I don't know if this is in the correct category. Ill give it a shot, How do you get over things that are bothering you?

To make a long story short I dated a girl for 3 years, We broke up and 5 months later she came to me and wants to work things out. She admitted to sleeping with an ex boyfriend and another person that goes to school with her. I didn't sleep with anyone but I was sexually intimate with 3 other girls. So I told her the truth that I haven't slept with anyone else. I was not shocked to hear about the ex boyfriend because he was always trying something and wanted in her pants. We were each others first. But it's the other kid that is making me loose sleep. I didn't want to know his name or anything about him. All I knew is his age and where he goes to school. She told me I had a conversation with him when I was suposably Intoxicated at UALBANY, She told me I asked him if he ever put a girl on his car, She knows this because she was on the phone with him while I was talking to him as well. Weird rite? Any way I slept over her place last night and I'm leaving making a left out of her community thinking about this boy because I stupidly brought it up and she said who Adam? So now I have a name. Anyway leaving the community and a black altima coupe rolls up next to me. That's when everything hit me. I saw that black coupe in Albany at my brother house at his party. And I remember that theirs a kid named Adam that goes to her school with that same car, I also installed a grille in my friend matt's black altima coupe. She probably herd me saying have you ever put a grille on your car no have you ever put a girl on that car. So now its all clear and I unfortunately know who it was. I didn't want to find out but with her droping the name and the little bits of info I unconsciously solved it. Now all I can think of is him and her and if I'm going to work on a relationship with this girl again I need him out of my head. We've come along way. Were sexual intimate again, were fixing problems and hope to be together again but its hard knowing this kid for some reason makes me upset. Ive spoken to her about this and she's rite when she says we weren't dating but it still bothers me. What do I do? Should I bring it up with her or what? How can I move past it. I know the past is the past and I can't change that but it bothers me so id like it outa my head for once and all. On a side note I slept with my ex girlfriend as well as another girl. Thought it would make me feel better, But it was so childish and really hasent made me feel anybetter. I can temparaly block it out of my head when I say to myself it doesent matter, she said it was a mistake and if she could she would take it back and how it meant nothing to her and the feeling we have when we kiss means more then anything any other person could make her feel and knowing that she's here with me makes me forget and feel better for a moment but then I'm back to upset. She doesent know I'm upset of course.

Please help, thanks for reading!

So, my boyfriend and I went through a very similar situation, except he didn't do anything with any girls, at all.

I really truly mean it when I say how wrong I know it was. If you can tell this girl is being honest with you about how she feels about what she did, then I think it's worth working on.

Now, as to how to get over it. My boyfriend is working so hard on it, the only thing to do is give it time, which is the hardest possible thing I know. Sometimes it hits him VERY hard. All he says to me is " It's hitting me really hard right now" and I can see how hurt he his. Knowing how much I hurt him hurts me a great deal too, but you just have to let it roll over you in waves like that. The feelings of disgust, hurt, betrayal, anger, all of that is going to come, and you really just have to let it. While it's hitting you try repeating to yourself over and over that she knows it was wrong and isn't going to do anything like that while you're together.


And honestly, if my boyfriend had gone out and slept with two girls to get back at me like you did, I wouldn't be with him. If he had done it when we were broken up and came to me and talked to me about it like I did with him that would be one thing, but it seems you know it was wrong and such too. I hope you've talked to her about it because when she's being honest with you it's only fair for you to be honest with her too.

Hey,

I'm just going to say that the past is the past, and what is done is done, if you need to discuss it and get some closure over what has happened go for it, I wouldn't. Where's that going to get you? Yes, thinking about it even more since you'll have more details, just be a strong enough person to look past it and forget about it, and concentrate on the present, to better your future.

It's your life, if you want to try and work things out just say to yourself you were young and you both needed to live a little and now it's out of your systems or what not, I'm not saying make up dumb excuses, I'm saying always try and turn what you view as a negative into a positive.

Trust me, living in the past isn't worth it at all. It's gets you no where.

Yours Truly,
LCM

Reading both halves of your story, hers and yours, my recommendation is that you date each other if you want, but you keep the "strings" off each other. I don't think either one of you are actually aware what it means to commit, and in truth it's not actually necessary.

If you know someone lies, you don't ask them questions that they can respond to with lies. You just don't do it.

If you know someone drinks, you don't include alcohol in your interactions in any way. You just don't do it.

If you know that you're both practicing "cheaters", stop making the situation "cheating". Just date.

Exclusivity is for grownups, and if you're not there yet, that's OK, too. Just don't make each other, and others, miserable because you're acting like you're capable of exclusivity yet when you're not. It's a waste of time, it's unnecessary and you don't have to do it.

Relax things. One day you'll both be ready. There's a slim chance you'll be ready with each other, doubtful, but hey... could happen.

In the meantime, don't make this relationship harder than it needs to be.

If you can't move beyond the past your going to poison the future, so unless you can cope with your own feelings, then you are not ready for a relationship with her.

Time to get over that insecurity, and jealousy. Two emotions that come from fear, so find out what your so scared of, and deal with it.

If you can't move beyond the past your going to poison the future, so unless you can cope with your own feelings, then you are not ready for a relationship with her.

Time to get over that insecurity, and jealousy. Two emotions that come from fear, so find out what your so scared of, and deal with it.

Im asking myself what am I scared of and I really can't think of what it is. I guess I have to dig really deep and think about it for a while. Any Idea?

Reading both halves of your story, hers and yours, my recommendation is that you date each other if you want, but you keep the "strings" off each other. I don't think either one of you are actually aware what it means to commit, and in truth it's not actually necessary.

If you know someone lies, you don't ask them questions that they can respond to with lies. You just don't do it.

If you know someone drinks, you don't include alcohol in your interactions in any way. You just don't do it.

If you know that you're both practicing "cheaters", stop making the situation "cheating". Just date.

Exclusivity is for grownups, and if you're not there yet, that's OK, too. Just don't make each other, and others, miserable because you're acting like you're capable of exclusivity yet when you're not. It's a waste of time, it's unnecessary and you don't have to do it.

Relax things. One day you'll both be ready. There's a slim chance you'll be ready with each other, doubtful, but hey...could happen.

In the meantime, don't make this relationship harder than it needs to be.

I do believe we know what it is to be exclusive. We dated for over 2 years and never wanted to be with anyone else. We never cheated on each other. We are at the point where we see each other almost everyday. We are sexualy intimate but not like we used to be. Ive stop paying attention to the other girls and so has she. We are just working on us before we can work on a relationship. We want to get all our issues out of the way so we can truly focus on oneanother for real.

Start by acknowledging your honest feelings to her, and add, that you know you have a problem, and are working on it. As far as what the root cause is, that takes time ,but generally its fear of abandonment, or fear of losing someone, or being alone. That is something you must explore for yourself, and deal with in a positive way.

Hey,

I'm just going to say that the past is the past, and what is done is done, if you need to discuss it and get some closure over what has happened go for it, I wouldn't. Where's that going to get you? Yes, thinking about it even more since you'll have more details, just be a strong enough person to look past it and forget about it, and concentrate on the present, to better your future.

It's your life, if you want to try and work things out just say to yourself you were young and you both needed to live a little and now it's out of your systems or what not, I'm not saying make up dumb excuses, I'm saying always try and turn what you view as a negative into a positive.

Trust me, living in the past isn't worth it at all. It's gets you no where.

Yours Truly,
LCM

That's what I'm trying to tell myself that the past is the past and its done. I actually spoke to her about it yesterday and It made me feel a lot better. I just wish I never found out his name because for almost a month I was much better off not knowing.

So, my boyfriend and I went through a very similar situation, except he didn't do anything with any girls, at all.

I really truly mean it when I say how wrong I know it was. If you can tell this girl is being honest with you about how she feels about what she did, then I think it's worth working on.

Now, as to how to get over it. My boyfriend is working so hard on it, the only thing to do is give it time, which is the hardest possible thing I know. Sometimes it hits him VERY hard. All he says to me is " It's hitting me really hard right now" and I can see how hurt he his. Knowing how much I hurt him hurts me a great deal too, but you just have to let it roll over you in waves like that. The feelings of disgust, hurt, betrayal, anger, all of that is going to come, and you really just have to let it. While it's hitting you try repeating to yourself over and over that she knows it was wrong and isn't going to do anything like that while you're together.


And honestly, if my boyfriend had gone out and slept with two girls to get back at me like you did, I wouldn't be with him. If he had done it when we were broken up and came to me and talked to me about it like I did with him that would be one thing, but it seems you know it was wrong and such too. I hope you've talked to her about it because when she's being honest with you it's only fair for you to be honest with her too.

Is their anyway we can p.m each other because I have a few questions for you since you've been their and done that.