I have a problem like a similar user has previously posted. I am a mother of two young boys. I have been dating a guy for a year now, and at first everything was great in bed. The most amazing ever, actually. Now, we do it maybe once or twice a week. One time we went a month without sex. I don't know what to do. I have a very high libido. He has blood pressure problems, and is taking Paxil. I get the cold shoulder, and on top of that he hardly knows how to communicate to me about it. I don't think he's cheating, but I have wondered and asked him. Stupid question anyway, like a person who was would ever answer honestly... Anyways, we get in tissy's over it, and I am getting insecure, and feeling unloved. I get mad because whenever he wants to is the only time we do it, and he doesn't care to satisfy me. I broke up with him lastnight over it, and he is still staying here, kind of shrugging it off. He doesn't want me to break up with him, yet he says/does nothing to fix it, or even discuss it. I am talking to a wall at night, and I feel like I am in a relationship that is destined to be doomed. At this rate, I don't know what to do. Like today I asked him why he is still here. I tell him all my feelings, like are you bored with me? Or maybe I'm not the right person for him? etc... I am heartbroken, and he knows it. He is everything I want in a man, except in bed anymore. And believe me he is fine with his manhood. It works just fine anytime, he just doesn't care to use it. Please help, my children and I love him, and if we can salvage it, we need to. If not I'd rather get all of our heartbreak on and over with, so we can get on with our lives. This is hell. And my toys are NOT THE SAME.

One can understand there is a lot more to a relationship than sex, in fact while sex is important, it is far less than all the other things.

Yes, there are may things more important than sex. But, sex related problems are the most common reason for failed relationships. Not enbough, cheating, really gay, not attracted anymore, etc. I'm not going to keep on in this relationship if it doesn't change, because that is that important to me. You need to understand that sex and love are the reasons man and woman get together in the first place. Without it, the need for each other diminishes along with the love.

I'm wondering if you two have ever discussed each others needs? If you haven't, you should suggest it to him. Tons of people don't have any idea what their partners needs are and then situations like this arise. One person feels like their needs aren't being fulfilled, and the other feels like their partner isn't respecting their boundaries.

Everyone needs a different balance of things in a relationship. You either have to find someone that your needs are compatible with or be the type of person that is willing to give up some of their needs to create an acceptable balance. You need to figure out where you stand in that regard.

Are you willing to work at it and try to find a balance, or are your needs not negotiable?

Hope I've given you some food for thought, and good luck to you.

No, my needs are not negotiable. I am going to be satisfied with him, or find the man who will. Thanks for your advice, were going to counseling about this, because nothing is helping .

Isn't Paxil for depression or anxiety... anyway I think that may be your problem I think one of the side effects is low to no sex drive. Here is a little info I found on it.

Paxil is used to treat depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, and premenstrual dysphoric disorder.
Less serious Paxil side effects may include:

Feeling nervous, restless, or unable to sit still;

Drowsiness, dizziness, weakness;

Sleep problems (insomnia);

Nausea, constipation, loss of appetite;

Weight changes;

decreased sex drive, impotence, or difficulty having an orgasm; or

Dry mouth, yawning, or ringing in your ears.


Sounds like there may be other things bothering him that he just isn't telling you. Especially if he told you paxil is for high blood pressure. You guys really need to talk.

Here is the link if you want to read more on it. http://www.drugs.com/paxil.html

First off take a step back. You may very well have TWO things at play here.

#1 High blood pressure and its medications will have an effect on his ability and libido.

#2 It is possible you aren't the best lay in the land.

That's not meant to be a swipe at you at all but to point out there is a lot more to exciting sex than laying on your back and spreading your legs. Too many women think that's all there is to sex. For example what do YOU do to keep it exciting? Oral? Anal? Toys? Or is it schedualed and predictible?

We can help here but you have to drop the "ME" thing, and pay attention to the "WE" thing. His needs are importants and not just yours.

If its turns out to be purely medication related then you need to be a little understanding.

I have a feeling that he is upset with you for being too needy and is pulling away emotionally. The more he pulls away, the needier you get.

Why not have a couple of sessions with a therapist to discuss this issue. :)

Very best wishes going forward, girl.

HAHAAA MR. "Smoothy" Perhaps you're not as smooth as the you're not getting with that attitude, lol. You must be gay with all your anal demands on a woman for a man, and fyi I try that stuff because I'm the freaky one in the relationship, and I AM the best lay in the land, don't you wish you could find out, so go give your advice to someone who might be stupid enough to listen to it. Shut up.

And thank you Choux, actually since I first wrote the question I haven't been having those problems anymore. I am getting it all the time now, he's back in business, so I got to go to get some now- bye.

OH my god.

Why ask a question and then not take the advice in strife? If you were not prepared for the advice to be dished out then, by all means, please ask your questions elsewhere. There are other boards that condone that childish behavior. Smoothy was just making a suggestion on your question. Try to put the defense down and take it like a woman.

HAHAAA MR. "Smoothy" Perhaps you're not as smooth as the you're not getting with that attitude, lol. you must be gay with all your anal demands on a woman for a man, and fyi I try that stuff cus I'm the freaky one in the realtionship, and I AM the best lay in the land, don't you wish you could find out, so go give your advice to someone who might be stupid enough to listen to it. Shut up.

I'm not gay by ANY definition of that word. You may very well be pretty good in bed, or you might not, we can only guess. None of us here will ever know this for sure. But let me warn you that you would have some very difficult competition with my wife from my perspective. I have very few complaints about her. Something I could NOT say about most of the women I dated previously.

And if you are adverse to anal sex, as in you won't do it as I am guessing then just how freaky can you be? Its far from freaky sex... even if its not exactly plain boring missionary stuff.

And the only stupid people here are the ones who refuse to accept advice, and can't fix their own problems yet resort to calling others stupid.

If YOU were so smart and intelligent then why can't you find and fix your own problem? Or is it because you aren't? And just let me inform you, the WORST women I ever had in bed also thought they were gods gift to men... cop an attitude like that and you will never see what's wrong even if he spells it out to you word by word.

Closed because the OP reverted to childish behaviour on an adult board.

If the OP wants it re-opened, she can appeal to me in PMs.