Hi guys, is kissing and cudling wihtout the private part touched OK on the first date or not?

Sure if everything seems to go well, and you both want to, why not?

If your OK with it then it's OK. I think its rather innocent.

Thanks guys for the answer but I know that sex in the first date is not advisable, what we had french kissing and cudling, drinking wine but as I said not private parts touched as I gave him firm impression I will not go for that... I just wandered if we could have long term friendship, if the kissing and cudling was not equal to sex...

Thank you and Happy New Year to everyone!!

No dear, If you give the impression that you're just about the sex no matter how innocent that is what will come to be expected. If on the other hand you would like to be respected and talked to then you need to make it know that it is a priority. It's just common sense.

No dear, If you give the impression that you're just about the sex no matter how innocent that is what will come to be expected. If on the other hand you would like to be respected and talked to then you need to make it know that it is a priority. It's just common sense.

Sorry Rose, did not understand your answer..
Klaipeda

My honest opinion is it depends on the 2 of you. If you want and you're truly unsure then I'd let her make the first move. It's really innocent though... I mean the only thing more innocent is holding hands

How can I make the man to fall in love with me?We communicate only on the internet, but we met once, he said he feels good with me. We just cuddled and kissed without sex and touching private places :).I appreciate all answers

You can't make a man fall in love with you, he either will, or he won't. You've only met him once and you're in love?

You can not force anyone to do anything, you may well want a relationship with this guy but if he does not feel the same way then it is a no go.

You both need to spend more time together before you start thinking of getting into things too deep. You say you only know this guy from the internet and have met only once, I feel that you are rushing things too fast and you could send out the wrong signals to this guy and send him running.

Just take the friendship that you shear now and run with it and see what happens, but do not go rushing into things to fast.

There isn't a magic love potion number 9. All you can do is love and care for him and hope it's returned. If it is.. that's wonderful

You can not force anyone to do anything, you may well want a relationship with this guy but if he does not feel the same way then it is a no go.

You both need to spend more time together before you start thinking of getting into things too deep. You say you only know this guy from the internet and have met only once, I feel that you are rushing things too fast and you could send out the wrong signals to this guy and send him running.

Just take the friendship that you shear now and run with it and see what happens, but do not go rushing into things to fast.

Thanks for your answer, I really liked your words that I rush things, I feel that I do it but I don't know where I rush things.Can you tell me where I rushing things?

You're rushing things because you've only met this person once but already think you're in love with him and want to know how to make him love you. You're in love with the idea of love, not with the actual person, who you've only met once.

Most long term serious relationships start with friendship and then move up from there.

There isn't a magic love potion number 9. All you can do is love and care for him and hope it's returned. If it is.. that's wonderful

Thanks, beautiful words... :)

You need to stay in the friendship stage and let it work itself out on its own where ever it is going. Rushing into I love him's and I can't live without him is only delusional and then you can't see clear through the emotions which so far are not solid.

You need to stay in the friendship stage and let it work itself out on its own where ever it is going. Rushing into I love him's and I can't live without him is only delusional and then you can't see clear through the emotions which so far are not solid.

Wanderful answer, thanks a lot

Ok , can you please tell me if telling the guy that I missed him after the 3 days not writing to each other shows that I am ready for sex/rushing things or it's just nice words to his ears?(We write to each other for a few weeks).

Thank you all

Nice words to his ears... I am not sure what type of guy would hear those words and think you must want to have sex by saying that..

Nice words to his ears...I am not sure what type of guy would hear those words and think you must want to have sex by saying that..

Please xplain what do you mean by that as I am really concerned not to scare him away :(. I mean what would guy think about me if he reads these words...

I like the guy who has girlfriend but she lives in a different country. He even did not go to her for Christmas and new year.he says the last time he saw her was 6 months ago. He sends her money to support her , etc. When he told me that, I said that I cannot stay with the guy who has girlfriend, but he said that they are not married, so we can ceep in touch.But we communicate via email,we met just once, he did called me once, I do not call him. When I asked him whether he loves his girlfriend he sent me a smile.. What should I do?


CAN I BE JUST PLATONIC FRIENDS WITH HIM Until I FIND SOMEONE SERIOUSE AS I LIKE TO COMMUNICATE WITH HIM ON THE INTERNET, (HE IS EASY GOING) THAT'S ALL OUR COMMUNICATION...

Find someone who is not spoken for.

If he were to do anything with you ,that would make him a cheater and that is no way to begin a relationship.Nothing good can come from a relationship built on cheating as a foundation.

Stop playing with fire.

You've told him "no" to this relationship, yet you keep interacting with him on that level (you know you are). Until you ACTUALLY stop, you're putting your hand in the fire just waiting to get burned.

Next will come rationalizations, then character attacks on the unwitting girlfriend... if you don't walk away and stop asking questions like this, you won't like who you become with this man.

Stop playing with fire.

You've told him "no" to this relationship, yet you keep interacting with him on that level (you know you are). Until you ACTUALLY stop, you're putting your hand in the fire just waiting to get burned.

Next will come rationalizations, then character attacks on the unwitting girlfriend... if you don't walk away and stop asking questions like this, you won't like who you become with this man.

I will not attack girlfriend as he told me before we started writing each other that he has many girls but not The One... So I stopped writing felling uneasy... He contacted me again and so it started.. Now, after few months he told me he has one.. ::confused:

The pen friend told me once when I said that he is funny, in reply he said :"Is it really am so funny, maybe I will be yours.." what does that mean? He could also have said " maybe you will be mine"... What is the difference between those two meanings/sayings?

He might mean that if you think he's so funny then he should be with you. Did you laugh or commenting on his joke?

He could've been joking with you or he could've been serious but only he knows. So if you like him and want to know he likes you then ask him.

Guys, if a woman does not sleep on the first date with him how much possibility is that he will be friends with her?

I don't get your question, but there is absolutely no way two people should sleep together on the first date!! That is absurd.

It could mean that the girl would like a long-lasting relationship. Sex on the first date is not a good indicator of her being into you. In fact, if I were dating, and a woman wanted to have sex on the first date, there probably would not be a second date.

A woman, or man, for that matter that would do that... they call them... well, it rhymes with butt... and it starts with an "S"

If they sleep together on the first date, most likely they will not really be friends

I think it is not a good idea to be sleeping together on the 1st date, that sounds more like leading to a one night stand then a relationship.

Why give it up so easy makes you look cheap.

Friendship is not much of a possibility if the pig is trying to get in your pants on the first date. Whay would you wan to be his friend anyway?

Hi guys, is sexy woman allways being dated, I mean is being very sexy relates to having a boyfriend? Does she have more boyfriends or dates than normal woman? Thank you alll!

I'm not a guy but I think it depends. Sexy may get a guy to look at you, interesting, intelligent, motivated, fun, that's what usually gets a guy to stick around.

If you're just pretty on the outside but have nothing else going for you, you may get the dates but you won't keep the guys.

Sex on the first date means he probably won't call for a second date.

Would you want a man that only wants sex? Well, why would you think men are that different?

There are some guys, even some girls, that only want sex out of a relationship. So, you have to ask yourself, what are you looking for a reltionship or sex?

WHOA WHOA WHOA! All of these statements are working on the notion that any man would slip his junk in a light socket as long as you turn off the power first. Not all men are like that. If I like a woman enough to go out with her and we happen to "seal the deal" well then that is just a bonus and does not mean that I will not call or that I will lose interest. Come on. Yes there are some guys out there that are just looking to wet their noodle but there some of us that are interested in more than just sex. Don't lump all men in one category. You women probably wouldn't appreciate it if this was done to you. Furthermore, if all the men you know would lose interest after sleeping with a woman on the first date well then maybe it's the men YOU hang around with and reflection of yourself.

Mark, re-read what I wrote. I really wasn't trying to insinuate that all men are like this, or that only men are like this. Some women are only looking for sex too. What I'm trying to say is, if you have sex with someone on the first date, chances are you won't get asked for a second date.

Read some of the other posts by the OP, she's a bit confused, a bit insecure, she really just needs someone to tell her no.

Heck, if having sex early on in a relationshp where really that bad, I wouldn't be married. I had sex with my now hubby a week after we started dating, but, we're not the norm, you have to admit that! :)

I did not single you nor anyone else out by name. As far as your comment about the OP needing someone to tell her NO, why? We cannot make that decision and none of us have the right to tell her what to say. Every relationship is different just like every single person is different. This should be her decision and her decision alone and anyone else's moral insights should be kept to themselves.

She asked, we answered, and because she asked we can give our opinions, tell her what we think is rght, what's wrong. You don't have to agree with the answers, you can provide a different one if you wish.

Our "moral insights" have been voiced because we were asked to voice them. Feel free to disagree!

She didn't ask if it were wrong or what others would think of her. She only asked if he would still be friends. Telling her it would be "slutty" or "cheap" are opinions on which she did not ask for.

Okay, then let me base my opinion on my own life, after all, that's were most opinions come from, our own experiences.

In my experience, if you sleep with a guy on the first date, not only won't you be friends, but you probably won't ever hear from him again. But, hey, do what you want, it's your life.

In contrast, I dated a girl and we did sleep together on the first date. We dated for over a year.

Well, I guess we've decided that it's up to her! ;)

Well, I guess we've decided that it's up to her! ;)

That was my original thought :p

what is the probability a guy will be friends with a woman after one date and no sex?

really??

uhm...

mkay...

well, there is NO ANSWER for your question, since it depends upon the guy, the relationship, the situation...

really...

if all that mattered for friendship was step 1, 2, 3... we would all (maybe) get our heads out of our arses and buy a clue.

the REAL question is why you give a damn about a guy who gets potentially pi$sed without sex on the first damn date??

really??

really, really??

screw him... one date and you think you need to put out or you are worried about his feelings if you don't?

look... its OK to like someone enough to wonder about this... but really... please don't lose one sec of sleep over whether this guy is unhappy because you didn't put out...

if he can't be friends with you because you didn't finish him off... is that really what you think is friendship??

screw him... one date and you think you need to put out or you are worried about his feelings if you don't?

But KP, that's what she's trying to avoid. ;)

Sorry, it was there, I had to do it, forgive me? :)

Sorry, it was there, I had to do it, forgive me? :)

Spankings. Now. My room.

Uhm... who is spanking whom exactly?

As if I care.

Love you alty.

You know it.

What if he has an STD?? Condoms are not a 100% secure if you use one.

what if he has an STD????????????????????? Condoms are not a 100% secure if you use one.

Huh? I am not sure what relevance this has to the question...

I think we have gotten a bit off topic here.

Looks get you in the door, and brains keep you in the house...

I have met MANY sexy women... however, when they opened their mouth, I would proceed to the nearest restroom to vomit.

My way of thinking on this: For every hot chick there is some guy sick of putting up with her crap!

First ones persons idea of sexy is not another, if you are referring to the "model" look TV and magazines give us. Most get approached merely for their looks, so often their dates are shallow

About 10 years ago I dated a Hawaiian Tropic swimsuit model. Unbelievably beautiful and sexy by every definition of the word.

I broke up with her after 3 weeks because she felt that her looks made her special. She would expect preferential treatment because she was hot.

She would expect preferential treatment because she was hot.

See, I thought all women expected preferential treatment, hot or not... :)

See, I thought all women expected preferential treatment, hot or not...:)

Fair point. You are quite true. But this one expected treatment that other women didn't get. And got itchy about it too.

It didn't help matters that when I would go out with her I would actually come back dumber. She created what I have taken to calling a "smartness blackhole". She was so dumb (or at least acted it) that she made other people around her dumber. And not in the usual way guys get dumb around a pretty girl. Although she did that too.

She sucked the intelligence right out of you!! Been there before.

Hi guys, is sexy woman allways being dated, I mean is being very sexy relates to having a boyfriend? Does she have more boyfriends or dates than normal woman? Thank you alll!

Its funny how you imply that normal women aren't sexy.

From all I have ever experienced and read, beautiful women tend to 2 polar opposites - either they are the belle of the ball and date more than they can handle or they don't date at all. Because "normal" guys are intimidated easier than "hunks" but by and large, normal guys tend to be the ones worth actually dating.

And so are normal women, incidentally.

Hi guys, is sexy woman allways being dated, I mean is being very sexy relates to having a boyfriend? Does she have more boyfriends or dates than normal woman? Thank you alll!

Not sure. If the woman is approachable and friendly she can get whatever she wants.
It's far more easy for a sexy woman to get a man than vice versa. Heck, woman don't even need to be sexy or too attractive. A woman that takes care of herself, looks OK and knows how to smile at men should have no problem in attracting any guy. For every 1 guy that rejects a female there's 100 others waiting for attention from you. So, for the most part, a woman should have absolutely no problem in getting a boyfriend. It's far harder for a good looking male to get a girlfriend.

Ok, hope that makes any sense. Good luck!

I love all answers, thanks to all!

She didn't ask if it were wrong or what others would think of her. She only asked if he would still be friends. Telling her it would be "slutty" or "cheap" are opinions on which she did not ask for.

I appreciate all opinions, critical thinking and openmindedness,thanks! :)

Huh? I am not sure what relevance this has to the question...

I think we have gotten a bit off topic here.

So your telling me that's not included? So they should not think of because of course the know each other for years?

My point is being friends with the person before or after doesn't matter! You should think deeper before doing it with someone you just met!

Hi all, the guy I know says he has a girl friend ( he is intimate with her and thinks about her as a part of his life.. ), but not the girlfriend, what is the difference?If another girl starts to like him how many chances does she has to be named THE girlfriend by him?

Well, if the guy is decent then the new girl won't have a chance, but the good girls normally go for the bad guys, and being one of the "gud" guys let me tell you this, the new girl has a chance, not a very big chance but still has a slight chance, but the old girl will probably still be there for awhile

well, if the guy is decent then the new girl won't hav a chance, but the gud girls normally go for the bad guys, and bein one of the "gud" guys let me tell u this, the new girl has a chance, not a very big chance but still has a slight chance, but the old girl will probably still b there for awhile

Well, the point is the guy wants the new girl to be with him sometimes, if you know what I mean... :p, but the new girl is more decent than him ,and refuses his advances:o

Like I said the good girls always go for the bad guys because their apparently "sexy", but aslong as the guy dusn't like hug your be like touchy feely with the new girl the old girl sud be okay, by the way could you answer my question about datin?

Hi again, without your answers I would do really bad:):
I had a guy in the past that liked me.He wanted to date me, gave me flowers every morning ( we were housemates), if we used to go out, he used to buy me the things and used to take me to caffees and museums.. He used to advice me on everything and he used to make me lough.. One day in my room we had some drink, and he got excited, put me on the bed and wanted to kiss me and have a sex... I got angry and shouted him out of my room... He appologised all the week by writing long appologising letters to me ( he really was decent men, allways ready to help anyone). I was so angry that moved out of the house and did not want to see him anymore.. 7 years passed by and he every year on the Christmas sends me Christmas card by email... A week ago I wrote him email saying hello. He responded in three hours and I could feel that he was happy to receive my letter. He asked me for us to keep in touch.I sent him another letter, but after receiving his response I feel that the communication is very formal.My question is HOW DO I BREAK THE ICE TO MAKE COMMUNICATION MORE FORMAL? I just feel this person honestly liked me and was at ease with him, I so want to return what I lost-this feeling being cared for..
Thank you guys!

like i said the gud girls always go for the bad guys coz their apparently "sexy", but aslong as the guy dusn't like hug ur be like touchy feely with the new girl the old girl sud b okay, btw could u answer my question about datin?

Thanks for your reply, I will try to answer yor question, go on..

Well I've been going on with a girl for 4 months, and I was kind of shy because it was my first time, and I was abit pocessive, and what not but lets say I had a very good reason, and then she broke up with me for being a and now she's ignorin me and I'm not sure what 2 do (she only talk to me on msn) I'm not sure wha I'm suppose 2 do, I still love her but she broke my heart and I'm not sure I want her anymore

So lets focus on the OP'er...

Take back and forth noise to PM's or this thread will be cleaned up by deleting posts that are a distraction.

We can disagree and talk about it... but this is starting to reach past constructive disagreement.

It all depends on what you expect from the relationship.
If you want a one night stand and don't expect a call the next day than go for it.

Its ironic but men will try to get you in the sack in any way possible but when you do you are a *easy* woman.

You ask a guy what kind of a girl he wants to settle down with and rarely will you hear anyone say an *easy woman*.

7 years is a long time to be out of someone's life. It would be hard to jump back into a friendship under any circumstances. But the fact that there was an "incident" and that you refused to forgive him will make it harder. If you want to break the ice, I think you need to address what happened in the past, appologize for cutting him out of your life and tell him that you miss him.

Be yourself! To do anything else is silly.
Tell him you think that you are too formal.Make a joke out of it.You really are almost like strangers.

Talk about what interests you and eventually you will get to the subject of relationships and there is your opportunity to break the ice.

I thought everyone was so open on line that there was no ice to break.
Wow what do I know.

well i've been goin on with a girl for 4 months, and i was kinda shy coz it was my first time, and i was abit pocessive, and what not but lets jus say i had a very gud reason, and hten she broke up with me for bein a and now she's ignorin me and im not sure what 2 do (she only talk 2 me on msn) im not sure wha im suppose 2 do, i still love her but she broke my heart and im not sure i want her anymore

Well,she broke with you, maybe she didn't like you being so possessive? Though if she still communicates on msn, and you feel that you don't want to loose her it's better msn than nothing,continue to communicate with her,nobody knows where it may lead.. It may later develop into something more serious: you can ask her out for example later on after some time, if you see that you are doing well on msn:) But if you see that you don't really like to talk to her, of course you then stop writing to her. See what happens.All best! :)

A man I like said he will call me on weekend but he didn't, although he is sitting on the chat today and chatting with other girls.. The story:A weak ago he got angry with me for something and said that I want to break up with him ( hence because I said that and that:rolleyes:)... I reassured him that I don't want to break up with him( even though we mostly communicate on the internet). Next day he called me, we talked fpr some time.. and as a proof that I keen to communicate with him, I asked him with a keen voice whether he will call me next time.. So he said "ok, ok I will, I'll call you on a weekend" , but it didn't happed. I know he won't call tomorrow either.. So what this is all about?If he does want to communicate with me, why he does not call. Also, he knows that I won't have sex with him, I told him and although he is keen to it, he also he mentions that he has a girl friend.. So If you have a girlfirend go and have sex with her then.. :p

It's obvious he's not into you. You seem to know that already. So don't take it personnal if he's not keeping his promises to you.

It's obvious he's not into you. You seem to know that already. So don't take it personnal if he's not keeping his promises to you.

Why I should not take it personally?

Because you already know he won't call like he said he would. He apparently has no respect or loyalty to you so why bother worrying about it? It's nothing personal, it's just how the guy is.

If he has a girlfriend and talks to other girls on the internet then he only wants one thing; sex. Since you're not giving it to him then he wants nothing to do with you.

Hi guys, I like the guy for some time now, and we cannot not argue whenerver we communicate with him. I just feel that I cannot talk to him anymore without being accused by him that I constantly nagging him about something... I tired of trying to build up the needed relationship and give it a time to build up... I just tyred.Because he is constantly angry with me... I like him a lot and just was witholding sex for the future... This evening was too much for me, he was angry again with me and I just decided most crazy thing,- to ruin the unseccesfull relationship by having sex with him. It will be the end for him being constantly angry with me as he will leave me after sex..
Does someone has something to say?

Hi guys again, just to let you, my good shepherds know, that I read what you wrote me yeastersay and had a change of my mind.I did not sleep with him as he was not really keen to come, he wanted to go to sleep more than to have a sex:p. Today I went to see another guy as I meet sometimes guys from the friendship site, and this my guy I like also called me today 3 times just for a chat.. I hope I will not need to sleep with him soon, as he becoming much easier to communicate with.Though he mentions that he wants me every time since I suggested it to him yeasterday.. But it will not happen soon, I keep positive;))Thanks to you all, you saved me:). Love you all!

What an idiotic thing to do!

What an idiotic thing to do!

I know, I just cannot throw him out of my head, after sex I hope I will not like him so much, and he even more will dislike me:( So we will eventually forget about each other

Hi guys, I like the guy for some time now, and we cannot not argue whenerver we communicate with him. I just feel that I cannot talk to him anymore without being accused by him that I constantly nagging him about something...i tired of trying to build up the needed relationship and give it a time to build up...I just tyred.Because he is constantly angry with me...I like him a lot and just was witholding sex for the future ...This evening was too much for me, he was angry again with me and I just decided most crazy thing,- to ruin the unseccesfull relationship by having sex with him. It will be the end for him being constantly angry with me as he will leave me after sex..
Does someone has something to say?


Yeah, why are you so mad at yourself?

And what if a baby results? And much self respect will you have for yourself afterwards?

And what if a baby results? And much self respect will you have for yourself afterwards?

Becareful when thing about that, you don't want to stress yourself out too much, or you will find it hard to think at all.

Do you love yourself? If so, why, and do you think that you deserve this, or something else?

Do you have confidence issues? DO you think you are or are not pretty?

You have to find where this is coming form and you can do that, if you need help, counselers can help with that, or e here can help with that too. Though to a lesser extent.

Please do take care of yourself. I wish you well.

Yeah, why are you so mad at your self??

Because I can't forget about him:(

And what if a baby results? And much self respect will you have for yourself afterwards?

I lost self respect when I ofered it to him... I just want to finish everything quicker...

Love you all guys, I do apreciate your support!

because I can't forget about him:(

Hmmm, yes it may seem that way, but as Yoda and Luke had to say,

LUKE:"I don't believe it!!"

YODA:"that is why you fail."

If you tell yourself, " I can't for get him, then you simply wont."

If you don't do things that put you near him or remind you of him, eventually, as pain sakingly slow as it is some times, we start to move on. Find a different reason to be happy. Also, I'd like to point out, just because you are not happy doesn't mean you aren't OK. We have good days and bad days all the time.

Peace and kindness.

Heavens I wish there was enough women out there that hated me enough to have sex with me.

I always thought I should take them out to dinner and all that stuff, and now I find out all I have to do is make them so mad they will have sex with me so they can break up

Hmmm, yes it may seem that way, but as Yoda and Luke had to say,

LUKE:"I don't believe it!!"

YODA:"that is why you fail."

If you tell yourself, " I can't for get him, then you simply wont."

If you dont' do things that put you near him or remind you of him, eventually, as pain sakingly slow as it is some times, we start to move on. Find a differnt reason to be happy. Also, i'd like to point out, just because you are not happy doesn't mean you arn't ok. We have good days and bad days all the time.

Peace and kindness.

Just started to cry when reading your words.. Thank you

just started to cry when reading your words..Thank you


I'm sorry, I didn't intend for you to cry, but I can understand how hard it is to face such things. Try not to forget you're not alone.

Oh, good idea, do you have any things you're stright up into, like hobbies, painting, drawing, writing, Exercising (usually best, endorphines and all.) Try to keep busy, and active.

Don't be worried about giving yourself a special time each day to let it out, like listen to sad songs and just cry. But, only for a short time. Like 10- 15 at the most. Ok.


Take care. Peace be with you.

It all depends on what you expect from the relationship.
If you want a one night stand and don't expect a call the next day than go for it.

Its ironic but men will try to get you in the sack in any way possible but when you do you are a *easy* woman.

You ask a guy what kind of a girl he wants to settle down with and rarely will you hear anyone say an *easy woman*.
Couldn't have said it better myself.

Easy women don't make good girlfriends, I've tried it.

lol of course I have to butt into this one...

it really depends on the people who are on a date... and is friendship the goal of a first date, or is a second date the goal?

As for the person you date and his expectations... if he expects sex on a first date then I'd be a little worried about his intentions if I wanted a second date... or scratch that, I don't think I'd want a second date...

And you should never under ANY cirrcumstances feel pressured to put out!

lol as for sex on a first date, well it can work out great and it can work out badly (for you that is) people differ is all. Lol my x boyfriend and I didn't even start with a date, but a one night stand... )

I read an interesting article in a Norwegian magazine the summer of 2007 on this subject though... sex on the first date:

something about the biological factors involved in sex, when two people sleep together they supposedly release a hormone called the bonding hormone lol which is suitable, can you guess what it does? (The article was some interview with a sexologist from england)

and that sex one the first date might make it harder for the people dating to get to know each other in the beginning because they might just end up between the sheets instead...

I don't know...

anyway.

If it doesn't feel right for you to have sex on a first date, then don't and you shouldn't give a darn about what the guy thinks. If he gets mad, then you know that sex was his primary goal and not to get to know you. And aren't you better of without him as a friend??

He's a waste of time hon.. or worse.. sex offender.. :)

Well.. a sexy woman certainly has more sex.. however.. she also might attract guys that only look for sex... while the more simple quieter gals attract guys who look for a relationship.. so it depends.. :) tu klaipediete? :)

He is a playa... and a bad one at that... since you told him you ain't going to give it up to him, he ain't interested and is continuing his search for a girl on the side... but maybe maybe leaving u hanging just in case you decide you want to give him what he wants...

Forget about him and find someone worthy...

Just remember one thing. Beauty fades, but dumb and boring lasts forever! ;)

Just be the best you can be, looks aren't really that important, all of us lose our looks as the years go by (unless you can afford a lot of plastic surgery).

Most guys, when they want to settle down, look for a women that is attractive but also smart, fun to be around, and a good person.

Like all the guys said, looks might get you in the door but personality keeps you in the house. Sorry KcTiger, I love it too much not to use it! :)

Just remember one thing. Beauty fades, but dumb and boring lasts forever! ;)

Just be the best you can be, looks aren't really that important, all of us lose our looks as the years go by (unless you can afford alot of plastic surgery).

Most guys, when they want to settle down, look for a women that is attractive but also smart, fun to be around, and a good person.

Like all the guys said, looks might get you in the door but personality keeps you in the house. Sorry KcTiger, I love it too much not to use it! :)

You can steal my quotes anytime! ;)

The one thing that makes ANYONE sexy is confidence.

If you've got confidence, you're sexier than you know.

So--do sexy women get more dates? Sure! Because they're more confident about themselves, they have no problem ASKING for dates when they want them.

What I've noticed is that a lot of super sexy woman don't have significant others that's why their being so sexy... to attract a significant other. Most woman tend to dress a little more conservative once they get into a relatonship.

But again that's only what I've noticed.

What I've noticed is that alot of super sexy woman dont have significant others thats why their being so sexy... to attract a significant other. Most woman tend to dress a lil more conservative once they get into a relatonship.

But again thats only what I've noticed.

Sexiness isn't only about the clothes. Like Synnen said, it's confidence that makes most
Women sexy. You can be the most gorgeous women in the world, but if you lack confidence, it doesn't matter how sexy you dress or look, most men won't give you a second glance.

I'm 38 years old, and back when I was younger I was considered quit attractive. A lot of times I wasn't approached by guys, a male friend finally told me that most guys thought I was out of their league. After being told that I started to get off my butt and approach guys.

Now that I'm older, not unnattractive but definitely older, I still attract guys, why, because I have confidence. I can go to a bar and most times be approached before any of the younger more physically attractive girls because I am confident and comfortable in my own skin.

Confidence is something most people have to work on, but once you have it the skies the limit. Work on your confidence, it's sexier than any low cut blouse and short skirt out there. ;)

Awww... Alty... I believe you are what we young fellas call a "cougar" ;)

Awww....Alty....I believe you are what we young fellas call a "cougar" ;)

Funny. Actually I'm very happily married, have been for over 13 years. Hubby and I have been together since we were both 19, I would never step outside my marriage, just not something I would do.

It does feel nice when a guy flirts with you, but I always let them know that I'm married and not looking for anything else.

Cougar, hee, hee. Wait, does that mean I'm old? :(

It is another term for a hot "older" woman. No... it isn't a negative connotation at all.

I will quit before I start digging my own grave here...

Work on your confidence, it's sexier than any low cut blouse and short skirt out there. ;)


So a big fat gross looking woman who doesn't care about herself walks up to the bar with a lot of confidence and ask a guy out and then a really shy gorgeous super model walks past him but never stops by the bar... chances are the super model is going to get hit on before the fat girl gets a chance to spit her game.

Work on your confidence after you work on you appearance. First you have to visually attract someone to you before they'll take the time to care about your confidence.

Sorry Altenweg to pin point only your quote out. But come on... you and I both know the chances of meeting a guy at the bar or anywhere who cares about personality first before appearance is highly unlikely.

Every guy I ever dated was more attracted to my personality than my "fat" by model standards (I wear a size 14, and it's not a flat stomach 14 either).

Yes, confidence can go a long way---but fat does NOT equal "gross".

If her hygiene is great, and she has a good personality and a brain, well then unless the guy is stupid himself, shallow, or under 20---then YES he is going to choose the heavier fun girl over the shy silly twit who can't even open her mouth to laugh.

PS--Confidence is all OVER. It has nothing to do with one's looks, size, or way they walk. It has to do with believing that one is as good as anyone else, and loving oneself COMPLETELY.

If her hygiene is great, and she has a good personality and a brain, well then unless the guy is stupid himself, shallow, or under 20---then YES he is going to choose the heavier fun girl over the shy silly twit who can't even open her mouth to laugh.

COMPLETELY.

Why do I get the feeling that guys under 20 aren't worried about laughing as the major consequence of their "twit's" mouth opening...

Every guy I ever dated was more attracted to my personality than my "fat" by model standards (I wear a size 14, and it's not a flat stomach 14 either).

Yes, confidence can go a long way---but fat does NOT equal "gross".

If her hygiene is great, and she has a good personality and a brain, well then unless the guy is stupid himself, shallow, or under 20---then YES he is going to choose the heavier fun girl over the shy silly twit who can't even open her mouth to laugh.

PS--Confidence is all OVER. It has nothing to do with one's looks, size, or way they walk. It has to do with believing that one is as good as anyone else, and loving oneself COMPLETELY.

I believe your getting off topic.

Nope, Chrissy.

Just correcting your misconception of "confidence" because you don't QUITE understand how sexy that is---to EITHER sex. If you didn't understand it, though, it was worth explaining further because the OP might not understand either.

I know that I tend to oversimplify ideas that are easy to me, forgetting that concepts like that don't always come as easily to others.

Every guy I ever dated was more attracted to my personality than my "fat" by model standards (I wear a size 14, and it's not a flat stomach 14 either).

Yes, confidence can go a long way---but fat does NOT equal "gross".

If her hygiene is great, and she has a good personality and a brain, well then unless the guy is stupid himself, shallow, or under 20---then YES he is going to choose the heavier fun girl over the shy silly twit who can't even open her mouth to laugh.

PS--Confidence is all OVER. It has nothing to do with one's looks, size, or way they walk. It has to do with believing that one is as good as anyone else, and loving oneself COMPLETELY.

Had to spread the rep but BRAVO!! :D

The super model ideal isn't reality, there are few women out there that actually fit that mold.

Will guys turn their heads for a gorgeous women, yes, will they take her home, probably, will they start a relationship with her, not unless she's got something under the hood. I'm not saying all gorgeous women are stupid, I'm sure they're not, but most of the girls I know that are breathtaking, well, once you start talking to them you realize that's all they've got going for them.

Most men, once they get older, will look for a life partner, someone they can talk to, discuss things with, have fun with. Confidence isn't about your outward appearance, it comes from within. I know women that are very overweight, but when they walk into a room heads will turn, they're confident, comfortable with themselves, and that's a very attractive quality.

The gorgeous dumb chicks only turn heads for so long, but the confident women, she can turn heads forever!

Good example, Kathleen Turner. She's no spring chicken, and she's never been gorgeous, but men drool over her. Why? Because she's confident.

Sorry Chrissymarie, but I really have to disagree with you.

My mother always told me... Beauty is what Beauty DOES!!

I have to agree that sexy is not all about clothes, or to have a natural "breath taking" beauty, its more about confidence!

One of my friends is what you would classify as overweight, but she has a nature that is so open and she is confident to the bone and when she walks into a room, she shines, and she is a real head turner.

I've known some girls over the years who have been classified as those 'hotties' or 'beauties', but they are nothing compared my friend, because she has something a lot of those girls doesn't have. She has substance.

The guy I'm seeing now, I think he's hot because he has that something, he's so sure of who he is and he's comfortable in his own skin and there really isn't anything that can beat that.

LOL What KC said was so right on the spot: Looks get you in the door, and brains keep you in the house! I think that really just sums it up.

As for normal girls vs super models, like alty said; most women doesn't fit that mold... lol, what a boring world this would be. ;)

Hi guys need your advice again, I been writing on the dating site to the guy and he made it clear to me that he wants sex.. we met two time since but we did'n have sex. He really crossed me with his desperation to have sex with me... Today we cuddled and he as usually wanted to undress me and I I just told him that I will have sex with him but only if I get pregnant after and have a baby... I just wanted to make him not to want sex so much... He asked my why do I need that? But he wasn't angry or anything... ( I didn't mean to start family with him just to scare him away from sex.. ). I said later OK, I was just joking, just want to see your reaction. He said and what was my reaction? Was I happy? I said you just asked why do I need it... When he left, I suggested him to come back for sex as I changed my mind, just wanted to see the effect of my words.. He said, " you know, I don't want now, lets be just friends as you suggested, write to each other,meet for a coup of tea sometime as you say that I am too desperate for sex, maybe I have to slow down...".
I just interested, what does he really thought of it? Is he going to be pen pal with me or these words that he told me just mean nice " Good buy, I don't want to know you anymore"

Thanks to you all!

If she don't tickle your fancy, no amount of beauty, or confidence is going to keep you coming back for more.

Men get bored easy, and our attention span ain't that long. We tend to just hit it, and quit, as the world is full of beautiful, sexy, females. The ones we keep have a lot more going for them than just looks and a smile, and good attitudes.

Sorry Chrissymarie, but I really have to disagree with you.

I believe the OP is asking how to attract a man... not keep one. But then again the OP's question isn't very clear. A woman's looks are the first thing that attracts a man to a woman. After that personality holds it... so what exactly are you disagreeing with?

Chrissy, this is what I disagree with;


So a big fat gross looking woman who doesn't care about herself walks up to the bar with a lot of confidence and ask a guy out and then a really shy gorgeous super model walks past him but never stops by the bar... chances are the super model is going to get hit on before the fat girl gets a chance to spit her game.

Work on your confidence after you work on you appearance. First you have to visually attract someone to you before they'll take the time to care about your confidence.

You assume that all overweight people don't take care of themselves? You also think that men are that superficial that they won't even look at a women unless she looks like a model? Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's what it sounds like you're saying.

I guess it depends on the guy, most of the guys I know would rather have a women with substance, not an empty pretty shell.

Yes, being phsyically attracted to someone does get you to approach them, but that's the part you aren't understanding. Confidence is a very attractive quality, even if the outer shell isn't gorgeous.

I'm not gorgeous, I'm above average by most people's standards, but a model? No. When I walk into a room I own it. Why? Because I'm confident.

Not to toot my own horn, but I know, yes, know, that I could walk into a bar with a girl half my age, the body of a model and the face to match and I will most likely get approached first. More often then not that's exactly what happens when I go out with friends. I can't begin to explain it to you, it's something you have to discover yourself.

So yes, confidence, intelligence, substance, that's what gets the man, not a size 2 body with perfect hair and makeup, a low cut blouse and high cut skirt.

Chrissy, this is what I disagree with;
You assume that all overweight people don't take care of themselves? You also think that men are that superficial that they won't even look at a women unless she looks like a model? Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's what it sounds like you're saying.

No that is not what I'm saying. I'm using a big fat ugly woman who doesn't take care of her self but for some insane reason has a lot of confidence as an example to show that physical beauty attracts men better then merely confidence itself. THERE HAS TO BE A PHYSICAL ATTRACTION. Altenweg I will just let this argument go because obvously you live in some fantasy world where hot girls are hit on less the middle aged overweight women with confidence.


Yes, being phsyically attracted to someone does get you to approach them
So you do agree with me..?


[QUOTE=Altenweg;1522647]Not to toot my own horn, but I know, yes, know, that I could walk into a bar with a girl half my age, the body of a model and the face to match and I will most likely get approached first. More often then not that's exactly what happens when I go out with friends. So yes, confidence, intelligence, substance, that's what gets the man, not a size 2 body with perfect hair and makeup, a low cut blouse and high cut skirt.


I highly doubt this. You may get hit on because you are some what attractive and have an "awesome" amount of confidence... but if you were and ogre I'm sure no one would hit on you no matter what amount of confidence you have.

All I'm saying being physically attractive is a sure way to attract a man followed by confidence and personalityto keep him. I am not saying that being confident is not an attractive quality.

Chrissy, honey--you must be young still.

REAL men don't only look at looks. Looks are a dime a dozen, frankly.

I'm ALSO a "middle-aged" (in my 30s) woman, and I betcha I could out-do most 20 year old women with "looks"----to REAL men.

Boys, of course, are attracted to looks over anything else.

And---what the OP was asking is if good looking girls get more dates than other girls.

My answer to that depends on whether she's dating boys or men.

Synnen, had to spread the rep, but I do agree, LOL even though I'm in my mid 20s... ;

synnen, had to spread the rep, but i do agree, LOL even though i'm in my mid 20s... ;

Roxy, age is just a number, maturity is what counts. :)

Roxy, age is just a number, maturity is what counts. :)

Have to disagree, slightly---Age is a number, ATTITUDE is what counts.

Chrissy, honey--you must be young still.

REAL men don't only look at looks. Looks are a dime a dozen, frankly.

I'm ALSO a "middle-aged" (in my 30s) woman, and I betcha I could out-do most 20 year old women with "looks"----to REAL men.

Boys, of course, are attracted to looks over anything else.

And---what the OP was asking is if good looking girls get more dates than other girls.

My answer to that depends on whether she's dating boys or men.

OMG! EVERYONE i AM NOT SAYING CONFIDENCE IS NOT AN ATTRACTIVE QUALITY FOR GODS SAKES. i'M SAYING THAT YOUR PHYSICAL APPEARANCE IS WHAT USUALLY FIRST ATTRACT A MAN. SO YES... GOOD LOOKING GIRLS DO GET MORE OFFERED MORE DATES THAN OTHERS WHICH DOESNT MEAN THAT THEY GET ALL THE GOOD GUYS TOO...

OMG! EVERYONE i AM NOT SAYING CONFIDENCE IS NOT AN ATTRACTIVE QUALITY FOR GODS SAKES. i'M SAYING THAT YOUR PHYSICAL APPEARANCE IS WHAT USUALLY FIRST ATTRACT A MAN. SO YES... GOOD LOOKING GIRLS DO GET MORE OFFERED MORE DATES THAN OTHERS WHICH DOESNT MEAN THAT THEY GET ALL THE GOOD GUYS TOO...

I sense a little anger in this post... perhaps we need to have a group hug ;)

There are way too many hormones in this thread... perhaps it is best that I leave...

Really? It's ONLY physical appearance that first attracts a man?

Then those women that are overweight would ALWAYS be single. The women that have acne or acne scars would be shunned by men. The women that have had a baby and have less-than-perky boobs and a tummy, completely forgotten about by guys.

If looks were even CLOSE to the primary (or most important) way to attract a man, then anyone over 21 would be screwed, because that's what the media portrays as "beautiful"--the skinny, well-endowed, porn-star women.

Lol I'd have to say that both maturity AND attitude ;)

You should find out what his intentions are - like is he looking for a one night stand or a relationship? You should think about what would happen if you did sleep with him... and what could happen. This guy could just be looking for sex, so watch your back.

He means good bye. I highly doubt he will want to be friends. I think he was looking for a booty call and scared him away with the baby talk.

You need to raise the standards of what you are looking for in a man. Reading through some of your posts you are very concerned with sleeping with men before you establish a relationship which will do little to raise respect for you.

The "baby" line is a form of game playing. If he is just after sex, stop seeing him for your own self-respect and don't worry about him any longer. If this is the guy with a "girl friend" already then once again you need to raise your own self-respect in order to get respect.

It would be wise to not date anyone and stop chatting with random men on the internet. Start establishing yourself so that you know who you are. By knowing who you are and what you want in a relationship you will better be able to interpret what men you are interested in and also be able to weed out the bad seeds before getting too involved with them.

he means good bye. I highly doubt he will want to be friends. I think he was looking for a booty call and scared him away with the baby talk.

I don't know what future will bring but next day we still communicated on the net.He wrote me again and we started chat... So he is not so scared then:confused:

you should find out what his intentions are - like is he looking for a one night stand or a relationship? You should think about what would happen if you did sleep with him ... and what could happen. This guy could just be looking for sex, so watch your back.

He said that he wants onlly sex and nothing serious, I tried to chat him up why the sex is only joy in life and he in anger blured out that all women just used him to get to his money and wanted to do things for them.. He said he did not had a time for himself, as he owns a car, his ex girlfriends were usung him for their own purposes... He said he was really fed up with the askings and beggings to do that and that for them he could not find time for himself, and if he told them that he could not do something for them they woul get angry. So, he said that he learned the lesson to be selfish like women do..
I don't want just give up on him because he was hurt in the past, even though we will communicate on the net, I wish him luck, I am not the person to throw away friendships, I am the wait and see person

he means good bye. I highly doubt he will want to be friends. I think he was looking for a booty call and scared him away with the baby talk.

So you think that, I don't care if it happens as life goes on and I will find other guys... For one reason I don't think he wouldn't want to be internet frineds with me, because its so easy just to chat and nothing more, and because he does not have many friends at all in reality and on the net..

You need to raise the standards of what you are looking for in a man. Reading through some of your posts you are very concerned with sleeping with men before you establish a relationship which will do little to raise respect for you.

The "baby" line is a form of game playing. If he is just after sex, stop seeing him for your own self-respect and don't worry about him any longer. If this is the guy with a "girl friend" already then once again you need to raise your own self-respect in order to get respect.

It would be wise to not date anyone and stop chatting with random men on the internet. Start establishing yourself so that you know who you are. By knowing who you are and what you want in a relationship you will better be able to interpret what men you are interested in and also be able to weed out the bad seeds before getting too involved with them.

He knows my standarts, you talking if you never met a man who would not want to have sex... At the beginning of the e-communication, 7 months ago he even did not mention any sex related words,what's the point to wait for such a long time to offer to meet up if he wants sexonly? (I have men writing contstantly to me who want to meet up after 3-4 letters and all you can see from the meetings that tey don't mind to get you into the bed... this is sad but true everyday events.. ) and I even thought that he maight be a gay... Only when we got a bit personal, he started to apen up.. But I made clear that I am not going to have sex, he does know that.. It's not easy to find a man who you like , you talking like men that you like are everywhere... I found other qualities in him that I do like, -like he is not able to let his work coleagues down, he keeps me mood up if I am sad, he makes me lough tc. So why because of him wanting to have sex with me ( which is normal for a man who did not slept with woman for one year) should be so scaring and offensive to me? Maybe just nice talk to let him know me better would do the wanders? If not, we just stay e- pen pals.:). I JUST WANT TO KNOW FOR MY FUTURE RELATIONSHPS THE REAL REASON BEHIND THE WISH TO HAVE SEX WITH ME..

Well, iyt sounds as if the guy has issues himself, and maybe he what he is despearate for is an honest woman. And a friendship between the two of you seems like a far better idea then just jumping in the sack (unless both of you want to do that)

And he did seem to give you a fair-enough answer when you asked and that's good. So I say, just keep a freindsship with the guy and go with the flow. If it turns out to be nothing, then its nothing.

well, iyt sounds as if the guy has issues himself, and maybe he what he is despearate for is an honest woman. and a friendship between the two of you seems like a far better idea then just jumping in the sack (unless both of you want to do that)

and he did seem to give you a fair-enough answer when you asked and thats good. so i say, just keep a freindsship with the guy and go with the flow. If it turns out to be nothing, then its nothing.

That's sounds more real to me. Thank you:)