bikini's is normal - even on myspace. Even if the women are 18 (young enough to be their daughters) is normal too (though I think its completely sick and I will smack my hubby upside the head when my daughter gets to the age and we get old - I don't think girls appreciate an old fart looking either, well I know I didn't - that's why I was so private). The problem is their "local"... potentially cheating I don't know, but I would question his motives on that one. Do you believe he would contact one of them? Or begin a cyberspace relationship? I think at this point it is probably innocent but I wouldn't allow it to continue, you definitely have a reason to feel the way you do.

Nothing wrong with checking out chicks in bikinis. Its completely normal. Maybe he was checking them out by zipcode to find out if he recognized anyone? Bottom line is, if he's not acting upon it, there's nothing wrong. If it concerns you though, just tell him it hurts you.

Hmm. I'm conflicted. I'm 22, and to be honest, I've never looked up single girls within my area... if I wanted to find a girl, I just go to a bar or a club.

If I had a girlfriend, I feel that this may be... a bit straddling that line... however, if he doesn't actually CROSS that line, then perhaps you should give him the benefit of doubt.

Don't presume, or assume, just ask him.

I am the OP and I should mention (and not to make excuses), but we live in a beach town.. so by putting in our zip code - mose of the girls that come up are ALL in bikinis. My first benefit of the doubt, is that he knows this and if he is looking for hot grirls in bikinis that is all he has to do. I doubt he will take it further, but who know. I just don't understand how it can't be wrong on so many levels. I hate to overeact if I don't need to and walk around hurting all day.

Thank you everyone for your answers.

What does he say?

I just don't understand how it can't be wrong on so many levels.

Can you follow up on that? Why is it wrong? Do you think he doesn't look at Brittany Spears in the supermarket check out lane when she's in a bikini? Do you think in a beach town he doesn't look at the girls in bikini's at the beach? You just say it's wrong, but other then looking he hasn't done anything so I still have as of yet to see what you are upset about.

Sorry for all the spelling erros on the last post. I think it is a self confidence issue. We are having issues in our sex life/intimacy levels and I think I am jealous of attention he is giving anything else at this time.


I have not said anything to him. Part of me feels that this is what he is doing in his private time and I don't want to police him or be his mother. I want to believe it is harmless and give him his space, but I also don't want to be upset .

I really hope you don't make this a bigger issue than it is, but I also see a big lack of communications feeding this fear.

The only thing I can tell you is to talk, and listen, and see what comes of it.

Girls in bikinis isn't the problem, the way your dealing with your own fears, and insecurities is. So whats really up with this relationship? Some background would help.

Nope

Sorry for all the spelling erros on the last post. I think it is a self confidence issue. We are having issues in our sex life/intimacy levels and I think I am jealous of attention he is giving anything else at this time.


I have not said anything to him. Part of me feels that this is what he is doing in his private time and I don't want to police him or be his mother. I want to believe it is harmless and give him his space, but I also dont want to be upset .

Well my dear... I can understand you becoming jealous because he is looking at others and neglecting you. So long as your not just jealous and if you are you need to work some things out before it controls you. It's the neglecting that is the problem not him looking at other women right?. Don't you look at other men? I honestly don't see a problem with him looking at women with bikini's... I know when I was losing weight my husband and I would scope together and he would choose his likes and I would choose mine... we posted it over my fitness equipment (like a mirage poster) and it drove me to madness to loose weight (I lost 45 pounds from my first child and an additional 15 before I found out I was pregnant again (second one is currently on its way)). I really wouldn't get worked up over this... he has a right to look, he is a man, men like to fantasize (since its on their mind every 60 seconds) and it has nothing to do with you and he isn't by any means comparing you to them... don't have these assumptions this is your misconception.

The neglect is a problem but you need to know that it takes two... the more insecure you get the more it will show and preside over everything else (I know about this and the emotions too well). You will push him away and complain or fire off mean jokes at him (adding to the issue)... it starts small but you need to really look at the situation before you blast it out of control because you didn't take ownership over your own feelings. You can not hold him accountable for how you feel; you express to him how it makes you feel... on the other hand I would question him on the zip code search and what it is he plans on doing with that. As it goes for the neglect, you need to bring that up to him and in addition, it wouldn't hurt for you to initiate and show affection. I know with my situation... it hasn't improved either but I have taken the approach of being patient, understanding and showing him intimacy in other ways... plus I cut back on the complaints and mean jokes and gave him his space to be "king"... he works and I stay at home leaving me my domain and him in his. I meet his basic needs and he meets mine emotionally and it's a good start.

April and everyone else,

Thank you so much. The insecurity, even when you try to hide it, comes out with me being tense and not as lighthearted as usual etc..

To add.. I am a widow and lost the love of my life to a tragic accident. It has been very hard for me to trust and believe again. I think that is a part of it also. I am so used to the unconditional and solid love that I had before. I am just getting used to something new and wishing it was more perfect and I didn't have to deal with this.

Please don't just accept what appears to be love so you are not lonely. There are so many guys that simply take advantage of a girl until something better comes along. It doesn't sound like you have a solid enough relationship with this guy to trust him enough yet. Don't let your heart or emotions guide you. Follow your intuition and listen to it above the heart and emotions.

April and everyone else,

Thank you so much. The insecurity, even when you try to hide it, comes out with me being tense and not as lighthearted as usual etc..

To add .. I am a widow and lost the love of my life to a tragic accident. It has been very hard for me to trust and believe again. I think that is a part of it also. I am so used to the unconditional and solid love that I had before. I am just getting used to something new and wishing it was more perfect and I didn't have to deal with this.

I am sorry for your loss and losing the love of your life is not by any means something you will get over ever. Time will make it easier to wake up and face the day; be strong and sure. If you are unhappy in the relationship as a whole and find yourself still coping with the loss maybe your not ready to move on with this new man. Good men are hard to find and even good men have their faults. No one will substantiate the void that your previous love filled and there will always be an ache and joy in your heart for him... always move in the direction of your heart, that is what your deceased loved one would want for you... to be happy. I know Nohelp4u said follow your intuition and I believe that the intuition is a guide for the heart since it is true and never works against you but rather in your favor... it is true, not to follow your emotions... they can be altered by many things including your misconceptions.

You are trying to hard to replace what you had, and can't fully accept what you have now, is different.

Not only do you need more healing time for yourself, your pushing things way to fast to be healthy, and expect an awful lot from a virtual stranger, even though your having sex.

You better slow things down, and relax, or you will poison this relationship. You also need to be communicating and learning each others language, and ways.

I just don't see you as being ready for this step yet. Sorry.

He is probably just checking out what women look like. Like do I know anyone on here sort of thing. Just nosy that's all. If he tries to contact anyone, then there is a problem. He could be comparing your personality and traits to what others want to say they are. I would worry more if he hides it than if he lets you know about it.

I just came home and my BF was looking up single hot girls on myspace and checking out their pics in bikinis. He even typed in our zipcode- so they are close by. I am 32 and he was looking at 21-30. Guys- is this normal? I am soo upset, I can't believe someone would do this or why
Yes, this is normal, you even said yourself guys are visual.