I dated this man for 10 years and the relationship ended when I was 24 and he was 27. I was ready to move forward and start a family and he was not. We were young when we started dating but after 10 years, I knew he was the only man for me.
I did eventually marry and had 2 children. He married as well and has been married for almost 2 years. I am separated from my husband but he is still with his wife. We have been apart for 10 years now but reconnected about 6 months ago.
We started emailing but we have now been seeing each other for about 3 months. I love this man more than I could ever explain and he says he feels the same way about me. We have not been together sexually. He says that he needs time to figure things out because his wife has a child that is not biologically his but he has raised the child as his own and the child knows no other father. He knows that a divorce would mean the end of his relationship with the child.
I understand the position he is in but I am having a hard time dealing with the time it is taking. He assures me that we will be together once he can figure out how to deal with the child that he loves as his own.
Is there anything I can do to help this situation move quicker? I have told him that I would step back while he figures things out but he insists that is not what he wants. I love and want to be with this man but I also know that I can't handle this situation much longer. Neither one of us has ever had an affair before... It has never entered our minds until we found each other again.
I understand that this situation is less than admirable and some will dislike me because of it, but I'm truly looking for help.
Thank you!

Who found who? And why? Nothing good can come of this situation. Nothing... he is married. If you want to get a divorce, that's fine, but you shouldn't be trying to break up other people's homes on top of that. Did you think of his wife? Or her child?

Well , the ball is in his court,you can't do much.he should think what the worst thing that can happen : if he loves you a lot he will loose one and gain 2.if he divorce and agree to pay child support he might have the chance to see the child and sustain the bond.

I agree with ZoeMarie about the did you think of his wife or the child. And who did find who and for what reason? You'd break a home to be happy yourself? Well you are in a very hard position. I don't think you can really speed up that process. It's probably going to take a while and it might not go in the direction you want it to... but good luck.

His sister and I have been best friends for the past 20 years and she was here visiting her parents and while I was there to see her he showed up.
Thank you all for your thoughts.

Feelings are not more important than life and the life choices made along the way.

Feelings are not more important than anything else. Your character is based on what you do.

You have split your family up and apparently are committed to the process of breaking up someone else's marriage because of your feelings for the married person.

This falls into my working definition of evil. Sorry that sounds so harsh, but I want the words to ring in your head the next time you look in the mirror, even if you blow me off.

What you're trying to do is evil. Stop.

Grownups ignore feelings/urges that lead to evil. Well, GOOD grownups do. What does your mirror say?

Sorry but your totally wrong, you are thinking of your feelings instead of his wife's. Step aside, you have no business seeing a married man, whether he was the love of your life for years. YOU are breaking up a marriage. What makes you think he wouldn't do that to you if you were married to him? You have no business let him make his marriage work. Sorry, but its not going to work, it will only backfire in the end.

I say u take him back she's not looking

I think you are playing with FIRE.

This will back fire on all of you, not only is a family going to be broken up, but there will only come tears in the long run.

When people break up, there is always a reason which led it to happen. I think you are being to blinkered with what you had in the past with this person, you are only seeing the good and not the bad. It is easy to put your head in the clouds, but we must always keep our feet on the ground.

If you had feelings that where so strong, why did you both lose contact and marry others?

He left you once,
He is doing the same to his wife to protect a child.
He didn't want a child with you, have you asked yourself why?
You are also showing a very selfish side, I want I must get...
Your own marriage broke up why do you want his to break up?

Neither you or this man show any respect for anyone else around them.
Just remember, what comes around goes around. Your day of hurt will reappear. I hope you can remember who you hurt when you yourself are in emotional pain.

Grow up and become a front figure for your own kids. It is them that I feel sorry for.

He dumped you once, but obviously that didn't matter, so you get into a marriage that didn't work, and now your back at square one, with the guy who dumped you, and you think things will work this time?

Your wasting your time, and could have built a happy healthy life for yourself and kids by now. Instead your going backward and trying to bring misery and pain to another family.

Geez your still married your own self. If this is the way you handle yourself and your business, no wonder your life is a mess.

So your willing to break-up a married for your own selfish needs. How would you feel if you was in the wife shoes? Knowing that your husband is trying to think to be with you or your ex? Some things are better off to stay in the past.

If he was single then it would be a different story. If he was going get a divorce then he would've or should be doing it without your influence.

But most likely he won't be getting a divorce and moving on to you. Read the other threads from people in your shoes. Your going get string along and all he's going do is tell you lies while your being strung along.

Save yourself a lot of pain and leave him alone. The only person that I feel sorry for is he wife because she doesn't have a clue with her husband is doing behind her back. I hope she finds out or why don't you ask her how to get with her husband.

Married guys should always be out limit, no matter what.

i say u take him back shes not looking

Are you serious? I guess you have no problem if someone takes your spouse while you wasn't looking.

Are you serious? I guess you have no problem if someone takes your spouse while you wasn't looking.

Yeah... some people really need help! Feel kind of bad for them because their oblivious and will learn life's lessons hard. Everything comes back to you one way or another. For the OP, it's simple... move on and find someone else because there is someone out there.

i say u take him back shes not looking

Evil attracts evil sometimes. Hopefully this was a POORLY timed and worded sarcastic comment. Either way, it's non-useful.

I'm stunned that this woman would actually be giddy about taking the only father this child has ever known away from him. This isn't just stealing a husband, it's stealing a father. Mind you this is woman who is a mother herself, raising two children, and this is the kind of behavior they are growing up around. Truly F-ing sick.

JBeaucaire, sorry about the disagree on the 1st page. I hit the wrong button. I thought your analysis was dead on correct.

(wink) No worries. I noticed that, if you click on REPORT INAPPROPRIATE POST in that message and ask the Moderators to correct it, I'm sure they would.

You love this man so much that your willing to do anything to be with him.

He can't assure you anything because believe me if he wanted to be with you he would be by your side right now. He wouldn't have you waiting around to see what he's going do.

You have love totally screw up because if you step back and be the outsider looking in you would see how wrong this is. Your not the only one doing wrong,your ex is too, but two wrongs don't make a right.

So the next question I have for you is "what are your going do to make this situation right?" Do you really want to sit around and wait for him to decide what he's going do?

To be honest I don't think your going have the fairy tale ending your waiting for. Instead your going be left feelings like you did 10 years ago but maybe the two of you will reconnect in the next ten years.

(wink) No worries. I noticed that, if you click on REPORT INAPPROPRIATE POST in that message and ask the Moderators to correct it, I'm sure they would.

Done and done.

I understand what you are going through.

But if, just if you get married with him. I bet you, that you will be living with guilt the rest of your life. You won't be entirely happy. Guilt and thoughts about guilt will kill you and lead you into something worse. Don't be a homewrecker . No one loves a homewrecker.

Memories are forever, but will be a burden in this case.

Did you say that you are going through a divorce or ARE you divorced?

The reason that I ask this is because...

If you are going through a divorce, you need to get through the divorce before you enter into another relationship. You need to be by yourself for a while so that you can find yourself again, do a lot of introspection. Going from one relationship straight into another relationship is really not a good idea, as this is very codependent behavior.

And it is NEVER a good idea to be involved with a man who is still married, for the very same reasons that I stated why you need to get through your own divorce. Also, in my way of thinking, once a cheater, always a cheater. I don't care if "the marriage has been over for a long time, blah, blah, blah".

Weren't you ever taught to clean up your messes before creating another when you were a child? Sometimes I think of relationships as a room. If you don't clean up your messes in a room, then the room soon becomes a disaster, which creates undue stress and anxiety. In relationships, if you don't clean up the "messes" in your life before moving on, then your life will become a bigger mess when you run from one mess to another.

One more question for you...

You're breaking up his marriage. Let's just suspend reality and say that he DOES leave his wife and her kid for you and you two were to get married. What is to stop him from having an affair on you and doing the same thing to you?

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Lmao, tal. We must be posting at the same time

(innocent)

Wow
I am actually struggling with the same problem My ex remarried less than a year after our break up. I am single and not dating. He thought I was involved with someone and I wasn't . He called 6 weeks ago to see how our old dog was doing, we have stayed in touch, then told me that he wanted me back but didn't know how to do it. Said his marriage is a mistake. I called back to see where he was with the situation, and he hasn't returned my calls. Nothing I can do. Hurts. All over again. Like he left me again. Stay away and move on.