andre506
Jan 4, 2009, 03:07 AM
I've been dating my girlfriend for just over three years now (since the end of the senior year of high school). Our relationship is long distance meaning I typically see her once per month and then during all of our summer/winter/spring breaks.
Our relationship has been fine. We have fun and even though the distance is a strain, when we see each other during those times, it's like nothing happened and the love and passion is very deep.
A few days ago, she became very upset. She said that she wants to take a break from the relationship until spring break but keep everything the same until I leave next week for school. Her reasons are that she is feeling that she has become too dependent on me (for example, there was a blizzard one day during this break and I couldn't see her so she was so upset that she cried about it). She said that she never imagined three years ago that she would be in a relationship so deep during college and that she says it's very important to her to feel what it is like to be independent and wants to settle that fear that "20 years from now, if [she lost me, she] wouldn't know how [she] would be able to live." I feel that a lot has to do with her friends and people going away to study abroad (I myself went to Europe for a month alone before college started). She's been talking a lot about traveling but she can't really afford to do any of that though and I think she feels a lack of maturity/experience in comparison to other people. She's also been talking about it with a couple of close friends for the past month.
Even though at first with argument, I said it'd be okay but I then the next day, I told her that she couldn't take a break or else I couldn't be together with her (it was a very sleepless night and I had a few attacks of anxiety). She was angry and upset about me saying that and after I explained to her how long that break would actually be, I think she sort of realized this and she compromised to having it be just one month and then visit me in February. I asked her if it was about seeing other people and she said it isn't about that at all and we established that there would be nothing more than kissing someone else given that the situation ever arises.
After that, we've been going about everything as normal while the rest of the break winds down to a close. However, when I'm with her and without her, I still feel anxiety about it and I ask her questions everyone once in a while about it and I try not to but it's hard. I asked her if she felt guilty about any of this because I wanted to try and figure out if this just one step closer to having a prolonged break up. She said the only guilt she's having is that she needs to have a break in the first place and knows that she is getting me worried about it. But she keeps reassuring me to please just trust her and that her every intention is to go back to a stronger and better relationship between us come February.
It's somewhat tough because it seems like I've always been the calm and independent one but now I fear losing her. It might be because this is my first meaningful relationship with somebody. For her, I'm probably her third serious relationship but by far the longest. She also has had a history of her two past boyfriends cheating on her and said she probably couldn't live with herself if she was doing that to me (she didn't say that now but probably a couple of years ago). She also gets very upset offended if I talk now about her wanting to be with somebody else and called me a jerk for thinking that.
So I want to trust that she's being sincere and this will clear up any future doubt but I'm still going to be worried about it.
I think I'm just going to try very hard to give her space. She says she still wants to talk and everything but not as long as we usually do. So I don't know how much that should really be.
How would you feel? What experiences have you had with that?
Errr Happy New Year? :confused:
Our relationship has been fine. We have fun and even though the distance is a strain, when we see each other during those times, it's like nothing happened and the love and passion is very deep.
A few days ago, she became very upset. She said that she wants to take a break from the relationship until spring break but keep everything the same until I leave next week for school. Her reasons are that she is feeling that she has become too dependent on me (for example, there was a blizzard one day during this break and I couldn't see her so she was so upset that she cried about it). She said that she never imagined three years ago that she would be in a relationship so deep during college and that she says it's very important to her to feel what it is like to be independent and wants to settle that fear that "20 years from now, if [she lost me, she] wouldn't know how [she] would be able to live." I feel that a lot has to do with her friends and people going away to study abroad (I myself went to Europe for a month alone before college started). She's been talking a lot about traveling but she can't really afford to do any of that though and I think she feels a lack of maturity/experience in comparison to other people. She's also been talking about it with a couple of close friends for the past month.
Even though at first with argument, I said it'd be okay but I then the next day, I told her that she couldn't take a break or else I couldn't be together with her (it was a very sleepless night and I had a few attacks of anxiety). She was angry and upset about me saying that and after I explained to her how long that break would actually be, I think she sort of realized this and she compromised to having it be just one month and then visit me in February. I asked her if it was about seeing other people and she said it isn't about that at all and we established that there would be nothing more than kissing someone else given that the situation ever arises.
After that, we've been going about everything as normal while the rest of the break winds down to a close. However, when I'm with her and without her, I still feel anxiety about it and I ask her questions everyone once in a while about it and I try not to but it's hard. I asked her if she felt guilty about any of this because I wanted to try and figure out if this just one step closer to having a prolonged break up. She said the only guilt she's having is that she needs to have a break in the first place and knows that she is getting me worried about it. But she keeps reassuring me to please just trust her and that her every intention is to go back to a stronger and better relationship between us come February.
It's somewhat tough because it seems like I've always been the calm and independent one but now I fear losing her. It might be because this is my first meaningful relationship with somebody. For her, I'm probably her third serious relationship but by far the longest. She also has had a history of her two past boyfriends cheating on her and said she probably couldn't live with herself if she was doing that to me (she didn't say that now but probably a couple of years ago). She also gets very upset offended if I talk now about her wanting to be with somebody else and called me a jerk for thinking that.
So I want to trust that she's being sincere and this will clear up any future doubt but I'm still going to be worried about it.
I think I'm just going to try very hard to give her space. She says she still wants to talk and everything but not as long as we usually do. So I don't know how much that should really be.
How would you feel? What experiences have you had with that?
Errr Happy New Year? :confused: