I will start with a little history of how I met my girlfriend because I feel it is a key part of how we got in this situation.

Back in 2006 whilst at university I met girlfriend through a social networking site. I wasn't particularly looking for someone at the time but she found me and we started talking. At the time she was 19 and I was 22. She told me practiculary everything about her and all her past history. As we got talking more and more she decided we should meet. At first I was very reluctant because I have always been weary of meeting a stranger off the internet but eventually I agreed.

The first night we met she went back to mine and the inevitable happened! I thought she was just after sex because I couldn't think of why other reason why she would be so keen to see me...

Over the next few weeks we started seeing more and more of each other and I eventually learnt she was far more complex than I originally thought. In her past relationship she was physically abused by her Ex, he apparently use to lock her in his room all day and frequently hit her, he was also very controlling from what I can gather dictating what she could wear etc. Her half brother also committed suicide when she was younger and I think she was still very messed up over both events. She told me she received therapy over what had happened but I still felt her memories were still very raw.

I was in my final year of university at the time and I couldn't devote all my time to her because I was always busy. I didn't have the heart to tell her I was leaving her because I didn't know how she would cope.

I decided to test her by making a fake profile of someone on the very social networking site where we met. I messaged her using the fake person whilst I was online myself. With the fake person I was flirting heavily with her and begging her to meet him. She actually agreed and that was when I revealed myself. She was obviously shocked and speechless when she found out I was behind it and I actually felt sick about it myself that a girl who was meant to be my girlfriend could do such a thing. I left her immediately after that and wouldn't take her phonecalls or messages.

Fast forward to 2008! (I had now finished university and was living back home 150 miles away) I signed up for Facebook and added all my contacts from my email address. I didn't know at the time she was one of them because I blocked and deleted her back when I left her. She messaged me asking how I was doing and we got talking again. She asked for my number and I agreed. For the next few weeks we were talking to each other a hell of a lot and she finally told me that she was in love with me when we were together.

I was shocked at first because I had no idea at all she felt like that and then I started questioning her love for me e.g. why she was going to meet up with someone else etc. I got really nasty towards her calling her all the names under the sun because I was so hurt at the time and she did actually make me loose trust in women in general. She was obviously upset by all the name calling but she was determined to get back with me no matter what. All this went on for a few months until I decided to break contact with her again because I was still hurt by what she had done.

A few months later she text me saying she still loved me but at the time I was in a long distance relationship with someone else. That didn't make her hold back and she literally wouldn't leave me alone. I stupidly thought that this girl must be so in love with me to want me too much. So I left the relationship I was in, buried all my bad feelings towards her and decided to make a go at it again.

She travelled 150 miles to see me every other weekend and we would spend the whole weekend together, getting to know each other again. It was so perfect the first two times we met, we discussed our future together, getting married and even having kids but it felt so right because we were both madly in love with each other again. I even planned to move back to my old university town in summer just so we could live together. But we both knew we would have to save money and I would have to find a job first.

(Now this is where it all goes wrong!) I was chatting to her on msn one night and she showed me this fashion website where she wanted to get some clothes. She asked me whether she should buy them and I said "We should really be saving for the future" she went really funny with me about that accusing me of being controlling and saying there would be no point in buying them anyway because she wouldn't be clubbing anymore because she was too scared to go out in case I might start accusing her of cheating.

I reassured her that I wouldn't be like that anymore but she went really cold on me. The weekend after she drove down to see me anyway but I could tell something wasn't right because she just seemed really distant and didn't want to talk about our future together anymore. She said how could I live with you after all the names you have called me and she felt like I wasn't in love with the person she was but I was in love with the person I wanted her to be. That wasn't the case at all because I was/am in love with the person she is but she just didn't want to accept it.

She also said she felt she had changed as a person and didn't like who she had changed into.

Currently we are having a cooling off period until she decides what she wants to do but I'm finding it really hard because I love her so much and it seems like she doesn't love me anymore. I understand she is obviously hurting from all the name calling but that was in past and I said I would change anything to make her happy. I'm just really confused as she has fought all year to get me back and now that she has its like she wants to call it quits...

Advice please guys, do you think I should leave her or should I hold on until she makes up her mind?

Speaking from experience, getting involved with a woman who has been abused in her past is extremely hard. She will always be questioning your motives and expecting you to be perfect while not holding the same standards for herself. She will just expect you to let her be the way she wants and to compromise for her, and if you love her you probably will. But most likely, she won't return the favour. Deep down, she probably expects to be abused by you as well. More trouble than you can imagine is looming. You will have to work your a-- off. If I were you, I would forget about her. Relationships are full of ups and downs. A lot of people with these issues have a hard time dealing with things when you hit a rough patch.

You made this all up yourself. You seduced her by pretending other person and when she gave in you're upset? Now you are taking it against her. What's that?

You got no difference in her past relationship. You're the one who should apologize and beg like a dog and take whatever she decides.

It's true, what you did was wrong and dishonest and you paid a costly price for it with a lot of pain. The names and insults you called her must have hurt her a lot too. But that's in the past now and you can't do anything about it except learn from it.

She doesn't seem to be a very stable person either... I think you can find someone that is better suited for you. I have no experience with girls that have been abused but I do know that something happens in their heads that never really heals properly. The instability prevents them from having normal relationships. My ex was never abused but at several stages during our relationship she'd become cold and distant and it sucks when you give and give and get nothing in return. Its just not fair. It would be best just to back off and move on. NO, DO NOT BEG LIKE A DOG!! If she wants you back she will let you know like she did before. Let her have some time for herself. If she doesn't like who she has become, then only she can fix that. Alone.

Speaking from experience, getting involved with a woman who has been abused in her past is extremely hard. She will always be questioning your motives and expecting you to be perfect while not holding the same standards for herself. She will just expect you to let her be the way she wants and to compromise for her, and if you love her you probably will. But most likely, she won't return the favour. Deep down, she probably expects to be abused by you as well. More trouble than you can imagine is looming. You will have to work your a-- off. If I were you, I would forget about her. Relationships are full of ups and downs. A lot of people with these issues have a hard time dealing with things when you hit a rough patch.

Spot on advice "itried" are you sure you don't know her?! She is a very complex person who is hot and cold constantly and she does sulk an awful lot too. I never really realised her being abused in the past could shape the person she is now but you have definitely opened my eyes up to what the problem could be.

You made this all up yourself. You seduced her by pretending other person and when she gave in you're upset? Now you are taking it against her. What's that?

You got no difference in her past relationship. You're the one who should apologize and beg like a dog and take whatever she decides.

I realise it was a wrong and cruel thing to do to her by testing her like that but she has a very flirtous personality and I saw messages where she would be chatting up other men on that site even though we were together.

It's true, what you did was wrong and dishonest and you paid a costly price for it with a lot of pain. The names and insults you called her must have hurt her a lot too. But that's in the past now and you can't do anything about it except learn from it.

She doesn't seem to be a very stable person either...I think you can find someone that is better suited for you. I have no experience with girls that have been abused but I do know that something happens in their heads that never really heals properly. The instability prevents them from having normal relationships. My ex was never abused but at several stages during our relationship she'd become cold and distant and it sucks when you give and give and get nothing in return. Its just not fair. It would be best just to back off and move on. NO, DO NOT BEG LIKE A DOG!!! If she wants you back she will let you know like she did before. Let her have some time for herself. If she doesn't like who she has become, then only she can fix that. Alone.

I just don't understand why all the names and insults I called her in the past has suddenly just surfaced now? She isn't a stable person and it shows by the number of relationships she has had in the past that have ended within a few weeks or months but I thought it would be different with me because she kept on coming back?

To have a healthy relationship, both partners have to be healthy, and neither of you are. You don't even bring out the best in each other, so until you deal with your personal issues, as individuals, leave each other alone. Her need for love, and yours too, will not make this work.

As of today I officially ended it. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do but I know deep down it was the right decision. She was very angry at me for ending it but I'm sure with time she will get over me. Wish me luck for any future relationships! And thanks for all your advice.

Phil