I always hear that "The best revenge ever on the Ex that dumped you is simply, LIVING WELL". Do you agree ? Any comments on this ?
How can I let my ex know that I'm doing well without him if we're thousand miles apart ? Will he feel curious about me if I leave him in the dark and be silent so he cannot find out anything about me ?

The best way to let him know you are doing well is to not contact him at all. If he contacts you, then tell him how happy you are and all of that. Until that time, silence is best and just live your new happy life.

Lets understand that living well, and being happy, is what you strive for and whether, the ex knows about it is irrelevant.

Revenge is for losers, who can't, or won't let go! Losers never move beyond their own pain, and can never be happy.

Revenge is for losers, who can't, or wont let go!! Losers never move beyond their own pain, and can never be happy.

Hi, moveon!

I especially agree with the above! I would just like to add that when it's over it's over and why would you want to spend any time or energy at all on this when your time and energy could be so much more pro-actively and positively spent in other ways?

Thanks!

I often hear giving your ex the silent treatment. Is that the same as n/c ?
My b/f broke up with me 3 months ago and we have no contact completely for 8 weeks. He did not acknowledge my birthday, when I sent him email & text to wish him Merry Xmas, he did not respond. Our breakup was not overly negative, and is not we grew out of love. I first initiated the breakup due to misunderstanding, I regret it, and wanted to get back together, but he didn't want to give us a second chance. We were together for 6 years, we love each other very much, but we just cannot be together anymore, he had to let go of the relationship is more for my sake and happiness. We still have feelings for each other even though we're apart. But I just don't understand how can he be so cold to me after the breakup ? How can he acts like this to someone that he has loved for so many years ?

He's like me, we'll still love you, and it just hurts being told that your seeing other people etc. so we avoid being told by just cutting you's out

We'll be ignorant fools, but dats us guys for you! Good luck hope I'm right

If he is your ex, he doesn't have to acknowledge your birthday. Maybe he's one of the guys on here that was totally crushed that his girlfriend broke up with him and we told him go No Contact. He's doing what he should be doing. Try to understand that contact between the two of you is going to make it harder on you both. Leave him alone

If you haven't had contact in 8 weeks, aren't you assuming what he is feeling?? Zoe is right, we tell those trying to heal, to cut contact with the ex, so they can heal their woundrd hearts..


I first initiated the breakup due to misunderstanding, I regret it, and wanted to get back together,

That misunderstanding and the way you handled it must have hurt him quite a bit.

Leave the guy alone, and learn from your impulsive behavior. That wasn't fair of you, now your paying the consequences of your assumptions (that your still making, I might add ) and presumptions.

Sorry for your loss.

It's been four weeks. He no longer holds interest. Leave him alone.

I'm feeling very sad today, I don't know why, the thought of my ex keeping coming to my head, I can't seem to shake it off. It has been 3 months since he broke up with me. I've tried almost everything to block the thought of him, I went out shopping, watched TV, listened to music, walked/played with my dog, talked to friends, etc... no help... I'm just not in the mood of doing anything tody, I don't feel like talking to anyone... I've tried so hard to think of all the reasons he wasn't good for me...

I thought I've been doing OK lately, although I still think of him everyday, but today the feeling of missing him so much is unbearable, I have the urge of contacting him... but I know I can't.

Please help me! How can I shake off the thought of him?? Why am I feeling this way??

It's so rough... we know. And unfortunately the only thing that will make it bearable is time.. lots and lots of time. You seem to be on the right track and you just need to understand that some days will be better than others. Appreciate these feelings you have and know that it shows that you can care deeply for someone. Just appreciate who you are and what you have to offer the world.

Post here and let it all out. It will help reading your words.

Have a break?
Go and book a small hoilday- something nice to look forward to

Change something in your life- join something new?

Make a plan about something you would really like to achieve and then go and do it with a target to look forward to.

Go to the spa and treat yourself- do your pedis and medicure, or go get a nice hair cut and do something different you like, go get a massage. SOmetimes you just have to do little things here and there to get you going for that moment.

For the long term thou- you will need to sit down and make real plans that will make a better change for you. That takes time and so don't worry about it now- say you will think of that in 4 months time?

I think a good hoilday- is a good thing- helps you see the world a bit more and just makes you glad you saw something nice- plus just think how great you will feel - the I am going to x place in 6 months time is a v good feeling to have

Its perfectly normal and natural to feel this way. Just accept the way you are feeling and do something nice for yourself, the feeling will subside again. You are doing really well by not contacting him.

I keep reading on this site about the NC thing... like u need to give your ex b/f time to miss you, and to give yourself time to heal... I agree with that, but I;m curious, I actually don't really think that they miss you at all... from the guys' perspective, do you ever think about your exes? Do guys move on faster?

It all depends on the relationship. A guy may break up with a girl knowing that she is not the person he is looking for and not think about her at all. On the other hand, the lady may break up with a guy when he thinks everything is good, and he'll think about her all the time and stay stuck in the why's , how's, maybes, and what ifs. It all depends on who's the breaker and who is the breakee.

If a guy really loves you, then he will constantly think of you while you are not around. I have been in this situation myself before and I tried to date other women but could not get my mind off her. I could not even hold hands with another. No matter how they looked, or the fun we had it just wasn't her. Once I had realized how ridiculus it was trying to fool myself into thinking I could move on with someone else, I started to pull myself together and paid more attention to what I knew I wanted. I'm glad to say that we got back together and we are both much more happier than we ever were.

Generally, guys who break up with girls don't think about the ex anymore unless they really cared about the girl. Same for girls breaking up with guys.

It's sad.

We are human beings first and I think humans all hurt the same .

How we differ in our reaction to pain is based on so many variables.

I have seen men who pine over a woman worse than any woman.But they hide it better.Its an ego thing.

A woman may be home eating ice cream and watching sad chick flicks while the guy is out drowning his sorrows in random affairs.

They may appear to move on faster but if you ever met a guy who feels he's been dumped on he carries it around forever.
The next girl pays a heavy penalty for the guy that got burned.

If a guy really loves you, then he will constantly think of you while you are not around.

What if it's the guy who broke up the relationship ? Will he still think of his ex and miss her ? Reason of breakup is not that he doesn't love her, it's just that it's best to end the relationship.

He may miss the person until he moves on with his life.

How can he still love her yet end the relationship? That just doesn't make any sense. The guy should try to compromise and discuss the problems in the relationship with the girl and vice versa!

Why was it best to end the relationship?

Do ex b/f ever miss or think about their ex g/f ?

Yes, all the time, and after a while every now and then.

How can he still love her yet end the relationship? That just doesn't make any sense.
Sometimes exes don't feel the same, or they don't love their partners as much, not enough to stay together any way.

The guy should try to compromise and discuss the problems in the relationship with the girl and vice versa!
Thats great if he wants to stay, but man or woman, doesn't matter, when feelings change its just time to let go, and move on with life. You'll know better when you are the one who's feelings change, and want out.


Why was it best to end the relationship?
When feelings change its best to move on, and let go, or would you rather live a lie??

If two people are very much in love, they were together for 6 - 7 years. He had to end the relatsionhip because of some unresolved circumstances which involve family backgroud, etc. Even after the breakup and n/c, still have very strong feeling for each other and still very much in love. I'm finding it very hard to move on knowing that he still love me, we have to be apart not because he cheated on me nor going for another woman, but we are kind of forced to end it. At this moment I still hanging onto to hope. In a situation like this, is it hard for both party to move on ?

The only thing I can say, without knowing the reasons, is to give it time

Well, I think this will be as hard as you guys let it be.

Can you give more details? Sometimes it is possible that you still love him and he doesn't. How can you be so sure he still loves you?

Your threads were merged to stop the confusion about your story.

My ex broke up with me almost 4 months ago. We had no contact since. I thought I’m kind of over this breakup. Couple weeks ago, I broke n/c by sending him a text message, I didn’t expect that he would reply as he didn’t reply to my last text message in December. To my surprise, he replied. I was really happy that he did, at least I know that he’s not ignoring me. So last week, I was thinking about him again, so I thought that I gave him a call, we talked for about 45 min since our breakup, just catching up, nothing about getting back. The conversation went well, and I ended the phone call and said that will talk next time and he said OK. I can tell by our conversation, he still care for me very much. On this past weekend, I sent him a quick text message just to say hello, he didn’t respond, so I phoned him, he didn’t answer, I left a brief message in his voice mail saying that ‘no sure if you receive my text message, give me a call if you want to, if you don’t want to call me back, I understand”. All day, I heard nothing from him, I was kind of disappointed. Later on in the evening, I called him again, but his phone forwarded to voice mail. Then I checked my email and saw a email from him saying that his phone not working and will call me sometime. I was fine with that, I thought at least he has the courtesy to let me know the reason for not responding.
Well, it was been 3 days now, he still hasn’t call me. I guess he probably won’t call, and I guess what he said in his email was just an excuse to make me feel better?? I’m pretty upset about that. Maybe I’m thinking too much and too sensitive? I would rather he ignore me than sent me that email and lie to me, cause that email sort of giving me false hope. If he has no intention to call me, why bother to send me that email ? I don’t understand. Is he playing game?

Honestly sounds like your really pushy. Had no contact, then a little contact and then some more contact and then you kept calling him, texting him , etc...

It sounds like this situation is your own doing. Is he playing games with you. I think that you should except the fact that your exes now and that he does not have to answer.

Just because your having good conversation , etc... does not mean that he wants to be with you again. Does not mean he wants you to get obsessed either. Like texting, calling , etc...

Exactly Jesushelper!

This is why NC is so important. You get angry over things that are not worth getting angry over. You are not his girlfriend anymore. He doesn't ever have to contact you. You said on your message that if he didn't want to call back then you'd understand. Well take it as that then, if he doesn't call it's because he doesn't want to so just 'understand' and get over it.

I recommend that you don't contact him, you're going backwards now. Exes need times to deal with the past, be angry and finally get over it. Only then can you two think of being friends.

Hi Moveon,

It sounds like you had some time pass and you missed him which is natural. You figured you would reach out and see what type of response you got. Unfortunately/fortunately you felt good about your conversation with him, and it sparked old feelings. It's sort of like when you go NC and then break that NC - some say you start all over. Because of your positive feelings from your conversation you reached out again, in different formats hoping for similar results. I hate to sound mean, but him emailing you to tell you his phone is broke is a bunch of crap. I am sure he has your phone number, and could have called you back from anywhere. I don't feel he was giving you false hope at all- perhaps just being a nice guy, willing to talk to someone he used to love/cared for. You even said it yourself, there was no conversation of getting back together. And he may have realized very quickly after your txt and phone call "O boy.. maybe I should not have talked to her the other day, she is going t get mixed signals"... and wanted to stop the fire before it got fueled again.

Be easy on yourself and try not to look too deeply into your conversation. If you feel you can talk to him once in awhile without gaining a false sense of hope, then go for it. If you are going to lose sleep over it though- I would suggest going back to NC.
Thump

Wow you like a pit bull with a bone, he talked to you one time and you basically assaulted his phone with calls and texts. He didn't reply to your text, so you call him a few times, knock it off! Just stay NC as you are only hurting yourself. There are no games being played on his end, you just read way too much into a phone call.

I feel bad when I see someone who runs head first into a brick wall, and can't understand why they have a headache.

You really do need to accept reality, and stop trying to force something that can only hurt you.

Go back to NO CONTACT as soon as possible.

Its not about sharing that information,its for your own head.I am fine,I got through this,you did not destroy me.I am happy without you.If you are still wrapped up in revenge,than you are not living well,you are somewhere in the past.

Personally, I think... actually, I don't think about my EX at ALL.

That is "revenge" enough to me...

I keep reading on this site about the NC thing...like u need to give your ex b/f time to miss you, and to give yourself time to heal.... I agree with that, but I;m curious, I actually don't really think that they miss you at all.... from the guys' perspective, do you ever think about your exes? Do guys move on faster ??

I DEFINITELY think about my ex a lot but I know now just to give her time to see what she is missing and what she gave up on. And I think IMO most guys who fall in love take longer to move on.

I always hear that "The best revenge ever on the Ex that dumped you is simply, LIVING WELL". Do you agree ? Any comments on this ?
How can I let my ex know that I'm doing well without him if we're thousand miles apart ? Will he feel curious about me if I leave him in the dark and be silent so he cannot find out anything about me ?
I always heard revenge is a dish best served coldly.



‘no sure if you receive my text message, give me a call if you want to, if you don’t want to call me back, I understand”.

Oooo... that hurts to read. I love getting texts like that and then never responding. He's got all the cards now, don't give him that power.