I broke up with my ex Boyfriend 4 months ago.. He was more than I could ask for. He would do everything I ever wanted a boyfriend to do. And was caring and loved me to dealth. I just felt I needed space and wanted to be single.. so I brokeup up with him.. a month later I find out that he's dating a new girl I start calling him and asking to give us a second chance.. that I realized I made a major mistake.. but he will tell me that now he's confused and that he's not sure.. He gave me the heads up that we could be friends and try something but now he ingores my calls and text messages.. I know he still probably loves me.. and that the best in this situation is to forget him but I don't know how to start.

Why did you leave him in the first place? You said you wanted space and wanted to be single. Well, was he smothering you? Why did you need space and want to be single? By the looks of it, it seems that you are jealous because he has a girlfriend and is starting to move on.

Seems to me the only reason you want him now is because he is with another girl. Am I right? A bit jealous? Grass ain't always greener, and sometimes you pay the price for not appreciating what you had in the first place. Give it time and give him time. Leave him alone as well. He is trying to live his life, and move on, as you probably broke his heart. Good for him. Just quit calling him and try your best to build a life you can enjoy as well. Who knows what will happen in the future?

Well... many of us here --who were asked for space the same way you asked your ex-- would love something like this to happen to us but unfortunately it's very hard for things to work out even if you did get back together. You have to ask yourself, is that something you would want? Would things ever be the same?

Your ex probably went through a LOT of pain to get over you and the feelings for you are probably still there, however, he seems like he's already starting to move on... and the pain and rejection he has felt will not let him think straight.

You said what you wanted to say to him right? Back off and let him think things over. If there is a chance, he will call you, if not, you are just making the pain greater by contacting him and thus reducing your chances.

What went through your head those first few months/weeks right after you separated? Did he give you the space you needed?

Well... "caring and loving you to death" isn't always enough.

Why do you want to be with him? Because you are lonely? You haven't met someone else interesting?

If you are young... lets say young 20's... what you describe is really, really common. You are with a guy who connects with you like no other, knows you like no other, and somehow it just doesn't overwrite the desire to know "what else" is out there.

People write in all the time about how "true love" conquers all. What a load of BS.

Love often is discovered in stages.

Is the love I knew as an 18 year old "invalid"? no. but it was a love for a time, not for all time.

I've loved two great, wonderful women whom I couldn't be with long term (and I dated both over two years)... call it bad timing... but you can have been with a great person who just was not right for you long term.

This doesn't mean you should just give up on him necessarily... but you shouldn't punish yourself over and over for a "love lost"... you can tell him how you feel, take a chance, and after that... you accept whatever is.

There are a few billion people on this earth. Were I to die in a car wreck tomorrow, my love would be devastated. Then, in time, I think shed be able to find another who could be good to her. I'm not so unique that I'm the only person on this planet who could please her.

So... you think you made a mistake. Why? What was wrong at the time? What's been solved?

In the end there is just no way to "make" someone come back. People ask about it all the time here. All you can do is be honest, open, and willing to move forward or move on.

Yeah he did give me space and than I found myself feeling empty. Like if a part of me was missing.. its a horrible feeling knowing it was your own fault to begin with.. but yet I know I did my part I told him I reached out and told him how I feel now and he just says that he's confused about what he should do... probably also because he has a new girl.. now he has choices

After one of my Big Loves fell apart and burned... I felt really alone for far too long. Honestly, while I went on a few dates here and there... I really didn't find anyone that I really connected with for over a year and a half...

And then, suddenly, there were three different women who were interested in me and I was interested in each of them. Life is just wacked like that. First I'm going mad because I'm missing the connection of being with another... then I'm going mad because I don't know who to date and who to hurt.

I will tell you this much. Every big love I had took a part of me with them when it was over. Each of them had some real, unique connection that perhaps was never again duplicated.

But that's the thing... it isn't supposed to be duplicated.

With my first love... I knew her well enough I could finish her sentences for her all the time. My next big love had a playfulness about her that was charming, naughty, and always kept me off balance in a good way. Another lover was smart and quick with sarcastic wit that was just hilarious and grounding.

I can't tell you if he is The One for you. I honestly think Soul Mates is something people use to elevate a relationship above all others artificially. My wife is not my soul mate. She is my chosen mate.

So... most of us have been where you are... feeling like there's a void. Well, there is. But I'm not sure he is the only one that can fill it... he is just one person you know who might be able to fill it for a time...

Don't be afraid to be alone. It isn't as much fun as sharing a life with another... but seriously... if I could go back in time and slap around my 21 year old self who, after a break up, thought "am i always going to be alone?!?" I would.

Moron. ;)

Sure... I'm still a moron I guess, but with perspective and time and scars.

Talk to the boy, then step back. Don't push it. You don't want him with you because you pushed hard enough.

You need him with you because you left a door open and he walked through it... no... he ran through it after you.

The comfort of the familiar is nice... soothing... but it doesn't always match what you need. Some people can break up and get back together and make it last. Most don't.

At this point, you need to face the reality that maybe this path is tougher than you thought it might be... but that still doesn't mean it was the wrong path to take.

Again... a great person can love you to death and care for you and still not be right for you... even if the comfort of being with someone who knows you is easy satisfaction short term.

U got what u asked for.

First, you need to think of the reasons you left in the first place?

After you thought about those reasons. Have they changed? What makes you want to be with this person still? Is it simply because you're lonely and it's the holiday season? When you can answer these questions. Come back.

Thank you everyone for your advices its really helping smooth my thoughts

kp2171
Adult Sexuality Expert thank you so much for advice!!

I left because at the moment I felt the relationship wasn't completeing me I wanted to seek something better.. and now I just feel like I will never find something better and the person that might have been for me is slipping away.. its almost as if the cards were turned on me... now he's the one acted the way I would act at one point.. and its just extremely frustuating.. some may say I got what I deserved but its equally not correct the way he's playing with my mind now

You broke his heart and now you are mad he is "playing with your mind?" How exactly is he playing with your mind? By ignoring you? Please elaborate.

Playing with my mind by telling me that he's confused and that in the future we could be together but that right now he's just simply confused and can't see the path he should be taking and than he tells we could talk and than he ingores my calls

If you think he's playing with your mind, then don't allow it. Move on with your life. Because, he may never come back. You've pushed him away, probably broke his heart. It must have been a traumatic situation for him. You must take responsibility for your actions.

look... you can have wanted "something better" without playing mind games... and he can honestly be confused.

the real truth isn't all that complicated.

you called a break and you got it. He's with another person... and even through she might not be The One for him, it still isn't easy for him to say "oops... sorry... i should have waited for you"...

honestly, if HE wrote in here... stating his ex broke up with him and now that he is with another girl... his ex is suddenly back in the picture... we'd tell him to shake you off and move on.

that's not because we are against you. You might be the best damn thing there is in the hemisphere.

wed say it because its usually the best path to take after a breakup, even tho' many of us don't choose that path.

like I said... once you let him know there is a door... until he is kicking in that door, needing you and wanting you, it really is just an illusion of what is "better"...

honestly, I agree with the above posts... I don't see how he is playing with your mind. When a person you care for breaks up with you and then later asks to get back together... it's a little bit of a mind f&^k... even if you didn't mean it that way.

so... you called it off and he doesn't know if he can trust you or whether you are for real.

I don't think he is out of line.

that doesn't mean you are evil and bad and wrong. It just means his response isn't all that unreasonable.

If you were with someone else right now you loved, would you really still care who your boyfriend was with? Probably not because your void would have been filled by someone else. You chose not to stick with your love and work things out when you thought you needed space. You can't be so selfish and expect that he will be your plan B if you can't find anyone better. NO ONE deserves that. Even if he still loves you, the scars you have inflicted upon him will never completely heal. So give it time. If it was meant to be he will give you a chance- something you never gave him when he was probably crawling in the pits of hell striving for that ray of light to help him piece back together his life. (Sorry, I think I'm just venting out my frustration. I wish I could be as strong as your ex.)

like i said... once you let him know there is a door... until he is kicking in that door, needing you and wanting you, it really is just an illusion of what is "better"...
.


Overall I see your point and its starting to sink in. ill just have to really back off and I guess if its meant to be hell call and maybe if he does by that time I won't even feel the same anymore

overall i see your point and its starting to sink in. ill just have to really back off and i guess if its meant to be hell call and maybe if he does by that time i wont even feel the same anymore


.. hope for his sake that if he does call you, you will take him back otherwise you will destroy him after having lead him on. Who would be playing games then?? Im not trying to be mean to you but you need to see both sides and not be as selfish for each others sake. Be careful and good luck.

..hope for his sake that if he does call you, you will take him back otherwise you will destroy him after having lead him on. Who would be playing games then??? Im not trying to be mean to you but you need to see both sides and not be as selfish for each others sake. be careful and good luck.


I understand what your saying... and if he does decide to come back I will def. value him and not take it for granted.. but at the same time I can not allow myself to sit here and wait for him while he develops new relationship after he obviously is confused and is trying to form a new relationship with someone else.. so I guess I have no choice as I said before but to back off and let time pass and see what unfolds

i understand what your saying...and if he does decide to come back i will def. value him and not take it for granted..but at the same time i can not allow myself to sit here and wait for him while he develops new realtionship after he obviously is confused and is trying to form a new relationship with someone else..so i guess i have no choice as i said before but to back off and let time pass and see what unfolds

Exactly!

I'll bet you talk honestly with your partner before you kick him to the curb. Honestly it takes a lot of nerve to blame him for being confused and moving on with his life. What was he supposed to do after being dumped out of the blue??

Come on give the guy a break, leave him alone, and figure why you weren't happy with such a great guy, and also figure out, why you are interested after he go with someone else.

This is all about you paying the consequences of your actions, and not wanting to. This isn't about him, and what he is doing, its about the way you feel about yourself, and right now, you need to learn to love yourself, and be happy with just YOU!!

i love the quote about makeing someone a priority while to them your just an optionB]


Extremely true


I'm just basically venting at first I was so depressed about the mistake I made I couldn't stop crying and than it just turned to hate even though Realistically I should not be mad at him.. but I felt it was either or depressed? Or mad? And after being depressed I carried on to being angry and trying to be mad at him..
And now finally it feels like its starting to heal I figure it's a process I have to go through

extremely true


im just basically venting at first i was so depressed about the mistake i made i couldnt stop crying and than it just turned to hate even though Realistically i should not be mad at him..but i felt it was either or depressed? or mad? and after being depressed i carried on to being angry and trying to be mad at him..
and now finally it feels like its starting to heal i figure its a process i have to go through

Google the 4 stages of grief... this is exactly what they are. Everyone goes through these exact emotions after a loss.

So my ex boyfriend called and wanted to pass by my house today.. I let him and when he got to my house I asked him if he's still with his current girlfriend and he said currently... Yes! And he tried kissing me.. than after he left he texts me that he does not know what he wants and that he's confused I answered him that okay now I know and that when he's not feeling confused anymore and he's single to look for me.. and till than... bye

I'm not sure if that was the correct stand to take considering our past situation together but what I'm def sure of is that its getting harder and harder by the second to forget about him. The awkard part about this is that when I was with him in my house I even told him that I feel like I'm searching for something in him that's GONE!! Mostlikely he never was the person he was when he we were together and he was just pretending to be to met my needs. Now he's with a girl.. and obviously if I let it go on.. he would cheat on her!. im not sure that's the kind of guy I would want to be with and that's def not the guy I use to know..

I want to forget him and just move on but I have no idea how to start besides the fact that I can not talk to him any longer

You don't know where to start?

How about not having him over and not speaking with him?? Sheesssh..

You can start by the next time he asks if he can stop by don't answer, don't call or if you do, say no. you won't be able to forget him if still talk to him. You were right in telling him you didn't want to get involved if he is seeing someone. No one wants to be the "other woman"

He is using you, utterly and completely right now, and you are letting him. This guy is a dirt bag! Do not let him use you as some back up plan because he supposedly doesn't "know what he wants" while he dates another girl.

Cut contact and get him out of your life. He made his bed, and he can lay in it now, WITHOUT you to comfort him.

You need to go No Contact, this guy is with someone else now so you need to wish him luck in his life and move on with yours.

Go hang out with your friends, take on some extra hours at work - get some new hobies etc just keep yourself busy. If you keep busy and active you will find your mind becomes full of other stuff than thinking about this guy. I know its hard but like you said yourself, you do not want to be with a cheat and that he has changed.


I want to forget him and just move on but I have no idea how to start besides the fact that I can not talk to him any longer

This is why you need No Contact.



Now he's with a girl.. and obviously if I let it go on.. he would cheat on her!. im not sure that's the kind of guy I would want to be with and that's def not the guy I use to know..

Put yourself in the new girlfriend shoes. How would you feel if it was you and him still going together and he was going to her house acting the way he was kissing etc and texting, would you be pleased by this ?


openeyes disagrees: its def not that simple and easy


You don't know where to start?

How about not having him over and not speaking with him??

If it was easy none of us in the world would ever have pain from a break up. Sometimes it is hard to hear what is right. A la king was correct in what they said.