I'm 34 and just separated from my husband of 13 years. Before my husband and I started dating, I had a 2 year ""friends with benefits "sort of relationship with my best friends brother. Even though I really liked him, I felt it was a sticky situation due to my relationship with his sister so I never pursued it being anything more. He was a player and I accepted that. Well, just recently we started talking again on Facebook. He quickly began to tell me the things I wanted to hear... it was nice to feel wanted and desired after all the lonliness I felt with my husband. However, he told me he had a girlfriend, his very first one and had been dating her for 2 years. I asked if he heard wedding bells yet, and he said "no". However, I could tell he is protective of her. He started to talk sexually to me and it led to cyber sex... definitely not my thing. We talked everyday for hours for a couple of weeks. Then it went to phone sex... still not my thing. Anyway all of a sudden it stopped. I didn't hear from him for a couple of weeks and then he sent me a message. However, it was cold and he no longer called me baby. He learned that I was planning a trip with my friend to Las Vegas and he called to tell me it was only a 3 hr trip from his house. I guess he is planning on seeing me... not sure. Then he posted on Facebook that he and his girl broke up. I felt relieved... but I still did not hear from him. Then the other day he wanted to have cyber sex. I told him I was too busy and he asked about later. I replied, "we'll see". Welll a few days went by again and I found out from his sis that he is not broken up with his girl and that they have talked about marriage (he told me he didn't hear wedding bells). I feel hurt and not sure why. This guy lives across the country... so obviously nothing can happen. And I know he is bad news if he is wanting to have sex with me whenever he gets bored, so why am I so hurt? What is wrong with me that I can't get this guy out of my head. I wonder what this girl had that I didn't from before... he has always been in the back of my head all these years. And I have never been in this sort of situation before. I hate feeling this way and just want to think straight again. I want him in my life and then I don't . I'm up and down. Any advice?

no one likes to feel used, no one at all! You said it yourself that he is a player and you had accepted that along time ago, this time he was playing his game with you instead of against you. He lives across the country, he's a player, you have already realized that nothing can happen so don't try to force it. Don't talk to him, don't look at his pictures, it makes the pain go away a lot faster, go out with your friends , to a bar or club. Meet some random guy, he will make you feel just as wanted, the guy on the other side of the country odviusly thinks your attractive and I'm sure many other men will too, just go out and let all the other guys make you feel wanted( I'm not saying go out and be a whore just have fun and get your mind off him)

You stop looking up his face book, you stop calling or emailing him and you delete his email or text without reading them and move on with your life.

I know that is what I should do... but I feel like something is taking over my mind. I try really, really hard to not think of him... but that makes it even harder. I just want to be with him so bad and I don't know why. Maybe it is this disillusioned image I have in my head of us being together. Maybe it is the need of just wanting to feel wanted... not sure. I just can't make sense of what happened. We were talking so much and then he was gone. Now he'll just quickly check in maybe once a week; and I'm left aggrivated again. I find myself being really jealous of his girlfriend as well... although I know I shouldn't. But I catch myself trying to analyze their relationship and driving myself even more crazy. He's 32 and she's 22... and I wonder what it is about her that finally got him into a relationship and then why, if he is with her all the time, he wants to talk to me. Why can't I let go?

I think it's also that he "rejected" you and somehow you've become obsessed with trying to win over his standards. Don't. His standards are crap; so what if he is trying to make you feel inferior? He's just jealous. Your loved ones think you're awesome. Your friends think you're awesome. Think of all the people who think you're awesome, and there'll be no need to deal with mean people like him. Because that's what he is. A big meanie.