So, My ex and I broke up about 2 years ago from about a 2 and a half year relationship. Well of course stupid me decided to try to stay friends with her. She is my best friend in the whole world, and also I am deeply in love with her still. She also tells me that I am her best friend and that she never wants to lose me, anyway from the time we broke up to about a few months ago we were still having sex, bad thing I know. Anyway I guess I have been just hoping that things would change over time, and that she would want me back over time. I am so hurt today, anyway this guy she meet the other day at a bar. I guess he's friends with one of my ex's friends. So yeah the other day this guy called my ex's friend to ask for her #, I guess he called her the day before Christmas eve. So on Christmas eve we were hanging out the ex and I and she told me that he called her and asked her to hang out today and go to the show. I am so hurt right now it was truly a reality check. So yeah we talked about it last night and I guess she has no feelings for this guy yet and is going into it with a open head. She told me that he might be a guy and might not be a guy that she can date, she just really doesn't know him and wants to see. I just don't know what to do, I am so sad right now and heart broken. I just feel like I'm going to lose my best friend and the person I love so much. I think when I hear from her tonight, that if she thinks that she might have feelings for her I'm just going to end our whole relationship, I know it has to be done. I was hoping so much that I would fiend someone before her to get over her, so that we could stay friends. I just feel like she is my everything and that I'm losing it all.

Any advise would help

Really sad story, but you should have been gone a long time ago. Of course your shocked ,and hurt now, but at least you know that your girl, and best friend, has been gone a while, and its time for you to do the same, finally.

Don't worry, your hardly alone with being slow to catch on, and leave before they turn the screws to your heart, but you can heal, and move on, if you promise yourself, you will leave her alone and have nothing to do, or say to her until you are able to move on with your own life.

Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum, for some good ways to move on, and get some understanding of your situation, There is a link in my signature , in case you have a problem finding them.

So basically what your saying is that you both can't be good friends without you being happy? She's probably in the same boat as you;; hurt and confused. Your not alone. And just because she MIGHT end up with this guy doesn't mean you HAVE to end a good friendship. Just think how much it would hurt her if it did. And anyway, this is a one night thing, its not like she's going to drop everything for him.

By getting a new girl, what will that achieve? Are you doing it for happiness or for the fact that your ex is going to see you both down the street and think 'hmm, I wish I still had him'

Before I post this comment I have another question that you should linger on for a while. Isn't being a really good friend WAY better than not having her as a friend at all? She could have ended everything and jumped to the next guy. Ignoring you and enjoying being in the arms of another guy

But instead she decided to be your friend



Someone who wants to find happiness before her

Don't you think that's a bit selfish?

so basically what your saying is that you both can't be good friends without you being happy? she's probably in the exact same boat as you;; hurt and confused. your not alone. And just because she MIGHT end up with this guy doesn't mean you HAVE to end a good friendship. just think how much it would hurt her if it did. And anyway, this is a one night thing, its not like she's going to drop everything for him.

by getting a new girl, what will that achieve? are you doing it for happiness or for the fact that your ex is going to see you both down the street and think 'hmm, I wish I still had him'

before I post this comment I have another question that you should linger on for a while. isn't being a really good friend WAY better than not haveing her as a friend at all? she could have ended everything and jumped to the next guy. ignoring you and enjoying being in the arms of another guy

but instead she decided to be your friend



someone who wants to find happiness before her

don't you think that's a bit selfish?

I disagree somewhat... yes friendship is better than nothing, but not at the expense of your suffering. If it hurts to see her with someone else, then don't see her or talk to her. As much as it hurts, its not about her anymore its about YOU. And if you want to stop hurting then you need to move on. When you no longer feel that pain, then look her up and renew your friendship. If it's a good friendship, she'll understand and this won't be too hard to achieve. I had such an experience about 5 years ago. I was once in love with a girl, and I stuck by her in the friend zone for years. After experiencing a GREAT amount of pain seeing her with her each new boyfriend, I escaped, went into minimal contact mode, and finally moved on. This year, she got married, and you know what I felt? NOTHING!

It takes time, but it does work. Today we are good friends and nothing more.

I agree that at least until you heal, you should end, or let's say postpone your friendship. One thing really stuck out to me. You said you were hoping you found someone first. I'm going to be the advocate for "Miss X." I'm glad you didn't get into another relationship. "Miss X" would have gotten a raw deal! You are still in love with the "friend." Until you deal with letting her go, it is not fair to get into a relationship with "Miss X." You would likely compare her to your friend, and that kind of relationship would end badly. You really need to take time to truly be over her. Only then should you be on the lookout for "Miss X," so she at least has a fighting chance.

If you try to stay friends with someone you are still in love with, it will never work and only keep the wounds fresh and painful.

Cut the ties and let the dust settle, only after that can a friendship work

I disagree somewhat...yes friendship is better than nothing, but not at the expense of your suffering. If it hurts to see her with someone else, then don't see her or talk to her. As much as it hurts, its not about her anymore its about YOU. And if you want to stop hurting then you need to move on. When you no longer feel that pain, then look her up and renew your friendship. If its a good friendship, she'll understand and this won't be too hard to achieve. I had such an experience about 5 years ago. I was once in love with a girl, and I stuck by her in the friend zone for years. After experiencing a GREAT amount of pain seeing her with her each new bf, I escaped, went into minimal contact mode, and finally moved on. This year, she got married, and you know what I felt? NOTHING!

It takes time, but it does work. Today we are good friends and nothing more.

That's what I meant

So it's a week later, almost to the day and she is with him again tonight. Over the past week we have kind of worked things out a little bit in a way, but not really. I am really just thinking about doing no contact tomorrow and for now on. I mean she told me after the first night she went out with this guy that she thinks nothing will happen, that's great and all but its been such a reality check that I don't think I can not go through this again with her going out with another guy. Its not fair to me or her. Its just so tuff when your so deeply in love with someone, you feel like you will never find someone ever the same. I guess I have done some positive things though sense this has happened. I joined a gym to work out at, and have been reading a lot more. It just really scares me to move on. I just know that if I try to stay friends with her, that if I would happen to meet someone that it would not be far to her because I would compare her too much to my ex. Anyway though thank you so much for the people that has written back, it helps/gives a little bit of comfort to know that other people have been through this before and that I'm not alone.

I cannot imagine myself being friends with my ex and hearing her talk about guys she is interested in or going out with. I'd rather not know and disappear from each others' lives otherwise the pain will continue. Every new detail about her life will hurt me, especially knowing that I'm no longer a part of it when a few weeks back I was.

I would definitely go NC and stay away from her and anything that reminds you of her. I know it's scary and tough, but once you start practicing it fully -and sticking to it- you will find that not knowing is better than knowing. It will let you heal faster and let you live your life without her in it. Try it. Eventually, one day you will wake up and not think about her at all. The pain will be greatly reduced, and maybe then if you think she's worth it you can be friends again. You won't have lost her, except this time, your relationship will be of a different kind. Not until you are ready for this though, or the wounds will re-open. Be careful and good luck!

I cannot imagine myself being friends with my ex and hearing her talk about guys she is interested in or going out with. I'd rather not know and disappear from each others' lives otherwise the pain will continue. Every new detail about her life will hurt me, especially knowing that I'm no longer a part of it when a few weeks back I was.

I would definitely go NC and stay away from her and anything that reminds you of her. I know it's scary and tough, but once you start practicing it fully -and sticking to it- you will find that not knowing is better than knowing. It will let you heal faster and let you live your life without her in it. Try it. Eventually, one day you will wake up and not think about her at all. The pain will be greatly reduced, and maybe then if you think she's worth it you can be friends again. You won't have lost her, except this time, your relationship will be of a different kind. Not until you are ready for this though, or the wounds will re-open. Be careful and good luck!

Yeah its really tuff right now, I mean I feel like I'm really going out of my mind sitting her wondering. Im not a creep or anything so I'm not going to stalk her or anything, but man its tuff. I'm just really confused and depressed about it all. She is such an awesome person, I Honestly just can't wait for this day to be over. My stomach is just so tied in knots, it sucks so bad. I know I shouldn't put myself through this, and I'm beginning to thing that I really am not going to at all. Its just really hard.

[QUOTE=pimp_mah_alpaka;1451807] isn't being a really good friend WAY better than not having her as a friend at all?QUOTE]

I personally would rather not be friends with someone at all if I was in love with that person and knew we wouldn't be together. Talk about some major heartache. Who would want to put themselves through that?

Yeah I used to think that, I used to feel like I was a lot stronger with things like this. I guess really I have just been in this lala land thinking that nothing will happen, I got to comfortable with everything. This has been a big reality check.

Yeah sounds like it's best to start no contact now. If she said that she didn't think anything would happen with this new guy then why is she spending time with him again? Maybe she didn't want to hurt your feelings. Let the dust settle and maybe some day you two can be friends again.

I was with an ex for 4 years and we tried being friends right afterward, that was really hard. There was a lot of confusion about feelings until we stopped hanging out for a while.

She says that the reason she is still hanging out with him is, because he is a nice guy. And that she would like to have new friends in her life.

ex=best friend is a bad solution. Freedom and truth will set you free.don't strangle her with your love, set her free and let her breath go. If she want's to come back to you she will.but don't pull her towards you,it will make her go even further

ex=best friend is a bad solution. freedom and truth will set you free.don't strangle her with your love, set her free and let her breath go. if she want's to come back to you she will.but don't pull her towards you,it will make her go even further

I agree totally and I am really thinking that I will end or everything tomorrow. Its tuff for but I really need to, I can't go through with this every time she is with a guy.

I wouldn't even let her know. Just cut all contact and live your life. She will have to understand that it's about you now not about her. Move on, and with time you will heal. When you do, you will be ready for the next girl that comes your way and you will be able to give her all without your ex on your mind. Don't be a plan B! Respect yourself, you are worth more than that, and if she can't see that, then she was never for you.

Best of luck!

I was hoping so much that i would fiend someone before her to get over her, so that we could stay friends. i just feel like she is my everything and that im losing it all.


This last couple lines has YOU a bit confused in a situation like this. You cannot hope to find another girl purely to get over your last girl. Life doesn't work like that, and doing so would basically constitute a rebound relationship. Find yourself, find love for yourself and find a ton of things in YOUR life that do not revolve around her, and everything else will take care of itself.

I know how it feels to find out someone you are in love with is with someone else. You have now pretty much hit rock bottom, and have no where else to go but up, so start your journey upwards, with step 1 being letting go of your friendship with her for now. I realize you hurt now, but in time you can use that hurt as motivation to wanting to improve upon your life, and you will! Good luck.

It is never good to be friends with your ex when your still love with them. It only gives and could lead to false hope for you.

It is best not to worry about what your ex does in her life or who she sees. It's her life so she is free to do what you want.

The only person you've control over is you so yes moving on and cutting contact with her would be best for you because your not in a place where you two can be friends.

We all at some point have been in relationships that ended and felt hurt by it. But you live and you learn from each relationship that you have. There a lesson to be learned from everyone you have.

Know that, even if you might not think so now, there is someone out there for everyone. But you won't meet her if you stay stuck on your past.

Healing takes time and times goes by fast, even though it doesn't seem like it. Take it day by day and know that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. It a New Year with new paths to discover.

You need to realize that the only reaosn you still want to be friends with her is not because you want her as a friend.
It's because you still love her, and as a result you're very curious about what she's doing and just having her around will feel good for you to a certain extent.
At the end of the day you're going to get hurt.
You need to cut contact with her and I mean this seriously.

Until you do, you will keep getting hurt and you will most likely not be able to fall in love with someone else again, you're destroying yourself.

I know this is harsh advice but it is true, you're never going to get over this woman so long as she's in your life in the way that you're describing. The thing is, if you had stopped having contact with her right away you'd be long over her by now, and who knows, maybe even in another relationship.

Cut those ties, lad!

NO NO NO... do not be her friend, not until you are over her. Believe me I KNOW, I was deeply in love with a girl years ago. She didn't want to be with me but loved me as a friend. In my effort to stay in her life I stuck by her in the worst Friend-zone ever. What happened? I kept on loving her for three long years in which I saw her go out with boy after boy, and me? Nothing. Couldn't focus on other girls either and stayed single for that time.

I decided to cut contact finally! After three excrutiating years and decided to move away to another country for uni. At my going away party she finally showed genuine romantic interest in me but it was too late I had made up my mind --HAHA. Maybe after 6 months later I was over her --not completely-- but nothing like before. I was finally free and fell in love again with an even better girl!. but that's a different story (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/another-break-time-space-there-hope-295070.html).

PS: that same girl has been happily married for 8 months or so, and I felt NOTHING. It's so liberating.

GO NC! Time will do the rest.

Yes, it's going to be hard.

You know what I've learned though over the years during countless relationships that didn't work out? The only way you can get over someone is to accept that it's over.

The more and more you start thinking of ways to get her back, the more likely it is that you'll do something that will completely jeopardize even being friends with her.

Step back from the situation; it probably wouldn't be a bad thing for her either. Focus on your life... make yourself a better person... let yourself heal.

Eventually, someday, you'll feel like calling her to say "lets be friends"... and you'll probably mean it. Times a crazy thing... One of my very best friends is one of my exes.

The older you get, the more you start realizing how easy life is if you accept what you cannot change. She is seeing other people or intending to. You should do the same. Get out with your friends and enjoy the beautiful world that's out there!

Good luck!

I have to agree... even though the idea for you to remain friends is great because it's a way to relieve a little bit of the pain when you guys hang out but in the end you have been hurting for 2 years and if you continue to be friends you will hurt even worse in the future because she will meet new guys whether it ends in a relationship they may be friends but you will continue to be jeolous and hurt... and it would be selfish to expect her to not move on... you are juss a comfy zone for her obviously or you guys would be together... you cannot be friends with someone you love it juss doesn't work... leave cut the ties you both move on and then maybe you can be friends in the future!
Good luck!

2 threads merged.

Well today will begin my first day of no contact, I am scared and worried, sad and a lot of other things at the same time. I know its for the better but man this is going to be hard, I just love her so much but I know it has to be done. So yeah I just wanted to write this, I'm just down right now.

Good Luck. First couple of weeks is the hardest it gets better after that.
We are here for you.

It's so hard but is worth it when you get over the hill and the grass is in fact greener!

Stay connected here and in your life. Try to introduce new people and places that are not associated with your ex.

Be realistic with yourself and the situation. Recognise your thoughts and feelings even if they are irrational, don't act on the irrational ones though!

Best of luck, stay strong and be yourself.

Don't worry with time your be over her. You have to take it day by day for now. Soon it's going be 5, 10, then 30 days. Then once you heal your not only going be happy but look back on your relationship and see how she was not worthy of you.

Keep us updated, it will be hard, but we have all been there

I'm on day 2 of nc, it is hard but hang in there...

Got to start somewhere, but at least you started. That is the first step towards a better YOU! Good luck...

Goodluck! It's a long hard road but the reward of finding yourself is definitely worth it

Welcome to the world of NC.

You will find that you will go through many emotions and at the end--- you will get through, just like many of us.

Take your time, eat well, rest well and let time do its thing!

It will be tough at the start, but eventually you will come out just fine!

I broke up with my ex 4 months ago and I still find it hard now as I loved him so much but things will get easier.

Right now you are still on the roller coaster -

Every day you will get stronger and start feeling better.

My advise hang out with your friends - just keep yourself busy -

Thanks for the support everyone, well um she called me and I answered the phone. She was crying and I was crying and man it is so hard I just do not know what to do.

You'll be all right man. Ain't no shame in crying, Lord knows I shed my share of tears when this was going on. I urge you, however, not to pick up the phone when she calls. I know it is hard, but it will just send you into an emotional spiral, and that isn't good.

NC that means no picking up her calls any more let voicemail kick in or just ignore the calls.

It is hard and I can fully understand why it hits you hard and you feel like your being hit by a train.

Just remember that every time you answer a call you are going to feel like S*&(% again - my advise would be block the number etc.

Hey man, I have been almost exactly in your shoes. (you can read about it if you're bored here: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/shes-dating-guy-same-name-304709.html
)
You need to go NC immediately. It's not what you want to hear but trust me, it's absolutely necessary. My girl strung me along with the best friends with benefits bit for years too. Even when I thought it was over and moving on to another girl she came back into my life with claims of wanting a relationship only to later say that she didn't want to be in a relationship with ANYONE. Fast forward 2 and a half months and now she's in a relationship. It hurts 1,000,000 times worse sitting there watching the person you love fall for someone else and have to pretend to be happy for your friend. So unhealthy. It's basically rock bottom.

Once they make up their minds you need to move on and never look back. Sticking around will only cause you pain and suffering. I stuck around with my best friend for years too thinking that because she never dated anyone else she would eventually come to me. It doesn't work that way. She's using you as an emotional crutch for the time being.
Maybe someday we can rekindle the friendship we once had but you can't truly be a best friend for someone you're in love with. I'm 2 weeks into NC now and thankfully she hasn't contacted me. It's still hell and I still think about her every hour but it's better than every 5 minutes like 2 weeks ago. Do it and don't look back. Like Talaniman says, "Never make someone a priority in your life while allowing them to be an option in theirs."

So its been my first day of NC and omg this is very tuff. There has been so many times today that have wanted to talk to her, and man my emotions have been going up and down all day lots of crying. I think I'm going to go running here in a little bit to help with this stress.

So its been my first day of NC and omg this is very tuff. There has been so many times today that have wanted to talk to her, and man my emotions have been going up and down all day lots of crying. i think im going to go running here in a little bit to help with this stress.

You need to keep yourself busy DJ it is going to be real hard but most people on this board have stood in your shoes at some point in life so we all no how your feeling.

You are at the right place here and will find lots of support.

You need to keep yourself busy DJ it is going to be real hard but most people on this board have stood in your shoes at some point in life so we all no how your feeling.

You are at the right place here and will find lots of support.
Thanks

In the early days I always found it good to stay away and keep away from things that would remind me of my Ex.

Keeping busy with friends and family and work did it for me, and then one day I thought gosh its been like 9months and I never thought of that other person and then carried on moving forwards.

So its been my first day of NC and omg this is very tuff. There has been so many times today that have wanted to talk to her, and man my emotions have been going up and down all day lots of crying. i think im going to go running here in a little bit to help with this stress.

Running is a good idea. If you're crazy like I am you can take up distance running. Hard to think of a better way to blow off steam/clear your mind/expunge all of that negative energy you have.

Tomorrow will be day 2... it may not seem like it but you're on your way. Stay strong.

Did anyone there first few days of NC get no sleep at all? And totally over analyze everything under the sun, for instance is she sleeping with someone?

did anyone there first few days of NC get no sleep at all? and totally over analyze everything under the sun, for instance is she sleeping with someone?

Try the first few weeks. I probably averaged 4 hours of sleep a night for a solid month, unless I got drunk and passed out... My mind over analyzes EVERY SINGLE detail of everything, and this was killing me. I found myself, at times, creating different images in my head just to make me cry... it was horrible.

It gets better, but it ain't no cake walk bud. I know it is hard, but the fact is, you cannot worry about things you have no control over. Worry about yourself, that's it. This is life, and it is too short to waste thinking about your ex... I wish I could go back in time and regain all of the wasted time, emotions, and other things I spent on her, and utilize it for something to better myself... I will never get that time back. Think about that!

Good luck!

Try the first few weeks. I probably averaged 4 hours of sleep a night for a solid month, unless I got drunk and passed out...My mind over analyzes EVERY SINGLE detail of everything, and this was killing me. I found my self, at times, creating different images in my head just to make me cry...it was horrible.

It gets better, but it ain't no cake walk bud. I know it is hard, but the fact is, you cannot worry about things you have no control over. Worry about yourself, that's it. This is life, and it is too short to waste thinking about your ex...I wish I could go back in time and regain all of the wasted time, emotions, and other things I spent on her, and utilize it for something to better myself...I will never get that time back. Think about that!

Good luck!

Awesome thank you so much. Yeah I got maybe about 2 hours of sleep last night, I've been trying to get back to bed but I cant.

It is hard. I started taking Tylenol PM and that really helped me. Totally safe (I am also having some back issues).

I know it sucks man, believe me. I would sometimes wake up in the morning and almost puke thinking that she was with another guy (this is after I found out she was). You just have to let time do its thing, and detoxify your emotions out of you...

As kctiger said, first few days? You freaking wish. I didn't sleep or eat for about 2 weeks... forget 4 hours a night, try no sleep or 1 - 2 hours a night.

You can read about it here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-doing-nc-what-about-her-161688.html

(sorry, shameless plug)

Things do get better though, really fast. So hang in there, you'll be fine.

Ok I have a question for everyone who has gone through NC. Lets say that you went NC and the next day you find out something like you have been totally lied to, and she is your best firned and you want to end it all on a good note and not like hate her. Because maybe sometime in the future you want to become just friends. Would you talk to the person to set things stright so you can go clear headed into this or just keep going like you have been lied to? Because I don't want to hate her, I just feel like if I dotn clear this up I will begin to not like her at all and never want to talk to her again.

I honestly think you will do more harm than good, as it is almost a case of you seaking closure to a reality that you haven't yet accepted.

You do what you feel the need to do, but, my advice, leave it alone and just worry about yourself. Don't be afraid to lose people in your life, as people come and go, a lot. It usually doesn't do any good to react off emotions, and your head isn't clear enough right now to act rationally. Get your sanity back, then you can think logically about a friendship.

Carry on... :cool:

Yeah I understand, its just so frustrating obviously you know what I mean. Err love makes me nuts.

Love is all consuming, but when it pays off, it is the best thing ever.

It happens. It gets easier, over time. Love doesn't make you nuts, it just makes you human. Keep your chin up! Everyone on this website is incredible at helping people like you, and me!

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to kctiger again."
Definitely I totally agree with that.

Get your sanity back, then you can think logically about a friendship.


This is a great answer to your problems, heal first.

Well still doing the NC but man it is very hard today I feel so alone, there has been only like 2 times where I wanted to call her, but I stopped myself. I worked out 2 times today. Im trying to think of things to do to keep my mind off her, I can't stop thinking of her. I just feel so sad right now, I can't wait tell I'm over her.

What I did during NC to keep her off my mind...

Worked a lot. I mean, I clocked in about 30 hours overtime a week.

Worked out a lot. Morning run. Evenings lifting weights. Lost about 30 lbs in 4 months.

Read a lot. I did a lot of pleasure reading. I never read a whole lot before, but got really into it during the nc.

Music and movies. This got me through... quite a bit.

Cleaning. My place... was.. spotless.

Just calling a few good friends up to go bowling, watch a movie, go to a bar, go play some ball... etc.

I hate the feeling that she is out with someone else, it just makes me so down and depressed and I know I can't do anything about it. Is it normal to feel really betrayed and angry at her? I know a lot of this is my fault for even hanging on but I just feel like she didn't care one bit about my feelings and that is what makes me so mad. I don't know I would just love to know if this is bothering her at all, even though I really doubt it does too much. Honestly though I don't think I can ever speak to her again, she really hurt me so bad. All I know is that this thinking of her and wondering what she is doing is making me depressed.

Well DJ28, As much as you miss and love her it is clear that she is not bothered about your feelings at all.

It is very natural and human thing in wanting to hold on.

All you can do is look at her actions and say thank god you know what you know today- obviously she is not the person you knew or thought you knew. Take that as a positive point in moving forwards. Every bit of information will help you see her for who she is and not she was.

It is a horrible feeling and realisation when you see that the person you love so much is not who she/he used to be. Very painful realisation indeed!! Yet once you do see that, in time you realise you deserve so much more and better.

Yeah its hard right now to know that everything we had and how close of friends we were are all out the window. But really now I know that it was a mistake to even stay friends with her after we broke up, I do know now though that there is someone out there better for me and that will love me back, and have a balanced relationship where it isn't so lopsided. I think the hardest thing right now for me is just the wondering what she's doing with this guy.

It is tough alright- no point in thinking what she is doing with this guy as whatever will run through your mind- will not make you happy! At the end you will just end up hurting yourself more and more.

What they do now- is not your concern-- she is a different person now.

Instead start to channel your thoughts on what the heck your going to do today and tom.

At least this way you will be a bit more constructive with yourself- even if it is for an hour or so.

Yeah I agree, thanks for the replies.

No probs

I made a big mistake when I got home from the bar and called her errr, she didn't answer but I left a message and told her to call me. Why in the world did I do that I'm so mad at myself now, should I answer the phone if she calls or would it be rude if I didn't?

Why are you worrying about being rude to her? You called, she didn't answer, just leave it!

Lol you have a point thank you, you answered my question.

Why in the world did I do that


Drunks do stupid stuff, like call, and run there mouths off, but don't go there again, and ignore any call she makes. She can probably tell you where drunk anyway.

Yeah totally luckily I don't drink often at all, really never. I'm just beating myself up now for doing it but if she does call, which I don't think she will I won't answer. Honestly I'm so mad at her anyway for everything that I don't know if I ever want to talk to her again.

Why don't you switch your phone off and stick it somewhere - like in a drawer/cupboard and forget you had a mobile for 3 days or so-- you will be surprise on how good it will do you- I did and after when I did switched my phone on-- I actually had much better control using it... don't worry about what if othe people want to contact you during that time-- they are other ways- like email etc...

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to zeeniee again. You have a point I should do that.

It takes time, but it does work. Today we are good friends and nothing more.

It's got to make you wonder what could have happened though, if you might've just said or done the right thing.

I would not worry too much about your text you sent her -- just put it behind you as a minor second hic-up and no big deal and keep yourself busy in a nice way for YOU.

The thing is it does not matter what you say to her-- she has made her mind up-- you can tell by the way she is behaving, so don't worry about being rude if you don't answer.

You are entitled to change your mind and you don't owe her an explanation for your reasons now that she is an EX. If she was your girlfriend- fair enough but she is not. You don't treat an EX like you treat a girlfriend. Ex's don't deserve that!

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to zeeniee again... yeah you have a point thanks a lot.

Well today I feel a lot better for sure, I am so glad she didn't answer the phone last night. I am very confident that if she would call me today that I will not answer. Today I'm actually feeling really good that I'm not talking to her anymore.

So its really starting to hit me hard knowing we aren't talking anymore and that she is with someone else. It makes me so sick to my stomach knowing she is with someone, and might have a future with him. Of course I want her to be happy but I'm just so heartbroken. It just feels like everything we had, all the memorys and everything are gone. I know over time I will be better its just hard, its just really starting to hit me today. I started NC last Wednesday, err I'm so mad.

It will take a few weeks of 100% NC to make these feelings die down. Trust me get a few weeks or months of NC under your belt, and you will be amazed by the way feel then.

Hi DJ28,
It will take a lot of time and a lot of work from you to overcome this hurdle.

Every time you miss her, or think of what you had is a normal feelings as they are memories of a portion of your life-- as much as they are important, you must constantly remind yourself of what the situation is now and how she has changed.

It is what I tell myself a million times a day as well.

Hard work and perseverance. That is what it will take. Trust me, it is well worth it in the long run. A month or two down the road, you will be shocked at how much you have grown and how much better you are doing. At this point in time, you think that everything just sucks and cannot imagine this getting better... but it does, it gets a lot better! Just keep on moving and keep your chin up! We are all here for you.

Thanks a lot guys! I really appreciate all your help. By the way today I feel so much better then yesterday, I don't feel stressed at all so all is good right now.

It is one long roller coaster... up, down, up, down... makes you want to scream!!

Once the ride is over, you become so proud that you weren't too scared to get on it in the first place.

It is one long roller coaster...up, down, up, down...makes you want to scream!!!

Once the ride is over, you become so proud that you weren't too scared to get on it in the first place.


I agree you will have lots of ups and downs but after your done it will be the ride of your life and make you a much stronger person. We all learn by things that happen in life and that which does not kill us makes us a more rounded person.

Good to hear things are going well -

Yeah you can say that again about it being a roller coaster ride, lol I'm feeling crappy again. Its so hard to keep all the memories out of my head and that's what is beating me up. It sucks that it is so cold here or I would go to a park or bike ride or something, later on I will work out again but right now I'm trying to think what to do. Maybe read or something would be good or do some cleaning.

DJ28,

Just been reading a few of these posts...

I'm sure you're going through a lot of pain, but don't freeze buddy. I've been through that kind of stage, and in the end it pays off.

It's been almost a year of NC with my ex-girlfriend (except 2 indirect comments on Facebook but whatever) and even now I get flashbacks of good times I had with her.

But upon reflection about how she treated me like a piece of crap, on many occasions I ask myself the question - how could I have even thought that I loved her?

Now this may sound a bit harsh but I can feel your pain, I'm not going to lie to you ; I want to help you out so here goes :

This girl is running around with some other guy, screwing around with him and having fun while you're sitting alone feeling depressed - why should you succumb to her bullsh*t?
You don't have to feel like this, you don't need her. Besides, if she cared about you this nonsense wouldn't have ever started, so forget her until you've healed because she's just not worth the pain she's causing you.

I hope that was down-to-earth enough. Do excuse the language.

Take care bro,

-Xm8

You need to cut off all contact with her for a while. Live your life, possibly meet someone else, fall in love... be happy THEN and only THEN could you maybe start being "friends" again. You need to be happy and straight with your own life before you will be OK with her being around guys

DJ28,

Just been reading a few of these posts...

I'm sure you're going through a lot of pain, but don't freeze buddy. I've been through that kind of stage, and in the end it pays off.

It's been almost a year of NC with my ex-girlfriend (except 2 indirect comments on facebook but whatever) and even now I get flashbacks of good times I had with her.

But upon reflection about how she treated me like a piece of crap, on many occasions I ask myself the question - how could I have even thought that I loved her?

Now this may sound a bit harsh but I can feel your pain, I'm not gonna lie to you ; I want to help you out so here goes :

This girl is running around with some other guy, screwing around with him and having fun while you're sitting alone feeling depressed - why should you succumb to her bullsh*t?
You don't have to feel like this, you don't need her. Besides, if she cared about you this nonsense wouldn't have ever started, so forget her until you've healed 'cus she's just not worth the pain she's causing you.

I hope that was down-to-earth enough. Do excuse the language.

Take care bro,

-Xm8

Hey thanks man really, I do ask myself that question as to why I could be friends with her. She treated me really bad in the past when we were together, why I stayed even friends with her is beyond me. Plus when she drank she was kind of abusive on more then one occasion, then she was outrite mean to me when I was trying to calmly talk to her about what was going on with this guy when all this started happening. In ways I feel like sometimes she is heartless, at least to me that is. Yeah I've been questioning as to why have been friends with her.

You need to cut off all contact with her for a while. Live your life, possibly meet someone else, fall in love...be happy THEN and only THEN could you maybe start being "friends" again. You need to be happy and straight with your own life b4 you will be ok with her being around guys

Yeah I started NC last Wednesday. And I know in the end I have done the right thing.

Go out with friends tonight and have a good time. That will keep your mind off her. Watch a funny movie. Go to a popular bar with a lot of women and check them out and talk with them. Basically it's time to exercise your freedom! You can do anything you want. Take a spur of the moment road trip to somewhere. I did that and did not think about my ex the whole time.

Thanks jmw0713 yeah it is wed. 50 cent drafts at this one bar and a lot of people go there, think I might have to do that.

hey thanks man really, i do ask myself that question as to why i could be friends with her. she treated me really bad in the past when we were together, why i stayed even friends with her is beyond me. plus when she drank she was kinda abusive on more then one occasion, then she was outrite mean to me when i was trying to calmly talk to her about what was going on with this guy when all this started happening. in ways i feel like sometimes she is heartless, at least to me that is. yeah ive been questioning as to why have been friends with her.

My ex-girlfriend used to make me wait in the cold for hours at a time and then come drunk after playing around with other boys.. So I can totally relate to your girlfriend being abusive while drunk.

I know right now all these comments are helping you bit by bit, and you might sit down and say to yourself "screw everyone, why can't it just be like before" - I understand your pain. But there's no need to give in - time heals all things. You're going down a bumpy road right now, and you will still feel bad for a few more days or weeks, but trust me in a month you will feel the difference. In 6 months you will have completely forgotten her - she will have become so minuscule and unimportant, that when you remember her you will immediately think to yourself "she didn't care about me, so screw her" and that will become a reflex with time.

Hope this is helping you.

-Xm8

Yeah I really appreciate everyone's help and stuff, it does help greatly to be able to talk to people that has gone through these same things. Honestly I think if this board wasn't here I would probably want to see a psychiatrist, lol whichever is the one you talk to. So again everyone thanks for the help.

yeah i really appreciate everyone's help and stuff, it does help greatly to be able to talk to people that has gone through these same things. honestly i think if this board wasnt here i would probably want to see a psychiatrist, lol whichever is the one you talk to. so again everyone thanks for the help.

Glad to hear this board is giving you some kind of comfort. Too bad I didn't know things like this existed when I was over with my ex-girlfriend.

Anyway, if you feel you need to share intimate things with us, or go into greater detail about your relationship don't hesitate. After all misery needs company, and a lot of people here have gone through your current situation so don't worry, we're here for you.

Keep it real,

-Xm8

P.S.

If I remember correctly psychiatrist is for the nut cases, so I think you mean psychologist, but whatever - after a break up any one of them is fine haha

DJ28, I started dating someone I knew since I was a kid. His brother married my sister. He is like my best friend, my brother, my lover and my love. We dated a year and have been broken up for like 6! I still loved him but decided it was best to not be friends because of the whole sleeping together thing. But to no avail. After a couple of years we started "seeing" each other again but were not exclusive and even though we love each other, this is ALL we will ever be. It hurts and it's frustrating but I finally realized I had to move on. It took a long time and I met someone else. I'm happy though I still miss him.

I guess my point is that no good can come of your staying close with this girl. No matter what she says, if she REALLY loved you the way you love her, she wouldn't be able to move on. You have to face the fact that convenient sex and mutual caring is not love or a healthy relationship. You don't have to end it on bad terms. Just tell her the truth, your uncomfortable with her new relationship and things can't be the way they once were. If she loves you the same way, she'll realize she's about to lose you and will want to be with you, if she doesn't she'll stay with her guy and you'll just have to stand it. It's hard to move on, I know that but it takes time. Finding someone else may seem like a good idea, but if your not ready, you'll just feel like your betraying her when really, there is nothing there to betray. The most important thing is... Stop sleeping with her, limit contact and try to remember you deserve happiness and someone you loves you as much as you love them. Good luck.

DJ, don't get too drunk. It will hinder you more than it will help you. The whole point for going out to the bar, is to hang out with your friends and have fun. Alcohol will not take your problems away, but fun and friends will help you move forward a little easier.

Enjoy my advice from above responsibly. :D

DJ, I hope you know that jmw is right...

Drinking will not solve the problem - I drank when my ex-girlfriend was making my life hard, and the drink just made it worse. I got in trouble with social services for being drunk at school, and once I even broke a window and she out of all people, ratted me out to the police (with the help of her slutty friends). That day cost me about 2000€ all because of a lousy b*tch.

Anyway what I'm saying here is that don't drink during a break up, it just makes things worse. The point of going to a bar is to have fun - and not alone, with buddies of course so they can keep an eye out for you. Plus I'm sure that being alone at this time sucks badly.

-Xm8

Did any of you guys ever break NC? And if so how many times before you went all they way?

I broke contact about 3 times within a period of 3 months. And the last time I broke it that's when she told me she was with someone else and leave her alone. I was crushed and didn't want to here that but I slowly healed. It's been 2 years now and I look back and I wish I never broke NC. It just delayed my healing process and made me look like I was sitting around thinking of her.

Reason I ask is last night I let my emotions get the best of me and called her, I just missed her so much. I feel so weak now, we did have a good long talk though. I don't have any false hopes with anything because I know we won't get back together, its just me wanting to be friends with her that is killing me. I know I'm setting myself up for more heartache. She did ask if one day this weekend if I wanted to get a few drinks. I said maybe and told her to call me. So we will see I guess and see how I feel when that time does happen. At the time it sounded good because I missed her so much, but now that I have had today to think about it I know it's a bad idea, I know that all that will come from all of this is prolonging the inevitable.

i know that all that will come from all of this is prolonging the inevitable. Trust me don't do it, I know how bad it hurts not to see her but it's going to take that much longer for you to heal if you do.

Another thing she told me that I forgot to mention was that I guess her and this guy arnt together yet, I guess he tried to make a move and she said it felt really awkward and she doesn't know if they will get together anymore, do you think she acted this way towrds him because he is more of a friend then the other? It doesn't give me false hope but I kind of makes me feel a little better. I just thought it was kind of funny she would tell me this.

I think you need to be careful, as you are more vulnerable than you think- aren't we all!

If you do go for a drink- you must have no FALSE hope- it will just crush you to death.

The fact that she is not with that guy- is irrevelant- what is revelant is how she has broken your heart and how you need to start re-building your life without her. Don't be surprise if she has a change of heart. Funny as that can happen- but does not mean it solves your problems in anyway- probably will create more problems.

Well if you do see her, I hope you see the change in her- that will help open the eyes a lot. It did for me when I saw my ex- oh my god- that did open my eyes and I just knew somehow I had to find a way to forget him and now think of me and only me.

I agree with Zeenie, your emotions are all over. She wants to be friends, but right now that is hard for you. I honestly, don't think it's a good idea, to go for drinks this weekend. You love her and she just wants to remain friends. Your not comfortable with her dating other people, and the more you stay involved you will never heal, and won't be able to move on. You will stay stuck. I had a relationshp with someone for a couple of years, we ended like a 1 1/2 ago. We are friends now, and enjoy each other's company, but that is it. We are both at a point now, we have no problem dating other people, either one of us our jealous. I think right now you need to cut all contact out, and heal.

I think being friends in such a situation- will probably kill you!

I could not be friends with my ex- after what he did, even thou I miss the person he was like anything. BUt the truth is - he has changed and I don't see why I have to lower my standards from someone who I loved to friendship- that's like me dropping my standards by many levels.

Friendship works two ways- I am sure you would have all the good intentions of being a good friend- the question is will she? And even if she does - IT will be NOT be the level of friendship you had when you were together.

Bottom line is- friendship at this point will not give you what you want and you will get hurt and basically never heal. That would be a waste of life.

Best to find a way to walk away and work on your life and you step by step.

I think being friends in such a situation- will probably kill you!

I could not be friends with my ex- after what he did, even thou i miss the person he was like anything. BUt the truth is - he has changed and i dont see why i have to lower my standards from someone who i loved to friendship- thats like me dropping my standards by many levels.

Friendship works two ways- i am sure you would have all the good intentions of being a good friend- the question is will she? And even if she does - IT will be NOT be the level of friendship you had when you were together.

Bottom line is- friendship at this point will not give you what you want and you will get hurt and basically never heal. That would be a waste of life.

Best to find a way to walk away and work on your life and you step by step.

I agree she does seem a lot different now, when I talked to her the other day she didn't seem the way I used to know her. I really have been question sense I got off the phone with her if our friendship is even the same anymore. She really doest seem like she cares about me too much anymore. I don't seem in the loop with hings anymore at all, I mean its only been like I week sense I stopped talking to her when I called her, and it seems like she already moved on and was cool about it.

Read my post and see what happens if you continue down this route.

Only way to move on is to cut contact completely. Let her live her life - without you in it and you live yours.

Until you are comfortable with the situation you will not be able to move on and let go. You still love her deeply and she doesn't, you both aren't on the same page and nothing you do will be able to change that

Sorry to put it so bluntly but this is the advice I wish I got when I was in your situation contemplating cutting off but not doing it just to hold on to her and be in her life.

Point is, right now, you will only be in her life as much as she wants you to be. If she gets a boyfriend it will be that person who she talks to about everything - you will be even more hurt.

Let go, move on, get strong and get busy!

Good luck my man

I found the same thing with my ex- just like a click of a second he changed into another person- the way he talked, the lack of respect and oh lets not forget the 'ego'. As he was so in love etc- everything seemed so cool and fine-- he did not even realised what he did was wrong- in fact I don't think he realised he did do anything wrong. He said he was fine with everything and wanted to be friends- he could not see what state he place me in, how he left all his responsibilities here etc and so on.

I was really shocked- and just like that I fell out of love- as he is a different person in the same body ( and even that did not look so hot anymore).

Not worth wasting time on someone who is so narrow-minded like that.

Zeenie, kudos

Same thing with my ex; she completely changed and acted like nothing she did was wrong when in actual fact she left me for another guy - not sure she even realises now.

But to be honest only 7 days in NC - hurts like hell but I know I am better off and I know I don't want someone who changes as soon as something better pops up or due to loss of interest.

A relationship is what it is because it takes compromise, hard work and true love - saying you love someone non stop and turning around and being completely different a week later doesn't really lend to the true love, hard work and compromise aspects which are needed to make a STRONG relationship work

Well I am no expert and I can only speak from my recent experience- give it 6 months or so. Many of my friends told me- just watch Zeeniee- and I just laughed and said no- I think he is totally in love etc...
Question: did you find out or did she tell you/

I still don't think my ex as realised he has done wrong- the only thing he has acknowledged is that I am the one-- it's a f*** joke if you ask me and I get really upset as he has no idea how to treasure good things that came his way in his life.

DJ, it's time to be a man about it - No more becoming weak and falling into the mud - you have to resist calling her!

I know it's hard man, I know - I've been there, so has everyone who's posting here, but we've all gotten through it, and now it's your turn. You said you're going for NC, now stay true to your word and to yourself. You know deep down, that in the end it will pay off.

Your ex-girl friend is being a b*tch about the whole situation right now and doesn't give a damn about you - you should do the same thing to her just out of pride ; keep yourself respect buddy!

Stop crawling back to her and kissing her a$$ like a dog - she doesn't want you, so get up on your feet and be a man about it, and forget that soppy cow. You deserve more!


Hope you understand what I'm telling you ; I'm sure a lot of people here will agree on what I just said.

Take care,

-Xm8

The thing about NC- is when you feel you want to call it is because you miss them, the good times etc-- instead think of all the crappy things they did to you-- soon you will think twice about ringing. Change your mindset is the key- I think.

Thank you all for spending the time writing back on here. Yeah I spent 7 days of NC and I just missed her so much I guess, I don't know it makes me feel really weak. After I talked to her though I did feel like I had a good conversation with her, but then questions started to rise as to why she said things and was acting like everything was cool. Like really she didn't seem herself almost like she really didn't know me anymore and I was just some person she just met. Kind of hurts now that I have been thinking about it. She did ask if I wanted to go out for drinks once this weekend, I might but just to say bye to her I know I need to end it and I'm going to. I don't know I more just want to spend that time if we go out remembering the old times and going out with a clear head. I don't want to leave her being mad at her or wondering what her deal was I guess, I dotn know that's just me. This going out could be a total disaster but I guess I'm willing to take the chance.

Scratch what I said here and move to next post.

DJ, it's time to be a man about it - No more becoming weak and falling into the mud - you have to resist calling her!

I know it's hard man, I know - I've been there, so has everyone who's posting here, but we've all gotten through it, and now it's your turn. You said you're going for NC, now stay true to your word and to yourself. You know deep down, that in the end it will pay off.

Your ex-girl friend is being a b*tch about the whole situation right now and doesn't give a damn about you - you should do the same thing to her just out of pride ; keep your self respect buddy!

Stop crawling back to her and kissing her a$$ like a dog - she doesn't want you, so get up on your feet and be a man about it, and forget that soppy cow. You deserve more!


Hope you understand what I'm telling you ; I'm sure a lot of people here will agree on what I just said.

Take care,-Xm8

Really me just reading this has given me the power to say F*** it and not do anything with her if she askes me I'm doing NC right now I need to thanks. Really I feel a lot better now really. So thanks

DJ, I know you want to have a clear conscience by meeting her for the "last time" for a few drinks, but I'm not so sure that's a good idea.

I don't think anyone on this forum is going to tell you it's a good idea, because logically, meeting her is only going to lead to more heart ache. Just imagine you have one too many drinks and then start begging her to come back to you, or something like that. It would totally lower your level of pride.

I'm trying to help you here, so I'm going to give you my opinion, a lesson that I had to learn the hard way :

Every time you contact, or try to contact your ex-girl friend, you lose self-respect. Not only will she respect you less (as if that matters anymore) but in the future, when you remember this period, you will feel bad about yourself and think "what an idiot I was for calling/meeting her".

Not only that, but every time you speak to her, you're delaying the healing process. Right now she's like a drug for you, and you just keep on going back trying to get a little fix and that's just not going to cut it. You need to go on for no contact and stay that way.

We keep on telling you it hurts and it's hard, and you agree with us. But if you keep on going back to her, you're just making it harder on yourself. Stop calling her dude, it's for YOUR own good.

And by the way, don't try and kill the pain by getting another chick, you will just complicate things even more for yourself. This is your own personal time, and it must stay that way until you're fully healed.

-Xm8

Btw I'm glad I could help - Remain strong brother.

I agree with XM8, seeing her is not a good idea at all- however th eonly good thing would be is that you will see with your know damm eyes how much she has changed- how you don't know her anymore- that can also give you the strength to start doing the really NC- it is what happened to me.

Well thanks guys I'm starting the NC now, if she calls me to hang out this weekend I'm not answering at all, screw her. She really doesn't deserve someone like me anyway who always made time for her and did anything possible to make everything work. When she never did anything. Honestly I just felt this way now that she doesn't deserve me at all, so thanks. I believe I have to power now to start NC for good. Here is a secret I don't tell many people I stated a while back that she gets abusive when she drinks, we she hit me in the eye one time when she got so mad and crazy that she gave me a nice back eye, and all I did was to see if she was still awake. So why would I want to be with a person like this. Anyway thanks again.

A good vent = good sense of feeling= a form of healing!
Keep going as we all know what it is like and so we do understand how hard the situation is. The important thing is you will come out of this situation as a BETTER person- that matters.

Kick her worthless a$$ off that pedestal and move forward. She ain't worth it... I know it, and you know it.

Yeah she was not a cool person at all do go out drinking with she drank to get obliterated, and she would always black out and when she did she would go totally insane. I mean one time we were at this bar with her sisters and this one guy started hitting on her which whatever, but then he tried to get her to go home with him well I was right there when all of this was happining, I told him to cut it out and she is totally drunk so just chill. Well it happened a few more times and the last time he tried she went ape S*** on me. Well her sisters saw this and one of them made her come with them to go back to this house we were at, her one sister drove home with me in the car back to the place. Well her sister and I talked for maybe 30 min in the driveway when we got there so I could vent. Well when I got inside she went insane and started yelling at me to stop f***ing her sister in the car and all this stupid stuff. The next day she remebered nothing, of course. She is nuts I really don't know why I always put up with any of this. There are so many more stories like this I could write a book.

Well it's a good thing- she is an ex!

Looks like your life will be more peaceful now- without all that crap!

I am sure one day you will meet a really nice person- and she will be nothing horrible like your ex.

You should be smiling!

The only thing worse that a girlfriend or boyfriend that treats us like trash, is believing we deserve it...

BTW this new guy that's in her life I guess all they do is go to bars, which I think is kind of funny because he will see her true colors sometime. But oh well I don't care anymore honestly I feel better now. I feel like this blanket of stress is lifted from me really. So thank you guys. I guess I just needed to get all that out and realize how much of a Bisnatch she was.

The only thing worse that a girlfriend or boyfriend that treats us like trash, is believing we deserve it...

See I never felt like I deserved it, but I always just was like well she drunk its OK she doesn't know what she is doing. She will be herself tomorrow. But now thinking I just made myself just a lower person for letting her do this to me.

Well thanks guys im starting the NC now, if she calls me to hang out this weekend im not answering at all, screw her. she really doesnt deserve someone like me anyway who always made time for her and did anything possible to make everything work. when she never did anything. honestly i just felt this way now that she doesnt deserve me at all, so thanks. I believe i have to power now to start NC for good. Here is a secret i dont tell many people i stated a while back that she gets abusive when she drinks, we she hit me in the eye one time when she got so mad and crazy that she gave me a nice back eye, and all i did was to see if she was still awake. so why would i want to be with a person like this. anyway thanks again.

Okay, FOR SURE you don't go and meet her! I don't care who it is abusing who! Same difference! IF you were to meet her, you are playing right into her hands and giving her all of the power she needs to do it again. She's also obviously got a drinking problem, because people that don't, do not go around hitting people when they have a few. Turn around and RUN... not walk... RUN, in the other direction! You need to do this for yourself. She is not worth the amount of the self worth she is stealing from you!

And yes DJ, you are setting yourself up. You are letting her rob you of something you need to survive!

Well your not low anymore- as your going NC- you can only go UP as you will not give in to her ways anymore.

Today I think I'm going to just pig out and be a bum, I never pig out and work out all the time so I think I deserve it today.

I don't blame you- bet you haven't eaten or relaxed in a long time!

Enjoy your FEAST!

Today i think im going to just pig out and be a bum, i never pig out and work out all the time so i think i deserve it today.

Yes! Splurge on yourself for once! I agree with Zee. Let yourself take a deep breath, and relax. You deserve it!

Today i think im going to just pig out and be a bum, i never pig out and work out all the time so i think i deserve it today.

What you deserve is freedom... have you ever seen the movie Bravehart?

This quote applies to most girlfriends:

"They may take our lives...but they may never take our FREEDOM!!"

Freedom from sadness, depression, anger... all that negative energy you have. Time to find YOUR freedom baby!!

Dear Kctiger- do note mel gibson aka braveheart man did eventually get chopped up... into pieces...

Yeah I love the movie Braveheart, one of my favorite movies. Really thanks a lot guys I feel so much better now and am actually happy I'm doing this. I haven't been happy for a long time knowing her, she always made me so upset. This is my time now and I know in the end I will be a better happy person.

I know in the end i will be a better happy person.
This is so true you will, but in time?

This is so true you will, but in time?

Yeah for sure, I know I will still have ups and downs but I feel like I have this new strength to just move on. I don't know I guess I needed a little kick in the butt.. with words.

yeah for sure, i know i will still have ups and downs but i feel like i have this new strength to just move on. i dont know i guess i needed a little kick in the butt..with words.

Always glad to help ;)

Always glad to help ;)

Right on, and thank you. You all seem to know what exactly to say too so thanks.

Dear Kctiger- do note mel gibson aka braveheart man did eventually get chopped up.... into pieces...

You make me laugh! ;)

That's because most of us are either at the point you are at, or, like me, have been there recently and know how you feel. My words of "wisdom" come from experience, and experience only.

Well I will keep you all updated, hopefully you guys don't mind if it is sometimes often.

Well DJ28,
GO get that FREEDOM- GOOOO! But don't get chopped up in pieces- she isn't worth you getting chopped up!

yeah for sure, i know i will still have ups and downs but i feel like i have this new strength to just move on.
Yes you will have up and downs, but don't let your guard down because it's funny how when your feeling are down how much you miss your ex.



i dont know i guess i needed a little kick in the butt..with words.
Yes, and this is the best place to come to get that. I sure did especially from Tal. I just wish I would have listen to everyone here when I first found this site from the get go. The only thing on my mind was if she was coming back again and I probably would have taken her back if it wasn't for the people here at AMHD.

Yea mate, glad you're doing OK now. You might feel down in a few days or weeks, but sh*t, are you going to let your guard down for some tart? Screw that man, she just completely shat on you to go out drinking with some creep. Plus she might have even been screwing around with him without you knowing, but that doesn't matter anymore because that slag is history. You keep your cool and take it easy, no b*tch should ever keep you down.

There are real women out there, ladies, who are the very essence of what they call love, you're bound to meet one. You know what it's like to be treated like crap, and that made you stronger now because it turned you into an even more sensetive person, who knows how to love and has real feelings. That goes very far with a lady, so think of this past relationship as not just a disaster, but also a valuable lesson, because right now, every day that you don't contact your ex-girlfriend, it only makes you stronger.


Take care buddy,

-Xm8

Yea mate, glad you're doing ok now. You might feel down in a few days or weeks, but sh*t, are you gonna let your guard down for some tart? Screw that man, she just completely shat on you to go out drinking with some creep. Plus she might have even been screwing around with him without you knowing, but that doesn't matter anymore cus that slag is history. You keep your cool and take it easy, no b*tch should ever keep you down.

There are real women out there, ladies, who are the very essence of what they call love, you're bound to meet one. You know what it's like to be treated like crap, and that made you stronger now because it turned you into an even more sensetive person, who knows how to love and has real feelings. That goes very far with a lady, so think of this past relationship as not just a disaster, but also a valuable lesson, 'cus right now, every day that you don't contact your ex-girlfriend, it only makes you stronger.


Take care buddy,

-Xm8

Must spread some rep, but thanks for the kind words. Yeah weekends I think will be the hardest knowing she is out and about but I will keep myself extra busy during the weekends to keep my mind off her. I've been telling myself all day and questioning as to why I ever stayed friends with her. I mean then all this happens and it makes me wonder even more as to why because she didn't even try one single bit to keep this friendship going, not even a please or anything. Honestly I don't think she cares one bit, sop why would I even want to try to be friends with someone who doesn't care about me or my friendship. Freakin pitiful. Ohh well life goes on and I know I'm the better person in this.

Yes, You are the better person and it will make you a stronger person in the end.

Good to hear you're in the "exit zone".


why would I even want to try to be friends with someone who doesn't care about me or my friendship.

I'm glad you said that yourself, and now you finally get it. Keep that sentence in mind, especially when you are feeling down. You may think "my mind knows it's over, but my heart doesn't want to accept it" but trust me bro, if you stay strong you're heart will accept the facts and you will be fine.

It's like you're a blu-ray player and you're ex-girl friend turned into a diskette - there's just no way she is going to be compatible with you, so just let her go and move on.

-Xm8

P.S.


life goes on and I know I'm the better person in this. You're damn right.

Well I'm glad I came on just now because I was feeling a little down, but really I feel a lot better now, after talking on here. I just need to think of some things to do to keep my mind off her. I've tried reading but can't focus enough, I hate winter to bad this didn't happen during summer.

Well if coming on here makes you feel better, talk on my friend.

I don't know that much about you so I'm not so sure what to recommend. I remember when I was down because of my ex I used to play computer games, but hey I'm a kid lol

As for winter I agree.. winter does get me a bit depressed, spring and summer are awesome. Unfrortunately my ex girlfriend broke it off in April. Which was pretty good weather.. the screwed up thing is that she did it 1 day after my grandpa died...


-Xm8

Ouch that sucks man that must have been a mind f***, sorry to hear that. Well me personally. I like chasing storms, and working on my car. So yeah kind of sucks right now

DJ28, But just think of this when it does warm up you should be hopefully feeling your old self again.

DJ28, But just think of this when it does warm up you should be hopefully feeling your old self again.

That is very true.

Yea it sucked but whatever.. she was a b*tch, I should have ditched her sooner. Instead I kept on chasing after her until I got drunk, broke a window and she gave the cops my name and address.. that's a real stab in the back if you ask me.

But whatever, it didn't kill me, it made me stronger so I hope you'll feel the same way in a few months.

Sab is right, when it starts getting warmer again it will be great. Btw do you live in the states by chance?

-Xm8

Yeah about 35 miles west of chicago.

yeah about 35 miles west of chicago.
DJ28, I'm about 25 miles south of Chicago.

DJ28, I'm about 25 miles south of Chicago.

Haha that's awesome man small world seems to be a lot of Illinois here, maybe it's the water or something.

You might be onto something with the water... LOL

Hehe Americans.. cool. I'm an englis teen stuck in the middle of europe in austria... don't ask why, long story.

But whatever...

hehe americans.. Cool.
lol

Man this sucks I'm feeling down right now, I'm trying to get my mind off her but I can't seem to focus on anything right now. It is just bringing me down in the dumps. And its making me want to call her. I just got back from working out not to long ago that helped a little but I don't know what to do right now. And I've tried calling the friends I do have but no answer so this sucks. Anyone have any advice for me?

Take a hot shower two aspirin, and put that album on in your avatar. You do know its Friday night don't you??

Yeah but the one friend that I do have is in Florida with his GF. I kind of lost contact with all my other friends when I was with her. So yeah it kind of sucks.

Hey man, I hope you haven't called her. Listen, screw that b*tch, go wank or something, you don't need her. Put on some good music, and just surf the net, relax!

That b*tch isn't worth the mental energy used to think of her, she's not worth it, so forget her man.

There are so many people in Illinios, you could lose yourself for a week. It will be interesting to see how you regroup, and rebuild a life that you enjoy.

Well I haven't called her back, actually I started to feel better later that night just reassured myself how much of a jerk she is, and how bad of a friend. I feel good right now so I'm good. Getting ready to go work. I'm going to sign me up in some classes at the college here and maybe meet some people also so yeah.

Glad to hear you're doing well. How many days of NC has it been now?


-Xm8

Glad to hear you're doing well. How many days of NC has it been now?


-Xm8

Well it was yesterday morning when I said I would do it again and this time for good. So yeah

Well feeling kind of down and lonely right now so I'm thinking of going to see taken, anyone see that yet, is it any good? Lol I love going to shows by myself.. kind of sucks but at least you don't have to worry about anyone talking to you.

Hey well that's a great idea if you're feeling down. Can't say much about the movie, I haven't seen it unfortunately. It sounds good though, however I strongly recommend seeing Valkyrie - amazing film.

And yea I always go to the movies alone, and try to avoid otherwise because I like to be left alone most of the time. Unless I had a girl friend, which is unlikely I guess..

-Xm8

Well I wrote a letter that I wish I could send to my ex but I know I shouldn't, here it is though for you guys to look at what do you think?

Well steph, looks like this is the end of the road for us isn't it? Look I've had so much time to think about us that really has driving me nuts, but let me tell you one thing that I have learned. I really do not think that for the past year or maybe more that you really have been friends with me, I really don't think you care about me actually I know you don't care for me at all. You forget about me like a piece of carbage, you never once while our friendship was in trouble to help to fix things or work things out, I mean really what kind of friend would be that heartless, not even just a friend a best friend, at least I thought. I really just think you are so full of yourself and only care about yourself. I mean really you have not showed me one bit that you care about me or fix this friendship. Our friendship is so wrecked now though that I know it will never work again, really I do not think I can ever look at you again because you make me so mad. It hurts me to no end that my best friend would treat me like I am a worthless piece of crap. It just sucks that I spent so much time and effort out of my own life to fix something that didn't even mean anythign to you. I cared about you so much I would have done anything for you, and you can forget about me in a week, wow steph congrats on not caring. Its sad though that I know we will never be friends again, and will never talk again its really hard. I don't even know who you are anymore you certinly arnt the same person I met, definitely now. You hurt me so much more then katie ever did, so really good job on that I hope your proud about that. It sucks, I try to call you and I wonder if your just ignoring my phone calls, really I think you are. How can you be so insensitive, really steph I want to know? To your once best friend, I mean doesn't anything bother you or are you that cold? I mean geez even after I knew you had feelings for aj I still wanted to try to work things out, what is your deal? But you still won't even give me the time of day. What did I ever do to you? Whatever though you have made me really dislike you so much that honestly I really do not ever want to be friends with you again, because really why would I be friends with someone that doesn't even care about me one bit, why waste my time. Obviously your not spending any time trying to fix anything. You turned in to such a bad friend because your to self involved. But whatever I know I'm the better person who treats friendships like they mean something other then you. Really I don't know if it was your objective to make me dislike you so much or what but you did a good job in doing it.

Hmm..

DJ... I read your letter and here's what I think. You're obviously heart broken, that's clear. You mentioned that over and over in your letter as well. Now writing that letter was a good idea to get those feelings out - but for heaven's sake don't send it.
Do you actually think she's going to read it? She might do, but she most certainly won't bother replying - she doesn't give a crap.

You're just wasting your time and effort on some b*tch. Forget her dude, take her out of your life - those memories you had with her, even the good ones - you have to realise that maybe she mever was sinceir so they're just as bad as the sh*ty times.

Really, I can't stress this enough - forget her completely, she doesn't give a damn so the only way you are going to get back at her is doing the Same thing. Cus as long as you keep calling her, and contacting her you are making her feel superior - like she's "needed".

Make a list of things, reasons of why she's a b*tch and read that every time you're feeling down - it works and isn't hard to do. (Carry it around in your pocket or something).

Keep it real buddy,

-Xm8

DJ, Have you ever heard of plenty of fish.com It's a free dating site. There are different categories of dating like long term, dating and friends. I maybe would check out the one in the friend section and the one in friend section only. I joined match a couple of months after my ex broke up with me and it did help a little but did not actually date because I was still in love with ex but it did give me confindence again after a while. But you are not dating material just yet. I wouldn't start dating until you are healed, it would only be a rebound anyway.But maybe start looking for someone in your area to get too know. But don't talk about ex.

Looks like DJ's out having fun, or bombed out on his bed. I hope it's the former lol


-Xm8

Well today has been a very up and down day today, I've cried a lot today and also have been happy. Right now though well actually about 30 min ago I think I have finally accepted that this thing is totally over and done with. In a way I was hoping she would call me but she never did, it proved to me that she doesn't care about me anymore and that it is now my time to move on just like she has. A lot of the stress that I have been feeling today has almost completely gone away, so I'm happy about that. I'm hoping that tomorrow will be a good day, maybe a day of clam that I haven't felt for quite a while now.

Well today has been a very up and down day today, ive cried a lot today and also have been happy. right now though well actually about 30 min ago i think i have finally accepted that this thing is totally over and done with. in a way i was hoping she would call me but she never did, it proved to me that she doesnt care about me anymore and that it is now my time to move on just like she has. a lot of the stress that i have been feeling today has almost completely gone away, so im happy about that. im hoping that tomorrow will be a good day, maybe a day of clam that i havnt felt for quite a while now.

It's a roller coaster, lot of highs and lows, hang on tight.
Good Luck

Yea man keep it real. I know you must have (maybe still are) constantly checking your phone, seeing if you got any missed calls or text messages or something like that - but screw that dude, let it go. You don't need her.

I myself got some flashbacks of my ex-girlfriend today. we used to lie down in the grass during the sun shine, I'd have my arm around her and it was heaven. Now it's all gone, what can I do? Pretty much nothing, so screw it.. she shat on me and buggered off, I got to accept it and deal with it. I'll find satisfaction one day.

Stay true to yourself buddy,

-Xm8

Well today has been a very up and down day today, ive cried a lot today and also have been happy.
I had a lot of up and down days and I cried like a little baby for 4-5 months after my ex dumped me again, but as time went on they were less frequent. I can honestly say my last cry was between the 6-7 month. And you say you have been happy this is a good sign, it's probably going to only last a couple of days but for me that was normal thing I went through.

right now though well actually about 30 min ago i think i have finally accepted that this thing is totally over and done with.
You can't give time frame on when you have accepted it is over. In fact I again did this same thing, then a couple of days later I was back crying and could not again accept it was over. You'll Know in your heart when you've accepted it's over.

in a way i was hoping she would call me but she never did,
Well, if you accepted it's over and you don't want to take her back you would not be hoping she was going to call you. Because when you are over her, your not going to care if she calls you.

it proved to me that she doesnt care about me anymore and that it is now my time to move on just like she has.
You know what she may still care for you but she doesn't want to be with you. And like you said she has moved on and yes you should too. BUT, it's easier said then done for the person who got dumped. For in most cases the person who is the dumpee know in advance they are going to break up with that person.

a lot of the stress that i have been feeling today has almost completely gone away, so im happy about that. im hoping that tomorrow will be a good day, maybe a day of clam that i havnt felt for quite a while now.
you are still hurt and you can't give how are when this pain you feel is going to end. It all depends on the person and how long you've been with that person and what was done. YOU will get better and move on. I can honestly say it took me a almost a 1 1/2 years to totally get over her. And yes it's been 2 years know and I do still think about her from time to time but the hurt is almost gone. And it's a great feeling being able to move on after a break. And you will be their in time my friend.

SAB132 thanks for the reply, one question for you though. Did she every try getting a hold of you again or anything or did she totally forget about you? I do know that if the ex tries calling that I will not answer or call her back, right now at least I want her to know that she lost something special and she will never get it back. She did email me today but I will not write her back, I want her to completely miss me and know she f**ked up and feel a little hopeless.

She emailed me today and here is one of the things she said

I'll never forget about you or think poorly of you. I wish you the best in life and hope that you can get past me quickly and move onto bigger and better things. I think we both got complacent and comfortable with how our friendship was, and its best that we both move on.

Steph

It hurts in a way because I feel like she has moved on so quickly, but as someone said she was the breakee so she kind of prepared for this and is already mindset on it. Its nice what she said but it makes me mad in a way because I feel like she didn't try one bit to keep our friendship alive. And honestly I know its better that we didn't. Its just hard when you thought to be best friend didn't do anythign at all the whole time, while I spent everyday doing everything possible to keep it alive. I sometimes hate that I care so much about things. It gets me in to trouble like this.

Well, at least you know you are capable of caring for someone as much as you did for her. There are thousands of people who wish they had someone like you in their lives right now. It will only be a matter of time before you find them. When you do, you will realize what it is like to be respected and truly loved.

SAB132 thanks for the reply, one question for you though. did she every try getting a hold of you again or anything or did she totally forget about you? i do know that if the ex tries calling that i will not answer or call her back, right now at least i want her to know that she lost something special and she will never get it back. she did email me today but i will not write her back, I want her to completely miss me and know she f**ked up and feel a little hopeless.
DJ, Yes she did come back to me 6 times. This last break up she did do her normal thing and stalk me and drive past and wave a few times. I did not wave back. Deep down I wanted her back but I just could deal with the drama of another break up.But my story was a little different from the normal break up.

So I just remembered today that my ex left her bike at my house and I know she is going to want it. Could someone give me some advise on the best way to go about this is, like getting it back to her or whatever.

Best thing to do here is get a third party involved, a friend of yours or hers or mututal friend. Don't risk getting in contact with her directly as it will only set you back and delay your healing further.

So i just remembered today that my ex left her bike at my house and i know she is going to want it. could someone give me some advise on the best way to go about this is, like getting it back to her or whatever.


Do nothing. She has not asked for the bike has she? When she does you can figure out a way then to return it to her. Breaking NC will only set you back

I would get someone to return it and anything else that needs returning- this way it is done and well your free and can concentrate on you. You will have nothing on her to hold you, or hold her.

I agree with everyone about getting her stuff back by a third party. The nice guy I am I told my ex I would drop off her son's bed at a certain time and guess what their was another guy there. I was so hurt that it set me back about 2-3 weeks in my healing process. One thing I did learn from this experience is what you don't know won't hurt you. And it happen several more time down road because I wanted to know what she was up too. BIG mistake. As TAL told me 2 years ago make sure she gets everything back.

Yeah, so I left her best "girlfriend" a email telling her what's up and how I feel about wanting to get her bike back to her. I left it on myspace and on there it tells you if they have read it or not, well she read it and honestly I don't know if she will write me back. So if this route doesn't work on getting her, her bike back what route should I take now. I mean I want to get it back to her now so when summer hits the ex doesn't call me up wanting it, and ruin my progress of NC. And one problem I have is that the ex moved over the weekend so I don't know where she lives, and I can't just leave it there for her. Sooo I'm kind of out of ideas.

They usually leave things behind in case they can't find no one new or if the new person their with doesn't work out they can get back into your life like that. But don't read into what I said here, If she doesn't pick it up drop it off at her parents or friends and that will be the end of that.

Yeah I'm dropping it off at her friends house on Friday, I just want it to be the end of it and over.

yeah im dropping it off at her friends house on Friday, i just want it to be the end of it and over.
I waited about a 2 months to drop her stuff off and seeing her with a guy their I went back to square one so that 2 months of healing was thrown out the door. So do it and don't question yourself and keep it there hoping she comes and gets it and you get back together.

If it's me... I put it on Ebay. I mean, if she really wanted it that bad, she would have picked it up already. Seriously, it shouldn't be this big of a deal. Trash it, or sell it, that is my outlook on it.

I like the eBay trick, at least make money off the issue.

I like the ebay trick, at least make money off of the issue.

Make some money, buy yourself a new outfit, and go out on the town... YEAH BABY!!

Common now, lets show some class here.;) Ebay would not be the classy thing to do with someone else's stuff.

Honestly, how would you feel if your ex auctioned your stuff one eBay? :D (Don't tell me you wouldn't care... LOL)

I'm all for the 3rd party delivery idea. If it was me, I would deliver the stuff myself, but not everyone can do this.

I knew that my stuff left at her place was as good as gone. I can get new stuff... talking to her to get it back wasn't worth it to me.

Just my opinion.

Wrong person to ask, my ex still hasn't returned some of my stuff and also owes me over $100, I just wrote it off so I don't care what happened to it.

Same here, I never got some small items back and I never got back my $7500.00 engagmement ring along with 1/2 her boobs I paid for which I never really saw... LOL

Same here, I never got some small items back and I never got back my $7500.00 engagmement ring along with 1/2 her boobs I paid for which I never really saw....LOL

Oh man that would be really tough, that's a lot of wasted money.

oh man that would be really tough, that's a lot of wasted money.Oh you, I found out last August she was engaged to someone else and she left him a week before wedding, HMMMM.. wonder if he got his ring back.

Haha man I'm wondering if she just dates people to scam them, and pawn the rings she gets. Wonder how much she has made so far?

Well I do know she has her ex husbands, mine and I don't know if this new guy and her got back together or what. But I'm sure it's a lot... LOL, But I personally think she's Bi-polar? I'm just glad she broke up with me before I started dishing out a lot more money on wedding.

Well I do know she has her ex husbands, mine and I don't know if this new guy and her got back together or what. But I'm sure it's alot...LOL, But I personally think she's Bi-polar? I'm just glad she broke up with me before I started dishing out alot more money on wedding.

If it was me, I would tell her I want my boobs back... or at least I should get visitation once a month...

If it was me, I would tell her I want my boobs back...or at least I should get visitation once a month...

Had to spread it but I seriously just busted out laughing in my office! That's funny, "Umm...I'm here for my monthly feel"

If it was me, I would tell her I want my boobs back...or at least I should get visitation once a month...LOL... I did the same in my office, that was funny. Well I probably would want my one boob back as far as visitation once a month, that's all right after other guys had their paws on them I't wouldn't feel rite if you know what I mean... LOL

Well, I believe you are thinking about this all wrong. Think of it as a business deal, and nothing else. Here is how the conversation goes:

You: "Hey, I want my boob back!"
Her: "What, are you crazy? You can't have it!"
You: "Well then, I will be over every other Friday at 6pm for a visitation with Mickey."
Her: "Who is Mickey?"
You: "It is what I named my bood, that is currently on your body. Please have Mickey ready for Daddy when I get there."

Either you get visitation, or you start charging fees for use of your property...

End of the deal... do work son.

Well, I believe you are thinking about this all wrong. Think of it as a business deal, and nothing else. Here is how the conversation goes:

You: "Hey, I want my boob back!"
Her: "What, are you crazy? You can't have it!"
You: "Well then, I will be over every other Friday at 6pm for a visitation with Mickey."
Her: "Who is Mickey?"
You: "It is what I named my bood, that is currently on your body. Please have Mickey ready for Daddy when I get there."

End of the deal...do work son.LOL... HHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAA that's funny!

kctiger, thanks for writing that, that shows me that I have totally moved on.

So remind me to never go out and get drinks again while I'm down. I swear I feel so down right now and I know it all has to do with me going and drinking. I don't have any urge to contact the ex but man the memory's are flowing in like crazy and making me sad, and lonely. Even though the fact I was out with friends this happened. I don't think I can drink for a while now, not tell I know I'm totally over her. I mean I had a pretty good day today, now I feel really down and lonely, like I feel no one wants me, I hate it.

You will get there my friend... sometimes alcohol can be a major downer, especially in a break up time. I am sure it doesn't help with Valentine's Day around the corner. Just takes some more time. Alcohol is funny. If you are down, it usually makes you more DOWN...

So... lesson learned. If you are already down, don't take another downer to make it worse. At least you didn't get drunk and contact your ex... imagine how much worse you would feel then.

Those feeling will pass. You sound a lot like me. When I go out and drink, many times the next day I feel depressed. It's one of the symptoms of a hang over for some people.

If you do go out and drink, just don't drink as much. I try to limit myself to about 4-6 beers when I go out. The next day I usually feel fine.

The idea of going out to a bar is to get yourself out there with your friends and have fun. Obviously, the more you drink the sloppier you get. Just keep that in mind when you see a cute girl at the bar that you may want to talk to. Drunk is not attractive.

Just like KC said... at least you didn't contact the ex!!

Well a little update of what's going on, I feel 100% better then I have in the pat 2 weeks. I feel as I'm not thinking of her as much, still some but not as much. One thing I do catch myself doing is, checking my email to see if she has written me. Even though I check it just to be like Im not even going to write back even if she did write me. I don't know I'm just feeling good, I'm not getting any urge to want to even talk to her. Maybe because how much she hurt me and ho mad I am at her. She did email me the other day, I didn't even write her back so I feel good about that.

Let me tell you though, you sure do find out who your real friends are in the time of need. I mean I thought I had some shallow friends but some I see as just jerks now. I can't wait tell I start my summer classes and can meet some new people. I am very excited for that. I pretty excited right now for what the future hold really. Im thinking of this as a new beginning.

Also I find when I do think of her and it makes me down some, I make myself think of something else that's positive and I find that the bad feelings only last a few minutes.

So really just wanted to update saying all is well and feeling pretty good.

Also wanted to state, why in the world didn't I start NC a long time ago. I mean she was a jerk and mean to me, I can see that now and It kind of makes me mad that I held on so long.

That's good! Sounds like your moving on. I find that when I'm down and thinking of the EX music helps so much. I stick my iPod on and its helps me to feel strong.

Your right NC is the way to go, who needs mean jerks in their life?

Keep it up!

Your learning now and that's good enough. Keep up the good work on yourself, as I bet the whole world looks different now that you can see it.

Music helps pass those down feelings along. Listen to stuff that pumps you up and makes you feel good!

Man this sucks, I really feel like a mess right now. I mean I try to be as positive as possible with things right now in my life, but it is so hard right now. I mean lets see I have the person I love who I don't talk to anymore who I feel was my support when things were kind of nasty, and I needed someone to talk to. So I don't have her anymore, then I had to end the business I had because I wasn't making anything anymore, well actually that happened a while ago, so because of that I had to move back home and both of my sisters live there who honestly arnt positive people at all. My one sister I think is bipolar and she's 31 and acts like she is 12, and complains about everything. And then the other sister just acts like she does nothing wrong, and I tell you what the is far from the truth. Well they both like to gang up on me and act like I'm the worst person in the world and I do everything wrong. I mean it is so hard right now to stay positive right now, I'm trying to better myself and ignore all these negative things but man it is a pain. They tonight have made me feel so crappy and made me feel like I'm going no where in my life, I will be the first to admit I know I have some issues, but at least I'm working on them to better myself. I just feel like it doesn't matter how much I try or do its never good enough. Its just hard because my ex was always the person I would talk to about this, I mean she was really my only real/close friend. I have no one right now it seems to talk to. I guess I just need some help or advise on staying positive. Tonight I was almost ready to live in my car because I can't deal with it anymore, and have no where to go.

Hang in there DJ. I was very much in a similar boat once and I can tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel as long as you have faith that things will work out. Try to keep positive, I know its so tough for you right now but try your best. All of us here believe in you and know you can make it through this - believe in yourself too! Remember you're not alone, you'll always have us to talk to on here...

Let me share a little story with you. Back when I was 18, I got into this really bad fight with my dad. Long story short, he ended up kicking me out of the house over something extremely stupid and I basically had to live out of my car for almost two weeks. I honestly had no idea what I was going to do. I didn't even have a job at the time. Luckily one of my more caring uncle's reached out and gave me a hand. With his help, I was able to get a job fairly quickly and as luck would have it a friend let me rent out the spare bedroom until I could find something more permanent. Needless to say, that was one of the toughest times of my life not only because I had nowhere to go but I barely had enough money to scrape by. Had I given up, I know I wouldn't be where I am today.

Sometimes life likes to mess with us by making us go through some tough times and if we're strong enough to survive through them we end up appreciating everything we have so much more. Hang in there bud, it'll get better. Take one day at a time. We're all rooting for you. :)

Hey really thanks for the support ducky it means a lot to me, I know I need to stay positive and I'm trying the best I can. I know just taking a little break away from the situation helps too. I did go running after this whole big ordeal that happened and it did make me feel better. Honestly I can't wait tell I can get a steady job again to move out. It seems like everything has all come at once, so I guess that a little tough.

I guess another hard thing today is, well I don't want to speak with the ex anymore or anything but it is a little disappointing when you check your email everyday and there is no sign of her. And you kind of wonder why, like doesn't she miss me at all? But I guess in the end she probably has moved on totally, so I know I have to. It just kind of makes me mad at her, like why would you do this to me.

Yeah, I went through those same emotions and thoughts. It made me question if the relationship that we shared meant anything at all to her. It is perfectly OK to feel and think this way, its part of the healing process. It took me awhile, but then I finally realized that at one point it did mean something to her but her feelings for me changed. She moved on before me and that's why she acted the way she did to me - and part of this realization helped me let go of those negative feelings.

And yes, I totally hear you on that life seems to love to pile everything on us at once! Life seems to just love to drop more and more anvils in our path just to see if we can get hit by them lol.

Just a little more about my story, it just so happens that one of the reasons of the argument with my dad was that I had received a near full scholarship for the first year of college, but after that year was up I couldn't afford to go because I didn't have the cash and he refused to co-sign on any loans for me so I was pretty much screwed.

You think I'd be rather bitter about life after something like that but I'm not! Indirectly it tought me to appreciate everything I have so much more. When I think back on it, it seems crazy how it all worked out for me. But hey, the way I see it is that these life experiences are what make us who we are, and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

Just thought I'd pop in and see how you're doing DJ. Everything all right? How long has the NC been on for :-) ?



-Xm8

Just thought I'd pop in and see how you're doing DJ. Everything alright? How long has the NC been on for :-) ?



-Xm8

Well I am feeling tons better, one thing is I'm still upset at her/ mad but whatever really. I'm feeling pretty good though, still working out everyday. NC has been hmmm like maybe 3 weeks now, I still though sometimes still catch myself looking at my mail to see if she has emailed me or anything.

You're doin' great! Keep it up. Keep going to the gym, going out, and having fun.

Haha glad to hear you're OK buddy. Working out is an awesome way to forget a chick, it also helps you to attract others :-D


Don't sweat if you check your e-mail or phone for messages from her, it's normal. After a while you'll realise yourself that you don't give a crap anymore but whatever, take your time bro.


KIR

-Xm8

Question for all you out there, did any of you get like so mad at your ex where you kind of wanted to see them and tell them how you felt? Like telling them how pissed you are almost wanting to yell I guess? I am just so mad at the ex that I just want to tell her how much I dislike her, I don't hate here but I dislike her with a passion. I know it wouldn't matter and I won't do it, but honestly I guess if she calls ever I want to tell her that I dislike her so much. I don't know I'm just mad today I guess, because I know she has moved on and is all happy and has prob forgot about me most likely and it just makes me mad to no end. Whatever though I am gettign better and I'm going to stick to NC.

I've had similar thoughts but not to the point where I'd yell at her. What I did that helped me out tons though was write a letter addressed to her but with no intention of sending it. It helped me get my negative emotions out and I felt better after doing that so you might want to give it a try and see how you feel afterwards.

Feel free to do it here in a post if you want but don't send it to her OK? Doing something like this is for you and you alone.

I've had similar thoughts but not to the point where I'd yell at her. What I did that helped me out tons though was write a letter addressed to her but with no intention of sending it. It helped me get my negative emotions out and I felt better after doing that so you might want to give it a try and see how you feel afterwards.

Feel free to do it here in a post if you want but don't send it to her ok? Doing something like this is for you and you alone.

Oh yeah for sure, I have no intention of really talking to her again I don't want to give her the time, she really I don't think she deserves it. But yeah that is a good idea that you said to do, I think I might try doing that.. I'm just really mad at her, and myself really for keeping this going.

so basically what your saying is that you both can't be good friends without you being happy? she's probably in the exact same boat as you;; hurt and confused. your not alone. And just because she MIGHT end up with this guy doesn't mean you HAVE to end a good friendship. just think how much it would hurt her if it did. And anyway, this is a one night thing, its not like she's going to drop everything for him.

by getting a new girl, what will that achieve? are you doing it for happiness or for the fact that your ex is going to see you both down the street and think 'hmm, I wish I still had him'

before I post this comment I have another question that you should linger on for a while. isn't being a really good friend WAY better than not haveing her as a friend at all? she could have ended everything and jumped to the next guy. ignoring you and enjoying being in the arms of another guy

but instead she decided to be your friend




someone who wants to find happiness before her

don't you think that's a bit selfish?



WOW!! Mac is back
For starters these two are definitely not in the same boat!! She has been gone from the relationship for two years but is obviously dragging this poor dude along for the ride while she has absolutely no intentions of getting back with him!! HAHAHAH HURT AND CONFUSSED.. she isn't hurt and confused she seeing some new bloke and having fun, how the hell is she confused... HANG ON! Think how much it would hurt her! 1 how is he going to hurt her she already DUMPED him, she don't want him!! DO YOU KNOW GIRLS AT ALL!! How do you know she isn't going to drop everything for this new guy! I bet she is!! in a heartbeat!!

Being a really good friend!! Give me a spell, she is an absolute mole!! She isn't what he should be calling a friend, she is just keeping him around for when she is bored, I can see that and I live a million miles away!!

If trhings work with the new bloke mate you won't here from this so called friend in 3 months, her new bloke, who will have a set of GOOLIES!! Will put the foot down and say lose the loser ex... You won't be getting any sweet booty any more champ... you will be getting callasus that's about all... Maybe you can peek in her door whole while the new bloke takes over the reigns..

What you need to do is tell her, its not on, you obviously don't feel the same so let it go... you will never meet someone new and get over her if you don't! I know this is terribly hard, and you want her back... and you have every right to try. But let Mac tell you, if you want her back in any way, if you have any minute chance walk away now... let her see some other guy andrealise what she had with you is what she wants... until you do that then you will have NO POSSIBLE CHANCE BY HANGING AROUND!! NILLLL

So let her go and well she has been sleeping with you so maybe she has some feelings and when she sees your not a soft C... K qnymore she may give you another go!!

Give it a chance bud, walk away and tell her your not being mean.. you just have more feelings than she does... that's all, don't let her bull you with, but we are friends... NONE OF THAT!!

Hey DJ,

I agree with UnluckyDucky, you might want to write that letter, and really do it. I've never tried it but I wish I had when I was going through my break-up process. First love brings lots of pains because even little thugs cry I guess.

Anyway, I know exactly how you feel. I would have liked to punch my ex in the face and let her know what it feels like to be shat on. But I realised that I would only get in trouble, and she ain't worth an ounce of trouble with cops etc.

The only way you can hurt people like that, and get your own back is to completely ignore them - give them a taste of their own medicine. Everyone pays a price my friend, and one day she is going to get a big-@SS price tag for all the crap she's done. Cus I'm pretty sure you're not the first person she's done this to and you won't be the last.

Keep your $hit together mate and you'll be over the hill one day - we're all here for you.

KIR,

-Xm8

So things have been going very well with the NC. Last night though a lot of friends and I went out to a lot of bars, well I knew I would run into the ex I wasn't to worried a little but I kept my cool knowing I would. Anyway my issue is I did run into her and I was really really drunk, and I said something to her I wish I didn't and now it is bugging me and I can't seem to let it go. I told her that I hate her, which I don't at all I dislike her right now but not hate, when I did tell her that she walked away from me and she seemed pissed. Anyway I don't know what to do honestly I want her to know I do not hate her. So yeah anyway some help on this would be awesome.

Hey DJ, my advice here is to not do a single thing. Like you said, you were really really drunk and she could probalby tell. Sure, you did something dumb but forgive yourself and continue NC.

This isn't about her anymore, it is about you. Stay the course and stick to NC. Prevent yourself from making the same mistake in the future and learn from this.

What was said was said and you can't take it back but the only you can do is not dwell on it. So regardless to the fact whether you meant it you said it while you was drunk and the feeling was raw. You need to just move on and go about your business and not explain anything to your ex but just try to stay away from her so you be in this situation again.

Yeah I agree with both of you guys, I don't know why I'm even dwelling on it and letting it bother me. It just is and it sucks that I am letting it.

Hey DJ, my advice here is to not do a single thing. Like you said, you were really really drunk and she could probalby tell.

That's defo. Right. Don't do a single thing because it IS about you. Now it's a question of pride buddy. You must not accept defeat and sob or look sorry in front of her. Even being drunk makes you look weak, trust me I've been there.

Forget the hell about her buddy and keep it real,

Take care,

-Xm8

Watch the movie

MY BEST FRIENDS GIRL with DANE COOK

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