Husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question..
WIFE : "What would you do if I die? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND : "Definitely not!"
WIFE : "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND : "Of course I do."
WIFE : "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND : "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE : "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND : (makes audible groan)
WIFE : "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND : "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE : "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND : "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE : "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND : "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE : "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND : "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE : "Would you give her my jewellery?"
HUSBAND : "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE : "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND : "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE : -- silence --
HUSBAND : "OH $HIT !!!!"

Cute!

Lmao oh sh1t indeed

Woopsies.. lol

lmao luved it =D

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument andneither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use
a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so
stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain . God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized
that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for
an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to
break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please
wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The
next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his
wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough
draft before the masterpiece.

WIFE : "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND : "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE : -- silence --
HUSBAND : "OH $HIT !!!!"

BUSTED :eek:

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. Said he:"The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"

The audience was in silence and shock.

The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause.

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink.

He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

The wife went wan with shock and rage.

Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"

LOL!! That was great!