So my fiancé and I were dating for exactly 2 yrs before he propose in an extravagant fashion, he flew me to paris and proposed there, however his sisters joined along on this trip after we spent the first 3 days alone. My fiancé and I never discussed marrige in dept but I expressed my interest in doing so with him one day. Our relationship always had issues but communication was never done right. Initially I used to get mad at things which I shouldn't have like him being later or talking on the phone while we were in the car driving somewhere. He always did extravagant things for me, take me to broadway shows, helicopter rides and etc but he always had his friends which he also went to hangout with all the time and it would be without me.. initially it was fresh and we saw each other a lot but the real problems started after the proposal.. . so he proposed and I accepted, shortly after his siters arrived in paris we all went to eat soemwhere, my fiancé was mocking me and I didn't like it because his cousins whom I met for the first time were there and he wouldn't quit after I gave him the subtle hint with my eyes so I told him out loud to shut up and I walked away... when his sisters saw this they became very upset and got up and left and started cryng.. ( did I metion, his sisters were the ones to push him to propose when he did but he wanted to do it this year but ended up being pushed and did it last year... ) anyway so they started to cry and I obviously apologized.. we got back to the states and things were OK for a week and then got worse. He kpet partying and going out all the time, all of the sudden he started picking on me, on how I speak to my dog, how I come acorss demanding to my dog when I ask him to sit. All the efforts I made were not recognized, I did admit at being wrong by telling him to shut up in paris becaue he did something so amazing but I can't stop myself from expressing how I feel also.. anyway we oicked a date and postponed it and later cancelled the wedding date.. every time I tried talking to him about our relationship he wouldn't avoid it, avoid talking about it completely but he would get annoyed at everythign and anything I said or did.. he got to the point where he resented me... finally after 7 times meeting up with him and trying to end things , he wouldn't let me end the relstionship, he would say, we will figure it out and was super scared and shaky when I told him I wanted to be out... I love him, I really reall do but I can't handle the uncertainty... so just past August I told him I needed to speak to him and that I was miserable not knowing where this was heading , he was booked 2 sats in that month going out with the boys so I told him I needed to see him before the weekend and he of course wanted to avoid it again but he coulnt since I told him if he couldn't come , I will make it to his place and talk... he came over, ate dinner and then he was trying to avoid the topic again... I asked him do you want to stay in the relationship or walk away from it? There are issues we need to work on, we can work on them or you can walk away. He got super nervous and shaky and tried not answering and then I told him he needed to and he said he wanted to walk away.. I gave back the ring to him and said good luck, before leaving he told me he would call me in a month to talk which he did but nothing came out of it.. I do want him back but only if he is willing to work at the issues... our issues were not spending enough q-time and every time we did spend it would be in the presence of other people like weddings or parites.. he has been calling me on weekly basis to see what I am up to on the weekends and if I am going out, he is also mamaa's boy and very close to his sisters,. and who I am hanging out with, but when I asked him if he is asking because he wants try again, he said its not fixable.. I haven't heard from him since week and half... what advise do you have for me? Does his behavior mean he is not in love with me? Or he's confused ? Also , his sister who cried was 34 and isngle I feel like she was also too interferring in our lives because she didn't have a significant other of her own. Can I expect him to come to his senses and come back? Or should I aussume its done deal? U believe if we are destined to be, it will happen?

I believe your relationship with this man is over and it is best to work on moving on. You don't need to marry into uncertainty and with the divorce rates the way the are, why would you want to. Be happy that you know all of this now and let the relationship go and take some time to heal.

Thanks Justwantfair but do you think there is a possibility evrything went sour because he poposed when he wasn't ready perhaps? And his sisters kept feeding his head... you think maybe time would help him realize?

For whatever reason that things went sour, they are not working for the both of you. His sisters will always have a HUGE influence on his life and without their approval your relationship will be VERY difficult.

My boyfriend is a Momma's boy also and I know that he hates to admit that fact, but I can see what a huge influence her opinion has on every choice he makes whether he loves me isn't always the only factor for him because of their relationship.

Time may help him realize but right now things aren't working. You can't walk away if you are going to hope that things will get better. You can't keep trying to talk to him about the situation to have him upset, he is stressed knowing you want to talk about this all of the time.

You have two options.

1. Stop the pressure, take him back but except him for who he is and love him just the way he is and stop trying to change him.

2. Move on.

Thanks Justwant fair, I can't take him back,wish I can just have him work it out but I asked him if he wants to work at it and he said "its not fixable but him trying to constantly calling is telling me otherwise but who knows, he doesn’t want me at the moment and doesn’t want me to move on and be with someone else so that’s WHY he calls me just on the weekends to know what my plans are... He tells me one thing but does another, by the way he is 30.. I hate to say it but I blame is elder, single sister for pushing him to do something when he wasn’t ready

I got burned by my ex-fiancee (and recently discovered how much I'd been played, so am still coming to grips with that); therefore my opinion may be skewed. From what I can tell, it seems like it's time for you to move on -- I think if your fiancé really wanted to be with you, he'd be fighting tooth and nail to come to find a way of resolving issues in your relationship. That 'it's not fixable' is a hurricane warning red flag. He's made his judgment. He has lingering feelings for you, but are they sufficient to make something lasting? It hurts now, but if you get involved again and he lets you down you'll be that much worse off.

I think you have had enough of a preview of how life would be with him, and can do better for yourself.

He isn't ready for what you want, and can't communicate enough to work with you to resolve the issues you have, and that's a recipe for disaster.

Sorry for your loss, but I believe he has done you a huge favor. Thank him for setting you free, to be happy with life again. And soon you will be.

Thank you guys, it all makes sense, I understand that at this point he isn't deserving of me after all that he put me through but I guess I was looking for some hope. I mean if things were good prior to the prposal then it should be great after but instead it became worse, he called me sat evening prob to inquire on my weekend plans but I didn't answer the phone, not sure if and when I should even call back. He isn't chasing me because I think he knows he still has me, he knows all my weaknesses so I am thinking maybe I shouldn't call him back and if he truly wants to call me then he will try again but you all are right, maybe I should just accept it and move on but its so difficult and painful and part of me is being wishful.

Do not call him back and continue to not answer your phone that is no contact and it is the best thing for you right now.

But you think by me not answering the phone will probabaly make him chase me ? Or realize he is losing me? I think after the break up bceuase we kept talking on weekly basis, he became comfortable with it, so when the weekends come around he always calls to know what I am doing, who I am going out with and where I am going, those are his main concerns but then when I ask him why does it matter, he will beat around the question, he even asked me if I have met any guys and who I been hanging out with, I feel so bad so I tell him everything.. Prob is I can't be mean to him! What do you think?

Stand up for yourself, and stop letting him play with your head. His behavior should make you mad.

Yea no

He isn't back yet is he? Forget him.

Hmmm I think I'm in pretty much the same position as you... with just a few changes...

I proposed to my girlfriend, she said yes, things were all good for a while, then she realized she wouldn't have many people at the wedding from her side because she doesn't know that many people, her brother and his wife don't like me either, her mum is OK with me, I'm very close with my family and my sisters, but she doesn't like my sisters because they were mean in a joking way with her once and she took it badly so doesn't want to know them... so she is not close with my family... so she got worried about getting married to me...

So we have broken up almost every other week in the last 6 months, and its quite insane. Now she just got back with me again and promised to try to be better, work on things, and give people a chance, but then I'm still scared if she can do it. I don't know if she can, because I know her, so I'm a little hesitant with letting her back in and being all normal with her again, and today she exploded at me, telling me I'm not treating her well and there is something wrong with me and she deserves better.

Now she always tells me she deserves better, so I tell her to go find him, but in the end she always come back to me... saying she is sorry and she didn't mean what she said...

Sorry to ramble on.. but when I read your story, I could see myself in it... in both your position and your fiance's position. I proposed, but she needs to work on things for this to work. If she is not willing to, then there is no future here, so I guess the same thing applies to you in a way. If your fiancé is not willing to work on things, then there is no way things are going to happen. Both sides must do their part to make it work...

Thank you for the prompt response, its not that I don’t like his sisters, we got along great! We totally spoke more then once a day, I even confided in them but I think being too close to them sort of kicked me in the , his older sister is 35 and the younger one is in the 20's so they totally knew everything about our relationship which was very bad... they didn’t like the fact that after we got engaged I used to tell my fiancé how to spend his money because he would easily bet on games or gamble it off... They found this controlling and voiced their opinion their brother... this got my fiancé thinking about us the sisters were also the one to pressure him into proposing because she wanted to see him get married.. I feel like the older sister was trying to live her life through her brother..

Sooo my ex has been calling me every week for the past few months we have been broken up... so when I asked him if he wanted to try over from scratch he would respond saying " I don’t think this is fixable and then continue calling me, he would only call me every week on the weekends to know my whereabouts and check to see if I am going out and where... While we were together he partied almost every weekend( he's 30) and he would go without me so initially didn’t care but then it became a religious thing....so now that we are broken up he makes it a point to tell me he sint partying at all and he likes to chill at home - anyways he is indirectly trying to show me he is changing his ways but wont come out straight to admit his mistakes and try to work on the relsitonhsip....Sooo just last week I told him if this relationship is not fixable or "workable" then DON’T call me ANYMORE.. Stop calling me and let me move on... He said his phone was dying and he would call the next day to continue the conversation...

He did call twice after that but I totally didn’t answer the phone... I didn’t even revert to his miss calls... He didn’t leave a message either... so I figured if he really and truly wants to be with me and realized he F'd up then he will come chase me or leave a message... I don’t plan on calling him back... I did enough and I am done with this!

What do you think? You think he will realzie now that I cut all communication with him?

Talaniman - no he isn't back yet... I just told him last week.. don't ever call me back since you claimed its not fixable and he called twice after that and haven't called in a week. I have spoken to him in 2 weeks

Not talking to him sure will save the BS, as he sounds pretty torn between having you in his life, and being with you.

Either way he said its not fixable, and doesn't seem to know how any way, so leave him alone entirely. That will stop any game playing and confusion. The feelings are yours to cope with, but its easier than dealing with a confused male with lousy communication skills,

Hi Peacelover,
I am very sad to read your situation- reading through the post- it does not look like he will stand up like a MAN and sort things out... instead he is lingering around- ringing you, wanting to know what you are up to and basically not helping the relationship what-so-ever.

I think only YOU can make the closure for YOURSELF in such situations. If you don't he will mess you around and you will go insane- and waste many many months of pain-please read mypost- you will see how the ex and family drove me mad and the fact that I was not given a simple explanation or clarity- lead to a messy situation, which I had to deal with v harshly at the end.

As difficult as it can be - best thing to do is for YOU.

Cut the phone call contacts

If you guys have been staying together- send his stuff back

Make it clear you want out of this relationship

The sooner you do this, the sooner you will breathe a bit better and the sooner you can start piecing you life back into something your much happier with.

Zeeniee - thank you so much for your advise, and you are right, its been only 3 months but I have become very nutty.. very moody and its effecting my health, my othe relstionships and work as well... the constant calling and lingering me around I thought at first maybe he wants to get back but has too much pride to come forth and say it but then I thougth about it and realized that someone truly wanted to be with you they would swallow their pride and come forth. I don’t know why he wants me around but I think I have managed and done a great job in not speakign to him in 2 weeks! We never lived together, the oppostie was our problem, he and I both worked a lot! And barely made time for each other... well he barely made time..

So my last question is, you think maybe now that I completely cut all contact and conitune this, it might help him relaze what he lost?

Hey Peacelover,
I agree if a person wants to be with you- they will do anything and everything to get back with you and they will tell you straight. I know what you mean about the ex wanting you around- my ex wants friendship and wants to ring now and then and see how I am getting along and keep up to date with everything I do. The thing is when they treat you with no respect and kindness and in a selfish way you dowonder why the hell they want to be around. I reckon is to lessen their guilt or just to keep nosey in case they change their minds- like if we have nothing better to do and wait all our lives for them to show up and mess up everything we have worked on since they dumped us.

I think NC will help you- that is what matters -YOU. It is v funny me saying this, as so many people have said this to me and it takes time for those words to sink in my brain cells and then for me to feel the words. So I would say NC- is v good for you- whether it is good for you ex or whether he realises his lost- is his problem now- don't you think? I think that's for him to worry about- you don't need to worry about that- YOU just work on YOU!

One thing I have always wondered- has the ex realised what he losing? What is he thinking? etc.. I now realise the ex- must feel he is losing nothing, thus his behaviour! If your ex has not realised by now- then it is sadly already too late- he may one day figger it out or he may never get it! I feel in a relationship when one crosses that line and takes things to far, the relationship becomes too hard to fix, and as much as you wish otherwise- you have one choice and that is to just let go. Kills I know- but it is the only right thing to do by YOU for your ownself.

Hi zeeniee, you are right about not worrying about what he thinks but I can't help but have a little hope he might want to rectify.. He is in his 30's and I really wish he was ready... Thingks were so good right before he pushed to propose and then it seems like ti went downhill.. But eithe rway I won't keep contact with him and if and when he realizes he does, it not then I guess it was never meant to be... right? I am sorry for the heartache you been through zeeniee, I hope things are better for you now!

Hey Peacelover,

Hope is such a b*tch sometimes!!

I too had hopes- somedays it was the only thing that kept me in one peace- and other days it was that very hope that killed me inside again and again.

Best thing is to take things one step at a time and believe that something's will sort itself out! Time will speak- I did for me- I waited in hope for a while (like an idiot) and then when my ex came- he was like a tornado- time def spoke.

Things are still v hard for me- but you just have to get going somehow- somedays you do and somedays you dont- right now I have to divide by day into 4 at the moment to get thru- not much fun, but hopefully it will get better as so many people have said that to me- so fingerscrossed x

Thank you for your feedback! Appreciate it, its comforting to know that someone else who's been through it knows the pain you are going through, although I don’t want you to feel the pain, its reassuring... I just hope I can get over this and move past it.. Its hard and bothersome to think about it but I am sure its doable.. I want him to realize his flaws and mistakes, he always ran from any sort of confrontation.. Did your ex come back to you after the break up? How long were you broken up for?

My ex has not come back to me- ie: to get back together, but came back to Singapore with his new chick (one he cheated with whilst we were together) 3-4 months after the break up (see post for details- not v nice)... basically it was HELL and I sadly saw a very unpleasant side to him. It was a shame to see him this way- as he never was like that with me- I guess since he met this girl- he has changed- sadly for a worse person. We had two conversation- first one was a mess, basically he has not realised the pain and misery he caused, nor has he realised how selfish, heartless and insenstive he was being. The second conversation lasted 5-10mins where I told him I wanted a clean break. That was v hard for me to do- I think I died all over again that night.

Yeah, that sounds like it was an extremely difficult situation to go through, but one that from my point of view sounds like an easy choice. You gave him plenty of chances to show that he really loved you and he didn't. He also sounds extremely controlling and manipulative and it's easy for me to see that you really were in prison. So should you expect him to come back to his senses? No way. He blew it too many times too many ways for that. You can fantasize about each other being "meant to be" but it really seems like that would only be true if you were "meant to be" miserable together.