Haven't seen my boyfriend for around 4 weeks. He will call me periodically, and the last time he called, I was crying... cause he wouldn't take me on a date... We broke up the second week of December. I don't text or write him... because of the No Contact rule. I miss him so... but try to keep busy with friends and family, through the holidays. It's been very very hard, and I've cried a lot. We were so close. I have his jacket, and some clothes of his... and the day before New Years I bring the jacket to his business. He is very happy to see me and he says we will go to have a coffee someday soon, so we can talk about us and bring back my few items. He text me all day long - after I came to his office - about an incident... that occurred... from Sunday.

The Sunday before, out of loneliness, and not seeing my guy, I decided to join Match.com. I was on a total of 5 minutes. ONLY 5 Minutes!! In the first two minutes, of being on an online dating site, guess who the first email was from, again in the first 2 minutes? You aren't going to believe this... an email from his brother, wanting to meet me. Talk about fate, strange, his brother didn't know me, but I knew all about him, his name and what he looked like. He wanted to talk to me, and wanted me to read his profile, and said he was what I was looking for! I have saved the email... I wrote him back, and told him he was as handsome as his brother, and that the deal was, my heart still belonged to brother, but a girl gets lonely, wants to date... it was just so strange. After writing this, I haven't heard from him... again. I immediately took myself off match.com! For sure, I thought this had doomed my already hopeless relationship.

Anyway, my boyfriend texted me all day long, making fun of me being on match.com... (after seeing him - returning his jacket to his office) said it didn't take long for me to get on a site like that after not dating him anymore. Then, New Year's Eve, in the morning he wrote me stating, "Us breaking up ....is for the best that he can't be in a relationship with any woman, and that he kept pushing me back every time it started to feel close, or serious and it's not fair to you. He is more at ease now and happy, and he needed that more in his life, that his son is his priority, and getting some normal life." I meet him while he was going through his divorce, and he is now 2 months out of a very nasty divorce, with police involvement. I said thanks for your honesty, he said thanks for understanding.

So I thought I'd never hear from him again, after he text me all of that. It sounded very done. At around 6:30 pm (never thinking I'd hear from him again) I get a phone call from him, asking me what I was doing, where was I going... so on... I was on my way to a party, and had a date! Of course, I didn't tell him this... I didn't want to be with anyone but him... but didn't state the obvious! He was interrupted by a door bell ringing, and he again called me back... I couldn't believe he was even calling me... wanting to talk. He wanted to know where I was, so he could see me. He got interrupted a 3rd time during our phone conversation, I said that was enough... and I just walked in the door, to turn around and leave... he had pulled up behind my car. He had my few belongings, but I could tell, it was more then that.

The next thing I know, he was telling me he had parties to go to but he didn't want to go to any of them... they were all couple parties, and he felt weird going to couple parties. He didn't want to go to the parties, and he was very loving to me, kissing me... we always clicked, were very sexual... and he asked me if I wanted to date his brother, over and over, I said no, I wanted to date him! I told him I didn't want to have a relationship with anyone, and I wanted to date only him, and he knows how I feel about him... it's obvious. Told him his brother wrote me a sweet email.. he wasn't happy about that. He said all of his family knows I am on match.com now. We ended up making love, it was incredible, and he left to go home around 11:15, I haven't heard from him since. I know he loves me but he's screwed up. Maybe he didn't want anyone else to kiss me at midnight! He wanted to stay the night, but he didn't. He told me he won't see me for another 5-6 weeks... but I miss him so... I am leaving him alone, but don't know what I'm doing here... want to hear his voice, yet his words/text ring in my ear, he can't have a relationship with any woman... how do I handle this? Is taking a back seat - not communicating with him at all the best and only answer?

I honestly don't want to date anyone else... yet I get asked out all the time. Went on a date this weekend... and no, it's not from match.com! Lol He was a good guy!
It's just an intervention from God, his brother has the same attraction for me... that my man does... What do I do..

Hopelessly in love, from an educated artist... who is confused... but would date his brother, if the chemistry is alike, and if he's not as screwed up as her man... wow.. can't believe I just said that! My boyfriend says, his brother is totally screwed up and a player... help! I've never been in this situation before... am losing my mind..?

I don't believe you'll listen to this, but RUN. Run as far and as fast as you can from this man and his brother unless you have a serious masochistic streak and enjoy being hurt repeatedly. The messages you are getting are not in any way mixed. This man is saying to you that he wants you very much, only on his terms and only when he feels like dealing with you. However, if it is OK with you to be relegated to being someone he calls for sex and nothing more, then that is your choice. If this is not OK, then move on. Even if you don't date others, you can still go on with your life, become comfortable with yourself, and learn to be happy.

Michellmom couldn't be more right!

RRRUUUUNNNN!!!!!

We had such an awesome relationship... before he got scared "sR#$@less" from the realization of being in another relationship... my heart says... which I usually listen to people very well says stay... he is worth it. He is an unbelievable man... full of love for me, we click. We've never had a fight.. he loves me like no other, without the sex part! Lol Yeah, running has majorly crossed my mind... how do you see a man like this.. NO... and I don't want to date his brother.

Thank you for your responses toooo... I needed a new perspective badly. I feel he will be back. Am trying to figure out what to say to him, when he does come back, to make my heart feel better... to keep my pride, and respect...

Problem- You broke up with a guy and still talk to him. Keeping those feelings stirred up and alive in your mind.

Problem- He doesn't want a relationship but gives you enough attention to give you false hope and have you hanging and hoping.

Problem-You can't get him out of your life and see other avenues of happiness for yourself.

Problem- Your getting desperate for company and his brother looks good(?)

Solution- Cut all contact with him, and regroup, and rebuild a life that you enjoy, without him, and that makes you happy. (No Contact, which I know you have heard of)

I have followed all your threads so you already know, all that matters is giving yourself time to get over him.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=3563737

Your not losing your mind, your just not facing the facts and letting go. Your torturing yourself, instead of loving yourself.

Thank you so so much for your comments talaniman... u rock... unfortunately my boyfriend broke up with me - because things were moving too fast. He keeps contacting me. I don't contact him! No I am not desperate for his brothers company, just wondered if we have that same chemistry, as his brother and I did. His brother is just like him in so many ways. And with him continually bringing up the fact asking me if I want to date his brother, makes a girl wonder... I was totally shocked his brother emailed me... two men from the same family... without knowing. Chemistry talaniman, is fate... God's intervention. I asked God to bring me someone like my guy, since we are so compatible, and he brings me his brother. Weird. You make me think, Talaniman. I've tried to cut all contact with him. It sucks. There is a reason for all this. Maybe it's going to happen, it's just all to weird, God is saying something. Cause he comes back in strange ways.